


The Brooklyn Project

by westcoastatlanta



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Brooklyn projects, M/M, New York, Trans Alex, Trans John, alex is kind of egotistical, brooklyn not manhattan, but they can tell you everything about bones, john thinks he could be cute if he took the stick out of his ass, they're just so fucking stupid, thomas is not a bad guy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-05-07 09:35:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 121,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19206712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westcoastatlanta/pseuds/westcoastatlanta
Summary: John Laurens is a stereotypical Brooklyn projects kids from the flick of his tongue to the sole of his Jordans. But this fifth-year med student has dreams of buying his mother a house, getting his whole family out of the annoyingly regulated parts of Brooklyn and into the new Forte Green area.But he has time for a side project named Alexander Hamilton.





	1. Sunflower

****"Aye, yo, Pappo!" John called out to the homeless man on the steps in front of the Forte Green projects apartment. "My momma been wanting to know what dinner should be! You got any suggestions?"

"You know I ain't got no preference! I be goin' with the flow and the flow be going with me!" Pappo replied from the stoop, his radio playing on full blast. His short dreadlocks stuck up, and Jamaican rap played from his radio, causing John to walk to the beat a little bit.

John laughed, running his tongue over the grill on his bottom teeth. "Aye, a'ight, I'll tell momma just to order something good."

"You know I love it when your momma orders something, it always tastes better," Pappo smiled, holding his first out as John walked by. "You got schooling?"

"Year five!" John laughed, bumping Pappo's fist with his.

"Yeah, baby, you go get that doctor degree!" Pappo cheered as John walked on.

John slipped on his headphones, smiling as he walked down the Brooklyn streets. He nodded to a few of the guys playing on the court. He knew most of them, some of them he had seen occasionally but didn't really talk to. John's red and black Jordans hit the Brooklyn streets with a bounce as he pulled the hood on his hoodie up to protect himself from the beginning rain. He was thankful that he had a white tee shirt under the black hoodie, and his red basketball shorts would dry quickly.

John got on the subway and was about to sit down when a girl cut him off, stealing the seat. He didn't so much mind that, but her shoes scuffed his Jordans a bit, which was something John wasn't exactly the biggest fan of.

"Aye, yo ma, watch the Jordans," John said in a calm voice, grabbing a pole as the train began to run.

"They vintage?" The girl asked. She was tall, probably taller than John, though that wasn't saying much, with a light brown afro and light brown skin, freckles dotted across her cheeks.

"Damn yeah they are, you know? Ya sabes? Refurbished them myself," John stated proudly.

"Why all you Brooklyn men the same, huh?" The girl asked, leaning forward a bit.

"Aye, baby girl, it's because we all one of a kind, and there can't just be one one of a kind, we gotta share," John answered, smiling flirtily.

"Gimme your Snap," the girl requested. "I'm Kitty, by the way."

"John Laurens, at your service, baby girl," John replied, pulling up his Snapcode.

The train came to a stop and Kitty stood up, letting her hand drag across John's arm. "See you around, John Laurens."

"Yeah, alright, alright, you text me, alright?" John called out.

Kitty nodded as the doors closed, and John took her chair. It wasn't an uncommon thing for John to meet someone on the A train. He was somehow the right amount of charming and annoying and funny that people seemed to like him, so his Snapchat was often full of messages along the lines of 'you up?' as well as people asking him to come over. John was pretty sure he spent a total of three nights at home during the summer. He didn't mind though, it was nice.

"Ah, SUNY," John mumbled, stepping off the train and onto campus. "It's been a while."

John Laurens was apart of the state college of New York medical program, which placed itself in Brooklyn, luckily. John couldn't leave his Brooklyn projects apartment, which he shared with his momma, two brothers, and two sisters. He was too broke to live alone. He didn't mind the apartment though. It was a two-bedroom place, so he shared a room with his brothers. Henry had a bottom bunk, Jem had the top bunk, and John had the bed on the other side of the room. The same set up was in the other bedroom, with John's mother getting the bed. John's youngest sibling, Mary, was twelve. Jem was sixteen, Henry was twenty, and Martha was twenty-two, leaving John at twenty-four.

Despite the fact that the majority of the kids were of legal age to leave home, none of them did, for many reasons. Firstly, the home wasn't a bad place. They loved their mom, and they loved each other, so it wasn't scary or lonely. Secondly, they were all too broke to go anywhere else. No dorms, no apartments, they couldn't even do roommates. Finally, if they stopped contributing to rent, they knew their mother would easily be evicted, and they couldn't let that happen.

The Laurens family had never been rich. Even when John's father was in the picture, they had still never had money, never had the privilege to just live. It was always a hustle here and a hustle there. They did every job they could for an extra fifty bucks because it was always worth it. John worked at a bar from six to midnight most nights. It gave him health insurance, though, and other benefits, which was fifty dollars less on the health insurance bill. His sister Martha worked as a stripper at a bar downtown, his brother Henry, worked at a coffee hut uptown, and Jem worked at a health food store. Mary was too young to work, but was often was with their mom while she worked as a maid for the rich Manhattan houses.

John was going to be a doctor. It wasn't his first choice, but it was at least his third. It's not that he didn't like what he was learning. He did, truly. He had artistic preferences, but one of the reasons he liked SUNY was that it encouraged its med students to get minors in something else, so John had an art minor that he had earned in the past four years. For the next three, it would just be medical stuff. He had his whole life set up for the weekdays. He woke up at eight thirty to catch his first ten o'clock class. Six hours of schooling later, he was home by four thirty. He crammed some study and homework time, ate dinner, did a bit more homework, then went to the bar he worked at, with his textbooks and flashcards. When things got slow, he would study more or work on homework, stopping at ten since nothing you learned after ten was gonna stick. Finally, at midnight, he got out, caught the A train back to the project's apartment, which was about a ten-minute ride, then slept.

John turned up his music a bit as he walked into the large med building. He wasn't nervous, but he could tell who was new. Freshman travel in packs.

John nodded to a few people he knew, looking down at where he had sloppily written his first classroom number. It was in the two hundred, so he found the stairwell and climbed to the second floor, finding room two oh two. He stepped in, nodding to the teacher, a younger looking bald man, before looking into the seating. A lot of the people there were people he had had classes with before. Peggy was up in the back, Charles Lee and his gang were smack dab in the middle, Robert Livingston and a few of his friends were on the right.

Then John looked to the bottom left side where little Alexander Hamilton sat.

Alex was a wiry boy, with short brown hair, and deep brown eyes and facial hair styled into a French goatee. John had had at least four semesters total with Alex, but hadn't talked to him much. John usually sat in the back, and Alex sat with Charles Lee and George King and Samual Seabury, but John hadn't lived under a rock the  _entire_ summer. He had heard what happened.

Alex had gotten outed as trans to them. Everyone, including John, had assumed he was cis, but apparently, one of them found out and told the others, and Alex was blacklisted. John thought it was pretty fucked up that he got outed. Currently, everyone in that class thought he was a cis male too, and John didn't want that to change any time soon.

John walked up and sat right down next to Alex, pulling out his laptop and opening up his email. He had a few emails from people who wanted their Jordans or Nikes or whatever to be cleaned and refurbished. John, to pick up just that extra side money, did that as well. It was easy, and he had been doing it all his life with his Jordans, so he thought he might as well put his talent to use.

John looked up when Alex tapped on his shoulder. "Que?"

"Literally twenty seats open and you sit down next to me?" Alex asked, obviously not exactly enjoying John's company.

"Don't even trip, you just looked like you could use some company, you know? Ya sabes?" John flipped off his 'Crooklyn' flat lid hat and ran his hand over the hair his sister had braided into to French braids this morning.

"Is that like, Latin or something?" Alex asked.

"No, yo habla Espanol e ingles," John answered, smiling cheekily.

Alex rolled his eyes and went back to work while John continued checking some emails. He worked tonight but didn't work tomorrow, so he told the two guys to meet him in front of the apartment building the next day at noon. He wasn't well known for what he did, but since he played basketball with a lot of guys, word got around.

"Good morning, class! Welcome to the fundamentals of clinical medicine!" The professor started, standing up from his desk. "My name is professor Washington, but you can just call me Washington if you want, since we're all adults here, and I don't believe in professionalism."

That got a few chuckles.

"If you could all pull out the syllabus, we will be going over that today and talking a bit about what we're doing, and, if we have time, we will jump into our first lesson, bone structure," Washington smiled.

People groaned.

"I will always start off the semester with the hardest subjects because that is when you all motivated and energized." Washington chuckled, moving a few papers around. "Would you like to begin gross anatomy three weeks before class is out?" He glanced at the students who were quickly shaking their heads. "Yes, that's what I thought."

"Sir," Robert Livingston called out. "Will you offer extra credit?"

Washington smiled. "I will, but it won't be every week, so take advantage of it when I do. I also don't take late work."

People gasped.

"That being said, if you physically cannot get me the work, you aren't coming into class,  _something_ happened, shoot me an email at least twenty-four hours in advance and I will accept it. I want to stress that communication is the number one way to work out issues. I will stay afterward if you need me to, I will do whatever I can to help you. I have sent you all an invite to my Google classroom where I record and post my lectures. This is me telling you that you can just ask for help and look on Google classrooms, so do not come to me with excuses later in the year, asking me to curse that fifty-seven up to a sixty."

John snorted at that one.

"Alright, does everyone have their syllabus out?" Washington asked. "Okay, let's get to the real part."

The class went by fast, and soon enough, John was onto his Gastroenterology and Hepatology, which he shared with a few people he knew. Then it was an introduction to clinical medicine three, clinical neuroscience, and finally, dermatology and the musculoskeletal system. John took all his notes on his laptop, so it wasn't much of a bother, and he was happy to get out. He didn't have any homework, but he was going to study a bit regardless just to be ahead.

One thing John prided himself in was how good he was at school. Even between his short-lived basketball career, he still managed to get good grades, earning a few state scholarships.

"Hey!" A voice called out.

John turned a bit and saw Alex. "Aye, yo, wassup?"

"You never answered my question," Alex stated, coming closer to John. "Why'd you sit next to me in class today?"

"It's a free country and I can sit wherever I want, that's why," John answered. "You know? Ya sabes?"

"Stop that," Alex strained.

"Stop what?" John asked.

"You say something and then you say it again in another language," Alex stated. "Stop it."

"No," John smiled. "It be how I talk, you know? You know? It ain't gon' be controlled by no one."

Alex sighed. "Why'd you really sit next to me?"

"You were sitting alone, and I heard you got dropped by them private schoolers," John stated. "It was a fuckass reason, and ain't no one should be alone if they don't wanna."

"Maybe I did," Alex shot back.

John paused, thinking for a second. "You know, shawty, if you got the stick out of your ass, you might be cute."

"I'm sorry, what?" Alex gasped. "What did you just say to me?"

"I said that if you got the stick out of your ass, you might become a dime piece, trust," John repeated. "Ain't no pretty person got an ugly personality, and you be conditioned to act like you better than everyone else."

"I am not," Alex scoffed.

"I'm sure we could go back 'n' forth until the cows come home, but I got shit to do and places to be, trust. I'll see you 'round, Hamilton," John smiled, walking away and slipping his headphones on. He walked down the block to the subway station, waiting a few minutes for his train before heading back home. He met his sister Martha at the subway station two blocks from their projects housing, offering her a smile as they began walking together back home.

"How was school?" She asked.

"It was chill," John nodded. "I got some shawty's Snap on the A train this morning."

"Course you did," Martha snorted. "You got work?"

"Aye yo, you know it. Gotta get my edumacation and my shmoney, can pick either or," John chuckled. "How 'bout you, huh?"

"Yup," Martha nodded. "I be working late, but we ain't got no homework tonight, and I been talking to my boss about lessening my hours since school started you, ya sabes?"

"Si, bebita," John nodded. "You know what momma be orderin'?"

"Nah, we prob'ly gon' find out when we get there though," Martha sighed. "I be hungry as shit like God damn, it was a long day."

"Aye, yo, don't be pulling that shit wit' me, you know we raised better than to use the big man's name in vain, a'ight?" John mumbled.

"As if bein' lower class Latinos and Latinas ain't enough, we gotta be Jewish too," Martha snorted.

John did the sign of the cross, rolling his eyes. "Damn, bitch, I'm gon' be goin' to Hell for just standing next to you."

"You just call me a bitch? Come on, Johnny, square up, I ain't yo' bitch, so you must be mine," Martha threatened, pounding her chest a bitch.

"Damn, my bad, my bad, don't even trip, you know I be playin' hella," John offered back as they climbed the steps to the Brooklyn projects apartment. "Aye, Pappo, how you livin'?"

Pappo looked up from the plastic bucket he was drumming on to the beat of the song on his radio. "Laurens kids, good to see you two. How was ya first day of schooling?"

"It was ballin' hella," Martha responded. "Next year be my last year and then I'm a lawyer for real."

"Aye, that's funky fresh," Pappo nodded.

"A'ight, we'll see you at dinner," Martha smiled, pulling John into the project's building. Her and John walked up the stairs to the fourth floor, then Martha grabbed the key off her lanyard and walked inside. Instantly, they were met with a flurry of Spanish. Jem and Henry were home, their mom and Mary would be any minute with dinner. John said hello to everyone, quickly grabbing a Gatorade from the fridge, as well as a leftover burger from McDonald's that Jemmy didn't want last night.

"I gotta study!" John yelled his mouth half full of burger. "Don't bother me!"

"Same goes for me!" Martha yelled as well.

"Me too!" Henry yelled.

Both Henry and John took their place in the boy's room, Henry on his bunk, John on his bed. John pulled out his textbook and began working, writing down the name of every bone, with a brief description of where the bone was. He got about halfway through the leg when his mom got home.

"Hola, ninos, estoy en casa!" John's mom called out.

"Hola, momma!" John yelled, getting up and walking into the living room. "Hey, Mary! How was the day?"

"It was good, it was good," Elanor replied. "Rich people are fucking pigs."

"Yeah, they really be thinkin' because we broke we ain't got no manners but we way cleaner than them," Henry laughed. "Should we go bring dinner down to the stoop with Pappo?"

Elanor nodded. "I wanna go get changed, I'll be down in a sec."

"Hey, Mare bear, how was school?" Martha asked as they took the takeout bags out of the apartment and out to the front stoop, where Pappo still sat. John smiled and Pappo turned down the radio.

"Okay!" John started, pulling out styrofoam boxes. "Looks like we havin' Chinese. Lo mein, that's you, Mary. Kung pow chicken, that's for you, Pappo. Oh, there's my double number four. Vegetables? Martha, definitely you. Beef and broccoli? Mom. And then we got fried rice and sesame chicken for you, Henry, and Jem, here's your egg drop soup."

"I can't believe you can always put away that order," Martha scoffed as John pulled out the two styrofoam boxes that held his order. "How?"

"It's the T," John answered. "It makes me really hungry, all the time, and holy crap, I didn't even get lunch today. I'm starving."

"Birth control had the opposite effect on me," Martha mumbled.

"Yeah, you ate nothing but popcorn and orange juice for a month," Henry laughed, his mouth full of food.

"Hey, everyone, hi Pappo," Elanor smiled, walking out, changed out of her maid clothes and into something casual.

"Hello, beautiful," Pappo smiled at Elanor. "How was your day?"

"Rich people are pigs," Elanor scoffed. "They couldn't put their laundry in a basket if they tried, and their bathrooms? Fucking disgusting."

"Momma said a bad word," Mary sang teasingly, though she could say much worse.

"Momma is allowed to say bad words," Elanor replied, her mouth a bit full of food. "Pappo, how was your day?"

"Ah, you know, you know, just going with the flow, no stress, no worries," Pappo replied, smiling a bit. "Fort Greene ain't exactly a bad place to spend a day."

Elanor smiled. "John?"

"I have a lit teacher for my first class," John stated, his mouth full of a mix of rice and chicken. "And then my dermatology musculoskeletal be ballin' 'n' shit. Yo, Marty, how was day one of law?"

"It was good, my criminology class was like, hella cool, and then I'm taking a psych class this year," Martha stated, sipping some water. "Henry, how 'bout you?"

"Aye, you know, not much, just learning about the inside of an ambulance 'n' shit. I'll be bringing in them bodies and John finna be fixin' em up!" Henry high fived John, laughing a bit. "Jem, how you livin' huh?"

"School was good," Jem nodded. "My advanced chemistry class is gonna be hard, but I can get through it."

"That's good, that's good," Elanor nodded. "Mary?"

"My English teacher, Mrs. Keller? Dope," Mary nodded. "My science teacher is a bit of a bitch, but it's cool. John, do you work tonight?"

John nodded, pressing the home button on his phone. "Yeah, I gotta go change into my work clothes in like ten minutes."

"Well eat up, and take any food you didn't finish with you," Elanor stated, taking a napkin and wiping Martha's cheek. "How 'bout you, Martha? Work?"

Martha nodded. "Monday nights are slow though, so he might let me off early, especially since I talked to him about shortening my hours a bit since it was school time again. Customers on Mondays are assholes though."

"If you need me to beat anyone up, just know your boss can't fire me, so I'll do it," John offered, smiling, flexing his arm to show off his muscles. "Check these babies. Ain't no one got muscles like this."

Martha rolled her eyes and knocked John's shoulder a bit. "Whatever."

John finished up most of his meal, then ran upstairs to get changed into his black jeans, black tee shirt, and black jordans for his bartending job. He threw his textbook and notebook in a knapsack, and then came back outside, grabbing the rest of his food. "Alright, love you guys. I'll see you tomorrow, a'ight?"

A chorus of 'bye John' and 'have a good night at work' rang through his ears as he walked down the street. The bar he worked at was a ten-minute walk from his house, so it wasn't really a problem. John got there, smiling at one of the dancers at the bar, Maria.

"Hey, baby," Maria smiled, pecking John on the lips as he entered the break room for the bar. "Good to see you."

"Aye, you know it's good to see you, I like seeing you," John smiled suggestively.

"Funny, I got a double shift tonight and then work in the morning so don't even think we're gonna slip in a quickie. Besides, I got a UTI from the poles," Maria groaned.

John hissed in pain. "Ow. Cranberry juice."

"Yeah, I might need you to come through tonight with that," Maria chuckled. "You meet any hotties?"

"Met a chick on the A train," John smiled. "She's cute. Got her Snap. You should talk to the manager about cleaning the poles more often."

Maria nodded. "Bra or no bra tonight?"

"Are your boobs tender?" John asked.

Maria shook her head.

"No bra," John decided. "Honestly, I do  _not_ miss my boobs. C'est la vie, titties."

Maria snorted. "Alright, hey, I'll catch you after work."

"Yeah, I'll walk you to the subway," John smiled.

Maria grabbed John's chin and bopped his nose. "You're the only good man left."

John rolled his eyes and went out to work. He was one of the two Laurens children who worked at a strip club. He only bartended though, while his sister worked at a different club, dancing. John didn't mind bartending, and the guy he bartended with, Nathan Hale, was pretty sweet, comforting, and helped John study. He wasn't working tonight, so John had to move double time, but got some study and homework time in.

Around midnight, he got off and walked a now fully dressed Maria to the subway, hand in hand. He didn't trust her walking alone, and both of them, by social conditioning, had their keys in their hand, ready to scream and fight. Shady people walked by, and both Maria and John knew that second glances were more than second glances. Their boss always had them work the same nights because she knew they walked each other to the subway. John squeezed Maria's hand a bit tighter as a car drove a bit too slow pass them. Brooklyn past eleven pm could be a scary place.

They got to the subway, and John said goodbye to her before continuing his trek home. He white-knuckled his keys, walking fast with his chin up. He made it to the apartment building and quickly got home. Mary was in the kitchen, half awake, getting some water. Usually, around the time John got home, Mary got water. They nodded to each other, and then John went to bed. On nights where this didn't take place, John either checked to make sure Mary was in her room, or Mary blew up John's phone.

"How was work?" Mary asked drowsily.

"Eh," John replied. "Go to bed."

"I will," Mary replied.

John nodded and made his way into the boy's room. Henry's blanket was falling off of him, so John adjusted it, and then moved Jem's arm back onto the bed so he wouldn't end up slipping off. Then, John stripped down into nothing but his boxers and fell onto his bed, listening to the creaking of the springs as he pulled a blanket over himself.

It wasn't glamorous, but it was his life, and he was happy.


	2. Where Brooklyn at?

****“Yo, John!” Laf called out.

John quickly shot the ball over to him and then ducked under Herc’s arm to run down the concrete court outside the apartment building. Lafayette passed the ball to Sonny, who shot it and made it in. Thomas grabbed the ball, and they started again.

Three on three was a thing that happened often. It was always Thomas, James, and Herc against John, Laf, and Sonny. Pappo would join in when Henry would join in as well, so the teams would stay even. It was nice though. They usually played in the afternoon after everyone got out of class or work. College had been back in for a few weeks now, and John was very happy to have the relaxation of basketball.

Lafayette worked at a pot shop near fourteenth street, and he dressed like he worked at one too. It was always drug rug hoodies, baggy, ripped jeans, hair twisted into dreads and put at a ponytail on top of his head. For someone who seemed to have the constant munchies, he still was fit, muscled arms, defined stomach. He and John occasionally hooked up, and John definitely liked the way Laf’s dreads felt between his fingers as they fooled around.

Herc was Laf’s roommate. He was tall, dark skinned, and drop dead gorgeous. People stopped and looked when Herc walked into a room. At twenty six, he hadn’t done much with his life. He had trouble motivating, but picked up a hustle whenever he could. He did whatever would get him money. Currently, he was on a construction crew, just breaking rock after the destruction of a building. It was grunt work, but Herc didn’t mind, and he liked meeting people.

Thomas and James were married, living in one of the studios in the projects building. James was short, but fast, working as a subway conductor. It was weird hours, but he didn’t mind. He seemed to have a constant cough from the fumes but was fine nonetheless. Thomas seemed to be the yang to James’ yin. Tall and slim, unlike James’ short and husky stature, cornrowed hair, lighter skinned, much louder. He worked with disabled projects kids in the high school down the street and was very happy to. He liked his job, and while the hours weren’t as weird as James’ but sometimes long.

Sonny was new to the Fort Greene projects building. He moved down from Washington heights to go to SUNY for business, saying something about running a bodega back up in the heights after his college years. He said his cousin was taking care of it now but had a bar on the coast he wanted to be at full time, so Sonny was gonna take over the bodega.

“Hey, John, you said something about a party earlier?” Herc asked when the game ended.

John looked up from the bench his was sitting on, sweat dripping down his bare chest. The guys he played with all knew he was trans, he had the scars on his chest to prove it, but none of them said anything. Even in those hot nights when John was with Laf, the man never said a thing, and John was very grateful for that.

“Yeah, my main girl Peggy from college be throwin’ a get togetha’ tonight and told me to bring a few people,” John nodded, standing up and grabbing his shirt to slip back on. “I was finna leave around six? You wanna meet me on the stoop?”

“Hell yeah, Laf is free too, so we’ll both be there,” Herc nodded. “What about that Alex kid you been talking ‘bout?”

“I told ‘em to come, he said maybe,” John shrugged. “He don’t talk much, you know? When he do it’s really annoying, but I’m tryna fix him.”

“And what about him needs to be fixed?” James mused.

“Kids got a superiority complex,” John answer. “Ya sabes? It’s like talking to un burro obstinado.”

Thomas snorted. “That bad?”

“Si,” John groaned. “You all coming?”

“I got work,” James groaned. “Thomas is free though.”

“A’ight, well, whoever is coming, we’re meeting on the stoop at six, so don’t be late, fam.” John stood up. “I gotta go shower and get some study and homework time in. Six o’clock, don’t forget it.”

“A’ight,” Herc called back as John made his way back into the apartment building. John made his way up to his apartment and walked in. His mom wasn’t home just yet, so he jumped in the shower, making sure to sing extra loud, just to annoy Martha. He was an older brother before he was anything else.

“Shut up!” Martha yelled, sticking her head in the bathroom.

“Babita!” John started. “In the shower, two things are free! My balls, and my soul!” John then began singing again. “When you’re a Jet you’re a Jet all the way! From your first cigarette to your last dying day!”

Martha mumbled at a string of Spanish curse words and gave up, deciding it’s just best to let John sing. John had always been a singer, since he was born, and probably until he dies. Maybe he wasn’t very good at it, but that didn’t stop him from singing his heart out day and night. He was a bit of a dork about it, always serenading people when it was appropriate, and occasionally just singing to cheer up his mom or Martha after a hard day.

When John finished his shower, he tied a towel around his waist and quickly changed into a pair of ripped light blue jeans and a New York Knicks jersey before walking into the living room with his books. He sat down in front of Martha, and without even thinking she began braiding his hair. 

Martha loved hair. She loved styling and designing it. She loved just messing with it, so John kept his hair long for her so she could braid it. He kept a shaved undercut, just so he wouldn’t look like one of those douches who gentrified corner stores buying hot chips. Martha was the one who cut and shaved it for John since she worked at a hair salon for a while. If they were richer, Martha would work as a salonist. John hoped he could one day have enough money so she didn’t have to be a lawyer and could do what she wanted, and he could just pick up the slack for her.

“Do you want me to touch up the shave real quick?” Martha asked.

John shook his head. “It’s cool. Tomorrow though.”

Martha nodded as she began working on the second braid. “I don’t know why you have me braid it when it’s wet. Your hair is curly anyway.”

“Yeah, but when you but when you braid it when it’s wet, it just gets wavy, ya sabes?” John mumbled, closing his eyes. “Then when I take it down, it ain’t like setting loose a bunch of snakes on my head, it just be a calm ocean.”

Martha laughed. “Party tonight?”

“Get together,” John mumbled, playing with a string on his jeans. “Just a few friends, a couple from school, and my girl Peg told me to invite a few people I knew, so I be goin’ with Laf, Herc, ‘n’ Thommy.”

“Lit,” Martha nodded. “A’ight, hair’s done. You gon’ study?”

John nodded, getting up. “We got any leftovers?”

“Nah, but mom’s gon be working a bit late, so Mary’s comin’ home on the subway herself,” Martha stated, her New York accent much stronger than her South Carolina accent ever was. “Henry! Jem! Gimme what ya want for dinner!”

“Burgers!” Henry called out.

“I don’t care!” Jem said from the kitchen. “I’m going out with some friends.”

“Who?” John asked.

“My chemistry friends,” Jem replied. “I’m leaving now, but I’ll be back around eight or so. Ciao.”

John shook his head, opening up one of his textbooks. “How he be talkin’ so white when he went to the same school as you, me, and Henry?”

“Times are a'changin’ John,” Martha mumbled, stretching out on the old couch with broken springs that you practically sunk into. “Brooklyn ain’t as black as it used to be. Why you think our rent be goin’ up? They don’t want us here no more. We got all dem white folks movin’ in, and now we can’t even afford to stay here.”

“Don't even trip though, I ain’t playin’ when I say I’m finna buy mom a house. A nice brownstone. She gon’ get her flower boxes, her nice backyard. She gon’ find a new job, a good job, one that don’t have her scrubbin’ toilets.” John shook his head a bit. “She gon’ be Ms. Laurens, not Elanor.”

“You really gon’ do that?” Martha asked.

“Ain’t no one deserve it more than mom,” John muttered. “That’s all she wanted, her whole life.”

Martha nodded a bit. “White Castle sound good?”

“What time is it?” John asked.

“Five thirty,” Martha replied.

“How long you think it gon’ take to get here?” John mumbled, drawing out all the bones for the leg in his notebook. He was currently working on the fibula, and the next one would be the tibia. Since it was Friday, he was just doing a bit of studying. He had to fill out questions on a Google classrooms form tomorrow, as well as write a three-page essay about the acute muscles in the cheeks by Tuesday, but he could get it done.

“Twenty minutes,” Martha shrugged.

“Order me ten sliders,” John requested. “I got a doctors appointment on Sunday.”

“T shot?” Martha asked.

John nodded. “Can I be really TMI right now?”

John’s sister gave him a thumbs up.

“Like, down there be really just, like, wet ‘n’ shit, but not like, in a sexual way, more like in a sweaty way, ya sabes? Like, that happened when we first started, and my dosage got upped and so it’s been like, more than usual, more than it’s been for like, that past six years.” John shaded a bit before moving onto the next bone. “You got any suggestions?”

“I’ll get you some shit I use on them real hot days,” Martha offered. “I’ll give it a new label too since I know you don’t like that girly shit.”

“I’m just sayin’ they should make manly vaginal care shit too if they finna be marketing to people with vaginas!” John exclaimed.

Martha rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry, I gotchu.”

“You work tonight?” John asked, trying to get the top of the tibia correct.

“Hell yeah, I just about sleep with the manager to get Fridays,” Martha scoffed. “That’s when I get hell tips. A few assholes, but they pay rent.”

“When I buy momma a house, don’t think I’mma be leavin’ you outta this. You gon’ be able to do whatever you want and I’ll pick up the slack,” John mumbled. “You ain’t gon’ strip forever, I promise.”

Martha smiled, gently reaching down and rubbing the bit of facial hair on John’s chin. “You know, it ain’t yo’ job to take care of all us.”

“Yeah, I know,” John admitted, shrugging a bit. “But it makes me feel better.”

Food arrived ten minutes before six and John ate ten sliders in seven minutes. He had never really had a large appetite. He was a pretty petite kid, skinny, lacked muscle. Pediatricians said he needed to eat more. It wasn’t that he was trying to starve himself, he just didn’t get hungry all that often.

Then he started T.

About two months into T, he came home one day, didn’t take off his shoes, drop his bag, just went straight to the fridge and started eating. Since he had started, his appetite had grown three times its size. Usually, if John went four hours without eating, he was pretty ravenous. His metabolism spiked though, and it was no trouble to lose weight, something Martha always rolled her eyes at.

“A’ight, a’ight, that’s what I’m talkin’ bout!” John smiled, coming out and seeing Herc, Laf, and Thomas freestyling to a beat on Pappo’s radio.

“Aye, well if it ain’t the pride of New York city college!” Thomas yelled.

“John Laurens, give us a verse, drop some knowledge!” Laf smiled.

“Good lookin’ kid, you a Brooklyn kid, go back to the projects and start cookin’ kid. You ain’t even gotta dolla’, you still live with ya momma, they’ll murder you and eat you like they be Jeffrey Dahmer.” John paused, thinking a second and nodding his head. “I know I spit it sick but my grades be gettin’ sicker, I graduate from high school and still I still be movin’ quicker. I’m a lower class, annoyin’ ass, beat yo ass, motherfuckin’ projects kids and I’mma make it big.”

“Damn! Laurens always hittin’ us with that freestyle,” Herc laughed. “A’ight, c’mon, you said party started ‘round six?”

John nodded. “Yeah. Adios Pappo, have a good night!”

“You too, Laurens!” Pappo called back.

“Yo, what happened to that girl Kitty who you met on the A train a few weeks back?” Herc asked.

“We hooked up,” John lied straight through his teeth. Truthfully, they were gonna, and then John had to have that awkward conversation that happens when he hooks up with people. The ‘hey I’m trans’ conversation. She wasn’t interested after that, but John didn’t feel like telling them that. He just wanted to be normal.

“Damn!” Thomas laughed, bumping John. “Laurens gets around! Yo, when am I gon’ get some A train lovin’ huh?”

“Your A train lovin’ comes from the conductor,” Laf shot back.

Thomas smiled the biggest and dopiest smile, which somehow got bigger every time he thought of James. “M’baby is so cute. Nah, nah, I know I always say that, but for real, this morning, he came home around five am, and you know I’m up at four, so I’m sittin’ at the couch, doin’ some work, and he comes home, and he’s still in his little jumpsuit, and he walks in, takes it off, and curls up in my lap and falls right back asleep. Guys, I know I talk big about James, but he’s just so fuckin’ great.”

“Awh, Thommy,” John laughed. “We all have a soulmate I guess.”

“Who’s your soulmate, John?” Laf asked.

“Your mom,” John snorted. “Come on Frenchie, what ‘bout you? You been holdin’ out on us a bit.”

Laf shrugged, looking down. “I dunno, been to busy I guess. C’mon, most of us are bachelors, we livin’ life! ‘Cept John, who’s livin’ with his momma.”

“And my momma just happens to buy good weed,” John shot back. “Nah, I think some of yous might like my med school friends. They get pretty dope, you know?”

“You think they can check out this mole I got-”

“Don’t even ask, you know we get hella strangers comin’ up to us asking shit like that, it’s weird, don’t do it,” John requested as they all walked down into the subway. They got on the train, Herc and Thomas sitting down while John and Laf stood. It was mostly party kids talkin, so Laf looked at Herc and smiled, then began beatboxing.

“Yo, yo, my name Hercules Mulligan, up in it, lovin’ in, yes I heard your mother say ‘come again’!”

“Aye!” John laughed.

“Lock up ya daughters and horses, of course, it’s hard to have intercourse of four sets of corsets,” Herc rapped.

“Wow!” Thomas gasped. “No more sex, poor me another brew, son, let’s raise a couple more, to the execution, of Donald Trump’s in office now we got a new sum, John, baby, you know it’s you son.”

“We gotta just impeach, wipe the office down with bleach, like Billy Clinton, Monica Lewinsky is his bitch! Replace the leather seats! His tan rubs off, ‘cause it’s cheap and it’s trashy like Melania. He hates the immigrants but I got one right here, Laf, make his whole life disappear.” John began beatboxing so Laf could have a beat.

“I can’t believe we lost Barack, just from racist talk, instead of being free gotta watch him like a hawk. He be lyin’ to his country and crying to his Twitter, let’s Boston Harbor throw tea and watch him get more bitter.” Laf thought for a second. “Covfefe is his own word, it means he’s dumb and stupid, his Twitter is a sign that he’s an animal that’s wounded!”

“Aye!” Herc laughed. “Yo, Laf, shit, why don’t you write that shit down?”

“And do what?” Laf snorted.

“I dunno, somethin’ though, it’s good,” Herc replied.

“Gay!” Thomas yelled.

“You have a husband you dumb fuck,” John laughed loudly. “Aye, yo, this is fifteenth street, she lives just a block down, c’mon.”

The group got off the subway and followed John down the street until they got to Peggy’s apartment building. It was a project building closer to downtown Brooklyn near Midwood. John hadn’t had a lot of time to get to know Peggy, seeing as she was a bit of a loner, but she looked cool and seemed shy. She barely made eye contact with John when she told him about the party, but he was happy to attend.

John got to the apartment and knocked on the door. He could hear the music playing from the other side, and the door was opened by Peggy seconds later. She jumped a bit when she saw John, then smiled widely.

“You came!” She gasped.

“Hell yeah, I did! Don’t think I didn’t see that Knicks jersey you wore on Tuesday, us Knicks fans gotta stick together,” John smiled.

Peggy smiled widely, inviting the four of them in. “Who’re your friends?”

“This is Herc and Laf, they roommates, and this is Thommy boy. I know he be lookin’ fine as fuck, but he’s married as hell,” John chuckled. “Damn, this place is ballin’ Pegs. Didn’t know you lived in such a dope place.”

“It’s just a projects apartment,” Peggy shrugged.

“Aye, yo, baby, don’t trip, we all be doin’ that projects livin’ right now,” John smiled.

“Alright,” Peggy nodded. “Aye, yo, everyone! This is John Laurens, and his friends Thomas, Herc, and Laf.”

“Aye, John Laurens like Martha Laurens?” A girl called out, standing up. She was tall, way taller than John, with long long black curly hair, dark dark skin. She was wearing a long floral skirt and a white lacy crop top.

“Aye yo, yeah,” John nodded, walking over to her as his friends spaced out, looking for drinks. “Why?”

“I work with her!” The girl smiled. “She is the Puerto Rican chick with the body of a Goddess, right?”

“Whoa, that’s my sister you’re talking about,” John laughed.

“Oh, I love her,” the girl smiled. “I’m Angelica by the way. But no, she’s just a hoot. We always hang out during our breaks, and we walk together to the subway. I know so much about you because she always talks about you. Med school, right?”

John nodded, smiling.

“She always talks about you, says you’re the best big brother ever,” Angelica smiled, pulling John over to the drink table. “What’s your drink?”

“Beer,” John answered.

Angelica got him a beer. “So you moved up to Brooklyn when you were fourteen?”

John nodded.

“That’s awesome, I moved up here when I was eighteen with my sisters. Peggy was fifteen, Eliza was sixteen and a half. Here, come meet Eliza. She’s a doll, I love her so much.” Angelica laughed as she pulled John over to a couch. “Well, of course, I love her, she’s my sister. Though she’s a pain in the ass, but I feel like you can relate to that, with your siblings and all. You have four, right?”

John nodded again. He had never been out talked before.

“Alright, well, Eliza! This is John Laurens, Martha’s brother!” Angelica smiled.

A girl who was practically dry humping another girl on the couch looked up. “Oh, I love Martha. This her brother?”

Angelica nodded. “He’s so cute and short I just wanna squish his little cheeks I love him already!” Angelica wrapped her arms around John and gave him a squeeze.

“Stop suffocating the man!” Eliza gasped, sitting up. “John Laurens, it’s nice to meet you.” She shook his hand. “This is Emma.”

“It’s Stacy,” the girl huffed.

“That’s what I said,” Eliza nodded.

John snorted. “Damn, that’s cold.”

Eliza stood up, long legs exposed in her short shorts. “Martha’s been around a few times. She’s mentioned you. Doctor?”

John nodded. “Damn, you be knowin’ more about me than I do.”

Eliza laughed. “I feel like there’s a lot more to you than that.”

John shrugged. “So, where you working, baby girl?”

Eliza’s brows shot up and her posture instantly tensed. “Baby girl? Sorry, kiddo, I don’t see no baby, or no girl, so I don’t think I know who you talkin’ to.”

John held up his hands. “Hey, whoa whoa. First off, my bad. No disrespect, force of habit. I ain’t tryna be cold. No disrespect to a sister, I cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.”

Eliza relaxed a bit. “I don’t take shit from men.”

“Nah, sistah, I get that,” John nodded. “Men be trippin’ always. But you know, I talk too much, I don’t actually hope to die.”

Eliza laughed, gently placing her hand on his arm. “You’re cute.”

The girl on the couch cleared her throat.

John pointed at her. “I think you got someone waiting for you.”

Eliza winked. “We’ll talk later, John Laurens. Go, talk to Peggy. She’s shy but she thinks you’re really cool.”

John looked over and saw her making small talk with Thomas. “Yeah, a’ight.” John made his way over to Peggy, drink in hand. “Hey.”

“Hey! I’ve been meaning to ask you, do we have homework this weekend or-”

“We do, it’s in Google classroom,” John stated. “So, med school?”

“I’m the only one of my sisters goin’ to college. Eliza be workin’ over in Manhattan at a few clubs, Angie works at a club in Brooklyn and does a bike shop during the day. When I get my doctor degree I’mma get us out of the projects,” Peggy explained.

“Aye, I got the same plans but with my momma,” John nodded. “This is a dope place you got. It’s like, all decorated ‘n’ shit.”

“That’s Angie,” Peggy stated. “Me and Eliza are fine with living in a plain place, but she’s into all that witchy shit, so she always be burning somethin’ or puttin’ somethin’ up.” Peggy thought for a second. “You smoke?”

“Depends on what we smoking,” John chuckled.

“Pot,” Peggy answered.

“Then yes, I do,” John nodded.

Peggy lead him into the kitchen and provided him with a blunt. “It’s a New York City diesel strain, bought it off my dealer, Miles. It’s good.”

John lit up the blunt and inhaled, then coughed a bit. “Damn, strong.”

“He knows we broke so he gives us good stuff,” Peggy smiled.

“Alright, how about we share this? I can’t get shit faced tonight, I got studying to do in the morning,” John stated, passing the blunt to Peggy. She took a hit and then the two of them walked into the living room, sitting down on the loveseat and passing the blunt back and forth, talking as they did. Eventually, Peggy was pulled away by Angelica for something else, so John stood by a wall, finishing off the blunt.

A knock at the door made him jump, but deciding he didn’t want to interrupt the conversation Peggy have inverted herself into, so John opened the door himself, then smiled widely when he saw the messy brown hair and dark purple bags of Alexander Hamilton.

“Aye! What’s happening, bro?” John laughed, throwing his arm around Alex and pulling him inside. “Didn’t think you’d come.”

“Neither did I,” Alex admitted.

“‘M glad you did though, homie, c’mon, let’s go meet some my friends, ya sabes? I be talkin’ ‘bout you sometimes and they wanna know who you are.”

“You talk about me?” Alex asked slowly.

“Well, I don’t talk about gross anatomy with them,” John laughed. “Aye, yo, Herc, Laf, Thommy, c’mere.”

The three tall men approached him, smiling. Herc and Laf had their arms around each other and looked a bit skunked while Thomas seemed totally fine, a soda in his hand. He usually didn’t get drunk or high when James wasn’t around. Herc teased him for it, but Thomas assured them that there was no point in trying to have a good time if James wasn’t there.

“Guys, this is Alex, the guy I been talking ‘bout from my first class,” John introduced.

“Damn, he kinda cute,” Lafayette laughed. “He got that like, bottom look, you know? Like Herc.”

John snorted. “I don’t think Herc is a bottom.”

“That’s what the government wants you to think,” Lafayette nodded.

“Uh, hi,” Alex mumbled.

“Speak up, baby, you in Brooklyn!” Herc exclaimed. “We be talkin’ like  _nobody’s_ business!”

“Brooklyn, represent!” Someone yelled.

John laughed. “Lemme get a drink in him.”

Alex loosened up a bit through the night, talking to more people, but was still pretty reserved. John kept his arm around Alex, doing enough talking for both of them, being happy and loud. The get together lasted a few more hours, but soon enough, people were starting to leave. Alex tried to give it the old Irish exit, but John caught him and offered to walk him home, which Alex decided wasn't worth the fight.

“Alright, alright,” John started as they left the apartment building. “What you be listening to? Huh? I mean, I get like, classical music vibes from you, but I don’t want to profile you or whatever for bein’ the way you are.”

Alex shrugged. “I like Hozier.”

John nodded. “He did that church song right?”

Alex nodded a bit. “He’s got some other music though, and it’s really good. He’s a really good artist and his new album? Wasteland, Baby? It’s amazing. It’s like he went into a bog and yelled about politics for four years, then came back with an album.”

John laughed.

“What about you?” Alex asked.

“Hip hop and Lou Reed,” John answered. “Seriously, hip hop has evolved so much since when it first showed up in America in the eighties. Nas, Tupac, Biggie, I love them. Then, as we go on, artists have just found like, new styles for the genre while still giving love to the roots. Kendrick is my personal favorite, but I also love Lil Wayne, Travis Scott, and Big Sean.”

“And Lou Reed?” Alex asked.

“He’s just cool,” John nodded. “New York artists are always cool. Beastie boys are, well, they’re white rappers, and I have some beef with most white rappers. Not because like, they’re white rappers, but because a lot of them don’t acknowledge the history of rap. Like, the genre was created by a black Jamaican immigrant and we got white people rappin’ about Trump ‘n’ shit. Anyway, Beastie boys are good too, and there’s more.”

Alex nodded, thinking. “When did you get into hip hop?”

“Aye, ya sabes, you know, I was born into hip hop. I always be stayin’ loyal to my roots,” John laughed. “Es mi vida.”

“Why do you talk like that?” Alex asked.

“Damn, shawty, talk like what?” John shot back.

“Like, it’s not proper English,” Alex stated.

“Well, maybe it ain’t supposed to be, huh?” John suggested. “You be actin’ like I’m speakin’ in an accent when this shit is a whole damn language. I got ancestors who created a new and separate language for us because that was the only thing we did got. My momma talks like this, her momma talked like this, and so on and so forth. Just because I don’t talk white, don’t mean I ain’t got nothin’ between my ears. It ain’t about how we speak, Alex, it’s about what we do.”

Alex nodded. “How long have you lived in New York?”

“Ten years now, since I was fourteen,” John informed him.

“You’re twenty-four?” Alex asked.

John nodded. “Took a year off between my schoolin’ to work, which is why I’m older than all yous. How long you livin’ in New York?”

“Since I was thirteen,” Alex answered. “I moved from Nevis, in the Carribean.”

“Damn, immigrant, respect,” John nodded. “My momma’s momma was a Puerto Rican immigrant, she lives there now, and then my grandpops was a fourth generation black man in America. His great great grandpop showed up on dem British boats. Anyway, they met right around the time the Jim Crow laws were gettin’ fight, and they got to march with the King himself.”

“It’s crazy that the civil rights movement was barely two generations ago,” Alex mumbled.

“Yeah, they be showin’ King in black ‘n’ white tryna make us think we’ve got rights for years, but they just lyin’ to us,” John nodded. “You Carribean?”

Alex nodded. “Yes, I am.”

“Man, why you be talkin’ like that?” John asked. “I mean, don’t trip, but most Latin immigrants be talking the way I do or just, not the way you do.”

“I grew up in a white neighborhood,” Alex stated. “My cousin was pretty well off, and he sent me to private school so I just, I had a really professional education.”

“Damnnnn,” John laughed. “Private school, eh? My family ain’t got that kind of money. I went to public school but it was cool. All the projects kids went there so I didn’t feel so poor.”

“This is me,” Alex mumbled, stopping in front of an apartment building.

“Damn!” John yelled. “This be where dem rich kids live! You and your cousin up in here?”

Alex shook his head. “No, it’s just me.”

“Shit, what you doin’ in a city college, huh?” John asked. “You could be in Harvard.”

Alex shrugged. “Didn’t want to leave New York, and the med program is good.” He paused, thinking for a second. “Why are you so nice to me? I mean, you don’t have to be.”

“Yeah, I know I don’t  _gotta_ be nice to you, but, you know, I think we got more in common than you think we be havin’ in common,” John chuckled.

“Wait, what does that mean?” Alex asked.

“I dunno, Hamilton!” John called out as he continued his trek home. “I’ll see you in class Monday!”

“Wait, John!” Alex shot back.

“Bye!” 


	3. Hypnotize Me

****Lafayette rolled off of John and the two lay there, breathing heavily and staring at the ceiling. Lafayette pulled off the condom and tossed it in the trash while John kept his legs apart to hopefully dry up a little bit down there. John let one leg hang out of the blanket, but kept himself covered for the most part.

"Wow," Laf huffed, his hand tracing shapes into John's thigh under the blanket.

John chuckled, pushing a few strands of hair off of his forehead. "Wow."

"I think I'm in love with Herc," Laf admitted.

John paused, staring at the ceiling. "For real?"

Lafayette nodded. "Yeah."

"Shit," John mumbled. "You gon' do anything 'bout it?"

Lafayette shook his head. "No, just thought I should tell someone, and seeing as I was balls deep in you 'bout five minutes ago, I felt it was only appropriate I tell you who I'm in love with."

John chuckled. "Guess so."

Lafayette took a deep breath, thinking. "You hungry?"

"Yes," John replied.

"Alright, let's go get some food," Lafayette nodded. John stood up, stumbling a bit. He still had his Jordans on, even though he was in Lafayette's bed. It was a rule of his. He kept his Jordans  _on_ during sex, during anything really. The only time he took them off was when he got home, but only because his momma said so.

"I still don't get why you gotta wear yo Jordans all the time," Lafayette stated as John slipped on his boxers  _over_ his Jordans.

"Can't disrespect MJ like that," John stated. "You know I be wearing his shit since I was born. Birth to earth baby, I'm finna be buried in my Jordans."

"There's a reason you're single," Lafayette mumbled, slipping on some sweats and looking over at John, who was getting his basketball shorts back on.

John nodded, putting on his tee shirt and walking into the kitchen with Laf. "Yeah, you right. You know, I've been crazy horny lately."

"Oh?" Laf smiled.

John nodded. "They upped my dosage a bit and I'm just like a bitch in heat."

"Well my door is always open," Laf chuckled. "We got ramen, cold pizza, cold Chinese food, cold Thai food. We could heat it up if you wanted but you be into cold food."

"Thai," John answered, sitting down at the table. "I got synagogue tonight, so I won't be around 'til tomorrow, but maybe us and the guys can get a game goin' for a few hours?"

Laf nodded. "Yeah sure. Why you still goin' to church though? Yo' momma ain't got no control over you."

"Damn, it ain't even church 'n' you know that," John laughed, leaning back a bit. "Nah, you know I be goin' because me and the big man are tight. I be talkin' to Yaweh that he's my damn therapist. I was born Jewish."

"Yeah you were," Laf nodded, putting a bowl of Pad Thai down in front of John and then sitting down. "How's schooling?"

"Goin' smoothe," John nodded. "I be keepin' good grades, you know how I do. My prof really likes me, says I do good in his class."

"Hey, guys," Herc mumbled, walking into the apartment, covered in grass. "I just spent about ten hours mowing central park."

"How much did you make?" Laf asked.

"About five hundred dollars," Herc smiled, holding up the five hundred-dollar bills. "A couple goes to rent." He set down the bills in the rent jar on their kitchen table. "And then the rest goes to... I dunno, I got cash to blow, what should I do with it?"

"Weed," John answered plainly. "Or you could buy me some Jordans."

"Ha, funny," Herc laughed. "No, it's going to my parents. They're saving up to buy a house in London, get out of Sudan, and they need the money." Herc shook his head a bit. "They're traveling to the Central African Republic to seek refuge, and then applying for asylum in London. They said they'd call me when they can."

"When's the last time you hear from them?" John asked.

"Yesterday," Herc nodded. "They got to Nayala, and they have to head through Chad before they get to the Republic. They're gonna spend a few days in Nayala because my uwa is sick. My baba knows she just, she's depressed. We lost our home." Herc shook his head a bit. "I gonna just go meet them in the Republic and get them to London. They need someone who speaks English."

"Do you need me to go with you?" Laf asked.

"Yeah, and I can take care of ya place while you's gone, you know," John offered.

"I appreciate that, but Laf, I really don't think you should go, they ain't exactly the nicest to mixed folk over there," Herc shrugged. "Besides, it gon' be a lot of boring stuff, a lot of travel. I just gotta get them across the border and help them apply."

"Why London?" Laf asked.

Herc shrugged. "Seems like a good place."

"Go to Norway," Laf suggested. "It's a lot safer for immigrants, a lot better. Germany is good too."

"Once upon a time I would've considered it a good idea to bring them here," Herc laughed. "I don't think I could even get them through security if I was bringing them to America." Herc scoffed and shook his head. "Shugaban mara kyau."

Herc was an immigrant from Sudan. He moved to America when he was young with his little sister. His parents stayed at home, but Herc and his sister was surrendered to an adoption agency in New York. They were adopted by a white family who taught them English and always respected how Herc and his sister kept in touch with their parents. Herc's sister worked upstate in Syracuse as a doctor and Herc lived in Brooklyn, but they stayed in contact as well.

"I'll call Borbala and tell her the plan, she'll probably donate some money to help, maybe even come," Herc sighed. "I gotta go look for tickets. They're gonna get to the African Republic in about twenty days, so I gotta be there." Herc leaned down and took a bite of John's food. "Thanks." Herc walked out of the room and into his bedroom, humming.

Lafayette let out a long breath. "I feel bad for him."

"Hey, he gon' get his parents set up, and then it gon' be easier for everyone." John leaned back. "You really ain't gon' tell him?"

Laf shook his head. "No point. Nothing would happen anyway. He don't feel the same back anyway."

"How do you know?" John asked. "You two have things in common. Immigrants, black, stoners, terrible hygiene."

"My hygiene is fine," Laf scoffed. "I just sometimes forget to shower."

John rolled his eyes, then jumped when his phone buzzed. It was Alex. They had exchanged numbers during the party last night at one point. John had claimed it was for pure scholarly reasons, but truthfully intended to be friends with Alex, whether Alex liked it or not.

Alex: I need you to come over.

Alex: Please.

Alex: The door is open, just walk right in.

Alex then sent John his location. John stood up, staring at his phone strangely, then looked up to Lafayette. "I gotta go. Alex just texted me, asking me to come over."

"Damn, John, twice is one day, get it," Laf joked. "He's cute though. You should tap that."

John nodded, calling out a goodbye and left the apartment. He walked out of the building and hopped on the subway to get to Alex's place. It didn't take that long to be walking into Alex's apartment building, up the elevator to Alex's floor. It was a nice building, clean and working elevators. The elevator in the projects building had been under construction for about six years, which really sucked since a lot of times, people in that building were tired when they get home,

John got to Alex's floor and found Alex's apartment door. He was slow, turning the knob and opening it, but jumped a bit at the sight before him.

It was a studio apartment, small but neat, and there on the bed, was Alex, curled up, shaking a bit. Almost dog-like whimpers were coming from his mouth, and John was quick to come over, startled but noticing the similarity between Alex and Martha when Martha's endometriosis would act up.

"Hey, whoa, hey, I'm here," John stated.

Alex's eyes were closed and tears were staining his pillow. "John, in the bathroom above the sink, there are a bunch of prescription bottles. I need you to find the one that says Orilissa, please."

John recognized that medication. It was the one his sister took for her endometriosis. John had done this before. He didn't know quite how painful the episodes were, but he knew it usually ended up with Martha curled up on her bed, practically sobbing, vomiting, the works. John had gotten a few painful periods in his life, but nothing like that.

John found the medication and brought it out to Alex, who knocked two pills in his hand and downed them. Still shaking, tears still spilling from his eyes. John, knowing exactly how to handle this, tied Alex's hair back so it would stop getting in his face and dabbed some tears away.

"Do you have a heating pad?" John asked.

Alex shook his head. "Icepack, in the freezer."

John nodded and complied, getting an ice pack for Alex and handing it to him.

Alex immediately pressed it to his lower stomach, groaning. "The meds are gonna kick in in a few. You don't have to stay."

"I'm gonna though," John replied gently, sitting on the edge of the bed and gently rubbing Alex's side. He saw the yet to be put away groceries on the counter, so he got up and began putting stuff away. Alex had what seemed to be a pretty healthy diet. Vegetables and fruits, which John placed in the vegetable and fruit drawers, a gallon of milk, some tofu, a few canned things, a loaf of bread, and perscription bag from the same transgender services John went to. John set the small bag on the counter and placed the reusable bags on the kitchen table.

"Thank you," Alex's voice called out.

John turned around to see Alex sitting up, ice pack still pressed to his stomach. "Yeah, no, of course."

"I uh, I have a bad reaction to dairy," Alex lied.

"I didn't know that's what caused endometriosis, but alright," John nodded, leaning against the counter.

Alex froze, staring over at John. "How did you..."

John shrugged. "I know a few folks who take those meds."

"Could you not tell anyone?" Alex asked softly.

John knew what Alex was referring to. It wasn't about the episode or the meds, it had more to do with the little vile of T on Alex's counter. "Yeah, no, don't even trip, I ain't gon' say anything. Michael Jordan don't condone outing people."

Alex nodded slowly, looking at the floor. "Thank you."

John cross his arms and nodded. "You gots a nice place. It's like, fancy 'n' shit. It all yours or do you got a partner or roommate?"

Alex snorted, standing up and walking into the kitchen to get some water. "Neither."

"Baby boy, this is gentrified Brooklyn, how you payin' rent?" John asked, laughing a bit.

"Cousin owns the building," Alex mumbled. "He's letting me stay here for nothing. I gotta pay for repairs though, so I just don't break anything."

"Damn!" John laughed. "You livin' here and you ain't got no rent? Mother fucker you got like, a working sink and clean tap water 'n' shit! You ain't even livin' with your family still!"

"Who's living with their family at this age?" Alex snorted.

"Well damn, I can't afford to live anywhere else, and my momma needs help with rent anyway," John chuckled.

"You're actually living with your family still?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, but since I be grown I can do whatever I want, as long as I clean the bathroom on tuesdays and do the dishes on Thursdays." John smiled. "It ain't too bad either, because when I'm sick, I got five people taking care of me. Well, four. Jem has a thing about germs."

Alex nodded slowly. "So, she doesn't care what you do?"

"Hold on, she does, we got rules, but they cool. Since I share a room with my brothers, I don't bring no one home, I can't be comin' in super late and waking everyone up, no liquor in the house, no parties, and nothing harder than weed," John smiled. "If I wanna get wasted, I just go over to Laf's. You met him last night."

"He seemed nice," Alex mumbled. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Beer?" John asked.

Alex shook his head. "I don't have any liquor. Uh, water, milk, cranberry juice, and kombucha."

"What the fuck is kombucha?" John laughed.

Alex's eyes widened. "Oh, my God, it's so good. I love it. It's like, okay, I can't explain it to you, just-" Alex pulled a bottle out of the drink and handed it to John. "Try it."

John opened it and took a sip, then made a sour face. "Damn! That shit be nasty! It's like if beer was a person, and you be eaten their ass, but they just took a fruity shit and didn't wipe."

"It's good!" Alex defended, taking a sip.

"Nah, nah, you like, you on white people drugs or somethin' because that shit's nasty. That's like, the kind of thing that white people with dreadlocks drink," John mumbled, stealing Alex's water cup and taking a sip.

"You are so specific with your descriptions," Alex laughed. "How do you hit it so spot on?"

John shrugged. "I just be like that."

Alex smiled and looked down a bit, biting his lip.

"Hey, outta all ya contacts, why'd you call me?" John asked, crossing his arms over his chest in a relaxed way.

"Because you were the only one who I knew might show up," Alex shrugged. "Half the people I used to be close with don't even talk to me anymore, and then the other half think I'm a pretentious asshole."

"Well you do look down your nose at people sometimes," John shrugged.

Alex looked mildly offended. "Do you just say shit without thinking?"

"Don't even pull that, you know I be right, asking me why I don't talk white, lookin' around that party like you were over it. Some of the best people you gon' ever meet will talk like me, act like me, and you gon' have to deal with that. Some of those people may even be better than you."

"So, what? If I'm such an asshole, then why are you still hanging around?" Alex asked.

"Because I like you, and I think people can change, and I think you're not a total asshole, you just need to hang around some cool people who ain't gon' leave you for being who you are," John smiled. "It's only human natural to change."

Alex raised his eyebrows. "You think so?"

John nodded. "I mean, come on, this time last year, you think you woulda been offering cat piss in a bottle and makin' small talk with me in the middle of your apartment?"

Alex paused, then shook his head.

"It's 'cause you ain't hangin' 'round them assholes anymore," John smiled. "Maybe you gon' start talkin' like me. You know? Ya sabes?" John poked Alex's sides, making him laugh.

"How long have you spoken Spanish?" Alex asked.

"The real question is how long I been speakin' English," John chuckled. "No, actually, I been speakin' both my whole life. I learned Spanish first because my momma said I should learn it, and then I started learning English not too much longer after I started talking Spanish. I was mixin' up Espanol and Ingles since I was in the crib."

Alex laughed a bit. "I don't know Spanish."

"Homie ain't you Peurto Rican though? You really only be speakin' colonizer?" John joked.

"I speak French," Alex stated. "I started learning when I was put into my cousins care, and continued through middle school and high school."

"Where'd you do ya schooling?" John asked.

"The King's Academy," Alex answered.

"Damn! That's like, a private school! How much money your cousin be makin' for real though?" John asked.

"He owns property in Manhattan and Broooklyn," Alex shrugged. "What about you?"

John shook his head, chuckled. "Public school one-twenty-five in Brownsville Brooklyn. Me and my familia been livin' there and my momma would send me out the door with my sisters and brothers with like, mace 'n' shit."

"Yeah, I heard Brownsville was scary," Alex mumbled.

"Moved up to Fort Greene when I graduated and started working, and we had more money. We lived in a studio projects for a few years, which was..." John thought about how the lack of space had really got to the six of them. "It was rough. But then my kid sister started working too, and we could afford a two bedroom, which is way better than a studio when you got a six person family, for real."

"Jesus, six people?" Alex asked.

"Seven if you wanna count Pappo who stays with us sometimes," John nodded. "He's the homeless man who sits on the stoop of our building, real great dude. A lot of the people in the building rotate having dinner with him so he's always fed at least one meal."

"That's... Sweet," Alex commented.

John looked over at the oven. "Shit, I got worship in a bit. I gotta go. This upcoming Friday though, me and a few friends be goin' down to LBI to have a last day of summer beach day and have a little fun, rent out a room for the night and maybe get high. You wanna come? You don't gotta, but I would like you to."

Alex paused. "Do you really mean that?"

John nodded. "You know I don't fuck around with people's feelings. You should come."

Alex thought for a second. "I'll think about it."

"Yes!" John cheered. "Anyways, I gotta bolt or Yaweh gon' come down on me with the power of a million suns." John waved a bit, walking to the door. "Adios, bebita!"

"Uh, bye!" Alex called out. 


	4. Brooklyn in the summer

****John slipped on his yellow swim trunks, the ones with smiley faces all over them, Then threw on a tank top that read 'suns out, guns out.' John had bought it from the thrift shop ironically, but everyone in the project's apartment knew it was John's favorite shirt because it showed off his arms, make him look manly in a stupid way, and was one of the first shirt he wore after his top surgery, and therefore had special man powers.

"I'm headed out!" John called out as he grabbed his backpack, which just held a towel, some sunscreen, and John's wallet, keys, and phone. "The train to the PATH station leaves in half an hour so I gotta get to Manhattan before it does!"

"Bye! See you tomorrow!" Elanor called out. "Love you!"

"Love you too, momma!" John replied, slipping on a pair of black flip flops and heading out to the subway station. The group was all going to meet in Penn station, by the Dunkin' Donuts, and then get on the PATH train to Jersey, and then another train to The Jersey Shore, where they had all pitched in to rent a room at an AirBnB for the night. John had told Alex all of this, including times, meeting spots, and what to bring, but Alex still hadn't given John a definite answer. John prayed that he was just playing coy because he did genuinely want Alex to come.

John hopped on the subway to Manhattan just in time, panting a pit and adjusting his sunglasses. The ride was quick, and soon enough, he was in Manhattan, walking a block to Penn station. As luxurious as it sounded, walking a block in Manhattan in flip flops was no vacation. John narrowly avoided getting his toes clipped off by the sharp heel of a Chanel boot several times, and found himself getting mistaken for a tourist much more than he would've liked to. He did make it to Penn station though.

John thought Manhattan was pretentious. He always found himself rolling his eyes at it a bit. It was extra though, and he knew it. Penn station was a great example of that. It was just a train station, but it looked, it looked like that.

John got down into it and found the Dunkin' Donuts. Herc and Laf were already there. They seemed a little out of it, just staring off into space. Laf had Herc's hand and was gently petting it, and while it looked a little weird, it was always kinda cute.

"Hola, mi amigos," John smiled, sitting down. "Que pasa?"

"John!" Herc smiled, throwing his arm around John. "Good to see you, dude."

"You saw me like, this morning," John pointed out. And it was true. A very tired John had accidentally tripped over Herc, who was sitting on the stoop with Pappo drinking coffee from the bodega down the street. Herc caught John just in time, sparing John's thermos of coffee and knees.

"Yeah, but I missed my midget," Herc smiled.

"You can't say midget," Laf gasped. "Midget is as bad as the n-word."

Herc smiled, knowing exactly what Laf was quoting. "First of all, no. You know how I know this? Because we are saying the word midget. If you are comparing the badness of two words, and you can't even  _say_ one of them, that's automatically the worse word."

"If you say midget, there will be a swarm of little people protesting this network!" Laf gasped.

Herc leaned forward, eyes wide. "Promise?"

John broke out into laughter, leaning against Herc.

"So, who else is coming?" Herc asked. "Thomas and James couldn't make it, but I know you invited some people, John."

"Uh, you remember the Schuylers? We went to one of their parties last week," John recalled.

"Yeah!" Herc nodded. "Damn, that Angelina chick was fine as  _fuck_."

John rolled his eyes. "Well, Angeli _ca_ and her sister Peggy be for sure comin', and then maybe Alex."

"You into Alex? Because you be very forceful about him hanging out with you," Laf laughed. "Like, seriously. You mentioned him before this year, called him an asshole, but now you be like, into him."

"Nah, he got dropped by his old friends because of a fuckass reason, I mean, they really did him dirty, so now I be tryna see if I can't break him of his asshole habits and turn him into a better and cooler person, you know?"

"Ooh, ya own little project," Herc chuckled, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Hello! We're here!" Angelica's voice rang through the air. She was wearing a long flowery skirt and an off the shoulder white crop top, as well as a big sunhat. Peggy was looking much more modest in just some board shorts and a zip up, but the pair did look like sisters.

"Gorgeous, gorgeous," Laf complimented. "Our train leaves in a bit but we got some time. We all know each other's names right?"

"I forgot your name," Peggy stated sarcastically, looking at John.

John pressed his hand to his chest, feigning hurt. "How could you? After all we've been through?"

"It was the war that really broke my mind," Peggy sighed dramatically, looking into the distance.

John burst out laughing, some of his hair falling out of his bun. "Shit, you be makin' me laugh and now my hair is all fucked up." John took the hair tie out and retied the bun, making it nice and tight. "How is it that you could cook bread in lower parts of Penn station, but here and up is like, a fuckin' freezer?"

Peggy shook her head, sitting down and crossing her legs. "It's why I wore a hoodie."

John chuckled. "Sun's out guns out, baby." John flex, kissing his bicep. "I want  _all o'_ New York to know just how swol' I be."

"You're so fuckin' cringey, I love it," Peggy laughed, leaning against John a bit. "So wait, do you guys do this like, every year?"

John nodded. "Since I was sixteen. Laf was eighteen and Herc was nineteen, Thomas and his husband had like, just gotten married, you know? They were both like, twenty, and we were all chillin' and they kinda brought up how they been wantin' to go to the beach, and since Herc, Laf, and I didn't realize they meant like, alone, we all went down to The Jersey Shore, and it's just been a thing. They ain't here this time because James was just being drained by his work and needed some time to like, chill and get some head, ya sabes?"

Peggy snorted.

"Alright, we gotta go!" Laf announced, standing up. "Get ya' ethnic asses up!"

Angelica snorted, adjusting her sunhat. "I'm so ready. I've been dying for a beach day."

"We gon' have some evenin' drinks on the boardwalk when we get there, hang out on the beach until it closes, then relax in the BnB and sleep, and then spend the day at the beach tomorrow," John stated, standing up. "I'd kill for a pina colada right now."

"Damn, same, brothah," Herc nodded.

"Wait! Wait! I'm here!"

John turned and his face practically split in two from the smile. There was Alex, black hoodie, red shorts, bag slung over his shoulder. He looked a little flustered, embarrassed that he was running, but quickly caught up to the group. John slung his arm around Alex, laughing from the joy in his heart and pulling the smaller guy along with the group.

"I'm glad you came," John said in a voice just above a whisper as they got to the platform for the PATH train. "I honestly didn't think you would."

"I didn't either," Alex admitted.

John hugged Alex a bit closer with his arm. "Well, it's dope that you did. Sit next to me."

Alex, not knowing really who else was around, nodded. The PATH train came and they all got on. Alex and John sat next to each other, Herc sat next to Laf in the row next to them, and Peggy and Angelica sat behind John and Alex. Alex was about to pull out his earbuds when John pulled out Uno.

"Uno?" Alex asked, cocking an eyebrow as John put down Alex's tray table.

John nodded, taking the cards out of the box and beginning to deal them. "They were originally for the beach house, 'cause we always be stayin' up too late, but we got time to play right now."

"You really want to be my friend," Alex nodded.

John laughed, finishing up dealing the cards, and then gently patted Alex's thigh. "You be trippin', Alex. We already friends." John held up his cards. "But we about to not be. I got like, two draw four cards in this deck."

"Bastard," Alex muttered, picking up his own cards. "You got first."

John put down a red four and the game began. The train ride was an hour long, and then they switched trains, finally making it to The Jersey Shore.

The Jersey Shore had always been absolutely perfect in every way. Every time they came here, which was a lot in the summer, they would point out the houses they're gonna own when they win the lottery. It was a fantasy they all shared, getting loaded, and even though John was really the only one who would end up wealthy thanks to the doctor's salary in New York, they all participated anyway. It was fun to dream.

"A'ight!" Lafayette said as they dropped their bags in the BnB room and abandoned clothes they didn't need like hoodies or sneakers. "Let's go get a drink, and then play beach volleyball."

"Hell yeah!" John cheered.

The group made their way, laughing, down to the boardwalk to get a drink at the bar. It was only six, so the sun was still hot in the sky, and sunscreen was being passed around as they walked. Angelica mentioned getting gross underboob sweat which prompted John to snort and accidentally squeeze the sunblock onto Herc, who said something about black people not needing it, which was quickly countered by Alex assuring Herc that black people needed sunscreen the most.

"Alright! Drink orders?" John asked, pulling out his phone to write everything down.

"Pina colada!" Herc called out.

"A strawberry daiquiri and a lime daiquiri," Angelica requested, smiling.

"Hard lemonade," Lafayette requested.

"I'll help you with the drinks," Alex offered, standing up and going to the bar with John. John nodded and the two of them went over to the bar. John gave a cheesy smile to the bartender and she came over.

"What can I do you for?" She asked, cocking her head.

"Aye, yo, we need uh, two pina coladas, a strawberry daiquiri and a lime daiquiri, a hard lemonade, and..." John trailed off, looking at Alex.

"Cranberry vodka," Alex answered.

"Damn, a'ight, I see you, I see you," John laughed as the bartender got to work. "Okay, so how much cash do you got?"

"Ten bucks?" Alex offered.

"Alright, and do you got your credit card?" John asked.

Alex paused. "Am I paying for drinks?"

"You live in a good apartment on the west side of Brooklyn for no rent!" John exclaimed. "You gotta have  _some_ money."

"Yeah yeah, I got it," Alex chuckled. "What's the ten bucks for?"

"Tips," John answered. "Bartenders be havin' to deal with some  _shit_ and they deserve tips, you know? Ya sabes?"

"How do you know?" Alex asked.

"Bebe you know I be pullin' in side hustles! Gotta pay rent somehow. 'Cause, ya sabes, some of us do that," John teased.

"Okay, why  _do_ you mix Spanish in when you're talking?" Alex asked.

"No lo se," John shrugged. "Just feels right, you know? Like, talkin' be just like music, and sometimes you just gotta add some extra spice to it! I just flow when I be talking Ingles y Espanol. It gots a flow to it."

"I couldn't do that with French," Alex admitted.

"'Cause French be trippin' man! Like, that language needs some fuckin' Narcan or something."

John didn't expect Alex to laugh at that, but he did. Hard. It was the cutest thing, seeing Alex snorting, and laughing, eyes squinted shut, hand covering his mouth. It made John laugh too, probably causing a scene.

"Oh my God, that was like, not even funny," Alex sighed, smiling. "I don't know why I laughed so hard at that."

"I don't either," John replied, still chuckling. "Nah, for real though? Ever since I been goin' to med school, my jokes have gotten way funnier because I can use shit like that now, but the people around me don't get it, so I really love that you laughed at that."

Alex shook his head, smiling. "You're something special, John Laurens."

John wiggled his eyes. "Why don't you find out?"

Alex knocked John's shoulder as the bartender handed them drinks. "Whatever."

John and Alex somehow carried the drinks back to their table, setting everything down. John was the definition of pure bliss, sitting out of the shade of the umbrella, eyes closed, sunglasses on, drink in hand, and legs getting their final spot of real sun before the winter.

"That is what a truly happy man looks like," Herc point out, smiling at John.

John nodded. "Literally the only thing that could make me happier is my dick in my hand."

Lafayette snorted at the joke John knew he was making in his head, but would never say out loud in case not everyone knew about John. John appreciated that, since there was never ever ever an appropriate reason to tell someone that someone else was trans,  _especially_ if they passed for the gender they were.

John placed his hand on his crotch as he man spread, smiling. It was warm, it was good. "Yaweh has truly blessed me today. She has looked down and said 'today, John deserves sunlight' and I am  _thanking_ her for it!"

"Yaweh?" Peggy asked.

"He's Jewish, and he's  _so_ Jewish, he don't even say the Lord's name in vain," Herc explained.

"Damn, Herc, you really comin' for me like this," John laughed. "Nah, you know she be givin' me life to find my way, givin' me good friends, good liquor, good love. I know she be blessin' me with all yous."

"Damn, that was like, wholesome 'n' shit," Peggy snorted. "Since when are you religious?"

"Born and raised, babita," John smiled. "How can I appreciate this beautiful world we call our home when I don't got no one to thank?" John did the sign of the cross, then pointed to the sky. "I see you, G-Dog."

Alex smiled at John. John, being the tease he was, lowered his sunglasses on his nose and winked at Alex, biting his lip. Alex was quick to look down a pink tint coming to his cheeks as he sipped the cool drink.

The group finished up their drinks and decided it was ocean time. Herc, as they walked, blew up a beach ball while Laf made enough gay jokes about that scene to have them all laughing. Herc laughed along, because they were funny, and jokes from Laf never meant harm, they were always in good fun.

"Wowie, damn!" John yelled as they found a good spot. "I'm feeling hot!"

"Well you're lookin' hot too, baby," Herc teased, lying on the sand, his balled up shirt below his head as not to get sand in his hair. Angelica laid out a towel, taking off her skirt and top so it was just her in a bikini. Peggy slipped off her tank top, so it was just her board shorts and a bikini top. Laf was in his trunks as currently burying his feet in the sand because it was warm and Laf, the anemic, was always cold.

John grabbed the edge of his shirt and pulled his over his head, smiling. When he first got his top surgery, he didn't willingly wear a shirt for months. He was just so happy to have that privilege. Even now, he'll take his shirt off whenever he can.

"Damn, why the Jersey shore always so hot?" John asked as he sat down. "I mean, it's like, early September?"

"Only John could literally forget the date," Laf snorted, pulling out his phone. "It's September second."

Alex stared over at John, brows creased. John smiled back, scratching his chest, where the scars were. He still didn't have full feeling in the area around the scars, so it felt a bit weird. Alex almost reached his hand out to touch, but then pulled his hand away. John shrugged and smiled, looking around, trying to emphasize to Alex that no one noticed or cared. Alex slipped off his white tee shirt, obviously feeling a bit self-conscious.

"Hey, we should all play volleyball," Herc suggested. "There's an open net and I got a beach ball!"

John stood up, smiling, then held his hand out to Alex. "Sounds ballin' man. C'mon Alex."

"I'm not too good at volleyball," Alex admitted.

"Oh, me neither," John replied, pulling Alex up. "I suck horse balls, but like, we don't play to be good, we play because there ain't no reason not to. I'm more of a basketball person."

"You're so basketball you wear your Jordans everywhere you go. I'm surprised you don't got them on right now," Herc teased as the six of them began walking over to the net.

"I don't want no sand in my Jordans," John gasped. "They my street shoes."

"Your street shoes, your sleep shoes, your sex shoes," Lafayette listed.

"Oh my God, please tell me he don't wear them during sex," Angelica laughed.

"I ain't gone disrespect MJ like that! If I'm getting some, he gone get some too," John laughed.

"So wait, you're just in people's beds with your shoes on?" Peggy asked.

"Aye, baby girl, I ain't always in their beds," John winked. "I ain't picky."

Peggy snorted and knocked John's shoulder. "You're weird."

"Okay, Alex, Peggy, Laf, you on that team, me, Angie, and John are over here," Herc announced.

John cocked an eyebrow at Peggy, mouthing 'you're on.'

Peggy mouthed back 'bring it.'

"Okay, Angie, you serve," Herc smiled, handing the ball to her.

Angelica nodded, throwing the ball up and serving. Laf hit it back, and then Herc hit it. The game went on and turns out, Peggy was  _really_ good at volleyball. John could tell she was definitely toning it down. A few times she jumped up and spiked it, which lead her to mumble something about high school volleyball, and a bit of time on the college team, which lead Angie to mumble something about a scholarship.

They played for a while until Alex's shoulders began to turn pink, and John began to get sore, and sweat was dripping down the back of their necks. The sun was orange on the horizon, almost set, so they watched it go down, then left to the beach.

"Are we going back to the hotel?" Alex asked.

"Hell nah," John smiled. "C'mon, let's get some rootbeer and go house shopping."

"Root Beer?" Peggy laughed. "I don't think I've had that in years."

They all found a corner store and roamed, picking up cold drinks and some snacks. John grabbed some aloe and handed it to Alex, saying something about his shoulders. Alex smiled, blushing a bit. His shoulders did feel a bit burnt, and John promised to offer some assistance.

"Okay, okay," Laf started as they began walking through a neighborhood, a rich neighborhood. "When I buy that house, every since room is going to be a bachelor cave, and no beds, just futons. The only foods will be beer and pot brownies."

"Okay, well, when  _I_ buy  _that_ house," Herc bragged. "I'm gonna paint it blue and orange, and it's just going to be a Knicks memorial."

"Why a memorial? They're still alive," Peggy pointed out.

"Yeah, but they're winning streak is dead," John laughed. "Liking the Yankees is for smart New Yorkers, liking the Knicks is for prideful New Yorkers. Luckily, I'm both, so I got a good baseball team, and a bad basketball team."

Angelica snorted. "I don't really follow basketball. I'm a baseball person."

"Aye, yo, maybe we should catch a game together sometime," Herc suggested.

Angelica nodded. "Yeah, we can all get bleacher seats and sneak in our food. Peggy is really good at hiding stuff."

Lafayette burst out laughing at Angelica being oblivious to Herc hitting on her. Even John chuckled a bit as they walked. He felt his flip flops beginning to form blisters on his feet but ignore them. It always happened, but John didn't mind.

"Alright, alright, when I live in that house," Peggy began. "I'm gonna paint it purple and grey and white-"

"Love that color scheme," Angelica smiled.

"Me too," Peggy nodded. "And then I'm gonna clear out an entire floor for a basketball court-"

"Hell yeah!" John hooted.

"And have an infinite amount of dino bites," Peggy finished, smiling.

"Mm, dino bites," Laf mumbled.

"Ooh! When I live in  _that_ house!" John pointed at a big yellow one. "I'm gon' put wallpaper of MJ all over, and then fill the fridge with takeout, and have a whole gym, and turn the backyard to a basketball court."

They all went on, describing what they wanted to do with their houses until finally, they found their way back to the hotel. No one really packed sleeping clothes, since it was a minimal trip, so people were getting set up for sleep while still wearing their bathing suits.

"Hey, Lex," John mumbled, pulling out the aloe they bought at the gas station. "C'mere, lemme get your shoulders."

"Huh? Oh, thanks," Alex smiled.

John put some aloe on his hand and gently began rubbing Alex's left shoulder. Alex hissed a bit, closing his eyes, which put a sympathetic look on John's face. "You gotta wear more sunscreen tomorrow."

"Yeah, I didn't think I'd be taking off my shirt, if I'm being honest," Alex admitted.

John paused, thinking very carefully about what he was going to say next. "I know the people you used to hang out with did you real dirty 'n' shit, but you ain't gon' get that same treatment here." John tsked a bit. "You got burnt, Alex, Jesus."

Alex chuckled. "I don't go outside too often."

"You play basketball?" John asked.

"No," Alex shrugged.

"Baseball? Volleyball? Tennis? Hell, golf?" John listed.

"I'm a writer," Alex admitted.

John held up his hands. "No shade, bebe."

Alex smiled a bit, looking at John. John's hands were gentle, rubbing the aloe into Alex's shoulders. John offered Alex a crooked half-smile, then bit his lip. Alex felt the tips of his ears heat up, and he quickly broke eye contact, moving back a bit. "Uh, thank you, yeah. Thank you."

John nodded, rubbing excess aloe into his hands. "Let's hope it's all better by tomorrow because we ain't leavin' the beach 'til we drunk and tired."

Alex laughed, then laid down on one of the extra provided blankets, curling up a bit and closing his eyes. Peggy, Herc, and Angelica were already asleep, and Laf was just smoking weed out the window alone, so John got up and sat next to him, taking the blunt and taking a hint.

"Que pasa?" John asked quietly.

Laf shrugged, flicking ash from the blunt. "Herc's into Angelica."

John nodded. "Yeah, looks like it." He took the blunt from Laf's hand and took a long hit, blowing it out and coughing a few times. "And?"

"And it's sucks," Lafayette muttered, taking the blunt back.

"'S ya own fault," John pointed out.

Lafayette looked up. "Damn, you know, it's really good you gon' be a doctor and not a nurse or psychologist because you ain't got no empathy anywhere in that heart of yours."

John shrugged. "What do ya want from me, Laf? You're the one who ain't gon' make a move. It ain't my fault. Maybe he did like you, but you can't blame him for movin' on, or tryna just, I dunno, ignore it. You ain't got no one to blame but yourself right."

"You're not very good at encouragement," Laf mumbled.

"I ain't tryna encourage you, I'm tryna tell you that you made your bed, now lie in it. You wanna make a move? I'm gon' be right there backin' you up, but if you gon' not do nothing, and then complain when ya heart hurts? I ain't there for that." John took the blunt and took a hit. "This be one of the few things we got control over right now, so control it. It ain't my job to pity the narrative you chose for yo'self."

"And what about you, huh?" Laf asked. "You ain't much better."

John's eyebrows shot up. "Slow down, explain."

"C'mon, you 'n' Alex? You been flirting all night, make a move," Lafayette taunted.

"Motherfucka, first off, ain't even I know if I'm into Alex, so check yo'self. Second, even if I did be into Alex, you think I ain't been makin' moves. C'mon, I be doin' more than you. You ain't in a place to be comin' here and tellin' me who I be into, what I should be doing, so slow the fuck down, repeat yo'self."

Lafayette huffed, looking out the window. "What if he doesn't like me?"

"Move the fuck on then, damn," John scoffed. "It ain't Herc's job to return your feelings, so you move on. You find other infatuations, you find other loves, you find other fucks. It hurts like a bitch, I know, believe me, but sometimes you just gotta..." John trailed off for a second, thinking about her. Her long long curly black hair, her dark dark skin, so dark it could've been the night sky. The way she would use high light and it would contrast so perfect with her skin. The way that high light ran when she cried after they fought. The way she would hold him and whisper his name as he touched her in the best places. The way they would say they loved each other, but their voices would overlap, and they would laugh and laugh about it. John shook his head, swallowing hard. "You just gotta deal. No one ever said it was easy."

"Don't go down that rabbit hole," Laf mumbled. "Don't you dare start thinkin' about her again. Don't do that to yourself."

John nodded. "I'm just gon' sleep. You heard me. You make a move, or get over it. I don't care, but I ain't gon' listen to you cry about the consequences to ya own actions. Love you, man, you know that."

Lafayette smiled and nodded, staring at the blunt. "I do." 


	5. The art of peer pressure

****John was feeling excited. It was his first class of the day, and it was his turn to do an oral on the bone structure unit. He had loved this unit. It was hard and rigorous, but he absolutely adored it. He had practiced practically all night, thankful he didn’t have work. His mother had listened, and very much complimented him.

John was practically bouncing in his seat, cards in his hand. Alex sat down next to John, sighing a bit and leaning forward, sipping his coffee. He looked tired but had a mess of papers in front of him. Hair was messy, sticking up and obviously ungelled.

“Damn, shawty, you lookin’ rough,” John commented.

“Yeah, I pushed this off a little bit, had to stay up too late to finish,” Alex mumbled, leaning his head against John’s shoulder. “I’m just gonna…”

John smiled, looking down a bit. “Oh, a’ight.”

Alex hummed a bit. “Mm, you have soft shoulders. And you smell nice.” Alex leaned into John’s hoodie and took a deep breath. “Like lemon, and flowers.”

John laughed a bit. “You really tired, ain’t you?”

Alex nodded, nuzzling his face into John’s shoulder a bit more. “I really need a nap.”

“You do, and I wish I could stay, but-”

“Any volunteers ongoing first for their oral presentation?” Washington asked, walking in with a mug of coffee and a breakfast burrito. “Excuse my late arrival, my wife was making me breakfast, and then I needed to thank her.”

“Damn! You go Washington!” Peggy laughed, whistling.

“Get some!” John laughed.

Washington smiled, rolling his eyes. “I’m glad I can offer some entertainment for you kids. Now, who would like to go first?”

John’s hand shot up. “Yo! Homie! You know I gotchu!”

Washington’s brows shot up. “Alright, John Laurens. The floor is yours.”

John smiled and bound up to the front, rocking back and forth on his heels. He had his index cards in front of him. He didn’t have a speech written down, just bullet points, but that made things easier for him to explain.

“Aye, you, a’ight, a’ight, okay, so basically, when it comes down to bone, we got four basic types, you know? Ya sabes?” John started.

“Speak English!” Someone called out.

John looked over at Charles Lee, swallowing hard. “A’ight, so, you know, we got dem flat bones, long bones, short bones, and then, like, irregular bones, you know? Long bones be the-”

“We can’t understand you,” Charles shot back.

"Open ya ears then," John scoffed.

"You aren't even talking correctly! How're you in med school when you can't even speak in proper English?"

John felt frozen, he felt scared. His throat was thick, and it felt like he was drowning. Eyes were on him, his cheeks were hot. His hands were shaking and his felt like he was going to melt. No one had ever done that, because this was Brooklyn, most people talked like that.

“Alright!” Washington gasped, standing up. “John Laurens, I apologize, but I’m going to have to ask you to sit down.”

John nodded and quickly returned to his seat, watching Washington as he wrote a big ‘eighty-six’ in bright blue marker. The class was dead silent. John leaned into Alex and closed his eyes. He felt sick but felt a bit better when Alex’s hand touched his knee.

“Eighty-six is actually a very important number, in Mr. Lee’s life,” Washington started. “Because that’s his grade in my class.” Washington erased it, then wrote a big one hundred and one. “Now, one hundred and one is an important number in John’s life, because that is  _his_ grade in my class.”

“Holy shit,” Alex muttered.

“Out of all of you,” Washington muttered. “John Laurens has the highest grade in this class. Charles Lee does not so let’s talk about this. Let’s talk about the fact that it is October, and John has never turned in an assignment late, he had never turned in an assignment that was any less than an A. He is dedicated, and he is intelligent.” Washington turned around erased the one oh one and then wrote the word ‘ebonics.’ “No presentations, we’re learning something new today.”

John crossed his arms, leaning back.

“Ebonics, also called African American Vernacular English, AAVE, formerly Black English Vernacular, BEV, of American English spoken by a large proportion of African Americans. Many scholars hold that Ebonics, like several English s, developed from contacts between nonstandard varieties of colonial English and African languages. Its exact origins continue to be debated, however, as do the relative influences of the languages involved. Ebonics is not as extensively modified as most English creoles, and it remains in several ways similar to current nonstandard spoken by white Americans, especially American Southern English. It has therefore been identified by some creolists as a semi-creole, a term that remains controversial.” Washington turned around. “It is  _not_ improper English, it is a  _language_.”

“Sir, this hardly seems medical,” one of the guys sitting near Charles Lee pointed out.

“No, you know what hardly seems medical? Critiquing the way someone talks,” Washington smiled. “You are in Brooklyn. You will meet people who talk like that every day. You can be fired, you can be demoted if you critique a patient’s English.”

And that was what Washington taught that day. He talked about history, he talked about speech patterns, he talked about phrases and similarities between ebonics and other creoles. It was interesting, and John found himself learning a few things too.

Class ended, and Washington looked to the students. “Charles Lee, I would like a five thousand word essay about ebonics on my desk tomorrow morning, and it will count for your grade. Class dismissed.”

John stood up, rubbing the back of his neck. He still felt sick from the way Charles had talked to him. Alex had spent the whole class with his hand on John’s knee, trying to offer comfort, but John still felt embarrassed, he didn’t want to give his presentation anymore.

“John Laurens, may I speak with you?” Washington asked.

“Hey, I’ll see you after classes are done,” Alex mumbled, touching John’s arm.

John nodded and went to the desk. Washington waited a little bit until people were gone then nodded for John to take a seat in the chair next to the desk. John sat down, playing with the string on the rip in his jeans. They were acid washed, blue, and went nicely with the grey hoodie and the Knicks jersey John had thrown over it.

“Are you okay?” Washington asked.

John nodded. “I ain’t ever really been called out like that before.”

Washington leaned back, thinking. “You know, I grew up in Brooklyn, I went to college in Brooklyn, and I still live here, too this day.”

“Damn, that’s what I wanna do, I ain’t ever gon’ leave here,” John chuckled.

“I used to talk exactly like you,” Washington smiled. “I still do when I’m drunk enough.”

John laughed. “A’ight, I see you.”

Washington nodded. “I went to college and I had to stop because everyone told me it was unprofessional, it was wrong, it was incorrect. I worked hard to stop talking like that.” He thought for a moment. “Don’t you do that.”

John cocked his head. “Ain’t I supposed to though?”

“No,” Washington stated.

“What if people don’t understand me?” John asked.

“No one should have a problem understanding you, because you say exactly what you mean, you just say it differently,” Washington started. “John, people will say things about the way you talk, they may call you unintelligent.”

John cringed.

“So prove them wrong,” Washington continued. “You are a Brooklyn kid, and you are the best in this class. You made it here on three scholarships, and you kept your grades up, even when you were playing basketball for the city team. You are one of the smartest students I’ve ever had, and you know something? You don’t even brag about it. You don’t make others feel stupid, you don’t act mean. Intelligence will get you far, but your kindness will get your farther, I promise.”

“Aye, you know? My brother done almost failed high school, but he still one of the smartest folk I know, I don’t think grades are a good representation of intelligence, no offense,” John mumbled, looking at the pencil in his hand. “No one deserve to feel stupid.”

Washington smiled, clapping John’s shoulder. “Alright, John, it’s time for your next class.”

John smiled, standing up. “Aye, yo, thanks Washington.”

“Brooklyn pride, John,” Washington shot back, smiling.

“Go Knicks!”

“I’m a Bulls fan,” Washington admitted.

John gasped. “Traitor.”

John continued going to his classes, taking notes, finishing up homework during lunch before continuing. He knew he’d had to regive his presentation at one point, but then he remembered what Washington said. ‘Prove them wrong.’ No one expected the projects kids who played basketball to make it into med school on two scholarships and a program offered to four point oh students. No one expected John to get this far, so he could keep doing that. He could keep proving people wrong. He seemed to be pretty good at it.

Alex smiled at John after the final class, waving a bit. “Hey!”

John walked over to the bench where Alex was sitting and plopped down. “Dude, okay, so I be in my dermatology class, right? And suddenly, it hits me, I’m fucking starving. Now, because they upped my dosage of man juice, I be like, feeling some of the things I did when I first started, so I’m like, dying, so hungry, and I have to literally get up and go to the cafeteria, where I proceed to get an entire container of mac n cheese, go back to class, sit down, and eat it while taking notes. I got cheese on my notebook.”

“How do you have a one hundred and one? During  _bone structure_?” Alex asked.

“Nah, nah, homie, you gotta acknowledge my thing first,” John stated. “I mean, like, dude, I was just so hungry. I ate so much.”

Alex laughed. “Yeah, when I first started, I would get so hungry, I would literally just eat chunks of cheese, and I carried like, cheese around with me. Also, raw meat looked so good?”

“I know right!” John gasped. “Like, my anemia was gone, but I just wanted steak, all the time, but like, hardly cooked, ya sabes?”

“I do,” Alex nodded.

“Okay, the way I get a one oh one is by studying,” John finally answered.

“I study but I only get a ninety-eight,” Alex huffed.

“Aye, that’s cool though, it’s a good grade,” John stated.

“Yeah, but like, how are you doing that? I’ve always been the best in the class.”

John shrugged. “It’s ‘cause I ain’t ever got the privilege to put things off, to get anything less than the best. My grade has always mattered because ain’t no one gon’ pay a med student a high salary if they was average. I ain’t workin’ as hard as I am because I want to. I gots goals, thing I gotta get done, you know?”

“Like what?” Alex asked.

“I wanna buy my momma a house,” John admitted. “She ain’t got half of what she deserves, and I want to give that to her.”

“That’s…” Alex trailed off. “That’s really sweet, John.”

“I love my ma, she real good, always been there, ain’t no deadbeat,” John stated. “She works hella, and I, I don’t want her to have to do that. I wanna buy her house, and she can do what she loves. You know, she always been wantin’ to be a Spanish teacher, but she ain’t ever got the chance to finish college.”

Alex smiled and nodded. “Maybe we should study together, and I can see how you do it.”

John’s eyebrows rose and he looked over at Alex. “Yeah? You think so?”

Alex nodded, smiling and licking his lips a bit. “I do.”

John chuckled a bit, looking out over the campus. “Yeah, dope. I can’t study too late ‘cause I got work, but Thursday works for me, where you wanna go?”

“We could just go to my place,” Alex suggested, shrugging a bit as he ran his fingers over some of the stitching in the thigh of John’s pants.

John offered a crooked half smile, cocking his head a bit. “Yeah, a’ight, bebe.”

“What does bebe mean?” Alex asked, cocking his head.

“Baby boy, or baby, either one,” John shrugged.

“Since when am I baby?” Alex asked, leaning closer to John so their shoulders were touching, eyes locked.

“Porque eres alta clave caliente,” John replied in a low voice, lips barely moving as he stared at Alex.

“Wait, say that again,” Alex mumbled, pulling out his phone. “I’m gonna translate it.”

John laughed, standing up. “Uh huh. Hey, I gotta go if I’m gonna catch the subway, so I’ll see you tomorrow, and then Thursday, let’s get together, a’ight?”

Alex nodded, huffing a bit. “Bye, John.”

“Adios, bebe,” John winked, getting on the subway. He rode home, feeling something warm in his stomach. It took him a second to realize that he was horny. Really horny. The T had always made him horny, and usually, it could pass, but he kept thinking about Alex, the way he smelt, how fucking good it would be to see Alex writhing around while John’s head was between his legs. Before John knew it, he was knocking on Laf and Herc’s door, rocking back and forth on his heels.

Herc opened the door, wearing nothing but some sweatpants. “Yo, John, waddup?”

“Is Laf home?” John asked, coming inside. “I’m like, horny.”

“Nah, he ain’t,” Herc replied, closing the door.

“Damn,” John muttered, looking around the apartment. “I might go jerk off in his room. I’m like, dying.”

“Lemme give you head,” Herc offered.

John smiled. “For real?”

Herc nodded. “For real.”

“And you know I’m…” John trailed off, doing some vague motion with his hands for emphasis.

Herc nodded. “I been knew.”

John smiled widely. “A’ight, lit.”

About twenty minutes later, John was tugging on Herc’s hair as he finished, letting out a loud moan, toes curling and thighs shutting around Herc’s head a bit. Herc let John ride out his high, sucking and licking as one should, and then sat up. John was quick to pull a blanket over himself, just feeling more comfortable being covered. Herc had sucked a hickey into his thigh, but it was luckily high enough to where no one would see unless they were giving John head.

“Damn,” Herc muttered, lying next to John. “You like, a full course meal, you know?”

John nodded, staring at the ceiling. “Yeah, I know.” He paused, thinking. “What do you think about Lafayette?”

“Great roommate, always puts the milk back in the fridge,” Herc replied.

“Would you ever like, fuck with him heavy?” John continued.

Herc looked at John. “Why’s it yo’ business whether I would or would not?”

“Just askin’ you know,” John replied, pushing some hair back from his face. “Yous seem close with each other.”

Herc shrugged. “I dunno, Laf’s cool. I just ain’t really been focusing on relationships right now, you know? I got the trip to meet my parents in like, four days, and I’m just nervous, you know? I can’t deal with much else right now.”

John nodded. “Nah, I feel.”

They both sighed heavily. It was quiet for a bit, but neither of them minded. Eventually, though, John got up and dressed, waving to Herc and smiling before heading back up to his own place. His mom wasn’t due home for another ten minutes, so John snacked on some leftovers and watched the news as he did some homework.

“How was school?” Martha asked, sitting down next to John.

“We learned about ebonics,” John replied. “Nah, ‘cause some kid be makin’ fun of how I talked, and then our professor got hella pissed about it, so we spent the day learning about ebonics, which is how we be talkin’, you know?”

Martha nodded. “That’s fuckin’ dope, dude.”

“I got my last doctors appointment on Sunday before I start injecting myself again,” John mumbled. “They just been wanting to see how my whole being reacted to the dosage, you feel?”

Martha nodded. “Yeah, I feel.”

John sighed. “I don’t wanna work tonight. I wanna stay home.”

“Let’s both stay home and binge Golden Girls. We can be stayin’ up way too late and then not go to classes tomorrow,” Martha chuckled. They both knew they were serious, but sometimes they just needed to talk about a night off.

“I’m gon’ wear my sweats all night, and we can go get some beer from the bodega down the block, and some pizza rolls,” John nodded.

“I’ll break into my stash of pot and we can just chill,” Martha continued.

They both sighed at the idea of it all.

“You got work tonight?” John asked.

Martha nodded. “Yup. You too?”

“Me too.” John wrote down a few things on his homework. “I miss bein’ a kid I think.”

“Do you really?” Martha mumbled, remembering all that went on when they were kids.

“No,” John answered. “You ever wanna move out?”

Martha nodded. “All the time. It ain’t exactly my dream life, livin’ with my momma and strippin’ for cash. You?”

John nodded. “We gotta wait ‘till one of us starts pullin’ in bank though, we both know that.”

Martha nodded. “You ever think about dad?”

“He’s not my father,” John snapped. “And legally, he’s not yours either, so don’t call him that. No, I don’t, because he’s a bastard son of a bitch who doesn’t deserve a damn second of my time, so fuck him.”

Martha placed her hand on John’s shoulder, quietly telling him to calm down. “I was just asking.”

“Well don’t,” John mumbled, leaning back. “Don’t you waste your time on people who don’t deserve it.”

Martha nodded quietly. “How’s your side project going? What’s his name?”

“Hm? Alex?” John asked. “Nah, he be doin’ good I think. Relaxin’ more, just actin’ like a normal fuckin’ person. He seemed pretty shook though when he found out I be best in our med class. But no, we gon’ hang out on Thursday though, so I might need you to touch up my shave tomorrow.”

“A’ight,” Martha nodded.

John sighed. “I’m gon’ get a snack.”

“You just had one,” Martha pointed out.

“Damn, bitch, so?” 


	6. Going down

****John sat on the bench on Thursday, waiting for Alex. He was doodling in his sketchbook, just a few hands, some feet, a nose or two. John liked drawing feet. They were probably the least drawn part of the human body. John had a minor in art, which he finished up last year. He really did enjoy it, and if money wasn't an object, John would've just been a useless art major, spending his days drawing naked men like Leonardo Davinci. John had a style similar to his because John loved anatomy. He adored it. He adored the details about people's bodies that would've been photoshopped out.

"Hey, sorry, I was held late," Alex groaned. "My professor is an asshole. What're you drawing?"

"Feet," John answered.

Alex sat down. "They're very nicely drawn feet, but ugly as hell."

"Bruh, nah, no, these are like, real feet though," John stated. "Like, anatomy is the hardest thing to draw, but look." John flipped through his sketchbook to a page dedicated to hands. "Like, the thing is, drawin' dem perfect features ain't as cool as drawing real things. Ain't no body perfect."

Alex pushed back a page to a nude John had did of Lafayette. Lafayette had graciously posed, lying back on his bed, eyes closed. It was just a pencil sketch, it had taken John about an hour, and Lafayette had napped for most of it, or dozed. Music played, and John remembered really struggling with Lafayette's stomach, trying to get the right amount of muscle.

"Damn," Alex mumbled. "This is really good."

John shrugged. "I fucked up on the stomach."

"So you just like, draw naked people?" Alex asked.

"Sometimes," John shrugged. "Anything to do with the human body. I find it fascinating, so if I can't be an artist, I might as well be a doctor."

"Why couldn't you be an artist?" Alex asked as they stood up.

" _Damn_ son, you think I be livin' off my trust fund? I gotta make that shmoney! Ain't no hope for a Latino artist in gentrified Brooklyn," John laughed, walking off campus. "Besides, I ain't got time to wait around and blow up, Yaweh gave me this life so I could  _do_ something with it, not just sientate en mi culo."

Alex pressed his eyebrows together, looking at John.

"Sit on my ass," John clarified. "I be makin' bank though at my hustle right now, but I gon' be rollin' in it once I get graduated. I'mma be a doctor, richer than yo' cousin, Tiger Woods and I gon' be on the Links, and he's  _my_ caddy!"

Alex snorted, leaning against John as they made it to the subway. "You got big dreams, don't you?"

"Big dreams and a bigger-"

The train pulled in at that moment, the loud screeching of the breaks silencing whatever John was going to say next. John and Alex got on, Alex finding a seat while John stated standing. Alex just wore a simple pair of jeans and a tee shirt while John had one some khaki joggers and an open Yankees jersey with a Spike Lee shirt under it. Someone on the train was beatboxing and John nodded along, smiling a bit.

They got off at Alex's stop and walked to Alex's apartment building. John stole a peppermint from the front desk and popped it in his mouth, following Alex up to his floor. They got into the apartment and Alex set down his bag. "Hungry?"

"Always, bebe," John smiled, plopping down on a chair on at Alex's table.

"Uh, I got pasta, I got some grilled tofu, I got a stir fry, I got some soup," Alex listed.

"Do you got like, normal food?" John snorted. "Something that people other than rich white hipsters eat?"

"I'm healthy!" Alex defended. "I also have veggie dogs."

"This is that beer piss all over again," John laughed. "Let's just order a pizza. I'm thinkin' meat lovers, extra sausage, from that place I saw when we were walkin' here."

"I'm a vegetarian," Alex admitted.

"Damn, homie you really just be like that don't you?" John laughed, pulling out his phone. "Nah, fine, then we gon' get cheese. I'll even pay for it."

"What a gentleman," Alex commented as John called up a pizza place.

"Aye, yo!" John gasped when he heard the voice on the other end. "Tommy, it's me, ya boy. I'm over at the apartment on fifth street, four J, and I need a large cheese." John paused, listening to his friend talk. "Yeah, I know right, fancy shit. I ain't move out yet though, I'm just chillin' with my homeboy, Alex." John laughed. "Damn, dog, it ain't like that yet." John nodded. "A'ight, a'ight, I'm gon' see you soon. Peace."

"Friend?" Alex asked.

"Aye, yo, I worked with him like, a few years ago, I was deliverin' pizzas for a while," John reminisced. "I ain't got no car or no license, so I took my bike everywhere, but it was ballin' 'cause I made mad cash in tips. Where you workin' huh?"

"Park Natural and Organic Food over in Cobble Hill," Alex stated.

"Damn! You just all granola, ain't you?" John laughed, pulling out a few books and his notebook since the point of this was to study, afterall.

Alex rolled his eyes. "I grew up like this, John. It's not a conscious decision."

"A'ight, a'ight, I see you," John nodded. "'Kay, so like, we doing head and neck physical diagnoses and so let's review this shit."

Alex sat down, leaning back.

"I got recurring headaches, at least three times a day, sharp, burning pain in one side of my head, and-"

"Cluster headaches," Alex answered quickly. "You need calcium channel blockers at first, and to get more sleep and cut out alcohol and smoking, and if that doesn't work, I'm going to prescribe you with Alkaloids."

John gave him a thumbs up and passed Alex the book.

"I have recurring chest pains, difficult or painful swallowing, feeling like food is stuck in my chest, and a hoarse voice, what do I have?" Alex asked.

John paused, thinking. "I know this. Hold on, how long has this been going on?"

"A month," Alex replied.

"Okay, it's not strep, correct?" John mumbled.

Alex nodded.

"Have you been tested for cancer?"

Alex nodded again. "Came back clean."

"Then it's... esophagitis, right?" John asked.

Alex nodded. "Correct you are."

"Bruh, you sounded like Yoda," John smiled. He then switched into his Yoda voice. "Correct you are, young padawan. Study we will."

They studied a little longer, then took a break for pizza, then went back to studying. It was almost boring, but not quite with John's constant jokes, and his own way of making studying fun.

Alex snorted at something, then his phone buzzed. "Ooh, first democratic debate is tomorrow."

John scoffed. "Fuckin' democrats."

"Are you a Republican?" Alex asked slowly.

"Hell nah, fuck that," John snorted. "I ain't a Democrap either though. At this point, I be votin' for any damn progressive who speaks their fuckin' mind. What's the difference between a Democrat and a doormat?"

Alex cocked an eyebrow. "What?"

"Nothing, they both get walked all over, and neither of them have a voice in Congress," John snorted. "I mean, look, obviously with our current shithead in the oval office, being a Democrat is like havin' a political target on ya back, but shit, if they're gonna get shot down anyway, why don't they just start like suggesting not so centrist shit, huh? We've had the same forty democrats since the eighties, and we need people to start rolling up their sleeves and play dirty."

"That doesn't get us anywhere," Alex pointed out.

"Damn son, obviously it do 'cause we got like, a thousand states doin' the six week ban, we almost went to war with Iran, and fucking Trump's in office, obviously being dirty gets yous to the office."

"Being dirty doesn't get you everything though, it doesn't get you respect," Alex stated.

"Fuck respect," John scoffed. "If you do good, you get respect. I'd much rather have a progressive buy their way into the office than just play fair and get another four years of shit face."

"You would really have a progressive cheat their way into office?" Alex deadpanned.

John nodded. "If it meant we'd do something about climate change and gentrification and capitalism? Hell yeah."

"You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair," Alex sighed.

"Nah, I don't think you get what morals are," John stated. "We got Republicans buyin' their way in for years, and all they be doin' is fuckin' shit up. If we got someone who bought their way in and fixed shit? I don't think I'd be too mad about it."

"Wow," Alex nodded.

John shrugged, leaning back in his chair. "I don't like labels, Alex. I have a set of beliefs, and I find whoever matches best."

"You don't like labels," Alex deadpanned.

John shook his head. "The only things about myself that I label is my gender and my basketball team. No point in labeling anything else."

"Would you label yourself myself?" Alex asked.

"If I did that then I wouldn't be able to label myself as anything else of yours," John smiled. "It's all L-O-V-E Alex, I don't ever let myself get stuck in one thing."

Alex tilted his head. "I kinda want to kiss you."

John held open his arms, smiling. "Ain't nothing stopping you."

Alex stood up, then climbed onto John's lap, straddling his legs. John's hands went Alex's ass, smiling a bit. Alex pushed some curls out of John's face and placed his hands on the Peurto Rican's cheeks.

"You have pretty eyes," Alex mumbled.

John smiled, one of his hands slipping up the back of Alex's shirt, tracing over the tiny bumps that marked where Alex's spine was. "Oh?"

Alex nodded, his fingers tracing across John's lips. He paused a second, almost hesitant, then pressed his mouth to John's. John smiled against Alex's lips, gripping his hips and leaning into the kiss. Alex gasped a bit when John stood up, keeping him in his arms. Alex squeezed his thighs around John's hips as John brought them to the bed, laying Alex down.

"Wait!" Alex gasped.

John stopped moving, looking up at Alex.

"Jordans off," Alex demanded. "I don't want any New York street grime on my bed."

John hesitated, thinking, asking himself if it was worth it.

"Seriously?" Alex asked.

"I was thinkin' about it!" John replied, sitting up on the bed, beginning to untie his Jordans. "This is a big moment for me."

Alex rolled his eyes, flopping back onto the bed. "You're too much."

John kicked off his Jordans and climbed on top of Alex, smiling. "Better?"

Alex nodded and pulled John into a kiss. John got Alex's belt off, then his jeans. Alex worked off John's joggers and the Yankees jersey, leaving both of them in just tee shirts and boxers. John sat up, pulling off his shirt. Alex reached up, running his hand down John's chest. John shivered when fingers ran across his scars. It still felt weird, the nerves hadn't quite healed yet, even though the surgery was a few years ago.

John tugged off Alex's shirt, smiling as he ran his fingers over the younger man's stomach. It was soft, with hair running down to his groin. John adjusted himself so their crotches would be directly grinding against the other and then began kissing Alex as his rolled his hips. Alex yelped, biting John's lip.

"You good?" John asked.

Alex nodded.

"You sure?" John clarified.

"I'm sure," Alex told John.

"You sure you sure?" John repeated, smiling.

Alex groaned, pulling John back into a kiss. John kept grinding their crotches together, feeling himself warm up, and the space between his legs become damp. The kiss was wet and messy, filled with popping sounds. A line of spit connected their lips every time they pulled away from a second. John's hips were moving faster, and sounds were escaping Alex's throat.

"Can I eat you out?" John asked.

Alex nodded without a second thought and John began kissing down his neck and onto his chest. Alex scooted up, sitting up against the wall behind his bed. John pulled down Alex's Bob's Burgers boxers, chuckling a bit before tossing them to the floor. His lips graced the inside of Alex's thighs, nipping and biting, letting his tongue run through the grooves of Alex's stretch marks. Alex whined, tugging at John's hair as John gently continued kissing his thighs. Alex appreciated the love but really wanted to get to the good parts.

"John, don't be a dick," Alex groaned.

John chuckled, looking up at Alex. "What do you want?"

"You know what I want," Alex huffed.

"Nah, bebe, you gotta tell me," John smiled, looking up. "I gotta know exactly what you want."

Alex groaned. "I want you to eat me out John, I want you to eat me out."

"Until you finish?" John clarified.

"Yes! Jesus, what's with the interrogation?" Alex laughed.

"I ain't about makin' people uncomfortable, I just gotta know what you want before I do it, I don't like makin' no assumptions, and if you wanna stop, you just tell me, 'kay?" John looked up at Alex.

Alex paused. No one had ever cared  _that_ much about him during sex. "Okay."

John nodded, then began going down on Alex. Alex let out a long moan and grabbed John's hair. John held Alex's hips down with one hand while he used the other one to push into Alex and begin fingering him while John's tongue focused on his clit.

"Fuck! Shit!" Alex gasped, thrusting his hips up a bit as John thrust two fingers into him. "Ah, yeah!"

John hummed, letting his tongue work wonders against Alex. He began to write out the alphabet with his tongue, fingers still moving. Alex was groaning, breathing quickly and heavily. His legs were tightened against John's shoulders, and sweat was collecting on his chest.

"Ah, daddy," Alex huffed out.

John stopped and looked up.

Alex, if not already, became flustered, sitting up a bit more. "Uh, I-"

"I like that," John spat out. "That's real cool."

Alex tilted his head, smiling. "I mean, alright."

John continued going down on Alex, smiling at the sound of his moans. "Breath slower, it'll feel better," John mumbled, punctuating his sentence by pressing his tongue flat against Alex's crotch.

Alex gasped. "Fuck!" He tried to remember what John told him. Breathe slower. He took deep breaths, swallowing thickly. "Shit, daddy, yeah, fuck."

John continued thrusting his fingers in and out of Alex, moving his tongue at a steady pace, sucking and licking. Alex tugged on John's hair, pulling his head closer. John would usually protest to his hair getting tugged, but he let it slide since it had never been a big deal. They two went on like that for about ten minutes. John was surprised how into it Alex could be and still not finish.

"Ah! Fuck, daddy, I'm gonna come!" Alex gasped. "Please, please!"

"Come on, baby, come for me," John said huskily, his voice lower than usual.

"Ah! Shit!" Alex gasped, his thighs squeezing together and shaking, his hips moving upwards a bit.

John slowed his fingers down and licked his lips clean, looking up at Alex. "You good?"

Alex nodded, letting out a long breath. "God, that felt good."

John rested his head against Alex's stomach. "Yo, for real though, how long has it been?"

"Like, a year," Alex muttered. "You?"

John thought for a second. "Two days? Yeah, 'cause I got some on that day we talked about ebonics and got back to my apartment building feelin' like a bitch in heat, and Laf wasn't home, but you know Herc?"

Alex nodded.

"He was home, and he gave me some head," John nodded.

"So like, all your friends know?" Alex asked.

"Know what?" John asked.

"Know, like..." Alex gestured vaguely.

"Oh," John nodded. "Okay, yeah, I guess? Most of them do? I mean, I don't like, hide the scars on my chest, and I mean, if I hook up with someone, I tell them if they don't already know." John shrugged. "It doesn't usually matter."

"When did you get top surgery?" Alex asked.

"About a year after I graduated," John stated. "I had been working hella for a year straight, weekends, holidays. I didn't sleep, didn't buy nothin' for myself. My family helped out though, and on the day I went in, I was like, fifty dollars short, and like, real shit-" John laughed. "-We all went and dug up all the cash we could, and I still ended up havin' to knock on Laf's door for like, ten more bucks."

"Really?" Alex chuckled.

John nodded. "You?"

"I was seventeen," Alex stated.

"Damn!" John laughed. "How'd you pull that off?"

"My, uh, my cousin, who I was living with, he didn't want anyone to know I was trans, just wanted me to be cis, so like, at fourteen when I moved in with him, I had been presenting as a dude for like, five years, and he didn't want anyone to see me develop and realize I was trans, so he started me on hormones, got me top surgery as soon as he could. It was a nice thing to do for a selfish reason."

John nodded. "That's like, good and fucked up?"

"Yeah, like, he was ashamed of me, but I got something out of it," Alex mumbled. "I dunno, he and I have never been close. He feeds me, scored me an apartment, plus, my tits are gone, so, go me."

John smiled. "I ain't ever got no rich cousin, but my family do look out for each other. Catch as scraping to get meds. Nah, for real, we got like, cash runs on med day, when I gotta pick up my T, my sister and brother gotta pick of them meds, so it's like, we all shake out our pockets and wallets."

"You really do that?" Alex asked.

John nodded. "We family."

Alex paused, thinking. "Huh."

John planted a kiss on Alex's stomach. "What?"

"Just never really had a family like that," Alex shrugged.

John propped himself up on his elbows. "Nah, homie, you gon' meet some of my family, we gon' show you what it's really like. We can have a good rooftop dinner thing, and then after all the underaged kids go sleep, we gon' pull out some greens." John pinched his thumb and forefinger together, pressing it to his lips and taking a deep breath in. "Get real smoked down." John crawled up closer, pressing his lips to Alex's. "We can fall asleep on my couch, dry hump each other a bit."

"So wait, what is this?" Alex asked. "Like, you and me?"

"I ain't monogamous, Alex. I don't like being tied down, and I feel like it's not a good idea since we in our twenties. Besides, I don't want to take advantage of such a young-"

"It's one year! One year age difference!" Alex laughed.

"Nah, for real though? I'm cool with just like, chillin', yeah? I don't want nothin' serious right now, I just feel like I got more to focus on, and I think so do you," John stated.

Alex nodded. "Mm, alright."

John leaned down, kissing Alex's lips again. "You just text me for booty calls if you need it, a'ight? Ain't no one deserve to go a year."

Alex laughed and pulled John into a kiss. John, still in his boxers, began rutting against Alex's leg. Alex's hand went to John's ass and gave it a hearty squeeze before coming around and slipping down John's boxers. John moaned lightly, his hips jutting against Alex's hand as they made out. The kiss was getting sloppy, their lips wetted by the other's spit, tongues, and teeth against each other. It wasn't a good kiss, but it was just right.

Then John caught sight of the time on Alex's watch.

"Shit!" He gasped, pulling away from Alex and jumping off the bed. He pulled his work clothes out of his bag and threw them on, putting his other clothes and books back in his bag. He slipped on his Jordans and found his phone. At this rate, he was going to be late if he didn't book it.

"Where are you going?" Alex asked, propping himself up on his elbows.

"Work," John answered, buckling his belt.

"You're just going to leave me right now?" Alex gasped.

John nodded his hand on the doorknob. "Yup, I got work. Sorry, I gotta go."

Alex huffed and John walked out, shutting the door.


	7. My Theme Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay two things
> 
> 1\. The playlist for this is up on Spotify. It's called The Brooklyn Project and it's by calliopethemuse (Calliope is the muse of poetry and I saw it fitting I used her name in my Spotify username)
> 
> 2\. All the chapters are named after a song on the playlist, so if you don't get the chapter name, just find it in the playlist and listen to it

****The walk of shame was more commonly known as approaching one’s household, usually hungover or still drunk, after a long night of partying and rough sex. Shoes in hand, those sad folks would walk up their driveway, the taste of vomit and liquor still in their mouth. The lucky ones would have hickeys, the unlucky ones would touch themselves and then pass out in their own filth.

John was doing his own walk of shame, but instead of home, he was walking into his first class of the day. And instead of neighbors making comments, it was Alex’s death glare that got him to look down ashamedly.

John had left in the biggest hurry in his life to get to work, and was late regardless. Alex had texted him, but he didn’t have any time to text back since it was a very busy night. John didn’t even get a break. He usually didn’t either way, but could check his phone at least a couple of times.

John walked up and sat down next to Alex. “You mad?”

“Yeah, I’m mad, you left me!” Alex scoffed angrily. “You just got up and left!”

“First off, my bad,” John started. “I had work, I lost track of time. Really, I didn’t expect that we’d be…” John gestured between the both of them. “I don’t get up and leave usually, I promise unless I know it’s cool. But homie, in my defense, I can’t miss no shifts. I gotta make that shmoney.”

“Who even works at six at night?” Alex asked.

“Damn, son, I do,” John stated. “I work from six to midnight at a bar over near Fort Greene. I get paid sixteen bucks an hour there, I ain’t gon’ lose that job. I mean, you gotta understand, I didn’t exactly expect to stick my head between your legs.”

“To stick your what between his what?” Peggy gasped, sitting down in the row behind them. “Yikes, you two be havin’ a lot of tension right now.”

“John left right after hooking up with me! Like, totally just bolted!” Alex huffed.

“Damn! I didn’t wanna go, you had ya hand between my legs, I was feelin’ great, I coulda stayed there all night,” John replied. “I be a broke bodequa, I gotta get that cash.”

“The fuck is a bodequa?” Peggy asked.

“Damn it’s what I am!” John laughed. “Like, when you from the big PR, and you got that tan skin and curly hair, and yo momma be yellin’ at you in Spanish.”

“You really didn’t wanna go?” Alex asked.

“Dude you were like, two minutes away from blowing me,” John scoffed. “Work was shit anyway. My main dude Nat wasn’t there, so I was like, bookin’ it and for some damn reason there was a bachelorette party on a Thursday.”

“Fuckin’ bachelorette parties, I hate those,” Peggy grumbled.

John smiled, then looked at Alex. “We good?”

Alex nodded.

“Alright! Hello!” Washington announced, walking inside. “Happy Friday! I am looking forward to this weekend because my wife and I are celebrating our ten year anniversary!”

“Happy anniversary dude,” John nodded.

Washington connected his laptop to the screen and pulled up a few pictures of him and a drop dead gorgeous woman. No one in the class could deny it. She was tall, thick curvy legs, a thicker waist, large curly afro tied back into space buns, with bright red lips. “This is her.”

“Damn! She a baddie!” Peggy called out.

“Hell yeah, she is,” Washington agreed. “She’s a virologist, got her doctorate in virology, but can still give you a Brownsville beatdown any day.”

“Damn! Fuckin’ Brownsville women are terrifying!” John laughed.

Washington nodded. “Really easy to fall in love with though.”

John sat back a bit as Washington pulled up a presentation. “Don’t I know it.”

“Alright,” Washington began. “We are starting our muscle unit! I have a stack of resources that I’ve found work well in my six years of teaching this unit, so I would highly suggest to take one. Now-”

Suddenly, the door burst open, and a guy no one had ever seen before stumbled in with a large Starbucks frappe and a backpack slung over his shoulder. He was stout, but looked easy going, with warm brown skin and dark eyes.

“Can I help you?” Washington asked.

“Yes! This is my class!” The guy exclaimed, laughing. “No, okay, you’re gonna laugh, I thought I was in the intro to health care class, but I was really in intro to health care  _two_! So basically when we figured out that out, my teacher, well, not my teacher, the teacher, told me where your class is, and now I’m here!” The guy took a long sip of his frappe. “I’m Aaron Burr.”

“Ah, I was wondering why a fourth of a credit was transferred to a student I had never seen,” Washington mumbled. “You are about a month and a half late, you know this?”

“I do.” Aaron looked over the people, then smiled at John. “Aye! Go Knicks!”

“Go Knicks!” John shot back, laughing.

“Alright, Mr. Burr, we are just starting our muscle unit, so please find a seat,” Washington smiled, a bit sarcastically.

Aaron didn’t seem to notice, smiling as he walked up and sat behind John and next to Peggy, smiling widely. “You guys look like the only Brooklyners here, and I’ve found the people from Brooklyn are a lot better than the people who aren’t.”

“Where you from?” Peggy asked.

“I was up in Maine for most my childhood, moved down here for law school, changed to med school when I was like, twenty-one,” Aaron stated, leaning back. “Muscle time.”

John chuckled and began writing down notes.

Class was about ten minutes from ending when Aaron leaned down. “Hey, you guys want some Starbucks?”

“Uh, yes?” Alex laughed, turning around.

“Put your order into my phone, I’m getting Uber eats,” Aaron stated.

“You need money?” John asked.

Aaron shook his head. “No, just put your order in, I got it.”

John laughed and waited for Alex to finish putting his order in before putting his own order in. Aaron paid for the coffee and they all waited. Right as everyone began packing up, the Uber eats guy peeked into the classroom. Aaron waved enthusiastically and got the coffee, passing it out to Alex, John, and Peggy, before taking a long sip of his large strawberries and cream frappe. John noticed something on Aaron’s head, something that got him to laugh a bit and cocked his head.

“Motherfucker, are you married?” John asked.

Aaron’s face lit up. “Yes!” He whipped out his phone and showed John his screensaver. “Her name is Theodosia and she is the love of my life. We got married when we were twenty. I love her so much, I can't wait to see her when I get home tonight.”

“Aw,” Peggy laughed. “I don’t hear a lot of married men talk about their wives like that.”

“Well, I just really love her,” Aaron sighed. “She’s so pretty, and she has such a nice voice, and she makes me so happy.”

“Wow,” Alex mumbled. “Alright, I gotta get to class. John, I’ll catch you after.”

“Bye,” John smiled. “Okay, gastroenterology. I hate this class, it’s boring as fuck.”

“I like it, but not what I want to specialize in,” Peggy stated.

“What do you wanna specialize in?” Aaron asked.

“Gynecology,” Peggy stated. “Women’s health really, I wanna work in a planned parenthood. What about you, Aaron?”

“Obstetrician,” Aaron stated quickly. “No thought about it.”

“Babies and childbirth, huh,” John nodded. “I wanna be an ER doc. I don’t want no time to be bored, I wanna be on my feet, workin’, and shit.”

“I couldn’t take the stress of that shit,” Peggy admitted, laughing.

“A’ight, this is my class, bye,” John waved.

Class went by, and the Starbucks really helped John focus in his classes. It did eventually end though, and John had an essay he needed to write about some part of the stomach. He was so bored that he wrote down the topic but it didn’t even soak into his brain. In one ear and out the other. Studying the topic was a lot more fun than that class itself. The professor was dry, dull, and boring.

“I’m tired,” Alex admitted when they caught up after class.

“Hey, I don’t work tonight, you wanna come over to my place for a bit?” John asked, smiling. “My momma makin’ pasteles with adobo, with arroz con gandules and tostones. Muy bueno.”

“No habla Espanol,” Alex commented sarcastically.

“Look, just, come on, I know you never had any of that,” John stated. “And we can study, and you can see what my side of the room looks like.”

Alex groaned. “I was gonna order take out, eat alone, jerk off and fall asleep in my own filth, but I guess socializing during dinner might be nice.”

John pumped his fist. “Hell yeah. You gon’ see what real Brooklyn is like. You ain’t the only immigrant here, you know. You gon’ meet Pappo, he from the Dominican Republic, and then Herc, Herc actually be back in the African Republic right now.”

“I met Herc,” Alex nodded. “Why is he there?”

“Well, he grew up for a bit in Sudan, but he and his sister got sent to America to avoid war ‘n’ shit, ya sabes?” John started. “His parents done stayed though, and they still there, but you hear what’s goin’ on in Sudan?”

“Actually, no,” Alex mumbled as they began walking to the subway.

“Figures,” John scoffed. “Nothin’ against you, just, no one really ever be talkin’ about what’s goin’ on there. Anyway, it’s like, there’s a whole revolution goin’ on over there, protests for democracy, but like, the militia be killin’ and rapin’ people left ‘n’ right because of some douche dictator. Herc’s parents barely got out. But no, there’s just a lot goin’ on, and a lot of people are gettin’ killed and beaten.”

“Shit,” Alex mumbled.

“America ain’t doin’ anything, but that’s just ‘cause of our monster-in-chief,” John scoffed. “Anyway, Herc’s parents made it to the African Republic, and Herc and his sister met them there. Right now they’re still there, just working on getting them into Norway right now. Herc’s mom is sick, so Laf told me they were at the hospital last time we talked, yesterday. I gotta stop at his apartment real quick to just see if he got any updates, but it’s just the floor below mine.”

Alex nodded as they got down into the subway. “That’s cool.”

The two-five train pulled into the station and they both got on, swaying a bit from the train that was still moving. Alex found a seat and sat down, but was very shocked when John pulled Alex right back out of that seat.

“S’cuse me, miss, you can sit here,” John said to a woman with a stroller. The woman smiled and sat down in the seat.

“That was cold,” Alex stated an amused smile on his lips.

“Hush it, you youngen, you should’ve offered to seat to me anyway, seeing as I am a senior,” John huffed.

“You’re twenty-four!” Alex groaned.

“Almost twenty-five,” John smiled, shooting Alex a finger gun. “You know, I like, I be into old hip-hop ‘n’ shit, but Old Town Road is a bop.”

“You seriously like Old Town Road?” Alex laughed.

John nodded. “No, no, you be so quick to brush it off, but Alex, it like, slaps. Like, my family, because we used to live in South Carolina, we play it because it’s just the right amount of country, and also it by a black dude, so like, OG country music-”

“Wait, OG?” Alex asked.

“Bebe, you know black people done invented everything but the history books we be readin’ in school. They gave us rock, rap, jazz, blues, and more. The banjo was an African instrument, and Ray Charles, he be like, the OG country music guy, and he black as Herc,” John explained. “See, you be goin’ to dem white schools as a kid, and now you really over here thinkin’ white people were the peak of technology.”

“Wait, black people invented rock?” Alex asked, smiling.

“Sister Rosetta Tharpe,” John smiled. “She was Christian rock, about two decades before that song stealin’ bastard Elvis. You know, that song he  _wrote_ called Hound Dog?”

Alex nodded.

“He didn’t write that shit, Big Mama Thornton did, he just stole it like white folks always did. And damn, that song sounds way better when it’s her singin’ it, and she just way better in general, four years  _before_ Elvis did it,” John huffed. “It’s an injustice.”

“Damn, I didn’t know you like, knew stuff like this,” Alex laughed.

“Nah, my real daddy be half black, and my momma always been wantin’ me to know that, so I do research on my people, ya sabes?” John stated.

“Real dad…?”

John didn’t answer the question. “Anyway, my family a bit crazy, but like, they real nice. My siblings cool. You might like my kid brother Jem, he be talkin’ like you.”

“And how do I talk?” Alex asked.

“White,” John laughed. “You just need some exposure to ya roots, and maybe some Spanish lessons.”

“I know French,” Alex scoffed.

“Man! French is a stupid fuck ass language, it got  _too many_ vowels, and I ain’t even hear you be talkin’ in it, so why you even know it?” John asked.

“Alors je peux baiser avec des gens que je n’aime pas,” Alex laughed.

“See, no, it’s a dumb language, and so is English, it all has too many vowels, and like, do they know that letters are there be pronounced? Not quiet? Like, I almost gave up on continuing English when I saw the word yacht,” John laughed. The subway came to a stop and John grabbed Alex’s wrist absentmindedly. “A’ight, we here.”

“I’ve never been to your place before,” Alex laughed as they got off the train and began walking up the stairs.

“It ain’t much, but it’s real homey,” John smiled, his hand still holding Alex’s wrist. “Anyway, that’s the basketball court me and my friends go to.” John pointed over at the court, and then a corner shop. “That’s where I get my coffee in the morning. Twenty-five cents for a small styrofoam cup, so I get four and dump them all in my thermos.”

Alex laughed. “I just make my coffee.”

“Not everyone can be rich,” John scoffed. “A dollar every morning is cheaper, and besides, I like their coffee. Bein’ broke is hard, but you gotta have a reason to wake up. For my sister, it's the Nutter Butter she buys after work, for my momma, it's the Arizona ice tea she gets on her way home, and for me? It’s the coffee.”

Alex thought for a moment. “You know, I never really thought about it like that.”

John shrugged as they turned onto the street with his apartment building. “It’s good coffee too.”

“Aye! John Laurens! Who’s your friend?” Pappo asked, turning down his radio.

“Pappo, this is Alex,” John smiled, letting go of Alex’s wrist. “He my med school friend. Alex, this is Pappo, the mayor of Fort Greene.”

Pappo saluted. “Hola.”

“Hi,” Alex smiled. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Is my momma home?” John asked.

“She is, got here half an hour ago,” Pappo smiled. “Have a good night, John.”

“You too, Pappo,” John replied, walking inside with Alex. “Pappo is the Mayor of Fort Greene. We all love him very much.”

Alex smiled and followed John to the stairs. “Don’t you guys have an elevator?”

“Yeah, but it’s been broke for like, six years, so we all take the steps. Even before, it was like, scary, ya sabes? I got stuck in it a couple times, and I thought I was gon’ see Yaweh before I even got my degree.” John laughed as they climbed the steps. “People write on the walls though, so it’s nice in here.”

Alex looked at the writing, which seemed to cover every inch. “I can tell.”

“Okay, this is Laf’s floor,” John mumbled, stepping through the door. He walked down the hallway with Alex, then pounded on the door. “Aye, yo, Laf, open up?”

It took a few seconds, but Laf opened the door, looking sweaty, hiding his waist behind the door. “What?”

“Damn, alright, get busy, I see you,” John laughed.

“Whatever, fucker,” Laf laughed. “Hey, Alex.”

“Hi,” Alex smiled.

“Anyway, you got any updates on Herc?” John asked.

“They out of the hospital, his mom needed some antibiotics. They gon’ spend the night in the airport, they fly to Norway late tomorrow,” Laf told John.

“A’ight, cool,” John nodded. “Have fun.”

“I  _was_ before you bodequa ass came poundin’ on my door,” Laf huffed.

“He loves me,” John assured Alex as they walked back to the steps and up to John’s floor. John pulled Alex down a hallway, towards the apartment. “Projects housin’ be like, regulated as hell, but it’s not that bad, really, because like, it ain’t too expensive, so I got money after I contribute to rent so I can pay for student debts n shit. It’s real cool how cheap tuition is for SUNY, especially when you a resident because no way I could afford like, a hoity-toity med school, not with my broke ass.”

Alex smiled, looking over at John. “Yeah, I probably could’ve left Brooklyn if I wanted to, but I really like it here. It just, it makes me feel normal, safe. I can hide in plain sight, and I like that.”

John nodded, pulling out his key. “I feel that.” He opened the door and was instantly greeted with a flurry of Spanish.

“Si tomas café ahora, esteras despierto toda la noche.”

“Pues si no lo hago me desmayare.”

“Hola, familia!” John called out, grabbing Alex and pulling him through the apartment. It was crowded, everyone in the kitchen and living room. People were speaking in Spanish so fast that Alex could barely even process that they were saying words, but John seemed to be responding at the same speed. Everyone was doing something. A girl was studying flashcards on the couch, a boy and a girl were sitting at the kitchen counter, almost fighting. Another boy and an older woman were cooking in the kitchen. It was loud, but it smelled really good.

John and Alex had almost made it down the hallway when John’s momma realized John had another person with him. “John! Quién es tu amigo?”

“Ooh!” The girl at the counter called out, making kissing noises.

John groaned, turning around. “Este es Alex, mi amigo del la escuela de medicina.”

“Habla el espanol?” She asked.

“No,” John replied.

Elanor Laurens smiled at Alex. “Hello, Alex. Welcome to our home. Are you staying for dinner?”

John nodded, answering for Alex. “He is.”

“Alright, I’ll make sure to make enough,” Elanor smiled. “Jordans off, John.”

“Si momma,” John sighed, dragging Alex back into the boys room. John kicked off his shoes, putting them under his bed before dropping his bag on his bed. “You can put your stuff on my bed, it’s cool.”

“You like the Knicks,” Alex commented, looking around at all the sports posters. “And the Yankees.”

“New York pride, bebe,” John smiled. “Come here.”

“What?” Alex laughed.

“Just, c’mere,” John mumbled, grabbing Alex’s hands and pulling him onto the bed.

Alex laughed as John pinned him to the bed and began kissing his neck. “John! That tickles!” Alex hummed, arching his back. “Did you lock the door?”

“Nope,” John stated, kissing Alex’s jaw. “My brothers have seen worse, and what my momma gonna do? The only rule is that I can’t have  _sex_ with anyone under her roof, she never said anything about this.”

Alex let out a shaky as John nipped his neck. “Shouldn’t we study?”

“Probably,” John mumbled, letting go of one of Alex’s wrists and trailing his hand to the smaller man’s hip. “You know, you didn’t like me very much when I first sat next to you.”

“I didn’t,” Alex laughed breathily. “I still don’t understand why you did.”

John sat up, straddling Alex’s waist, and shrugged. “You looked like a tight ass.”

“Thanks,” Alex commented sarcastically, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, but like, I kinda like tight asses,” John smiled. “You all be so, so like, I dunno. Real. Mean, but real. You got goals. It’s sexy.”

“How many tight asses do you know?” Alex asked.

John thought for a moment. “Most of them are exes, I’m gonna be for real with you.”

Alex snort, his hands going to John’s thighs. “Wow, and here I was, thinking you aren't monogamous.”

“It takes a lot to make me not monogamous,” John stated. “But usually I don’t regret it, even after the breakup.”

Alex nodded, smiling.

“Hey, dipshit, dipshit’s friend, dinner is ready,” Henry stated, poking his head into the room. “I’m Henry, by the way.”

Alex, who had sat up when Henry walked in, nodded. “Hi.”

“Be right out,” John nodded. He attempted to roll off Alex gracefully but ended up falling off the bed, causing Alex to laugh. John playfully glared up at his friend, holding up his middle finger. “Rude ass motherfucker.”

“You’re fine,” Alex scoffed, standing up.

They walked into the living room where people were sitting. John’s mom got the easy chair, John and his siblings rotated having the couch or the floor. It was John’s night to have the couch with his sister Mary, but he let Alex take his seat and sat on the floor in front of Alex. Everyone sat down, and then began joining hands. John moved so he could take his momma’s hand and Alex’s hand. Alex didn’t quite know what was going on, but everyone else did.

Being Jewish, their beliefs were more than God was your cheerleader, not so much your guide. Prayer was saved for Friday meals and Saturday worship. Occasionally, you could find them praying when life was rough and money was tight, but they never relied on God to make things better. They knew they had to work for it, and she would reward their work.

“John, it’s your turn,” Elanor stated, smiling.

John nodded and they all bowed their heads as John began speaking. “Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the universe, at those whose word all came to be. Amen.”

“Amen,” everyone else repeated.

“Let’s eat!” Henry laughed.

“John, is any of this vegetarian?” Alex asked.

John jumped a bit. “Momma, what doesn’t have meat?”

“All of it, it was too expensive tonight, so it’s a lot of beans and cheese,” Elanor laughed. “Alex, this is Henry, Jemmy, Mary, Martha, and I’m Elanor. You and Alex met at school?”

Alex nodded. “We did.”

“You want a beer, Alex?” John asked, tossing one to his sister.

“Oh, no thank you, I’m okay,” Alex laughed.

“It’s better than your fruity beer piss,” John snorted, cracking open a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon. “Mm, nothin’ like a beer at the end of the week.”

Martha nodded in agreement.

“Alright, how was your day, everyone? Mary, you first,” Elanor started.

“People are getting psyched up for Halloween, and I got invited to a sleepover,” Mary stated.

“Who?” Elanor asked.

“Stacy,” Mary replied.

“Stacy Smith or Stacy Johnson?” Martha continued.

“Smith,” Mary answered.

“Yeah! She cool as fuck,” John laughed. “You can go.”

“You’re not my mom,” Mary whined sarcastically, sticking her tongue out at John. “Jem, your turn.”

“I aced a chem test-”

The whole family cheered.

“And my teachers are already talking about finals. I’m gonna need ninety bucks for the AP test,” Jem explained.

“I got that,” John called out. “I’ll get it to you next Thursday, that’s when I get paid.”

Alex thought it was a little weird that John was providing money to his siblings for things like that, but didn’t say anything.

“I got a smoothie thrown at me today,” Henry snorted. “It was just some crazy bitch who apparently understood what cono meant.”

“Henry!” Martha gasped. “Language!”

“Spanish,” Henry shot back, smiling. “But, I’m like, still not failing math, so ten bucks says I’m getting my GED this year.” He knocked on wood. “Ya sabes, I ain’t got my hopes though.”

“Manifest!” Elanor gasped. “Manifest your GED!”

“Yaweh believes in you,” Mary cheered.

Henry laughed. “What about you, Marty? How law school been being?”

“Ain’t half bad,” Martha nodded. “My criminology class is so damn cool. We got an essay due on Monday, so that’s what I finna be doin’ this weekend. Alex?”

“How was my day?” Alex asked.

They all nodded.

“Oh, uh, it was good. I really like my virology class,” Alex chuckled. “It’s really interesting, and then a guy named Aaron came into my first class, and John’s first class and he was like, a month and a half late, and he bought me, John, and Peggy, another girl who sits with us, Starbucks.”

“Yeah, what are you specializing in?” John asked.

“Pediatrics,” Alex. “You?”

“ER doc,” John answered. “Uh, no, Aaron was funny, and he’s like, married? I think I was the oldest in the class until he showed up.”

“How old is he?” Alex asked.

“Said he started to get his medical degree at twenty, so he’s probably twenty-six or twenty-seven,” John mumbled. “Uh, no, yeah, Aaron got us coffee, and it was the only thing that got me through my gastroenterology class. Oh, and I’ve had Old Town Roads stuck in my head all day, so yeah, I’d say it’s good.”

“I’m gonna take my horse to them old town roads!” Martha started singing.

The whole family joined in. “I’m gonna  _ride_ till I can’t no more!”

Alex laughed, covering his mouth so not to spit rice. Every Laurens in front of him was doing some kind of dance. He was particularly laughing at John’s mom, who was doing the arm movements for the Fortnite dance  _really well_ , while Henry just whoaed over and over again.

“‘S cool Alex can see just how fuckin’ weird we are the first time he’s over,” John snorted, taking a bite of his food.

“Well, if he’s your friend, then he was gonna learn eventually,” Martha laughed.

Dinner finished up and John helped with dishes, even though it wasn’t his day. Elanor put on some Joe Cuba on the CD player and John laughed, moving his hips a bit to the beat as Elanor sat down, opening up her book.

John grabbed Alex’s hand and began dancing with him, a very cheesy smile on his face. Alex laughed as John tried to do a cha cha esque dance with him. Alex had to admit, John was doing it very well, but Alex had no idea how to do it.

“Okay, come on, it’s one, two, cha cha cha, one, cha cha cha,” John coached, doing the steps. “You got this.”

“I’m gonna step on your feet,” Alex stated.

“You won’t, just, go with the flow,” John said. “Follow me, I’ll lead. One two, cha cha cha, one two, cha cha cha.”

Alex tripped a bit and John caught him. “See? I suck?”

“You’re learning,” John corrected.

“I’m either good at things or I don’t do them,” Alex stated.

“Damn, that sounds like a boring way to exist,” John stated, doing the steps slowly so Alex could see. “Come on, it’s a Latino birth right to know the cha cha.”

“Is it though?” Alex asked, trying to mirror the steps.

“Yes,” John answered. “There we go, you got it. Just feel the music.”

Alex smiled a bit. They were dancing off beat, slower than the music playing, but he was learning. John had one hand on Alex’s waist, and one hand holding Alex’s hand, and they danced, slowly speeding up a bit.

“I’m gon’ twirl you,” John told Alex.

“I swear to God, John, don’t-” Alex was cut off by a squeal when John spun Alex out, then back in so Alex’s back was pressed to John’s chest. “John!”

“You did great,” John smiled, letting go of Alex.

“I’m gonna kill you,” Alex huffed, crossing his arms.

“Oh, mi amor, no podría imaginar un mundo sin ti. Solo tómame en tus brazos, y todos tus miedos serán borrados,” John sang sarcastically, offering Alex a lopsided smile.

“¿Es Alex tu novio, John?” Elanor asked.

“¡Que era una broma!” John gasped. “Yo, Alex, let’s study. I gots, five hundred flash cards made up of everything we done learned so far in our intro class, so you wanna go over that? I like to go over everything so it’s in my mind for finals.”

“Cool, in your room or?”

“Here’s fine,” John stated. “Sit anywhere, I’ll be right back.”

John left and Alex looked to John’s mom. “If I may, what did you ask John?”

“I asked him if you were his boyfriend,” Elanor smiled, not looking up from her book.

“Oh,” Alex nodded. “I’m, I’m not, really. We’re friends.”

Elanor nodded, turning the page of her book. “It appears so.”

“A’ight,” John stated, coming out with flashcards. “Let’s do this.”

Alex didn’t mean to stay as late as he did. It was so easy to lose track of time in that place though. Between Elanor eventually frying up plantains, to the music, which was quite an array. Study breaks filled with conversations with John’s siblings, and just how homey it was, Alex didn’t want to go back to his cold apartment. It was so nice to be here.

He jumped when he was woken by John, nudging him. They had all been in the living room, John, Martha, and him all squished up on the couch, talking with everyone, making jokes. Alex, just by exposure had picked up three Spanish phrases. The first being ‘tirar la casa por la ventana’ which meant to throw a house through a window. It was a Spanish idiom that basically translated to ‘spare no expense.’ The second was estar en la edad del pavo, which was another idiom that meant being at an awkward age, or, to be direct, ‘the age of the turkey.’ The final phrase was ‘tengo que hacer ese dinero’ which just meant ‘gotta make that cash.’

“Mm, what?” Alex asked.

“You tired?” John mused, looking down at Alex.

“Hm? What time is it?” Alex mumbled, looking down at his watch. “Jesus, ten o’clock? I should get home.”

“Nah, it’s late, just spend the night,” John offered. “We’re all goin’ to sleep too. You can sleep with me or on the couch.”

“Is it weird if I sleep with you?” Alex asked.

John shook his head, standing up. “Nah, you just gotta put up with my two other brothers and their snoring.”

Alex nodded and stood up with John, bidding Elanor, who was still up talking to Martha, goodnight. John brought Alex into his room and pulled out some basketball shorts for Alex. Alex laughed a bit at the obnoxiously bright yellow color, before slipping them on, putting his shirt and pants on top of his bag on the floor.

John was lying on his bed, no shirt, hands behind his head. “When was the last time you spent your night in someone else’s bed?”

“It’s been a while,” Alex snorted, lying down next to John and pulling the blanket over him.

John smiled. “You know where bathroom is, feel free to get water whenever you want, and if you need something, just wake me up, a’ight?”

Alex nodded. “Alright.”

John’s leg moved so it was touching Alex’s, a small act of affection, reassurance more than anything. “Night, bebe.”

“Goodnight, John.”


	8. Juicy

****‘I was thinking.’

Those three words were written on a paper John was nudging towards Alex as they took notes on muscles. Alex took a second, finishing the note he was writing before replying to John’s note, wondering if they were twelve. His other friends wouldn’t be caught  _dead_ passing notes, thinking of anything but class. Alex wondered how John was doing so well when he seemed to be in a constant state of distraction.

‘That’s dangerous.’

John snorted at Alex’s reply, quickly scratching out the notes in rapid Spanish, since he always found he spoke better in Spanish, before turning back to the note.

‘If we are going to make you and me a common activity, shouldn’t we purchase some supplies?’

Alex’s face heated up.

‘Like sex toys?’

John chuckled, finishing up a quick rough sketch of a hand. He then grabbed the paper and began constructing his reply.

‘I mean, I feel like it wouldn’t be a bad idea. We’d have to keep shit at your place because I don’t got no privacy.’

Alex really hated the fact that he felt the space between his thighs was beginning to heat up at the thought of buying sex toys with John, the thought of  _using_ sex toys with John, that was just… Alex had to place his head in his hand for a second, trying to calm down, trying to keep his face from heating up. He was cursing his lack of sunlight. If he had spent even just an hour every day in the sunlight over the summer, he could be tan right now, and his blush could be easily hidden. His Hispanic heritage got him to tan real fast, and even a bit of color would do something to hide the blush.

Alex looked back over at John, who was smiling quite smugly, then began constructing a reply.

‘I’m free after classes.’

John read over the paper, thinking of sex toys. He had never really owned any, just because you can’t when you live in such a close proximity to your family. T, when he first started, made him hornier than R. Kelly in a middle school. He spent way too much time at Lafayette’s place, and then, when he got his girlfriend, spent way too much time at her place.

John drew a cartoon dick-butt on the paper with jizz coming out of it, before scratching out his reply. John’s handwriting was not the best. It wasn’t  _bad_ per se, but definitely not good. Nothing like Alex’s perfect straight up and down.

‘Sweet, me too.’

Class went by and soon enough, they were on the B forty-four train. Alex was leaning against a pole, rolling his eyes at John, who wasn’t holding onto anything, scrolling through images of sex toys on Google, snorting and giggling at them. Alex was coming to realize that John had the mental age of a seven-year-old boy and that taking him to a sex shop may not be the best idea. Once they got on the B sixty-two train, Alex knew there was no turning back.

“Okay,” Alex started, looking at a still laughing John as they were about to enter the sex shop. “I think you need to take a deep breath.”

“Okay, okay, I’m calm, I’m cool, it’s cool,” John nodded.

They walked in and he lost it. He was leaning into Alex, trying to muffle his laughs in the smaller man’s hoodie. Alex rolled his eyes. They weren’t even in the sex toy part. It was just books and lingerie.

“John, I can walk out right now,” Alex stated.

“I’m cool, I’m calm, I’m a man,” John nodded, trying not to laugh. He was getting a look from an employee as they walked further into the shop. Alex ran his hand over some leather, then pulled it away when he realized there were dressing rooms. Alex always had the belief that lingerie should be bought online. This was not the first time he had been in a sex shop, but it had been with his then boyfriend, and he knew exactly what went on in those dressing rooms.

“No  _way_!” John gasped, skipping over to a counter. “Francis!  _Man_ , I didn’t know you be workin’ here!”

Alex looked over and saw a blonde boy at the counter, rolling his eyes as John skipped over to the counter, leaning over it, far too close.

“Hello, John,” Francis smiled sarcastically, putting down his phone. “What are you doing here? Come to court me?”

John laughed, leaning forward. “Damn, you always be so cute when you all sarcastic and annoyed.”

“You really think you should be flirting with me when your date is awkwardly standing behind you?” Francis scoffed.

John smiled, cocking his head. “Damn, you still think I could get a date? That’s real sweet. No, Alex be my best friend.” John turned his head. “Alex, c’mere.” John put his arm around Alex’s waist, pulling him to the counter. “This my very favorite ex, Francis. He got a whole, like, Chris Evan’s thing goin’ on, but like, if Chris Evans was a twink.”

Francis was unamused.

“Nice to meet you,” Alex smiled. “I hope none of his actions directly reflect who I am in your eyes.”

“Oh, no, don’t worry. I don’t think anyone could quite be as annoying as John,” Francis nodded, crossing his arms.

John smiled, looking up at Francis through his eyelashes. “You still a baddie, Franky, even under all that.” John sat up. “Anyway, Alex and me gon’ buy-”

“I, Alex and I,” Francis corrected.

“Alex and  _I_ gon’ fuck later, so if you will excuse us, we gon’ buy a bunch of sex toys, because we bored.” John turned to walk away from the counter, then turned back to Francis. “How’s ya law major going?”

“It’s going well,” Francis snapped, flipping John off.

John laughed, blowing a kiss in Francis’ direction before pulling Alex off, farther into the shop to where the actual toys were. “That was one of my tight ass exes, Francis. He was cute, really fell for my charm, but then I cheated on him.”

“You cheated on him?” Alex gasped.

“I had issues, Lexi boy,” John stated, shrugged. “It was high school, I was stupid. I don’t do no one dirty like that no more. Being cheated on sucks.”

Alex nodded. “Yeah, it does.”

“Alex, Alex.” John turned around and grabbed something from a shelf, then turned back around. “I like this one.”

Alex gasped, then burst out laughing. In front of him, John stood, holding what must be the biggest dildo he had ever scene to his crotch. John moved his hips, making the dildo move and Alex laughed even harder, tears coming to his eyes. It was quite a ridiculous scene, which ended with John finally putting the dildo back after getting a glare from an employee.

“God, I haven’t laughed like that in forever,” Alex sighed, still chuckling a bit as John put his arm around him.

“Should we get a basket?” John asked.

Alex nodded and grabbed one, and they began walking around. John kept making jokes, and snorted when he saw something called ‘jackhammer,’ which even brought a chuckle from Alex. They spent probably the first ten minutes just laughing and blushing and trying not to lose their cool. Finally, though, they were ready to act like mature adults in a sex shop.

“I dunno, what gets you off?” John asked, poking the mouth of a sex doll. “Like, you like penetration? Anal? Nipple stuff?”

“This is so weird,” Alex groaned, leaning against John.

“Psh, it’s not, we just a couple of college students, buying sex toys so we can fuck,” John smiled. “It’s better than just dry humping each other’s legs until we jizz.”

“Oh, you mean scissoring me in my apartment when we’re supposed to be studying  _isn’t_ the most pleasurable thing?” Alex gasped, feigning offense.

John picked up a ‘G-spot massager’, poking Alex with it. “Nah, for real, what you into?”

Alex shrugged.

John groaned, wrapping his arms around Alex’s waist and grabbing a handful of Alex’s ass. “How we gon’ fuck if I don’t know what you like? I wanna provide you with maximum pleasure, and I got work in an hour, so we gotta hurry it up.” John could tell Alex was a bit shy, looking around to see if anyone was nearby. “Shawty, just whisper in my ear if you so shy, damn.”

Alex leaned forward, and John gently kissed Alex’s neck as the younger man thought. “Uh, I like penetration, but not just like, regular penetration, like, vibrating and-” Alex cut himself off, burying his face in John’s neck. “This is so embarrassing.”

“Nah,” John reassured Alex. “I’m listening.”

“I like… being tied up.” Alex let out a breath. “And like, stimulation even after I finish.”

“Oh?” John mused, leaving a wet kiss on Alex’s neck.

“Yeah,” Alex mumbled.

John nipped Alex’s earlobe, chuckling. “I can work with that.”

There was a type of confidence one needed to set down an array of sex toys in front of your ex, while you grope your current fuck buddies ass, but John had that confidence. The red marks on Alex’s neck still seemed to glisten with John’s spit, and Francis just rolled his eyes.

“So, Francis-”

“John,” Alex interrupted.

John smiled and held up his hands, before bringing one down on Alex’s ass with a loud smack. Alex jumped and buried his face in John’s neck as Francis scanned the sex toys. They had gotten some handcuffs, a strap on that felt like an earthquake according to John, and a vibrator just because.

Alex placed his credit card on the counter and Francis swiped it, glaring at John the whole time. John wasn’t easily swayed and continued smiling at Francis until the brown paper bag was handed over to them. Alex grabbed it and was quick to pull John out of the shop.

“That was your ex?” Alex asked, looking over at John. “He was gorgeous! How could you cheat on that?”

John shrugged. “The other chick was gorgeous too. And what? You think I ain’t no good at scoring baddies? Shawty I got you under my arm, I obviously got skills.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m certainly a ‘baddie’,” Alex scoffed.

“Yo, ma, you seen your ass? Like, nah, for real, trust, I’m gon’ get my mouth on that thing,” John joked.

Alex groaned, tilting his head back. “You’re insufferable.”

John laughed as they got to the subway station. “Hey, see you tomorrow, a’ight? And if you need a drink, I work over at the strip club on the corner Cumberland and Dekalb, the bar is called Walter’s, and I work from six to midnight, so just, pop over if you need to or want to.” John smiled a bit, shifting on his feet. “Oh, but just a tip, they serve shit wine, so if I were you, I’d go for the Sam Adams.”

Alex nodded, the paper bag in his hand.

“Ah, here’s my ride.” John bro-hugged Alex then walked on. “Bye!”

“Bye!” Alex called out.

John got home and changed, gobbling down some dinner and kissing his mother on the cheek before bolting out of the house and to his work. He got there and quickly found Maria, who was leaning over the bar and talking to Nathan.

“Hey, guys!” John smiled, coming behind the bar and tying his apron.

“Hola, Johnny, que pasa?” Maria teased, wiggling her fingers at John.

“Nada, nada, solo listo para terminar elcambio con,” John replied, tying his hair up. “¿Tú?”

“I don’t speak Spanish!” Nathan loudly reminded.

“Homie, you should, for real. It be pissin’ off dem moster in chief supporters when I roll my r’s hard.” John clapped his hands in the air. “Puertorriqueño y orgulloso, bebe.”

“Hey, you hear about what be goin’ on?” Maria started. Her shift didn’t start for a bit, so she had some time.

“Nah, fill me in,” John mumbled.

“So our Latina queen, AOC, she started callin’ dem concentration camps what they be, ya sabes? Now, trust, we got Trumpers yellin’ about that-”

“They really be tryna to say she using the Holocaust to push her liberal angenda,” John scoffed. “Like, first of all, the holocaust ain’t even the only concentration camps to exist, so it just proves how damn uneducated they are, and secondly, as a Jewish person, like, that shit don’t even bother me, because she’s right. They do be concentration camps.”

Maria nodded. “But like, now, Bank of America be defunding that shit and the director of immigration and border security be resigning.”

“Muy bueno,” John nodded, washing a few cups. “Nah, you see the Democrap debates?”

“Why Castro and Warren the only ones that actually seemed like they knew what they be doing?” Nathan laughed.

“Nah, for real! And also, where did Warren go after the second half?” John asked. “Nah, the next one starts in like, a couple hours, and I be hoping Bernie comes in like the  _beast_ he is, and Biden fucks up so bad he can’t show his face again.”

“Motherfucker tryna take away my weed, bitch ass really be like that,” Maria scoffed. “A’ight, I gotta go change, bye, see you after the shift.”

“A’ight,” Nathan nodded. “Nah, for real though John? I don’t even know who to vote for.”

“Homie, if it comes down between, oh, I dunno, some passive fuck head, and Trump, go for the passive fuck head. Anything better than what we got.” John leaned over to listen to someone’s order, then made the drink, before looking back to Nathan. “You know, I was never actually  _into_ politics until bitch face the third made it into office.”

“Yeah, man, me neither,” Nathan mumbled, shaking his head. “Like, I knew Obama wasn’t perfect, but I didn’t care, because he seemed good at his job, and I be lazy by nature.”

John snorted. “I feel that I feel that.”

Work went by, and soon enough, Maria and John were walking down the street. John had his arm around her waist, trying to make sure everyone thought that she was taken. Truthfully, relationships had never been John’s strong suit. He was a great friend, a good fuck, but it was the romance part that he always struggled with. He had been in love, he knew that much, but the love had been… not what he knew love was.

John dropped Maria off at the subway station and continued his trek home. His feet were dragging a bit, he was tired. He definitely jaywalked a couple of times, before finally making it to the apartment building. He got to Laf’s floor and knocked on the door a couple times. He knew Laf was up, the poor insomniac never could quite get to sleep until three.

“Hey,” Laf smiled tiredly.

John leaned against the doorway. “How’s Herc?”

“Doin’ well. Currently sharing a hotel room with his family, talking in only Hausa, tryna cover up the fact that he’s a terrible Muslim.” Lafayette laughed. “Nah, I snuck in a phone call with him today. He said they in Norway, working on finding housing. Herc says they figuring it out. Herc’s sister may buy them an apartment because she pulls in bank since she’s a doctor.”

“That’s good,” John nodded.

Laf sighed. “I miss him.”

John nodded. “I know you do, man. He gon’ be back soon though.”

Laf smiled. “A’ight, you got to bed, I’ll see you in the morning.”

A chuckle escaped John’s chest. “Night.”

He made his final trek to his apartment, unlocking it and practically falling in. His sister was in the kitchen, sipping her water. He nodded to her, pulling off his shirt as he made his way into the back, where his room was. He fell onto his bed, only kicking off one Jordan before he passed out.

“Wakey, wakey, eggs n bakey!” Elanor yelled into John’s room. “Vamos, you gon’ be late.”

John groaned.

“And what did I say about Jordans on the bed?” Elanor asked. She grabbed Henry’s pillow and threw it at John, hard enough to make him groan and sit up. “It’s eight-ten, get up.”

John rolled out of bed, kicking off his other Jordan and laying on the floor for a moment before getting up and getting dressed. It was getting colder, so he threw on some blue running leggings under his black basketball shorts, and then a blue and orange Knicks hoodie to top off the outfit, before slipping on some Jordans.

John’s show collection wasn’t as big as he wanted it to be, and they all came from goodwill. Everything in the Laurens household came from the goodwill. Nothing was new, and they all knew how to sew because dammit, those clothes could last another couple of months.

“Mm, plantains,” John smiled, taking one right out of the pan and tossing it back and forth in his hands a couple times since it was hot.

“Aye, yi yi! John!” Elanor yelled. “You will burn your hands like that!”

“It’s fine, momma!” John called out. “Have you seen my sketchbook?”

“Top of the fridge,” Martha answered, filling up her water bottle. “Where were you yesterday? You didn’t come home for an hour after class ended.”

“I was with Alex,” John answered, shoving the sketchbook in his bag and using the kitchen mirror to begin braiding his hair.

“¿Su novio?” Elanor teased.

“No, momma,” John groaned. “Martha, can you braid my hair?”

“I gotta go!” Martha scoffed. “Braid your own hair!”

“I can’t!” John huffed.

“I gotchu!” Mary called out from the living room.

“At least someone loves me,” John muttered.

“¿De verdad quieres tener esta conversación, perra? ¿De verdad crees que puedes venir a mí así? Come mierda, sabes que soy la única razón por la que tu cabello se ve tan bien. No me hagas empezar a cargar por cortes de pelo,” Martha yelled.

“Language!” Elanor called out.

“Spanish!” Martha shot back.

John laughed and sat down, Mary braiding his hair into two cornrows. When she finished, he put on his ‘Crooklyn’ hat and grabbed a bit more breakfast before leaving. He got his coffee. He made his way to classes and sat down, smiling at Alex. Alex smiled back and nudged a taco from Taco Bell towards him.

“I thought you were a vegetarian,” John mused.

“I am, but Taco Bell has vegetarian items, and I figured I should pick you up something, even if it’s shitty fast food,” Alex chuckled, tilting his head.

John unwrapped the taco and took a bite. “Thank you.”

Alex smiled, not quite enjoying how his cheeks heated up at the site of John’s smile. He got butterflies in his stomach as the few fly aways Mary had missed, and didn’t quite know what to use as an excuse for his sweaty palms and almost spinning head. He feared the worse. He feared he was getting feelings for John, but wondered if it was really that bad. 


	9. Doo Wop (That Thing)

****Alex woke up at five am sharp, just like he was used to. He stood, running his hand over his chest before going to the kitchen. He chugged some water, took a piss, then slipped on some running shorts and a shirt, putting on his headphones and running shoes and stepping out the door of his apartment. He made his way to the bottom floor, then stepped outside and took off. He made his way to the parade grounds, a small plot of land across from prospect park, made his loop, then arrived back at his apartment.

It was Saturday, which meant Alex had no routine he needed to get to besides the spinach and mushroom omelet he made for himself, and the shower he needed to take. So, at seven, when he lied down on his bed naked, he absolutely nothing to do.

Alex pulled out his phone and began scrolling through his Twitter. He then found a Tweet from John, and just clicked on the username, deciding to do a little stalking. He began scrolling through the Tweets. John was... John was absolutely stupid on his Twitter. Just, really, not very intelligent. Alex often times wondered how the guy who mostly tweeted memes, could be in med school.

Alex stopped when he saw a selfie of John. John was shirtless, flexing. He was obviously sweating, headphones on, grill in. God, that stupid fucking grill. Alex hated it. He thought it made John look like the equivalent of a pimp, but a really bad one. John never took it out though, except for when he slept.

Wow," Alex muttered, zooming in on John's stomach a bit. It was defined, and Alex could see the sweat dripping down it in the photo. Alex groaned, throwing his head back into the pillow a bit. "Oh, God, of course." Alex reached under his bed, where the brown paper bag was. "No, see, this is just like me. I get the hots for some street kid. He's just a Brooklyn punk. He talks funny, he dresses weird, he has a terrible sense of humor, he's not even that-" Alex sighed, pulling out a vibrator. "No, he's pretty cute."

Alex held up his phone, looking at the photo and turning on the vibrator. He studied John's body, his face, the way his hair, which was down in the picture, framed his face. Alex groaned, pressing the vibrator a bit harder to himself and closing his eyes.

He could see John. He remembered the way John's head looked between his thighs. The way that wavy hair splayed out. He wanted John to touch him, to bend him over and take him. Alex imagined that. He imagined the way John's hands would feel, gripping his hips. The way his body would taste, salty from sex. Alex wanted to run his tongue over every stupid ab John had. He wanted to make John feel good.

Alex quickly grabbed his phone, finding John's contact and pressing call. It rang twice before John picked up, and Alex immediately began speaking. "You wanna have sex?"

"Alex, dude, it's like, seven in the morning, I'm fuckin' beat," John groaned into the phone. He paused for a second. "Wait, did you say sex?"

"Yeah, I'm really horny right now, and I really would like it if you came over and wrecked me," Alex stated.

"Shit, I'm there," John laughed, hanging up.

Alex groaned, turning off the vibrator and rolling onto his stomach. He continued scrolling through John's twitter, stopping on every selfie, saving them to his phone. He had never really stalked someone on social media, but he figured he couldn't really call it stalking if the guy was about to come over and pound the living daylights out of him.

John knocked on the door and Alex shot up, quickly opening it, not caring that he was still naked. It was early, anyway, so the neighbors wouldn't be out.

"Damn!" John laughed, stepping inside and closing the door. "You really be ready!"

"I'm like, really wet right now," Alex nodded.

John pulled Alex into a kiss, slipping his hand between the shorter man's legs to feel for himself. Alex was, indeed, very wet, and John found himself pushing a finger into Alex as the two of them stumbled back to the bed. John, who had gotten dressed in a hurry, was only wearing flip flops, a tee shirt, and some shorts, so it was all removed pretty quickly, as well as John's boxers.

"Wait, wait," Alex started. "Open your mouth."

John was confused, but let his jaw hang down a bit.

Alex very quickly reached in and plucked out John's grill, setting it on the nightstand.

"Hey!" John gasped.

"Don't even," Alex scoffed. "You can be your gangster Brooklyn whatever in public, but I don't know where that grill has been, and I don't want to get head with your grill in, so deal with it."

"Gangster in the streets, grill-less in the sheets," John mumbled.

Alex laughed, tilting his head back, before pulling John back into the kiss. John grabbed the vibrator, which Alex had left on the bed, and turned it on, pressing it against Alex. Alex moaned, grabbing John's ass as John left wet sloppy kisses against his neck. Alex rocked his hips against the vibrator, moaning as John left hickeys on his neck.

"Get the strap on, I'm serious, I need you to like, fuck me," Alex groaned. "Bag's under my bed."

"A'ight," John nodded, reaching down and grabbing the bag. He pulled out the strap on, stepping into it before turning it on. "Oh, whoa."

"Can you feel that?" Alex asked, laughing a bit as John pulled out some lube from the bag as well.

John nodded, swallowing. "There's like, a thing that goes back a bit, like, just for me."

"Well that's ideal," Alex mumbled.

"A'ight, you ready?" John asked, running his hands along Alex's thighs.

Alex nodded.

A smile came from the older man, as well as a small tilt of the head. "Well a'ight, let's do this."

-

It was Monday, and Alex, who had spent most of the weekend getting pounded by John, was sore, to say the least. His thighs were what killed him the most. The muscles had been very steadily worked, and they weren't exactly feeling the greatest. It hurt to sit down, but once he was down, it was fine.

John, on the other hand, came in whistling, skipping almost as he plopped down next to Alex and pulled out his textbook. His headphones were still on, the lid of his Crooklyn hat flipped up, and his grill was there. God, Alex had no idea how he found that hot. Truthfully, he had never even given guys like John a second glance. Alex's taste in men had always been older, mature, put together, serious. He had liked being treated like an adult like he was older than he really was. But John, John wasn't like that. John was barely older than Alex, hardly put together, and Alex wouldn't exactly call him a sharp dresser, or mature. But, John was the first person Alex had ever been close with who made him laugh the way John did. John was easy going, he was in his twenties, and Alex appreciated that.

None of that meant that Alex still didn't agonize over the fact that he was getting feelings for John. John was still, regardless of anything, not Alex's type. And yet, during the weekend, whenever they'd sneak in a quick nap between fucking and studying, and John would hold Alex close to him, Alex's heart fluttered. It fluttered when John's hair fell into his face, it fluttered when John would call him pretty or something like that during sex, it fluttered when John strutted around Alex's apartment, buck naked, freestyling about whatever he saw.

The way Alex saw it, he had two options. He could ghost John, make new friends, lose feelings for him, and live with the fact that he was too much of a coward to just be friends with someone. Or he could keep sleeping with John, let himself have feelings, and hate himself for it every day.

"Mornin' shawty," John smiled, flipping off his headphones and pushing a Three Musketeers bar, which he had learned was Alex's favorite, over to the younger man.

In that moment, Alex decided it was a much better option to just hate himself for getting feelings, because God damn, John had a smile that could light up the room. Alex took the candy bar and put in his bag, before smiling at John. "Hey."

"I feel like I should be the one to tell you think, but you did a shit job at hiding the hickeys," John laughed, tilting his head a bit.

Alex groaned, covering his neck with both hands. "Great."

"Hi Alex, hi John, hi Alex's hickeys," Peggy smiled, sitting down behind them. "Did you two have a productive weekend?"

John shook his head. "Not in the slightest."

Alex rolled his eyes, trying to adjust the collar of his flannel. John, who had his own set of hickeys, did nothing to cover them. He got a flip flop thrown at him when he walked through the door of his place to get ready for synagogue and his mother saw the marks, but it was worth it. His sister did a little makeup, and he wore his dress shirt, so no one noticed. Today though, he wore a baggy pair of blue ripped jeans and a tee shirt that did nothing to cover the three or so hickeys Alex had given him.

"Well you two look like you had fun this weekend," Aaron smiled, plopping down next to Peggy.

"Damn, you know it," John laughed, fist bumping Aaron.

"Hey, do you guys got anything going on after class?" Aaron asked.

"No, I did work on Sunday, and Saturday, so I got Monday and Tuesday off!" John cheered. "Why?"

"I got nothing to do either, and there's this cool hip hop history thing going on at the Brooklyn Museum. My wife is coming, and she wanted to meet some of you guys," Aaron stated. "I'm so excited to see her tonight, I already know she's gonna look gorgeous."

"Damn, get you a mans like Aaron," Peggy laughed.

Aaron was physically swooning. "I love her so much." He pulled out his phone and showed everyone a picture of her, holding a cat and smiling happily. "Isn't she gorgeous?"

John nodded. "She a baddie, trust."

Aaron sighed, a dopey smile plastered on her face. "She is."

"But yeah, I'm in, hell yeah," John nodded.

"Me too," Peggy nodded.

"Sure," Alex shrugged.

Aaron smiled

Washington walked in, and class started. Muscles were interesting to John, so he didn't mind learning about them. It was gross anatomy that he was dreading.

Class went by, and soon enough, Alex, Peggy, John, and Aaron were walking down the street. John was deep in a conversation about the Knicks seventy-two to seventy-three season, the last good season the Knicks had ever seemed to have. They were very passionate about it, both of them playfully arguing.

"How could you like  _Luther Rackley_?" John gasped. "He deadass scored nada that season! Like, he was shit. Nah, baby girl, you gotta be playin' right now, because I know, I  _know_ that the only other die-hard Knicks fan in our class is not saying she liked Luther Rackley!"

"He only played one game that season!" Peggy gasped. "That's why he didn't score nothing!"

"No, he only played one game because he was shit," John laughed.

"Boo!" Peggy laughed. "Everyone is shit on the Knicks, so how you gon' be judging him when he just been affected by the curse of the Knicks? Huh? You think you and your short ass could play on the Knicks?"

"I think me and my short ass could be takin' them to their first final in half a century," John laughed. "But come on, obviously, if we talkin' seventy-three Knicks, the guy to like is Walt Frazier. The motherfucker scored sixteen hundred points, had over five hundred assists, six hundred rebounds. He was the man that  _lead_ dem Knicks to the finals! He be the OG greatest! Knicks legend. You can't be a true Knicks fan if you be hatin' him."

"Damn, I ain't hatin' him, I'm just sayin' that if I had to pick a favorite player for that season, it'd be Luther Rackley. Benchwarmers be important."

"Fuck bein' a bench warmer," John laughed. "You get out there!"

"What makes you mister 'I know everything about bein' a basketball player' now? Huh?" Peggy asked.

"Damn, shawty, I be playin' since I could walk! I lead my middle school basketball team to the finals, homie! River Oaks, player number fourteen!" John pounded his chest.

"Hold up, where River Oaks be at? Like, Bronx or some shit? Queens?" Peggy asked.

"Nah, homie, I was in South Carolina until the end of eighth grade," John stated. "Me and my family packed up and moved to Brooklyn when I was fourteen."

"Mother fucka'," Peggy laughed. "Your Brooklyn ass is  _not_ tellin' me you grew up in some country hick bullshit town."

"Aye, yo, ma, back up, Charleston got some good blood in it," John stated.

"Alex, you do realize the mother fucker you be sleepin' with is some cowboy ass secret undercover Brooklyn gangster kinda bullshit?" Peggy asked, interrupting Alex and Aaron's conversation.

"Damn, homie, I know you ain't Brooklyn grown," John scoffed.

"I got Iowa pride!" Peggy laughed, pounding her chest.

"Boo!" John yelled. "Damn, get your cheese lovin' ass off me, you ain't even got a baseball team I can insult, mother fucker. Go watch some minor league bullshit, I text you when the big kids are done with Yankee stadium."

"Wait, John, where were you born?" Alex asked.

"South Carolina, baby," John laughed. "Moved up when I was fourteen."

"Why?" Aaron asked.

John swallowed hard, adjusting his cap. "Just needed a change, I guess. Might as well live in poverty somewhere where my momma can talk to people who look like her."

Peggy nodded. "Yeah, damn, it was like, a culture shock God damn. I moved to New York and I was like, shit, it ain't just white people in the world. 'Cause, you know, I was like, the only black kid in my school, and I ain't even fully black, I'm mixed as fuck."

John laughed. "Baby girl, me too. Except I ain't got no white in me, I got a black daddy and a bodequa momma."

"Milf," Alex muttered, snorting.

"Homie I know you didn't just call my momma a milf," John laughed, taking off his hat and smacking Alex on the ass.

"Guys, guys, there's my wife!" Aaron said excitedly, skipping over to a woman who was sitting outside the Brooklyn museum, sipping a to-go cup and scrolling through her phone. She had long hair, twisted into dreads, as well as dark skin and some loose and comfortable white pants with a blue shirt tucked into them. Aaron smiled as he walked up to her. "My dearest, Theodosia, how I have missed you. I have not been completed, because you have not been in my arms. I absolutely adore thee."

The woman, Theodosia, stood up and smiled lightly, letting Aaron embrace her. "Hello, my dear."

Aaron planted a gentle kiss on her lips. "I love you, I love you so much. You are so beautiful, so wonderful, so perfect." Aaron kissed her again. "These are my med school friends. This is Peggy, John, and Alex."

Theodosia smiled, gently shaking everyone's hand. "It's very nice to meet you all."

"I feel like I already know you because you're all Aaron talks about," Alex chuckled, shaking her hand.

Theodosia let out a small 'oh,' covering her mouth and looking to Aaron, who was staring sheepishly at the ground.

"Damn, Aaron, you fuckin' whipped!" John laughed. "Dosia, girl, you don't even know how whipped you got this man. I think I knew him like, ten minutes and he pulled out a picture of you and gushed."

Theodosia tilted her head, raising her eyebrows and smiling as she looks at Aaron.

"I love you," Aaron smiled, gently kissing her cheek.

Theodosia took his hand. "Let's go and get tickets."

"I'll pay for everyone," Aaron stated.

"Dude, you been buying us coffee for like, the past two weeks, we can get our own tickets," Peggy laughed, pulling out her wallet.

"Oh, just let him," Theodosia laughed. "I don't think I've paid for a single thing since I met him. He loves buying people stuff. It's his love language."

"Besides, I got hella money," Aaron shrugged. "I could buy you all coffee every day for the rest of my life, and still be able to afford a small Italian home for me and my beautiful wife when we retire." Aaron got to the front of the line and bought five tickets, then handed them out before walking further into the museum.

It was a cool exhibit. It had notebook pages from Biggie, Tupac, and other older rappers. It had a whole wall dedicated to the father of hip hop, DJ Kool Herc, a Jamaican immigrant. John was very excited to show that to Alex because he knew Alex was an immigrant too. Alex thought it was cute how John jumped a little bit, reading out the words to Alex.

It was a lot of pride that John and Peggy expressed at the knowledge that the hip-hop scene started in Brooklyn. It was very fun when they came to a word generator meant for free styling, and John spat a few lines, while Peggy beat boxed. Alex was a bit surprised at how well John did it but didn't say anything, feeling like he might just choke up and embarrass himself.

Alex was cursing himself for how every time John touched him, he just froze for a second. Alex kinda had to keep reminding himself that John wasn't his type, or monogamous. It was absolutely stupid for Alex to like John, but what did that even encompass? They were hooking up, John was touchy, and they had sweet pillow talk, so what did Alex want? Was a label so important to him?

Maybe it was the fact that whenever they were just out, hanging out, it was like they were friends. It was the bro hug after they went shopping for sex toys. Alex remembered how hard he had rolled his eyes at that. Because really John? A bro hug?

They were currently all eating piragua in Prospect park. John's leg was against Alex's, but his attention seemed to be everywhere but. Alex was okay with that though, taking bites of his cherry piragua. Somehow, the physical contact was enough.

"Okay, okay, no, so I'm there, and she like, deadass is gettin' drinks with another dude, a dude who was, by the way, very black, so obviously not me, but her excuse was that he looked like me, and I'm like, dude, he did not look like me, my mans was like, six foot four, black as fuck, and just like, not me. But the best part is that me and the dude ended up hooking up at the end of the night," John laughed, leaning back. He was retelling a worst date story.

"That has big dick energy," Aaron laughed. "Peggy, worst date?"

"I don't date," answered Peggy. "Not my thing."

Aaron nodded. "Okay, Alex, where'd you live before Brooklyn?"

"Nevis," Alex answered. "It's a little impoverished island in the Carribean. At least, it was impoverished when I lived there. It was pretty though."

"Do you miss it?" Peggy asked.

Alex shrugged. "Sort of? I dunno, it never really felt like home."

"Homie, I don't know how you livin' like this," John stated. "If I got the chance to go to Puerto Rico, I'd be on my way, bags packed. Brooklyn be my home, but Puerto Rico got my heart."

"Have you ever been?" Aaron asked.

John nodded. "Last time I went, I was seventeen, and we were visiting mi abuela. It was beautiful, I didn't want to leave. My momma let me stay a week longer just because I loved it so much. I would go back if I could."

Theodosia leaned over and whispered something into Aaron's ear.

Aaron nodded, then looked back to the group. "Alright, we're getting tired, I think we're gonna head home. It was nice hanging out with you guys though."

"Yeah dude," John nodded. "Theo, it was nice to finally meet you."

Theo smiled, tilting her head a bit, and nodded as she stood up. "It was nice to meet you all as well."

"We'll see you in class tomorrow, Aaron," Peggy waved.

"Bye!" Aaron called out, walking away hand in hand with Theo.

John chuckled a bit, watching Aaron stare lovingly at Theo as they walked. "They hella cute together."

"Yeah, I thought Aaron was just being a dumbass in love when we first met, but nope, he's just always like that," Alex laughed.

"Damn!" John laughed, turning his head. "Check out the shawty with the booty. Like she be hidin' seven midgets under them shorts or some-" John cut himself off, eyes going wide. "Bro, bro, check out the Jordans she got! Damn, she ain't even a snack, she a whole ass meal with a side of fries!"

"Fuck boy," Peggy snorted.

John brushed off his Jordans and stood up. "I'mma go get shawty's number, she fine as fuck, I wanna piece of that ass."

"No wonder your sister calls you a whore," Peggy snorted, falling back a bit and chuckling.

"A'ight, lemme, lemme-" John licked his fingers and slicked his eyebrows, causing Peggy to burst out laughing. John pushed away a few fly aways and then shook out his arms. "I'm ready."

"Go get 'em, tiger," Peggy laughed as John walked over to the girl. Both Peggy and Alex could vaguely hear John say 'yo, ma, them vintage?' and Peggy rolled her eyes. "He's a dumbass."

Alex looked down, tilting his head. "He really is."

"Damn, homie, why you lookin' like stale weed?" Peggy asked.

Alex looked up, laughing a bit. "I'm sorry, stale weed? What are you talking about?"

"You look all bummed all the sudden," Peggy stated.

Alex shrugged, looking at John, who was definitely having a good conversation with the girl. "I dunno, just, I dunno. I've never really been, like, just fuck buddies with someone, so like, it's weird, because John and I literally fucked all weekend and now I'm watching him flirt with some other girl."

"Maybe you should stop hooking up with him if you got feelings for him," Peggy suggested.

"I don't, I don't have feelings for John. I mean, come on, we're two very different people. He's not even my type, he's like, he's a hood rat kind of kid," Alex said quickly.

"You know, maybe he'd like you back if you didn't turn your nose up at him so often," Peggy suggested.

"I don't-"

"Oh you totally do," Peggy scoffed. "You rolled your eyes at half the things John said in the museum, and you just called him a hood rat or whatever. You have a superiority complex, and the moment some projects kid be talkin' the way projects kids do, you turn your nose up at them, and I hate to spit you some truth, but it's racism."

"I'm not racist, Peggy, I'm Hispanic," Alex stated.

"Nah, nah, see, you are Hispanic, and mad respect for that, but you hear the way I talk, the way John talks, and you be thinkin' we uneducated. You know why? Because we talk in a language created by black folk. You think I ain't been told I'm uneducated? You think John ain't been told he's uneducated. We speak the way our ancestors been speakin' and we are proud of that. This ain't about you learning to just accept this is how we talk, it's about you unlearning racist ideologies that you been taught from day one. Hell, even I had to unlearn that shit."

"You?" Alex asked, obviously not believing that for a second since Peggy was, well, she was black.

"Damn, you really don't get this do you?" Peggy asked. "Racism is so internalized, so normalized that even black and brown kids struggle with it. Even I doubt my own beauty because I ain't white. Racism is black and brown kids straightening their hair and changin' the way they talk so they can not get profiled by anyone who walks by. It's not always a white man calling me nigger-"

Alex flinched at the use of the word.

"-It's like, institutionalized, it's normalized, it's shit that someone as light as you don't even see. It's me having to dress nice when going into any store to maybe avoid the fact that a security guard gon' be following me around to make sure I don't shoplift. It's having to work twice as hard no matter where I am so I can prove that I belong, even when I be talking 'wrong' or some bullshit. Because I am black, and I talk the way I do, it's just how I'm livin' and how John is livin'. We work hard, harder than you most of the time because that is what we gotta do to succeed."

Alex was quiet for a moment. "I never thought about that kinda stuff."

"Yeah, no shit," Peggy mumbled. "I ain't blamin' you. Honestly, unless you really goin' through this shit, you will never get it, never fully understand it, but shit, Alex, it's time you start educating yourself on this shit." Peggy looked at him. "Maybe John would like you more if you realized that this ain't an edumacation thing, this is a culture thing. John and I be culturally different from you, and that's the truth."

Alex nodded. "You're right."

"I know," Peggy nodded.

"Guys, I got that baddie's number!" John laughed, coming over. "I'm gon' get pussy on Friday, trust."

Peggy laughed. "Share, mother fucker."


	10. Familia

John and his sister Martha had always been closest in the family. They told each other everything. It was sometimes hard to get alone time together, so they’d usually end up sitting on a bench in the subway, sipping cheap cheap coffee and discussing the things they can’t tell anyone else. Perhaps it was the fact that their age only differed by a few years, but they just got each other. Their mother often joked that they shouldn’t been twins.

“My period is late,” Martha mumbled.

John looked over. “How late?”

“A few days,” Martha replied. “I’m gonna take a pregnancy test because I’m never this late.”

“What if…” John trailed off. “What if you are pregnant?”

“There’s a Planned Parenthood on the corner of Court and Joralemon,” Martha laughed, a bit bitterly. “Fetus deletus.”

John snorted, then looked over. “You gon’ be okay with that?”

Martha nodded honestly. “Yeah, I have about a million reasons why I can’t have a kid right now, and I’d rather have a safe abortion so I could have a kid in the future if I wanted one.” She thought for a moment. “If I am pregnant, could you come with me? To the clinic? I just, I don’t want to go alone, and I don’t think I can even leave without someone with me.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m there,” John nodded.

“Hey, uh, you know, no matter what, keep this between you and me, alright?” Martha mumbled. “I don’t want to tell mom.”

“Why?” John asked.

“I just, I feel like she’ll blame herself for me getting rid of the kid,” Martha shrugged. “You know, with money and everything. I don’t want her feelin’ like she failed me, or us. And I don’t want our siblings knowing because, well, they aren’t exactly the best secret keepers.”

John nodded, gently patting his sister’s knee. “I’m gon’ be there for you, I promise. But for real though, deadass, you be havin’ sex?”

“John, I’m like, twenty-two, of course, I’m having sex,” Martha laughed. “You’re having sex, why can’t I have sex? Is it because of my femininity?”

“Nah, it’s because you my little sister, and I don’t like imaginin’ you havin’ sex,” John replied.

“Damn, freak, then don’t,” Martha snorted, pushing John’s shoulder. “What about you? Anything going on in your life?”

John thought for a second. “I been hookin’ up hella with Alex.”

“Damn, how’s that been?” Martha asked.

“It’s been not bad,” John mumbled. “He’s cute, kind of an asshole, but cute.”

“You into him?” Martha asked.

John shrugged. “It really takes me a while to get into someone, so I don’t think a few months is gonna like, do anything. He’s cool though, fun to hang out with. He laughs at almost everything, which is cute. You interested in anyone?”

“Eh, nah, not really,” Martha shrugged. “Just goin’ with the flow.”

John nodded. “You even think we out of our league? You know, with med school, law school, all that shit.”

“All the time, I cry myself to sleep about it sometimes, why?” Martha asked.

John paused. “Homie, do you actually cry yourself to sleep?”

“Sometimes, I just get scared,” Martha shrugged. “I don’t wanna tell mom though because she’s already stressed as it is.”

“Just like, wake me up and we can sit on the couch and cry together,” John stated. “You don’t gotta be alone. I’m always down to cry with my sister.”

Martha bumped John’s shoulder. “Why you still have those jeans? They broke as fuck.”

John looked down as his practically shredded blue jeans. “I like these things. They comfortable as fuck, and when I wear them, I can scrub and it doesn’t even look like it.”

Martha stood up. “Nah, John, it looks like it.”

John stood up and they began walking out of the subway. It was late October, closing in on November. John’s birthday was a few days away, but he didn’t really want to do anything about it. Hell, he didn’t even tell his friends about it, but John never really liked his birthday. He just, he didn’t.

“Okay, so, say what you will about the difficulty level of law school, but I’m supposed to be able to tell muscles apart from how they’re  _shaped_!” John gasped as they walked home. “And somehow, Alex just knows this shit. Like, you can show him some blob and he can tell you exactly where that muscle goes. It’s like that therapy with the paintings.”

“The one that your school did on you?” Martha asked.

“Yeah, ‘cause like, apparently I seemed a little off,” John groaned, rolling his eyes.

“Everyone was off that year, and you were alone in high school,” Martha shrugged. “It got easier though.”

“Yeah, ‘cause Laf was a senior, and would gamble with me at lunch,” John snorted.

“Hey, it’s Jem,” Martha pointed out, nodding over to Jemmy, who was sitting on a bench with a few other kids.

“Should we just keep walking or should we be his siblings and embarrass him?” John asked, looking at Martha.

Martha thought for a moment. “Let’s not embarrass him, but we should at least say hi.”

John laughed and nodded, waving happily to Jem as he and Martha walked over. “Hey, dude, wassup?”

Jem just gave him a look, nodding a bit.

Martha tilted her head. “Hey, uh, mom wants to know what time you’ll be home.”

“Yeah, we gon’ be eatin’ Mexican tonight, and she gon’ want ya order before she calls in, because sabes que tengo trabajo esta noche.” John ran his tongue over his grill.

“I’ll be home whenever,” Jem mumbled, shooting an apologetic look to his friends.

John’s eyes widened. “A’ight, get ya own damn dinner then.” He began walking away, feeling annoyed. “Puta perra.”

“John!” Martha gasped, hitting John’s side.

“Come on, he totally just brushed us off, like he was ashamed of us. Why would he be ashamed of us? Somos su familia,” John muttered.

Martha sighed. “John, Jem is just, he’s just at estar en la edad del pavo, he’s going through an awkward time, and he probably wants space.”

“A’ight, listen, wanting space is one thing, but like, he totally just brushed us off like he was embarrassed by us or something!” John huffed. “How we embarrassing? We ain’t even tried to embarrass him!”

“John, he runs with a different crowd,” Martha sighed.

“Different crowd, different crowd,” John repeated, almost not believing it. “Marty, he runs with  _our crowd_ because he’s  _our family_. You don’t shame your family, you don’t hide them. We got pride. Nah, nah, I ain’t letting this slide. We gon have una pequeňa charla cuando lleguemos a casa.”

Martha groaned. “I don’t see why this is such a big deal to you.”

“Because it is.”

John got home and changed into some more comfortable clothes, basketball shorts, and a hoodie, steaming in his own anger. He didn’t get how Jem could just do that. If the Laurens household had one rule, it was that family came first, no matter what. Maybe they weren’t glamorous, but they were proud to have the Laurens name. It used to be something different. It used to be their dad’s last name, well, not John’s dad. But after they left, they all got their last names changed to Elanor’s maiden name, Laurens.

By the time Jem got home, John was sitting on the couch, scrolling through his phone. Jem dropped his bag and was about to go to his room when John called his name.

“What?” Jem asked, turning around.

“Don’t ‘what’ me, sabelotodo,” John scoffed. “What the hell was that? You totally brushed me and Martha off like you were embarrassed about us or something.”

“You wouldn’t get it,” Jem groaned.

“You’re right, I wouldn’t, because I don’t have any shame when it comes to this family, so what the hell is going on with you? You think you just allowed to act like you barely know us in public? Nu uh, I want an explanation or at least an apology.” John crossed his arms. “You can’t just-”

“I can do whatever I want because you’re not my dad,” Jem interrupted.

“Whoa!” Martha gasped. “Hold up, you been rude as shit, so yeah, I’m with John, you owe us at least an apology.”

“No, maybe you embarrassed me!” Jem stated.

“Damn, son, sorry we embarrassed you by sayin’ hi and askin’ what time you gon’ be home. Dude, the hell did we even do to you?” John asked.

“You’re just, like that!” Jem scoffed. “You ever think shit would be easier for all of us if everyone just stopped acting like we’re hood kids?”

“We  _are_ hood kids!” John exclaimed. “Jem, I know you like to live in some fantasy where we be in the suburbs, but we are bodequa Brooklyners living in a crappy project's building on the southside of Fort Greene.”

“Okay, well I didn’t ask for this, so excuse me for distancing myself from it!” Jem shot back.

“You can dress different, you can talk different, you can act different, ain’t none of us care about that, but the moment you be ashamed of this family, that when we draw the line. We been through everything together and-”

“Oh shut up, John, you aren’t even fully family,” Jem spat.

John stopped, feeling his chest tighten. He tried to swallow, but his throat had closed up.

“Jem, that was too far,” Martha mumbled, shaking her head.

“No, you know what? He needs to hear it,” Jem stated. “He walks around here like none of that shit happened.”

“Yeah, well at least I ain’t ever gon’ be ashamed of any of you. At least I know that family ain’t always about blood,” John snapped. “At least I know that ain’t none of yous gon’ feel outcasted by me.”

“At least I’m not the reason dad beat the shit out of mom on a daily basis.”

The room was quiet, so quiet. Martha’s hand was over her mouth as she watched John, who was subtly shaking. He could only see red. His knuckles must’ve pales from how hard he was clenching them. Everything was so quiet, and then it happened.

Martha screamed as John’s fist connected with Jem’s jaw. It was a hard, solid punch, sending Jem to the floor of the apartment. John’s breathing was heavy as he looked down at his brother, who was holding his jaw, refusing to make eye contact with John. What he had just done was soaking in. He had just punched his brother. Not even a playful one. It was hard, angry. John did that.

“You two aren’t even related, and you’re just like him,” Jem spat, looking up.

John backed away, eyes wide, chest shaking with the tears he was holding back. His heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest. He felt like he was going to throw up. He felt like he was going to pass out.

“John,” Martha whispered quietly.

“I gotta, I gotta go to work,” John managed to choke out. He quickly turned and walked out of the apartment, grabbing his bag as he did. He bolted out the door, walking straight down to the hall and out of the building. He was on the verge of a panic attack, his eyes were burning, but he made his way to the subway and went to the only place that seemed right in his mind.

Alex was cooking when he heard a frantic knocking on his door. “One second!” He turned off the burner, wiping his hands on a dish towel before opening the door. “Hey, John, what’s up-”

The wind was almost knocked out of him when John pulled him into a hug. He could feel John shaking, and instantly hugged the man back, brows creasing in concern. Alex pulled John into the apartment, closing the door and sitting them both on his bed. John was crying, shaking. Alex had never seen him like this. John was a happy go lucky type of person, that’s how he had always been. Of course, there were times where John could get serious, but, sad? Alex had never seen this before.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Alex asked softly.

John sniffled, wiping his eyes. “Can, can I spend the night here?”

Alex nodded. “Yeah, of course, of course. Do you need a shower?”

John looked down. “Yeah.”

“Okay, come on, you can use mine,” Alex stated. “Use whatever shampoo and conditioner is in there, towels are in the cabinet. I’ll make some food.”

“Thank you,” John nodded, looking down.

“Of course,” Alex replied.

John went into the bathroom and Alex continued cooking, making enough pasta for the both of them. Alex mixed it with pesto, some cheese, and salt, before putting a lid over the pot so it would stay warm. He decided that he and John could just eat in his bed since it was more comfortable.

John stepped out of the bathroom, eyes red, but smiled meekly when he was handed a plate of food. “Thanks.”

“Do you have work tonight?” Alex asked.

John nodded. “I don’t think I can go though. I just, I can’t, not right now. I gotta call my boss.” John pulled out his phone, dialing a number.

“Hey, you wanna watch a Netflix movie or something?” Alex asked. “Just to like, take your mind off of stuff.”

“You watch The Nightshift?” John inquired.

Alex chuckled. “I’ll pull it up.”

While John called his boss, Alex pulled up The Nightshift and set the plates down. A few moments later, John sat down next to Alex, taking a bite of the food and watching the screen load until the show started playing. Both of them had seen the series at least four times, so it didn’t matter where they started.

It was stupid, really, but all med dramas were. This one, out of a lot that John had seen, was the most accurate. It was definitely stupid dramatic, but at least the medical information was well researched. John remembered trying to watch the show 9-1-1 and turning it off within the first ten minutes. It was stupid, inaccurate, and wrong. At least The Nightshift had the correct medical procedures.

“You wanna talk about what happened?” Alex asked a few hours into binging the show.

John sighed and stared forward, before reaching up and pausing Netflix. “You know, sometimes we are products of our own upbringing, no matter how hard we try not to be.”

Alex was a little shocked. Sure, John’s accent was still there, but that was the first time Alex had ever heard John talk so, so seriously. “What do you mean?”

John stared at his shorts, sighing. “I moved to Brooklyn when I was like, just outta eighth grade, right? My momma, me, my family, we, we were running. We were bookin’ it out of South Carolina as fast as we could.”

Alex nodded.

“You know how all my siblings be lighter than me?” John asked.

Again, Alex nodded.

“It’s because, by blood, they only my half siblings,” John explained. “I am my momma’s son, trust. Just, their daddy ain’t my daddy.”

“What, what happened?” Alex asked.

“My momma, she was married to this guy, Henry, but like, it was just, it was a high school sweetheart kinda thing, where she lost interest. But, uh, then she met  _my_ dad. They uh, well, they conceived me, you know? And Henry just, he knew I wasn’t his, he knew my mom cheated on him.” John looked down and swallowed. “He started, uh, he started beatin’ her.”

Alex sucked in a sharp breath of air.

“And, I mean, she didn’t really  _want_ to have four more kids,” John mumbled. “But like, she just, she couldn’t leave.  _We_ couldn’t leave.”

“John, I…” Alex trailed off.

“My daddy, my real one, he found out what was goin’ on. He’s a lawyer, you know. He helped my mom divorce the man, helped her move up to Brooklyn with the rest of us.” John looked down at his hands. “We got out.”

“Are you just, reliving this tonight or-”

John shook his head. “I got into a fight with my brother. It was stupid, but it just, it escalated. Like, you know, family fights, that’s how it be sometimes. Then he just, he brought up the fact that I’m not fully related to them, and then-” John’s throat hitched. “And then he said it was my fault that my momma got beat.”

“John, no, it’s-”

“And then I hit him.” John looked down. “I just, I’m no better than-”

“No, John, that’s not true,” Alex assured John.

“How? What makes me better than him? It’s not okay for me to just pop off on someone, my  _family_ , God.” John shook his head, feeling tears in his eyes. “It’s all my fault. He hurt my mom because of me.”

“John, it’s not your fault.”

“But it was, Alex,” John gasped. “Every day, every day until we got out, I hated myself. I hated myself because if I hadn’t been born, none of that would’ve happened.”

“You can’t be sure of that, John,” Alex stated.

“But maybe, maybe something would’ve been different,” John huffed. “It’s why I just, I owe so much to my family because I put them through so much pain.”

“John, you didn’t do this,” Alex assured him. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“No, you don’t get it, he beat my momma because I was just existin’ and bein’ alive,” John stated. “He beat me because I was alive. I was that reminder of their broken marriage.”

Alex gently took John’s hand. “You know that’s not true. You know that’s not why he hurt you and your family. He was abusive, from the very start. You didn’t force him to be violent, you didn’t inspire him to be violent, he did that all on his own. There was nothing you could’ve done at that age.”

John closed his eyes, shaking his head. “I just, I feel like shit about it all the time. It’s why I wanna buy a house for my mom, help her, make her happy. I want her to be happy, Alex. I want to be able to give that to her, for once in my life.”

“Hey, you will,” Alex assured John. “You’re gonna make everything better, but you can’t blame yourself for this forever.”

John shook his head. “I’ll feel better when she’s happy. I’ll feel better when she is living the life she wants to live.”

Alex gently touched the side of John’s face. “You will.” He thought for a moment. “What, what happened to your dad?”

John shrugged. “He’s a rolling stone, I guess. But, he uh, he sends money for me. He’s paying for a lot of my college, which is really helpful. I’ve met him a few times.” John took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I can’t, you wanna hook up?”

Alex was a bit taken aback. “What?”

“Do you wanna have sex? Right now?” John asked.

“Are you sure?” Alex mumbled.

John nodded. “Please, I don’t wanna think about this shit right now.”

Alex took John’s face in his hands and pulled him into a kiss. John pushed Alex back on the bed, and that was what killed the next couple of hours.

That night, John couldn’t sleep. Alex dozed beside him, but John stared at the ceiling all night. Guilt was racking his body. He kept pushed down on his knuckles, which had bruised. All he could think about what the way Martha had screamed, the way he had knocked his brother onto the ground. The hatred in his brother’s eyes.

The next morning, John watched Alex go through his routine. John missed the smell of food cooking from the kitchen, the chaos of his siblings, his mom. John didn’t know how he was going to move out. One night and he just, he missed them. He missed them all so much.

In class, John was quiet. Peggy asked if something was wrong, but John just shrugged and put his head down. He did his work, barely making it through the day. He felt so guilty, so hurt. He wanted to go back and didn’t want to go back, all at the same time. He didn’t know what to do. He was conflicted.

“Hey,” Alex said after class, putting his hand on John’s arm. “You wanna come over again?”

John shook his head. “I’m gonna, I’m gonna figure something out. Thank you.”

Alex nodded, then looked over John’s shoulder, smiling lightly. “I think you should turn around.”

John looked over his shoulder, and there she was. His mom. Elanor Laurens stood there, arms crossed, gentle smile on her face. She was still in her work uniform, as well as a cardigan. John turned around and began walking towards her, feeling like he was going to cry. Elanor heald out her arms and John fell into them, hugging her. He was trying not to cry, but it wasn’t working too well.

“I’m sorry, momma. I’m sorry,” John repeated.

“Let’s go home, Johnny,” she sighed, gently running her fingers through his hair. “Let’s go home.”


	11. Come Down

John and his mom walked home in relative silence. It was chilly out, and goosebumps raised on John’s legs, but he didn’t pay them much mind. He was still guilty. He still felt like he was going to be sick, but his mom just made sure he was still with her as they got closer to the building.

“Elanor, John, how are you?” Pappo smiled, waving.

Elanor nodded. “We’re good. You think you can give us a moment? I just gotta talk to John about something real quick.”

Pappo got up, nodding. “I’ll warm up inside.”

Elanor smiled. “Thank you.” She sat down on the stoop, then looked at John. “Come on, mi hijo, sit down.”

John sat down next to his mom, staring at the concrete steps. He couldn’t bring himself to look at her.

“John,” Elanor started. “You know, you are not the reason he hurt me.”

John closed his eyes, his shoulders beginning to shake. “I’m sorry.”

Elanor put her arm around John, hugging him closely. “Shh, no, mijo, it’s okay. You’re okay. He didn’t do that because of you.”

“But he did!” John choked out. “Momma if I wasn’t born, none of this would’ve happened.”

“You’re right,” Elanor stated. “If you weren’t born, I still may be married to him. If you weren’t born, we wouldn’t be in Brooklyn. If you weren’t born, I wouldn’t have an oldest son in med school. John, we had hardships, I know, and I know, even though we had your siblings, it was you and me against him.” Elanor gently kissed the side of John’s head. “But you didn’t force him to hurt me, that was all him. John, you were the only person who protected me a lot of the times, and as a mother, I hate myself for putting you in that situation, but as a person, I am in awe at how good you are.”

“I’m not, I hit Jem!” John felt tears coming down his cheeks. “I’m no better than him.”

“John Laurens, don’t you dare say that,” Elanor said, her voice hard yet caring.

“But-”

She cut John off. “No. You are nothing like him. You are kind, you are loving, you are family.”

John felt his heartache, remembering Jem’s words. “What if I, what if I ain’t though?”

Elanor pushed some hair out of John’s face. “Jem was mad, you know he was mad, but he had no right to say any of that. John, look at me.”

John met eyes with his mother.

“You are our family,” Elanor stated firmly. “You are my son, their brother, our family, nothing will ever change that. I promise you.” She gently kissed John’s forehead. “John, I love you. I love you so much. Every day, you make me so proud. You’re such a hard worker, you’re smart, you’re kind. I’m so proud to call you my son.”

“I’m sorry I hit Jem,” John mumbled.

“I know,” Elanor nodded. “I would be an ignorant parent if I didn’t expect my children to get into fights, especially when we live so close. And what Jem said, it was over the line, totally uncalled for-”

“But I shouldn’t have hit him,” John stated.

“No, you should not have,” Elanor agreed. “Violence is never the answer, and you know this John.” Elanor sighed. “I can’t quite ground you.”

John laughed a bit, wiping his cheeks.

“But, because I don’t approve of violence, you will be doing Jem’s chores for the next two weeks. Bathroom on Wednesday, vacuuming on Sunday.” Elanor gently patted John’s back. “You remember how Jem and Mary used to fight?”

John nodded, laughing.

Elanor sighed. “What do you want to do for your birthday?”

John shrugged, looking down. “Nothing.”

“Mijo, you turn twenty-five tomorrow, why don’t you celebrate? I’ll even let you skip synagogue,” Elanor smiled.

“Momma, really, it’s fine,” John stated.

“How about I plan for a little rooftop party. I’ll buy us some drinks, you can invite Thomas, Laf, and James, and Alex too. I’ll get Pappo up here, and some more neighbors. I’m sure Laf will bring weed. It’ll be fun.”

John smiled. “Fine.” He paused. “Could I, could I invite Alex to synagogue with us?”

Elanor nodded. “Sure, just make sure he dresses nice.”

“A’ight.”

Elanor stood up and stretched a bit. “Come on, everyone is home. It’s time for you to apologize, and it’s time for Jem to apologize as well.”

John stood up and followed her inside, waving to Pappo as he did. Pappo waved back and both Elanor and John made their way upstairs. John was scared and definitely was in a minor state of panic as Elanor opened the door and let John step in first. He came face to face with Jem. The sixteen-year-old had a bruise on his jaw but looked worried.

“I’m sorry, John.”

“I’m sorry, Jem.”

Their voices overlapped as the two brothers embraced. The Laurens family had never been able to hold grudges for too long, so when there was some infighting, which was bound to happen, people were only angry for so long.

“I’m sorry,” John repeated. “I shouldn’t have hit you.”

“I shouldn’t have said that shit,” Jem mumbled. “You were right.”

John hugged Jem a bit tighter before letting him go and grabbing his chin to look at the bruise. “Damn, you gon’ get babes.”

“Yeah, rumors are already going around that I like, got into a fight with one of the Brownsville kids. I know him though, so we’re just fucking around with people, making them think we hate each other.”

John smiled and nodded.

“Don’t just leave like that,” Martha huffed, knocking John’s shoulder a bit. “You had me scared. Did you get dinner and breakfast?”

John nodded.

“Good,” Marth sighed. “Alright, what’s for dinner? I’m gonna call in.”

“Mexican!” Mary yelled.

“Hell yeah!” Henry agreed. “Quiero cuatro tacos y un lado de arroz y frijoles.”

“Alright, I’m gonna call in an order,” Martha stated, already knowing what her siblings want.

“Money sweep! Ain’t none of us get paid until next week, and we just paid rent,” Elanor announced.

“I got twenty bucks!” John called out, running into his room. Henry got coins out from between the couch cushions while Mary and Elanor checked the girls room. Jem pulled some cash from a notebook and handed it to John, who put that plus his twenty bucks on the table. They counted it up, already knowing the coast of their usual orders.

“We’re four bucks short,” Mary mumbled.

“Lemme dig through my bag,” John mumbled, going to his bag and checking all the pockets. “I got two fifty in here.”

“Okay, and I think I have some money in my bag,” Henry muttered, grabbing his backpack. “Yup, two bucks. We did it.”

“Yeah!” John cheered, high fiving his siblings. “We did it.”

“A’ight, what music we listening to?” Elanor asked. “It’s Mary’s night.”

“Uh, I’m thinking some Biggie,” Mary stated.

“Hell yeah,” John nodded as Elanor put in a Notorious B.I.G CD into their CD player. John pulled out his laptop and some books, continuing an essay for his dermatology class, then texted Alex, asking about synagogue tomorrow. Alex texted back a confirmative and that’s how the rest of the night went.

-

Saturday morning was a bit hectic. The Shabbat service was at nine, and it was currently eight o’clock and they Laurens’ were running around the house while Alex sat quietly on their couch. John couldn’t tie a tie for the life of him, Mary’s hair needed to be done, Martha couldn’t find her other heel, and Elanor was trying to make sure all her kids ate.

“John, c’mere,” Alex stated, grabbing his arm. He tied John’s tie, pushed a few strands of his hair behind his ear. Alex then licked his thumb and wiped off a bit of dirt from John’s face. “Alright, there we go.”

“Thank you,” John sighed. “A’ight, did you eat?”

Alex nodded.

“Cool,” John mumbled. “Gimme a few more minutes, I gotta help Marty find her shoe.”

Alex smiled and sat back down while John went to help Martha find her heel. Somehow, the whole family and Alex got out of the house. Alex was surprised at how well John cleaned up. Of course, he still wore Jordans, just black Jordans, ‘the kind meant for prayer.’

They caught the subway, Martha not sitting since this was her only good dress, and John staying leaned forward so not to dirty his white dress shirt. Alex had never really been to a Jewish place of worship, and he had never seen John dressed so nicely.

“So, what were you raised like, Catholic or something?” John asked.

“Christian,” Alex answered. “So, like, what? Your priest shames your for sex or something?”

From next to John, Mary snorted. “Oh no, baby, what is you doing?”

“Nah, homie, Judaism is like, lit,” John stated. “Firstly, it be focusin’ more on actions than beliefs. Like, you can’t just confess that shit, you gotta _do_ good. Yaweh sees you, and she don’t care how many times you repent or whatever Catholics do, you gotta be good. And like, you don’t just like, hope Yaweh turns your life good, you get out there and make your life good. Also, we ain’t creepy like Mormons, we don’t seek out people to convert. Everyone is already righteous in the eyes of Yaweh.”

“We actually have like, six hundred rules we are supposed to follow, but we’re not always the best, but my momma was Jewish, and I’m Jewish, and so are my children,” Elanor stated. “Do you have Jewish family?”

Alex shrugged.

“What was your momma’s last name?” John asked.

“Uh, Levine,” Alex mumbled. “Well, then she changed it to Lavien before she met my dad and changed it to Hamilton.”

John gave Alex a weird look. “Motherfucker, are you Jewish?”

“Am I?” Alex asked.

“Levine was like, high key one of the first Jewish surnames,” Martha laughed.

“I don’t think I can take on organized religion,” Alex admitted.

“Good,” Elanor nodded. “You got school, stay focused. No, Laurens was originally Laria, but my momma changed it to Laurens when she moved to America. It was the sixties, so what do you expect?” Elanor gripped the pole as the train came to a stop. “She lives back in the big PR now though.”

“Why’d she go back?” Alex asked.

Elanor shrugged. “I was grown, I was okay, she didn’t need to be in America anymore. She wanted me to grow up someone that wasn’t Puerto Rico because of all the poverty and storms.” She smiled. “I don’t think I’d want to live anywhere else besides Brooklyn.”

“You won’t have to,” John assured her.

They got to the Synagogue and found seats. Alex was surprised at how many people John knew. It was a lot of Hispanic people, a lot of people talking Spanish. Alex felt a little uncomfortable, but John placed his arm around Alex’s waist and began introducing him to people. Alex was a bit startled by the PDA but didn’t mind it, and easily melted into John’s arm.

“Yes, this is my absolute best friend,” John smiled, introducing Alex. “His name is Alexander Hamilton.”

“When’s the wedding?” The man asked, smiling.

John looked at Alex, thinking. “You know, I’ve always wanted a spring wedding. Maybe something in May?”

Alex, unable to tell if John was joking or not, just nodded.

“May, then,” John answered, smiling.

The man laughed and walked away, and John smiled, continuing to wall, his hand slipping to Alex’s waist. Alex found himself resting his head on John’s shoulder, letting John lead him around. His hand was over John’s as John talked to people.

“Does no one care that like, we’re…” Alex trailed off.

“Yeah, Leviticus said that sodomy ain’t funky fresh, but the Jewish religion ain’t never been about following text blindly,” John smiled. “You ain’t the first boy I brought here.” John gently kissed Alex’s cheek. “But I’m definitely playing up being romantic because I can’t exactly tell them we fuck buddies.”

“You could just say we’re friends,” Alex pointed out.

“Mm, that’s not as fun,” John chuckled, leaning against Alex a bit.

The service was about to start, so John sat down with his family, Alex pressed to his side. It was interesting, the service. Lots of praying was done, stories were told, but the environment was more relaxed. John had to be smacked by his mother at one point because he had started to lull, his head tilting down. Soon enough though, it was over, and Alex was just standing with John as he talked to another girl.

“John,” the Rabbie said, approaching them.

“Father, hello,” John smiled, shaking the Rabbi’s hand.

“Happy birthday,” the Rabbi smiled before walking away to talk to someone else.

“It’s your birthday?” Alex asked.

John rubbed the back of his neck. “I mean, maybe.”

“John, oh my God,” Alex gasped.

“Shh shh,” John said quickly, looking around to make sure no one heard that. “Lex, dude, you really shouldn’t be using the Lord’s name in vain here.”

“Sorry, sorry, but John, it’s your birthday? Why didn’t you tell me?” Alex asked.

“I ain’t exactly the biggest fan of celebrating it, I don’t think it’s worth it. My momma gon’ pick up some beers on our way home, Laf gots some weed, and then tonight I maybe gon’ go out to get some drinks, but that’s in. That invitation is extended to you, baby.”

Alex smiled. “I feel like I should’ve gotten you something.”

“There’s somethin’ I want that you can give me,” John smiled, leaning in and gently kissing Alex’s neck.

“John!” Alex squealed, laughed.

“Please, baby, please baby, just lemme smell it,” John whined.

“You freak,” Alex laughed.

John smiled and hugged Alex a bit tighter. “C’mon baby, you got that thick ass that I just want to-”

“John, we are in a place of Yaweh!”

John let out a sound when Martha grabbed him by the ear. “Damn, ma, you gotta ruin all my fun, don’t you?”

Martha huffed. “A’ight, well, momma says we gon’ pick up a few things for the roof party in ten, just some beer. Thomas and James are getting snacks, Laf has the weed, so they gon’ be joining us too.”

John nodded, pulling Alex a bit closer as Martha walked away. “Hey, you wanna go sit outback?”

Alex nodded and John lead him through some people, out to a small backyard area. It was a garden. A man and a women sat together on a bench near the back. John pulled Alex to lean against a fence. They were quiet for a moment, just the sound of their breathing reminding the other that they were still there.

“You have very pretty eyes, Johnathan,” Alex said finally, looking over to the man standing next to him. “I’ve been wanting to tell you since I met you.”

The compliment seemed to catch John off guard. He jumped, looking down and rubbing the back of his neck. “Oh, uh, I mean, uh, thank you.”

Alex smiled and found John’s other hand with his own, brushing his fingertips against John’s. “I think you’re really nice, John.”

John smiled a bit. “I think you nice too, Alex.”

Alex didn’t quite expect John to lean in and kiss him, but it was nice. John’s fingers interlaced with his. Alex smiled, leaning into John a little big as they kissed. He could feel the tickle of John’s slight facial hair against his own. Alex, personally, thought John’s lack of thick facial hair was cute. He liked it.

“Do you wanna come out and have drinks with me and Laf tonight?” John asked when he pulled away. “Thomas and James are gonna come too, and I just, maybe…”

Alex smiled, pecking John’s lips. “I would love to, but I have dinner with my cousin and I would rather not show up hungover.”

“Just don’t drink,” John suggested.

Alex gently patted John’s cheek. “Next time.”

John nodded and looked down and their hands. He brought Alex’s hand up and kissed his knuckles. “C’mon, my momma is probably ready to go.”

Alex followed John back inside and they found John’s mom was in fact, ready to leave. John let go of Alex’s hand and began walking with his family back to the subway, laughing at something Jem was saying. Alex laughed too, wishing he had just said yes.

On their way back to the building, John’s mom stopped in a corner store and bought a case of beer, which was carried the rest of the way by John. The family got home, and all changed into something more comfortable. Alex got a hoodie and some jeans from John, and John put his grill back in, changing into some Adidas joggers and a white tee shirt. They grabbed some plastic chairs and headed up to the roof. Lafayette was already up there, setting up some snacks and weed. Pappo came up after the family, with his boombox, and then Thomas and James, who brought more food and chairs.

“Yo, Laf, lemme get one!” John laughed. He took an extended joint and lit it up, taking a hit before handing one to his mom and sister. Laf lit one up, and so did Pappo and Thomas. Beer was opened, music was played, and it was a party.

“John, how you feelin’ now that you a fourth done with ya life?” Thomas asked, taking a deep his of the joint.

John shrugged. “I’m spending my twenties in med school, my thirties and forties working, so you know I’m gon’ be fuckin’ lit from the time I retire to the time I die.”

Elanor laughed. “John, that’s how I’m gon’ feel when I can finally retire from this damn job.”

“Nah, momma, you gon’ be a Spanish teacher in a Fort Greene brownstone by the time you retire, we been over this,” John stated, laughing as he took another hit from his blunt, sitting on the ground of the roof, leaning against Alex’s legs.

Elanor smiled. “John, you don’t have to buy me a house. I’m perfectly fine in our apartment.”

“Too bad,” John muttered under his breath, taking another hit of the blunt. Alex gently ran his fingers through John’s hair as he listened to John’s family and friends talk. The smell of pot filled the air as they drank and smoked. Alex had never really hung out with people like this. His old friends had always been so, just, tense, uptight. But this was relaxed.

Eventually, it cooled down, as it tended to do in late October in New York, so goodbyes were said and people went back inside. James, Thomas, Laf, and John agreed to leave in a few, so John went into his apartment with his family and found his grill, slipping it in and putting on another layer of deodorant.

“You sure you don’t wanna come?” John asked Alex as they walked downstairs together.

“I really should get home, John,” Alex chuckled, gently touching John’s arm. “But thank you for the invitation.”

John shrugged, walking out and meeting Laf, James, and Thomas on the stood. “A’ight, well, another time then.” John bro hugged Alex. “Thanks for showin’ up today.”

Alex nodded. “Yeah, of course. Bye.”

“Adios,” John waved.

Thomas looked to John. “He ain’t comin’?”

John shook his head, shrugging a bit and smiling. “He has dinner with his cousin or somethin’ tomorrow, so he needed to get home. C’mon, let’s go drink until we can’t walk.”

“I’ll be the designated driver,” James laughed.

“A’ight, James, I see you,” John laughed as they began walking towards a bar. Most of the walk was filled with little conversation, about nothing much really, and then they arrived at a club. “Okay, are you guys ready to get wasted?”

Lafayette held up a thumbs up and the four of them entered the club. 


	12. Truth Hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: My writing isn't THAT controversial 
> 
> This chapter: *exists*
> 
> Me: 
> 
> Me: Oh

****Both John and Martha were a little nervous as they sat in the waiting room of the Planned Parenthood clinic. Martha was sipping iced coffee, bouncing her leg and trying to take deep breaths. John had his hand over hers, trying to comfort her.

She had taken a pregnancy test a few days ago, and it had come back positive. She had a panic attack in the bathroom and John had locked everyone else out, trying to calm her down. No one knew, no one except her and John. Neither of them had ever been to a Planned Parenthood, but it was calming.

“Hey, look, I’m not tryna, like, you know, take control of your body or shit, but I just want to make sure you want to do this, and you doin’ this, not because you think it’s what you have to do, but because you know it’s what’s best for you,” John started. “Aye, yo, that rhymed. I gotta write that down.”

Martha laughed. “John, I can’t have a kid right now.”

“But like, do you want to? Do you want to do this? ‘Cause I can…” John bit the inside of his cheek for a second. “I can drop out, I can-”

“Johnathan Elanor Laurens, I don’t want to hear another word outta that damn mouth of yours,” Martha scoffed. “Trust me, I know this is for the best. Besides, you really tryna second guess my decision in a Planned Parenthood?”

“I just wanna make sure you good!” John defended. “You my lil’ sis, Marty, I gots a legal obligation to take care of you, and I’m always gonna worry, no matter how old you get, how old I get, how big of a Planned Parenthood we in.”

Martha rolled her eyes, smiling. “You were smarter before you stated T, I think.”

John nodded. “Nah, nah, once I started drinkin’ man juice, I really just, like, dumbed down. I mean, my whole ass gender be sayin’ ladies can’t run the country or some shit, but God damn, as a man, we are in  _no_ place to be havin’ nuclear codes, and I’m like, a med student.”

Martha laughed.

“Nah, nah, like, Martha, you don’t get it, all men share the same four brain cells, and all of the time, Neil Degrasse Tyson has them,” John continued, just hoping to help his sister feel a little better. “Like, I’m in med school, and this week, I forgot what toes were called. Toes, Martha.”

Martha let out another laugh, covering her mouth.

“I called them baby fingers for ya feet,” John stated. “I’m supposed to be a doctor in two years.”

Martha leaned against John’s shoulder, shaking with laughter and trying to get her brother to stop talking.

“You got a thing for baby fingers on ya feet?” John asked. “A baby fingers on ya feet fetish?”

“John!” Martha gasped. “You’re so stupid.”

“Damn, B, you know I know that that’s what this whole conversation been about,” John chuckled.

“Martha?” A doctor’s voice called.

Martha stopped laughing and both her and John stood up. John gently touched Martha’s arm and the two began walking, following the doctor. Martha looked shaky as she sat down, but John sat right now next to her, letting the doctor pulled out her clipboard.

“Alright, Martha, today you’re here for an abortion, is that correct?” The doctor asked softly, gently reaching forward and patting Martha’s hand.

Martha nodded. “I just, I can’t have a child right now, and I-”

“You don’t need to give me your reasons,” the doctor assured her. “I trust you to know that you are making the right decision. I’m Dr. Baptiste, and this is?”

“This is my brother, John,” Martha stated.

“Aye, wassup,” John nodded.

“Alright, well, Martha, I’m going to need to do a quick ultrasound, just to know what method we should use,” Dr. Baptiste stated, standing up. “You don’t have to look if it makes you feel better. This has only to do with the medical procedure.”

Martha nodded and closed her eyes. John took her hand and the doctor did the ultrasound. John didn’t want to look either, so he kept his eyes down, looking at where his freckled hand met Martha’s. Martha squeezed his hand lightly, then opened her eyes when she felt Dr. Baptiste wipe the gel off of her stomach.

“Alright, we’re going to do a quick procedure,” Dr. Baptiste stated. “You will be put under medication, so John, you need to make sure she gets home, alright? It won’t knock her out, but it might make her moody or ditzy.”

John nodded.

“Now, you may feel symptoms like period cramps during the procedure, as well as for maybe a day afterward. Any pregnancy symptoms should be totally gone in the next three days. If you notice heavy bleeding, like, needing two heavy duty tampons or pads in two hours, stomach pains that don’t go away with pain medication, or if you have a fever of over a hundred one hundred point four, go to the emergency room. These symptoms are incredibly rare though, seeing as this is an in-clinic abortion with sterilized tools.” Dr. Baptiste pulled out a medical blanket and then unfolded two things for Martha to rest her feet on from the bed. “I’m going to need you to remove your pants and underwear, but I have a blanket so you don’t feel so exposed. You can ask your brother to leave or-”

“No, no, can he please, I don’t want him to leave,” Marth said quickly.

“He doesn’t have to,” Dr. Baptiste assured her. “I just want you to be comfortable.”

Martha nodded.

“If at any point, you feel pain more than just discomfort adjacent to period cramps, tell me,” Dr. Baptiste coaxed as Martha put the medical blanket over her lower have and awkwardly slipped her pants and underwear down. John closed his eyes and turned away, just in case something happened. He didn’t want his sister to feel uncomfortable.

“Is it just you?” Martha asked quietly as Dr. Baptiste pulled up a chair.

Dr. Baptiste nodded. “If you would like a nurse, I could go get one.”

Martha shook her head. “I was just wondering. I’ve always seen abortions as some, some scary thing, I didn’t think it’d be this relaxing.”

“We try to make sure our patients feel as safe as they can while getting an abortion,” Dr. Baptiste stated as she pulled over a tray. “This may feel cold, dear.”

“Hoo, oh, goodness, it’s chilly,” Martha laughed nervously. “How long does this usually take?”

“I’m injecting the pain killers, you may feel woozy or drowsy, but that’s normal,” the doctor assured her. “The operation itself takes about five or ten minutes, but we want you to stay in our recovery room for a few hours, just to make sure you’re okay.”

“John, you don’t gotta stay with me,” Martha stated.

“Nah, I brought my books for a reason. You rest up, I’ll get some studying done,” John stated. “Yaweh knows I be needin’ it.”

“If I can ask, John, what are you studying?” Dr. Baptiste questioned.

“He’s in med school, wants to be an ER doctor,” Martha answered.

“What school?” Dr. Baptiste asked.

“Fifth-year SUNY student,” John smiled proudly. “Hey, Marty, you’re doing great.”

“Yes, you are,” Dr. Baptiste agreed.

The operation went by, and soon enough, Martha was dozing on a recovery bed while John studied and wrote things down, texting Alex a bit on and off as he did. John, while wanting to respect his sister's privacy,  _really_ wished he could see her chart, just to quiz himself on what it all meant. This year was his last year of class teaching. Next year, he would be in hospitals a lot of the time.

Finally, about three hours later, Martha woke up, sitting up and looking around. “Are we still here?”

“Yuh,” John nodded. “Whenever you wanna go home, it’s cool. Your doctor came by a little while ago, and you just gotta sign yourself out, and I gotta sign something saying I’m with you. If you ain’t ready yet, you can sleep a little longer. I don’t mind.”

Martha rubbed her eyes, shaking her head. “I don’t wanna go back to home just yet. Do you think one of your friends would let us crash at his place?”

“I mean, Laf is prolly our best bet,” John shrugged. “You want I should call him?”

Martha nodded, closing her eyes.

John pulled out his phone and called Laf, waiting until he picked up. “Aye, yo, dude, me ‘n’ my sis wanna spend the night. That cool? Or are you busy?”

“Nah, it’s cool,” Laf replied. “I was about to order some Mexican, you want anything?”

“One sec,” John muttered, pulling the phone away from his ear. “Marty, you want Mexican?”

“Rice and beans,” Martha stated. “It’s the only thing that I feel like I can stomach right now.”

John nodded and put the phone back to his ear. “A’ight, two orders of rice and beans. You need cash or something to pay?”

“Nah, I just got paid like, this week, so I’m doin’ cool,” Laf replied. “When you gon’ be over?”

“Eh, twenty minutes maybe?” John shrugged.

“A’ight, see you soon,” Laf bid before hanging up.

John looked at Martha. “Take ya time. I’m ready when you are.”

Martha let out a large yawn, before getting off her bed. She was a bit wobbly, but John let her lean against him as they walked. She signed herself out, and John signed something before they hit the streets. They made it to the subway and John luckily saved a seat for Martha, earning a glare from an older gentleman. John didn’t give it a second thought, standing in front of Martha and waiting for them to get to Fort Greene. They got there, and Martha was definitely woozy, so she leaned against John the whole way. They stopped at a bodega, picking up some Midol and ginger tea before finally getting to Laf’s apartment. Martha was tired again by the time John used his spare key to get in.

“Yo, Laf!” John called out.

“Aye, waddup?” Laf laughed, coming to the living room where Martha was taking off her shoes. “Damn, Marty, you look rough.”

“I just had an abortion,” Martha mumbled, yawning a bit.

Laf obviously didn’t expect that, and his whole body tensed.

“Can she lie down somewhere?” John asked.

“Yeah, yeah, Herc’s room,” Laf stated. “He’s not gonna be back until tomorrow, so it’s been pretty empty except for when I raid his closet for clean clothes.” Lafayette helped show Martha to his room. “You can steal his clothes if you want to.”

Martha nodded and climbed onto Herc’s bed, curling up and falling asleep.

Laf turned to John as they walked back into the living room. “So, an abortion?”

John raised an eyebrow at Laf. “What about it?”

Laf opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again.

“Dude, either stop imitating a fish and spit it out, or don’t say anything at all,” John stated, his face almost scary.

“I’ll say nothing at all,” Laf decided.

“Smart,” John muttered. “Food here?”

“Not yet,” Laf mumbled, grabbing the remote and turning on the TV. “What you wanna watch?”

John sighed as Laf flicked through channels. “You get those court shows? Like, the ones with the real cases but their all so stupid?”

Laf nodded, clicking on one. “While you’re watching this, can I give you head?”

John laughed and looked over at Laf. “Why?”

He shrugged. “Just in the mood to give someone head.”

John thought for a moment before lying back on the couch, letting Lafayette slip down his shorts and boxers. Lafayette gave John head until the food came, to which he stopped, and they began eating. Martha’s was left on the counter for when she was ready, but she seemed pretty fast asleep. When Laf and John finished their food, a makeout session turned into some quiet fucking in Laf’s bedroom with a nice finish for the both of them. When they got out, they found Martha sitting on the couch.

“You two have fun?” Martha asked.

John paused, then nodded. “We did.”

“Thanks for the food Laf,” Martha mumbled, sitting down and hugging her stomach. “Do you have any painkillers? Like, Aleve or something?”

John looked over at Martha. “How bad is it?”

“Not too bad,” Martha mumbled, leaning against him a bit. “I just feel tired.”

Lafayette handed her some pills and water. “Do you need anything?”

Martha shook her head. “I just need to relax a bit. The painkillers will help.” She sighed, grabbing a pillow and hugging it. “Don’t tell mom.”

“We won’t,” John promised.

“Wait, your mom don’t know?” Laf asked.

Martha shook her head.

“I would think that’s the kind of thing you like, tell her instantly,” Laf mumbled.

“I’ll tell her eventually I think,” Martha mumbled, her head leaning against John’s shoulder. “Just not right now. When things settle down.”

“Do you have work tomorrow?” John asked.

Martha shook her head. “I told my boss what I was doing and he gave me the next two days off to relax, which is nice. I’ll just, I’ll chill tomorrow, and then I’ll be okay. I just gotta…” Martha nodded off, conking out while leaning against John. John chuckled a bit and looked back to the TV. Lafayette grabbed a beer for both of them and they sipped it and watched the court show. They didn’t mean to stay up late, but soon enough, it was two am, and they were watching old Disney shows. Martha was stretched out on the couch, hugging a pillow while Laf and John sat on the floor.

“You still not gon’ do nothing ‘bout Herc?” John asked, looking over at Laf.

“You know what? You really don’t need to hound me ‘bout my relationships when you’re too pussy to do anything either,” Laf snapped.

John was taken aback. “Laf, I hate to break it to you, but I ain’t got feelings for no one right now, so stop assuming that ‘cause I’m hookin’ up with whoever, I want to get long term. Yeah, I have Alex, but just because he’s new, don’t mean I want to date him, a’ight? If I had feelings for Alex, I wouldn’t be fuckin’ around still, I’d tell him. That’s the difference between you and me. I’m honest with myself, and all the people around me.” John took a sip of his beer. “Honestly, I don’t care, spend the rest of your life pining over Herc, or tell him right now, but don’t you go assumin’ shit about me. If I got shit to say, I’m gon’ say it.”

Lafayette looked down at his beer. “It’s not easy.”

“Shit dude, it ain’t ever been,” John mumbled. “Get that Uno reverse card on fear, and fess the hell up. Just, damn. I ain’t the one who supposed to get you to do everything.”

Lafayette looked at the TV for a second, thinking. “You know, I think you’re one of the best friends I could ever have. I mean, dude, you like, twenty-five, how you so real?”

“I don’t give a fuck what people think of me Laf, and neither should you,” John stated. “Dude, the trick is, whatever you think? You just gotta say it sometimes, otherwise, what you even doin’ with your life? Is shit even worth it?”

Laf shrugged and looked down. “For real though, what is goin’ on with you and Alex?”

Johns shrugged. “Not much. He’s cool though. We been hookin’ up, we just chillin’ though, it ain’t nothin’ serious.”

“You guys your eyes on anyone?” Laf asked.

“Nah, but I also been hookin’ up with this chick named Ria, and damn, she fine as fuck, and she a sneakerhead, too, so afterward, we just talk about Jordans.” John laughed. “And you know, like, we were hookin’ up last night, and I sucked toes for the first time. Like, I ain’t ever done that before, but shit, she got some nice toes.”

“So you were into it?” Laf chuckled.

John nodded. “Damn, shawty got thighs that gon’ kill me one day.”

Lafayette laughed. “Anyone else?”

“Nah, it be schoolin’ season, so I try to keep my side flings down to three or four, and currently I got you, Lex, and Ria. Course, if you and Herc hook up, I’m gon’ find someone else.”

“Oh, yeah, we gon’ have to stop havin’ sex if Herc and I hook up,” Laf groaned. “Maybe you can be both me and Herc’s friend with benefits.”

John snorted. “Damn, I know I’m fine, but I didn’t know I be that good.”

Lafayette tilted his head back. “I hate monogamy. I don’t want to do it but I want to be with Herc. You know?”

“Then just tell him that. People make that shit work all the time,” John shrugged. “I dunno, I’m like, twenty-five, I don’t want to settle down either. I tried that, it sucked.”

“For everyone,” Laf chuckled. “You ain’t been talkin’ to her lately, right?”

John shook his head. “Nada. Shit been hella quiet, and I don’t follow her on anything, and we ain’t ever had mutual friends. Besides, all yous kinda just, ghosted her after we broke up.”

“‘Cause she was a bitch,” Laf spat.

“She wasn’t, she was just…” John shook his head. “A bitch.”

“A bitch,” Laf finished. “Nah, you seem happier when you just fuckin’ around, so I think you should keep doin’ that.”

John nodded and finished off his beer. “I’m gon’ get another beer. You want another?”

“Yeah, sure, thanks,” Lafayette replied, finishing off his beer and handing his empty bottle to John. John stood up and made his way into the kitchen. He put the bottles on the floor where all the other recycled bottles were going. He pulled out two new bottles and was about to walk back to the living room, when the front door opened and Hercules walked in, holding a suitcase and a backpack.

“Herc!” John exclaimed.

“Aye! John!” Herc yelled, letting go of his suitcase and pulling John into a big hug. “I missed you, man!”

“Herc?” Laf gasped, coming into the kitchen. “Dude, I thought you weren’t getting home until tomorrow!”

“My sister got our flights moved up,” Herc smiled. “I’m, I’m just back now, I guess. No, we uh, we flew in from Amsterdam.” Herc pulled Lafayette into a hug. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Lafayette replied, hugging Herc tightly, burying his face in the crook of Herc’s neck. They stood like that for a while, and John busied himself, grabbing another beer for Herc and opening them up.

“John, what are you doin’ here, if you don’t mind me asking,” Herc questioned, finally pulling away from Laf and taking an extended beer.

“Uh, my sister had an operation, and she didn’t want to go home, so we were hanging out here. She’s asleep on the couch, right now,” John stated.

“Shit, what happened?” Herc asked.

“Ah, she uh, um…” John looked over at Martha, before looking back. “Don’t mention it, but she got an abortion. She just couldn’t go home yet.”

Herc nodded. “Well, she’s free to stay as long as she needs. Is she doin’ okay?”

John shrugged, offering a half smile. “She’s pretty out of it right now, just because of the pain meds and all, but like, she’s not freakin’ out or anything.”

“You and her can crash in my room,” Herc stated. “That couch ain’t comfortable.”

“Dude, nah, you just got home, I don’t wanna-”

“Nah, it’s cool, John, I’ll just bunk with Laf,” Herc smiled, clapping Laf’s shoulder. “Wouldn’t be the first time, and prolly ain’t gon’ be the last time.”

“I mean, a’ight, if it’s cool with Laf,” John shrugged.

Lafayette nodded.

“Cool,” Herc smiled.

“Mm, you mother fuckers be too fuckin’ loud,” Martha mumbled, getting up and coming over. “Oh, hey Herc!”

“Hey, ma, what’s happening?” Herc laughed, pulling her into a hug. “It’s good to see ya face, shawty.”

John put his arm in front of Martha. “Aye, yo, homie, that my sister.”

“I know the rules of the bro code, dude,” Herc laughed, holding up his hand. “No siblings, no parents, and no cousins.”

“Thank you,” John huffed.

“Damn, no, see Herc, he thinks he got any kinda control over me, but he don’t know I slept with like, most of the friends he had,” Martha laughed.

“What? Who?” John asked.

“Maria, Nathan, Jack from high school, Benny,” Martha listed.

John groaned, letting his head fall back. “If you gon’ sleep around, please keep it out of my friend circle.”

“Then damn, stop having such hot friends,” Martha shrugged, laughed.

John groaned. “You want a beer?”

Martha shook her head. “Nah, I’m just gon’ go back to sleep.”

“Herc said we could use his room tonight, and he gon’ crash with Laf.” John chugged the last couple of sips of his beer. “C’mon, Herc looks beat, and Laf and me don’t be too much better right now.”

Herc nodded. “I don’t think I’ve slept for the past month.”

“God, dude,” Laf chuckled, throwing his arm around Herc as they walked to his room. “Night, guys.”

“Night!” John called back as he and his sister walked to Herc’s room. They both laid down, John slept above the blankets, Martha slept under them. Being siblings, they had shared a bed before, many times in fact, and they always gave each other enough space.

“So, what’s goin’ on with Herc and Laf?” Martha asked. “He got feelings?”

“Why do you ask?” John mumbled.

“I’m a light sleeper,” Martha chuckled.

“Laf just needs to grow a pair,” John replied. “Go to sleep.”

“You don’t gotta ask me twice,” Martha groaned, falling asleep. It didn’t take much longer for John to close his eyes and pass out too. He was happy though because right as he fell asleep, he swore he heard the sound of springs creaking.

The next morning, everyone met at the breakfast table. Herc flinched as he sat down, and Lafayette smiled proudly, pulling out a bunch of different take out boxes. They probably needed food to get eaten, so everyone dug in.

“So, how was your night?” Martha asked, looking between Laf and Herc.

“Fine, nothing happened,” Herc answered quickly.

Martha looked at John. “They really are bad liars.”

John eyed Lafayette, who was staring intently at his old Chinese takeout. “Yeah, this shit old news.”


	13. Complicated

“Do you want to meet my cousin?” Alex asked.

John choked on his coffee, slamming her thermos down and pounding his chest as he coughed, trying to get the coffee out of his lungs and into his stomach. Because it was med school though, he instantly had a bunch of people telling him to lean forward and relax his throat to let the liquid come out via gravity, so that’s what he did, and it worked.

“Jesus, I didn’t mean to freak you out,” Alex laughed, rubbing John’s back.

“Why do you want me to like, meet ya cousin?” John questioned quickly. “I mean, like, ain’t he some hoity-toity like you?”

“I’m not hoity-toity,” Alex huffed.

“A’ight, whatever you say, culo apretado,” John smiled.

“Culo apretado,” Alex repeated, whipping out his phone.

“Wait, wait, Alex, hold up, don’t-”

It was too late. Alex had typed it into Google translate and was scoffing at the screen. The words ‘tight ass’ stared back at him and John could hear Peggy say ‘good luck’ from behind them. Alex scoffed and smacked John’s shoulder.

“Ass,” Alex commented.

“Linda culo,” John corrected.

Alex typed that in and rolled his eyes. “You’re too cocky for your own good. But, seriously, do you want to meet him? I’ve been talking about you and he says he wants you to come over for dinner this Sunday.”

“Do you want me to come?” John asked, reaching over and doodling a flower on the homework sheet Alex was finishing up before Washington, who was late, walked through the door.

“Sure, you’re my friend, and it seems only fair that you meet my family since I’ve met yours,” Alex chuckled.

“A’ight, then I’m there. What should I wear?” John sipped his coffee again, before pulling out the homework that he finished.

Alex shrugged a bit. “Something nice. Not ripped and ratty jeans.”

John frowned and looked down at his jeans, which were, by definition, ripped and ratty. “I think I look great.”

Alex smiled and rubbed the wisps of facial hair under John’s chin. “I never said you didn’t. Just, my cousin has higher standards than I do.”

John gasped. “There’s people who have higher standards than you?”

Alex was about to chew him out, but Washington walked in, so the Carribean settled for a subtle kick to the shin, which made John laugh. Alex scribbled something down on a sticky note and stuck it to John’s arm before beginning to pay attention.

John chuckled and pulled it off, reading it. ‘Five o’clock, Sunday, meet me at my place, and please, try not to wear Jordans.’

-

It was five o’clock on Sunday, and John’s Jordans hit the floor as he walked to Alex’s apartment. Of course, he wasn’t going to listen to that request. He didn’t know what kind of crack Alex was on, writing that down, but John ignored it easily. His mom did make sure he looked nice. He borrowed a flannel from Henry and then threw on a white tee shirt and khaki joggers. He wore his prayer Jordans, by his mom's request, since she did want him to look nice. John knew his red and white Jordans would’ve looked better, but the black ones looked more professional.

John knocked on Alex’s door, and Alex opened it up, a towel around his waist. John was a little shocked by that but smiled nonetheless. “Hey, Lex.”

Alex pulled him in. “Hey! I’m like, a bit behind schedule, but that’s okay. Come in, come in. My cousin lives over on Columbia, in the waterfront district, so-”

“Damn!” John gasped. “He really flexin’ on my broke ass, ain’t he?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “So we should leave in twenty minutes.”

John flopped down on Alex’s bed. “Or we could be late and you could ride my face.”

“Speaking of things in your mouth, grill out and on my nightstand,” Alex reminded, slipping on some boxers.

“But how I gon’ get it back?” John asked.

“When you come back to my place tonight and we have sex,” Alex replied, smiling.

John pumped his fist, taking out his grill and setting it on Alex’s nightstand. It always felt weird to not have his grill in. He had bought it when he was seventeen, and it had held up. It was just gold, covering his bottom teeth. He pulled it off though.

“So what even is your cousin like?” John asked, flipping through a magazine Alex had on his nightstand.

Alex, half war through putting on a blue short sleeve button up, paused. “Uh, he’s, he’s intense, to say the least. He’s on my mother’s side, Nicholas Crugar. Uh, no, after my mother died, I moved up to America with him.”

“Wait, your mother died?” John asked.

Alex gave John a strange look. “Uh, yeah, it’s the reason I live with someone who’s not my parents.”

“And your dad?” John asked.

“Uh, I wasn’t technically his child, and he knew that, so he left,” Alex shrugged. “We corresponded through letters a little bit, but that was really it.”

“How’d your mom die?” John asked.

“Yellow fever,” Alex answered plainly. “I got it too, but I didn’t die due to some miracle.”

“Dude, shit, I mean, are you okay?” John asked.

Alex nodded. “It was over a decade ago. I’m not still hung up on this. I mean, it’s sad, but-” Alex checked his hair in the mirror. “-It’s not the bane of my existence. I just moved on.”

John hummed.

“Are you ready?” Alex asked.

John sat up and smiled. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

“Okay, so we’re taking the F train from Church Avenue, and then we take it to Jay street, the metro tech station, and we gotta walk up to the Smith Street station, where we take the B sixty-one train to Columbia street, and then my cousin’s house is like, a four minute walk from there,” Alex explained as they left the apartment.

“I don’t think I ever really been to the waterfront district,” John admitted. “No, I did once, and I got the cops called on me.”

“Why’d you get the cops called on you?” Alex asked.

“‘Cause it was me, Herc, and Laf, in a neighborhood full of rich white folk,” John stated.

“And…?” Alex pressed.

“And that’s it,” John finished.

“So why’d someone call the cops?” Alex continued.

“Mother fucker, you really ain’t ever had the cops called on your for existin’?” John asked.

Alex shook his head.

“Damn, that’s some real shit privilege right now,” John nodded. “Nah, it was just ‘cause we were a bunch of black and brown kids in a rich neighborhood, so automatically we were seen as folk who be comin’ ‘round to vandalize stuff.”

Alex shook his head as they walked into the station. “That’s dumb.”

John nodded. “Life is alright in America if you’re all white in America.”

“West Side Story,” Alex identified as they got on the F train.

“Hell yeah, I loved that musical growin’ up. It was like, one of the five musicals with Hispanic leads,” John laughed. “Me and my siblings can do ever Jets song there is. And our high school did West Side Story once, and Marty was the best Maria New York ever seen with a big ol’ honorable mention to Natalie Wood and Rachel Zegler.”

“I haven’t heard of Zegler, who’s she?” Alex asked.

“A’ight, so they makin’ a new West Side Story movie, and Zegler be playin’ Maria. I met her grandma a few times, just ‘cause I used to be a yard work dude, and I was doin’ a thing over on Charles Street in New Jersey, and Mrs. Zegler brought me and a few of the dudes I was working with some lemonade. Real nice lady.”

Alex smiled and nodded.

“So, you got your eyes on anyone?” John asked, filling silence.

Alex chuckled. “Like, what do you mean?”

“Like, dating material.”

Alex coughed a bit, feeling his cheeks darken. Did John know? His mind raced. He felt like if John knew, it would just be awkward, and Alex didn’t want to make this night awkward. But, if John does know, and Alex just lies about it, what if John would feel hurt? Alex was panicking, trying to figure out what to say.

Meanwhile, John was reading some add on the subway, chuckling at the face of the guy on the poster.

“Not really, I guess,” Alex answered, his voice going up an octave.

“Alex, dude, look at that guys face, on the poster add thing,” John laughed, turning Alex so he could see the add too.

Alex laughed, anxiety still bubbling in his chest.

“Dude, New York has some crazy adds, but they funny as shit,” John laughed. “Look at that one.” He put on a stoner face and began air guitaring. “My credit is in the green! Time for an _air guitar solo_!”

Alex snorted.

“Cellino and Barnes! Injury attorney!” John sang. “Eight hundred, eight eight eight, eight eight eight eight.” John laughed a bit. “Don’t wait, call eight.”

“Aamco Car Care, Hyundai, and the Tri-State Ford Dealers,” Alex shot back, trying to mimic the add voice.

“Ace is the place with the helpful hardware parts,” John continued, doing a little dance. They were getting some weird looks, but it was okay.

“Call Stanley Steamers your carpet cleaners!” Alex sang, throwing his head back and laughing.

John smiled and gripped the pole as they train stopped at a stop that wasn’t theirs. “Dude, you know, those commercials been around since I like, moved here.”

“Same,” Alex nodded.

“Nah, Pappo gets the game on his boombox, so whenever it’s baseball season, it’s just me and him and a few other neighbors, sitting on the stoop and listening. The Italian ice goes by every fifteen minutes because he knows everyone is gon’ drop another three dollars on some ice. We all just sitting on the stood, sweatin’ our asses off. We all just wearing bathin’ suits and shit, because it’s hot.”

Alex chuckled. “That sounds really nice.”

“Everyone cheering with John Sterling,” John laughed. “Ballgame over! Yankees win! The _Yankees win_!”

Alex laughed as the train pulled into their stop. They got off and walked to the other station, getting on the B sixty-one train. Since the train was more crowded, their voices were quieter, and they were closer together from the amount of people, but eventually got to the right stop. Alex took John’s hand and pulled him along to his cousin’s house.

“Does your cousin know we fuck?” John asked.

“No! Of course not!” Alex gasped. “Why would he?”

“I dunno, homie, some of my cousin’s know who I fuck because we chill as fuck,” John laughed. “It be like that sometimes.”

“Okay, before we go in, please, no cursing, no elbows on the table, use a napkin, no talk of your sex life, no talk of other people’s sex life, no-”

John cut him off. “Alex, I know how to act in public. Obviously, if your cousin is more of a culo apretado than you, I’m gon’ be polite ‘n’ shit. I ain’t an animal.”

Alex nodded, placing both hands on John’s arms. “I know, I just, my cousin makes me really anxious, and I just, I don’t-” Alex sighed. “Just…”

John leaned forward and kissed Alex’s forehead. “I’ll be good.”

Alex nodded, closing his eyes. “You are already good, John.”

John laughed as they walked to the door. “Damn, that was some sweet shit. Thank you.”

Alex walked up to the house and opened the door, pulling John in. Instantly, there was a dog, barking and wagging its tail as it ran over to Alex and John. John gasped and instantly dropped to sit on the floor, petting the dog.

“Bebé cachorro bebé pequeño, muy lindo, te amo tanto que eres tan perfecto, te amo pequeño perrito,” John cooed, petting the dog and laughing.

He kept doting on it in Spanish, laughing and giving kisses, so Alex pulled out his phone and recorded some of what John was saying into Google Translate, pressing record so he could try to understand what John was saying.

“Eres un perro muy hermoso, mira tus patitas y tu cara perfecta, eres tan adorable, te quiero tanto, eres tan lindo,” John laughed, letting the dog lick his face.

Alex ended the recording and let Translate load for second, then smiled at the translation. ‘You are a very beautiful dog, look at your little legs and your perfect face, you are so adorable, I love you so much, you are so cute.’ John was obviously happy, petting the stubby blue heeler named Peanut.

“That’s Peanut,” Alex filled in.

“Sí, eres un poco de maní, ¿verdad? Mira qué gordita eres, bebé,” John laughed. “Bueno Maní, muy bueno.”

“Alexander?”

John turned. “Nick, hello. This is my friend John, the one I mentioned would be coming to dinner. He’s currently-” Alex looked back at John, who was doting on the dog. “He doesn’t have a dog, so I’m sure he’s just excited to see one.”

“There’s for real no dogs in Brooklyn,” John stated, looking up. “Unless you be countin’ the men, amirite, Alex?” John snorted a bit, standing up. “Hi, I’m John E. Laurens, atcha service.” John bowed a bit. “And you?”

“I’m Nicholas,” Alex’s cousin replied, looking unimpressed.

John got up and shook his hand. “Real dope to meet you. I been hearin’ about you from Alex, hella.”

Nicholas nodded. “Well, let’s go eat.”

John nodded, smiling without a care in the world, as he began to walk, following Nicholas. Alex grabbed his arm for a second, pulling him back.

“Alright, I’m gonna sound like the shittiest person in the world for saying this, but can you turn off the Brooklyn voice for an evening?” Alex asked quietly.

John’s smile faltered for a second and became almost slightly ingenuine. “I can’t turn it off, Alex. It’s just how I be.”

“Yes, sorry,” Alex nodded as they continued walking. To ensure that his apology was genuine, Alex gently brushed his fingers against John’s. John’s hand lightly curled around Alex’s before letting go as they walked into the dining room. Nicholas was already sitting, as well as another man, older than Alex and John by a good five years at least.

“Alexander,” the stranger greeted.

Alex offered a wry smile, sitting down with John. “James, how wonderful it is to see you again. Is Maine treating you well?”

“I suppose,” James replied. “Business is slow, dull. And how is Brooklyn?”

Alex nodded lightly, serving himself some of the food on the table. It was just salad and pasta and some bread. It wasn’t Alex’s favorite meal, but it would suffice. “Fine. I’m getting good marks, and my professors are kind.”

John felt the weight of the awkward atmosphere. This was the kind of environment that formed serial killers. He didn’t miss the way Nicholas looked at him as if he were a specimen.

“Who is your friend?” James asked.

“James, this is my friend from med school, John,” Alex introduced. “John, this is my brother, James.”

“Wait, shut the front door, you got a brother?” John laughed. “You act like you was raised an only child.”

“Were,” James corrected. “You act like you _were_ raised as an only child.”

“To his their own,” John smiled. “What was Alex like as a child?”

“He was a girl,” James stated.

Alex coughed.

John’s lips tightened. “I don’t think Alex was ever a girl.” He could feel Alex’s foot nudge him under the table. “Anyway, what was he like?”

“Quiet, shy, didn’t talk much,” James stated vaguely. “He was often in his own world.”

“Wow, Alex, you’re tellin’ me that there was a time where you were quiet?” John laughed, gently nudging Alex. “I don’t think no one would believe that now.”

“You can’t even talk,” Alex laughed, smiling for the first time since they entered the house. “I can’t even get you to shut up sometimes.”

John laughed, leaning forward a bit. “You can.”

Alex rolled his eyes and took a bite of his food.

“So, John, what is your story?” Nicholas asked.

John shrugged. “I live in Fort Greene projects with my momma and my siblings, I’m in med school, aspiring to be an ER doc. Uh, yeah, there’s really not a lot to me. I been in Brooklyn since I was fourteen, and I don’t see myself ever leaving.”

“Do you work?” James asked.

John nodded. “I uh, I pick up shifts at a bar near my home. Most of my siblings work too, ‘cept for Mary, but only ‘cause she still twelve.” John took a bite of the food. “This is good. It reminds me of when I was workin’ on Charles street in Jersey, and Mrs. Tremititi, a real sweet lady, she made me and the guys I was workin’ with some pasta ‘cause we were workin’ real late. She was real nice.” John sipped his water.

“Why a doctor, John?” Nicholas asked.

John shrugged. “It paid well, and I been wantin’ to buy my momma a house.”

“And do you get good Marks?” Nicholas continued.

John shrugged and nodded.

“He’s top in our class,” Alex ratted, nudging John. “Don’t be so modest.”

“I’ll be whatever I want to be,” John shot back playfully, winking at Alex.

Alex rolled his eyes and looked back down at his food, his cheeks heating up as John’s equally ugly and beautiful laughter rang through the room. He, by no means, had a beautiful laugh. It was just… weird. He did everything but the typical thing you heard in a laugh. It was unique though, and Alex could pick it out in a group of people.

“So, tell us of your relationship to my brother,” James urged, waving his fork a bit.

John looked up. “What of it?”

“The romantic side it obviously holds,” James stated as if it was obvious.

“Oh, uh, no, nah, me and your brother, we ain’t…” John swallowed hard. The discomfort was growing in his stomach. He felt like he was being interrogated or something. “We like, we friends. Just friends.”

James obviously didn’t believe him.

“I’m like…” John trailed off, remembering Alex asking him not to discuss his sex life but wondering if that was James’ goal.

“You what? Is my brother the only person you act like this with? Because if so-”

“No, he ain’t,” John cut in. “I’m close with all my friends.”

“Define close,” James pushed.

John paused. “I think what goes on between me and my friends is between me and my friends.” John looked down at his food, then over Alex, who was staring at the table with wide eyes. So, John did the only thing he knew how. He hummed a low tone in his throat and pulled out his phone. “Oh, shit, Alex, Washington is doing an extra credit lecture in half an hour.”

“What?” Alex asked.

“He says it’s only extra credit, but I think, because it’s, it’s almost like, Christmas break, we should go, yeah?” John stated. “I mean, I’m gonna. We can make it if we head out _right now_.”

Alex took the hint. “Shit, yeah, let’s just go.”

John got up. “Alright, Nicholas, James, it was dope to like, chill with yous, but me ‘n’ Alex gon’ go get some extra credit points right now. Bye!”

“Uh, goodbye,” Nicholas mumbled, almost confused.

John and Alex bolted out of the house, John giving the dog one last pet before leaving. The speedily walked to the station, trying to recover from the amount of tension. They were pretty quiet until they got onto the train, and then John looked at Alex with wide eyes.

“Wow!” John gasped.

“Wow!” Alex echoed.

“You gots a brother!” John gasped. “He asked me about my sex life. Alex, you told me not to talk about it, but you ain’t _ever_ said what to do if someone asked! Oh, God, and that comment about you when you were a kid? Shit, dude, it took hella strength to not dive over the table at that shit.”

“I’m glad you didn’t,” Alex admitted.

“A’ight, here’s what we gon’ do,” John started. “We gon’ stop by Laf’s work, get some weed, order some Mexican food, and then…” John pulled Alex closer, looking around to make sure no one was listening in. “I’ll show you just what happens between me and my friends.”

Alex chuckled and nipped at John’s earlobe. “Oh yeah?”

John’s hand slipped between Alex’s legs, letting hot breath blow across the Carribean’s neck. “Yeah.” John nipped at Alex’s neck. “But first, you gon’ see where Laf works.”

“Yeah, what does Laf do?” Alex asked, pulling back a bit, still well aware of John’s hand between his thighs, applying a bit of pressure.

“He’s a delivery boy for an illegal weed service,” John answered. “It pays hella, and he can be high on the job.” John pecked Alex’s lips. “I got paid on Thursday, so I can afford a little-” John pinched his thumb and pointer finger to his mouth, holding it to mouth and sucking air in. “Ya sabes?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “You’re a stoner.”

“Hell yeah,” John nodded.

“And as much as I would love to see you get high, I don’t want to have my apartment smelling like weed,” Alex stated. “I’ve already gotten noise complaints from the people next door, and I don’t want them to like, yell at me for smoking pot.”

John scoffed. “You know what?”

“What?” Alex smiled amusedly, swallowing a bit as he felt himself begin to get wet from the placement of John’s hand.

“We gon’ get back to your place, and get you out of your clothes, and you’re gon’ ride my face until dinner gets there,” John stated. “Mm, I can taste you already. You know, I can tell you eat healthy from the way you taste.”

“John, oh my god, stop being gross,” Alex scoffed, burying his head into the crook of John’s neck.

“Nah, gatito, you taste sweet,” John mumbled. “Like a king.”

“Oh? Really? A king?” Alex scoffed.

“Consider my face your throne,” John replied, laughing a bit as Alex hit his side. “Nah, good thinkin’ with that extra credit shit though, right?”

Alex nodded. “I would not have invited you if I had known it was going to be that awkward. I mean, wow, sorry about that.”

“I understand where yo’ tight ass self gets it though,” John laughed, moving his hand in just the right way to bring a moan from Alex.

Embarrassed, Alex glanced around, trying to see if anyone on the train heard that. No one did, or they had, they didn’t care. Alex looked back to John, his face hot hot hot. “You are a dick. When we get back to my place, you are going to fuck the living daylights out of me.”

John smiled cheekily. “Fine with me.”


	14. Young, Wild, and Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, if any Brownsville chicks are reading this, mad respect, don't take the shit my characters say seriously, y'all dope (And remember, Washington's wife from Brownsville).

****Washington was in the middle of teaching a lesson to his first class of the day when in walked the baddest Brooklyn chick anyone had ever seen. John had to do a double-take because God _damn_ she was fine. Long brown legs, short black shorts, black lace crop top, denim jacket. Bright red lips and blue and white Nike sneakers. Peggy let out a low whistle as she walked across to Washington’s desk. Washington stopped talking and stared her down, his mouth slightly agape. She was thick as fuck, with white cello shaped hips, stretch marks painted on her thighs, fingers decorated with gold rings that probably were the equivalent of brass knuckles.

“You forgot your lunch,” she said, smiling and setting down a brown paper bag.

Washington stared for a second, obviously a little in shock. “You look hot.”

The woman looked around at the class, noting how most of them seemed to have a little drool hanging from the side of their mouth. “I’ve noticed.”

Washington cleared his throat. “Um, class, this is my wife, Martha Custis Washington.”

“Damn!” Peggy laughed. “She a baddie!”

“Yo, G Wash, I got this share the wealth monopoly card,” John started. “And if I gave that to you, could I-”

“A’ight, son, when you ain’t just a little kid anymore, sure!” Washington laughed, cutting John off.

“Damn, can’t believe I ain’t ten years older,” John huffed.

“Oh, baby, I’m a ride too wild for you,” Martha Curtis laughed. She looked back at her husband. “A’ight, honey, I’m gon’ get to lunch with Donna, and then I got work from four to seven tonight, and a full day tomorrow, so I’ll see you around eightish?”

Washington nodded. “That works fine. What should I order?”

She thought for a second. “I’m thinkin’ Thai. Love you.”

“Aye, right back atchu, ma,” Washington laughed. They kissed quickly and then she left, walking with the confidence of someone who has definitely fucked some people up and is not afraid to do it to anyone else.

“Damn, prof, mad respect for you, but I might have to swoop in and steal ya wife,” John laughed.

“As I said before, Mr. Laurens,” Washington started, converting right back into colonizer English with an amused smile on his face. “My wife likes a certain amount of sophistication and… size that no college student can match.”

Alex’s jaw dropped and he looked to John, trying to breathe. “I think our professor just confirmed he has a big dick.”

John burst out laughing, leaning against Alex as Washington continued teaching as if nothing had happened. The whole scene was still funny to John as the class ended, and even when he had finished his other classes, he was still chuckling about it whenever it popped into his head. He was in a good mood, he was happy, so he texted Laf he was coming over to his work, and then found Alex, who was relaxing outside.

“Hey, you wanna come get high with me at Laf’s work?” John asked.

Alex paused, then looked to John. “Are you being for real?”

John nodded. “I’m vibing, I don’t got work tonight, and I wanna hang out with you.”

Alex hated how his heart fluttered at that. John wanted to hang out with  _him_. “Uh, sure! That sounds great!” Alex was originally going to study with someone from his other class, but he could blow them off. “Let’s go, uh, smoke some doobies.”

John snorted, looking Alex up and down. “You ain’t ever smoked weed before, have you?”

Alex shook his head. “No, I have not.”

“Well, you gon’ do it today, and I’m a heavyweight, so I’ll make sure you don’t do anything stupid,” John laughed, throwing his arm around Alex’s shoulder. “Bro, I still can’t get over Washington. I mean like, damn. And his wife is fuckin’ hot too. I’d tap that, ya sabes?”

Alex just nodded.

“Yo, for real, you ever been with a girl?” John asked.

Alex shrugged. “Not really. I dunno, they’re just… I’ve dated a couple, but I’m not really attracted to them like that.”

“A’ight, respect,” John nodded. “Everyone got a preference. If we bein’ honest though, man to man, I’m pretty in the middle when it comes to that shit. Everyone be fuckin’ hot. I’ll fuck anything that walks.”

“I think we all know that,” Alex laughed, nudging John. “Okay, have you ever dated anyone?”

John paused, biting his lip. “Yes.”

“Who?” Alex asked, looking at John.

“Her name was Martha,” John stated, his voice void of emotions.

“Wait, when did you guys date? What happened?” Alex asked as they approached the subway.

John paused a second, then found something to distract the both of them. “Do you wanna get an Italian ice?”

“Uh, sure,” Alex nodded, deciding not to push the question.

“Aye, yo!” John called out to a man pushing an Italian ice cart, catching up with him. “Homie, lemme get two! One cherry, and…” John trailed off. “Yo, Alex, whatchu want?”

“Uh, coconut,” Alex decided.

John pulled out his wallet, which Alex was not noticing to be a Simpsons wallet, and paid in cash. He handed Alex his ice and then they made their way into the subway. They had to wait for a little bit, so they sat on a bench and ate the Italian ice. It was warmer in the station than it was up above. Since it was November, it was colder, and shorts had been packed up.

“Hanukkah is coming up,” John mumbled.

“When is it this year?” Alex asked.

“Uh, from the twenty-second to the thirtieth,” John replied. “You wanna come over and maybe spend a few nights at my place?” John shrugged a bit, taking a bite of the Italian ice. “It’s just, it’s a nice thing, and uh, you know, you’re my best friend, and I would like it if you showed up maybe.”

Alex looked over at John, who seemed almost shy at the invitation. “Really?”

John shrugged and nodded. “Yeah. My family really likes you, and you know, Hanukkah ain’t like Christmas, it ain’t like that stressful bullshit family-only kinda shit, we got eight days, we invite friends over, have good take out, open some gifts, play board games ‘n’ shit.”

“I would love to, that sounds really nice. I don’t think I’ve spent a holiday with someone in years,” Alex laughed. “My cousin doesn’t really celebrate Christmas, and my brother is always upstate with his family.”

“Damn, son, that sounds lame as shit, nah, you can spend as many days as you want at my place. We usually have a pretty steady flow of people. My Abuela ain’t comin’ up this year, which is prolly good, because for some reason, whenever I’m with someone even slightly sexually, she be like, knowin’ and tryna get me together, and I dunno how she would react to me bein’ with another boy. She was already pretty shook when she found out I be a boy.”

“How did your family react?” Alex asked as they stood up for their train.

John shrugged. “I came out a few weeks after we moved up. I didn’t really mean to if we bein’ for real. I just, it was a bit of a mental snap. I shaved off all my hair and didn’t eat for two days, then my mom figured something was wrong and talked to me, and I like, broke down and told her the deal, and she just…” John smiled a bit. “She told me she loved me, and she would support me, and she was just glad I was speaking my truth.”

“Wow,” Alex nodded. “My mother just smacked me and told me to grow up.”

“Mm, you did grow up and damn, you fine as fuck,” John chuckled, smacking Alex’s ass. “Don’t worry, my momma thinks your valid.”

Alex rolled his eyes and smiled. “You’re a dork.”

John smiled, biting his lip at Alex. “I feel like you caught feelings for me.”

Alex’s brow creased. “Excuse me? What? I don’t, I didn’t-”

“Ah,” John nodded. “A’ight.”

“I don’t,” Alex stated.

John hummed. “Okay.”

“I don’t!” Alex repeated, crossing his arms. His heart was beating out of his chest, because he was firstly, lying straight through his teeth, and secondly, John didn’t seem to be too fazed, meaning he probably didn’t feel the same way.

“I know!” John replied, laughing.

“You obviously don’t because you think I do,” Alex huffed. “What do you know about me?”

“I’d say a fair amount, you are my best friend,” John stated. “I also know what people look like when they gots a crush.”

Alex shot John a glare, stepping back. “You’re a dick. I never gave you permission to read me.”

John stepped forward. “Hey, you coulda just rolled your eyes and brushed it off. You would’ve too if you didn’t catch feelings for me.”

Alex was lost for words.

“It’s chill,” John shrugged. “I never specifically asked you not to catch feelings, so that’s on me. Also, I’m just, great.”

“Really? This is your response? Do you do this every day?” Alex asked.

John laughed. “No, I just kinda… you didn’t really hide it.”

“I did too!” Alex defended.

John rolled his eyes. “A’ight, whatever you wanna think.”

Alex huffed.

“I don’t think I’m your type though,” John smiled. “You like them fancy private school kids. You just caught feelings by accident.”

“You don’t get to tell me what I like,” Alex insisted. “What do you know about the guys I date, huh?”

“I know that you like a certain amount of sophistication, you like guys who are grown, who ain’t immature like me.” John stepped closer to Alex, enough to where he could feel Alex’s breath. “You like guys who can  _satisfy you_ in every way you can imagine. Emotionally, physically.” John hooked his finger in one of Alex’s belt loops. “Sexually.”

“And who says you don’t satisfy me sexually?” Alex asked.

John chuckled. “I ain’t ever said I can’t, but you think you cooler than me. You want more than what I got.” John leaned in, gently kissing Alex’s neck before whispering, “I suggest you take advantage of the college boys. You want a surgeon, not an ER doc.”

“And what’s the difference?” Alex asked.

“Mother fucker, have you ever met a surgeon?” John laughed. “Come on, they exactly your type. Mature ‘n’ shit. ER docs never mature, it’s science, physics or some shit.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “I don’t think that’s true.”

John chuckled as the train pulled to a stop. “You really are bad at meeting new people. Come on, this is our stop.” John slipped his hand in Alex’s front pocket and pulled him off the train. “We in Brownsville now, so like, try to not open your mouth. You sound white and people might pop off on you outta instinct.”

“Why would they do that?” Alex asked as they walked up the steps.

“Homie, when white people in Brownsville, it either means gentrification or cops and when you brown or black, you hate both.” John continued pulling Alex down the street. “You really outta try to not let ya ego show, because ain’t no one give a fuck whether you a med student or not.”

“I don’t have an ego,” Alex huffed.

John just laughed. “Yeah, a’ight bebe, I don’t know what you on today, but you better come down real quick. There’s only so much bullshit you can spit because you start to stink.”

Alex’s brows creased but he followed John into a run-down looking brick building. Almost green lights flickered as they walked upstairs. Someone was sleeping in the stairway, but John just nodded and kept walking. Alex didn’t want to know if the substance on the steps was blood or soda. He just followed John to the third floor. The hallway was dimly lit and smelled of smoke. John got to an apartment door, knocking a few times.

“Aye, yo, it’s one of Laf’s friends!” John called out.

The door opened and a guy stood there, smiling. “Aye! Come in, come in, Laf is on the couch, getting some head. John, you know your way around. Who’s ya whore?”

“Alex,” John answered, smiling. “Yo, how much for two blunts?”

“Homie, it’s on the house today, we can afford it,” the guy smiled. “You go find Laf, he’ll take care of you.”

“He always do,” John chuckled, pulling Alex in. The apartment was smoky, kinda messy, but decked out with cool posters, and enough food to feed a small army, which there seemed to be in the place. People were hooking up and making out smoking and eating. They found Laf on the couch, getting head from some girl. Alex jumped and covered his eyes, but John seemed unphased, plopping right now next to Laf and stealing the joint from his hand.

“Hey,” Laf smiled, looking over at John.

“You actually gonna come or are you gonna waste her time?” John asked.

The girl looked up. “Mother fucker better not be wasting my time.”

“I am,” Laf assured her.

She stood up, rolling her eyes. “Suck your own dick then, damn.”

Laf whined and put his dick away. “Hey, Alex, hey, John. You guys want something?”

“Two blunts,” John stated.

“A’ight, gimme a sec,” Laf chuckled, standing up. “Shit’s on the house today. What we smoking? Indica? Sativa?”

“Hook us up with some blue dream hybrid,” John chuckled.

“Damn, a’ight,” Laf chuckled, going into a back room.

John chuckled at Alex, who still obviously looked embarrassed. “Just sex, ain’t like you never done it before.”

“I just, I saw his dick,” Alex gasped.

“You ain’t special,” John shot back. “It ain’t a bad dick though. I mean, like, I’ve seen some bad dicks, but Laf’s ain’t bad.”

“When have you seen his dick?” Alex asked.

John gave him a dead look. “Bruh, come on, we all horny, and I been knowin’ Laf for years. You really think we ain’t fucked?”

“Who?” Laf asked, coming back with some weed and a pipe. “I couldn’t find our blunt wraps, so I got a pipe, that cool?”

John nodded. “You and me, Laf.”

“I can’t see that, you two hooked up?” Alex asked.

“Hell yeah, we still fuckin’ do,” Laf laughed, loading up the pipe and handing it to John. “John has slept with half the population of Brooklyn.”

“And I’m still clean as a whistle,” John smiled, taking a lighter from Laf’s hand. He pressed the pipe to his lips and took a deep inhale, feeling the smoke fill up his lungs. He held his breath for a few seconds, then let go, sighing as it clouded the air in front of him. He coughed a bit, then looked to Alex. “You want a hit?”

“What happens?” Alex asked.

“You get high,” John replied. “It makes you chill the fuck out, which you look like you honestly need. Nah, Laf’s work grows some mad dope weed.” John took another hit from the pipe. “Heh, mad dope.”

Laf snorted.

“Okay, how do I do this?” Alex asked.

“A’ight, so here, take the pipe like this.” John handed Alex the pipe. “No, you gotta put your finger over the hole.”

“That’s what she said,” Laf laughed. “Aye yo, Tommy, play No Diggity! What’s this mumble shit?”

“Yeah! Backstreet!” John cheered as the music started. “Okay, Alex, since you ain’t ever done this, I’m gon’ light that shit for you. Now, put this part to your mouth, and when I tell you, breathe in. Slowly though, you ain’t ever done this.”

Alex nodded, putting the end of the pipe to his lips.

“A’ight.” John put the lighter to the weed in the bowl. “Breathe.”

Alex took a slow deep breath in, then started coughing about three seconds later. “Shit, what? That burns.”

John took the pipe from him and finished off the hit since the weed in the bowl was still burning. “Yeah, it does. You get used to it.” John took another hit. “I’ve been smokin’ since high school, so it ain’t no biggie to me.”

“Why so young?” Alex asked.

John shrugged. “Had a lotta anxiety as a kid, a little bit of weed helped. My siblings didn’t go through the same stuff I did, so my momma was a bit more lax on me doin’ it, just wanted me to do it with her in the house.”

Alex nodded. “Ah.”

“Yo, puff puff  _pass_ ,” Laf reminded as John took his third hit.

John chuckled and handed it to Lafayette. “Dude, is it always this lit? I feel like every time I get here, there’s people,” John chuckled.

“Work days it usually don’t fill up till later,” Laf stated. “My boss accidentally ordered five hundred boxes of dryer sheets instead of fifty, so if you want some.”

“Why so many in the first place?” Alex asked.

“‘Cause dryer sheets hide the smell of weed,” John answered without skipping a beat. “And you can also make a sploof.”

Alex laughed, watching John take a hit off the pipe. “What the fuck is a sploof?”

“A’ight, so you take a paper towel roll, or a toilet paper roll, and you stuff it with dryer sheets, and then, when you smokin’ weed in places you shouldn’t be-”

“Like school, work, the subway, public bathrooms,” Laf explained.

“-The smell don’t go everywhere, ‘cause weed be potent as shit,” John chuckled. “You wanna try again?”

Alex nodded and took the pipe. John lit it and he took hit, not coughing quite as soon this time since he knew what was coming. He still coughed, but not as dramatically. John took another hit before passing it back to Laf. They went around like this for a while, sinking farther into the couch, eyes getting redder, words getting slower.

“You know,” Laf started. “The KKK was so organized.”

John laughed. “Dude, what?”

“No, no, bro, so like, I been readin’ this book, and like, they were fuckin’ organized. Like, they had memberships, certificates, cards. Don’t get me wrong, they were a group of red neck white bread chicken shit mother fuckers, but they were like, a fucking business.” Laf blew smoke out of his nose. “They were favored by the police, FBI, and government though.”

“I wanna punch a klansman,” John mumbled, taking the pipe.

“My arms feel heavy,” Alex groaned. “I’m hungry.”

“You wanna eat my cock?” John asked.

“Pizza,” Alex mumbled, leaning against John.

Lafayette laughed. “We have pizza, but we have to get up.”

Alex groaned, sitting up. “I feel like I’m God.”

“Aye!” John huffed. “Don’t disrespect Yaweh like that! I’mma play my cards with that shawty over there while you go get ya food. Get me a piece of something.”

“You go, dude,” Laf chuckled.

John got up and walked over to a girl in a large arm chair, scrolling through her phone. “Yo, ma, what a girl like you doin’ in a place like this?”

“Tryna get a guy like you to ask me a stupid pick up line like that,” she shot back, smiling.

John smiled, leaning against the chair arm. “What pick up line you want I should use?”

“I dunno, stunner, guess and try again,” she chuckled.

“If you were a Transformer, you’d be Optimus Fine,” John tried, laughing a bit.

The girl rolled her eyes, laughing a bit. “Was that the best you could come up with?”

“I’m gon’ be honest with you, my brain ain’t even movin’ as fast as it could. I’m like so high.” John smiled, swaying a bit. “I’m like, a med student.”

“Smart boy, what you doin’ here?” She asked.

“I got enough brains to know how to have fun,” John smiled. “I’m John Laurens.”

“Beth,” the girl replied. “Hey, I know the guy who lives here, and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if we snuck into his bedroom.”

John smiled and held up her hand. “Then let’s go.”

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Alex and Laf were eating cheese pizza, talking and smoking. Alex was quite enjoying Laf’s company, because it was taking his mind off the fact that he and John were painfully not together, to such a point where John is going into a room with another girl right in front of his face.

“I think John is dumb,” Alex huffed.

“Why?” Laf asked.

“Because I want him to fuck me,” Alex groaned.

“Haha, you caught feelings for someone,” Laf teased. “I ain’t no better, I just don’t be obvious about it, unless we fuckin’ then I do that lovin’ shit.”

“Is it John?” Alex asked.

Laf laughed and shook his head, pulling Alex back to the couch with the pizza. “Hell nah. I love John, I do, but I ain’t ever gon’ date him. He a great fuck though. I mean, like, I know he tops wit’ you, but you should top him one day because that shit is hot as fuck. I mean, look, he ain’t like topping a girl, because when girls ride you, their titties be bouncing, and that shit is like, fuckin’ hot. The more a girl jiggles, the hotter the sex is, because like, damn. Anyway, topping John is like, shit. It’s like watching porn and he’s fuckin’ vocal when you top him. Like, Alex, he’s loud, fuckin’ neighbors be complaining.”

Alex hated how horny the thought of that made him. “Tell me more.”

“He does this thing where he like, he leans back, and tilts his head back and lets out this fuckin’ pornstar moans, and then  _damn_ , when he’s just like, grinding his hips, he’s fuckin’ hot.” Laf gripped his dick. “Now I’m horny, shit.”

“Can I suck you off? But you have to actually come, don’t just waste my time,” Alex stated, remembering the situation with the girl earlier.

“I’ll come quick for you,” Laf assured Alex.

Alex pulled Laf’s cock out of the joggers and stroked it before leaning down and beginning to suck. It was quick like Laf promised, and soon enough, Laf was letting out a grunt as he came. Alex swallowed and sat back up.

“Thank you,” Laf chuckled.

“I don’t usually like cis men but you’re pretty cool,” Alex stated.

Lafayette burst out laughing. “What? I’m fucking, oh my God.”

Suddenly, the girl came out of the room, laughing to herself, John not behind her. She stopped by Alex and Laf, still laughing. “Your friend’s got some trouble getting it up.”

Alex stood up, knowing exactly what the fuck she meant. “I’m sure every guy does for your stank ass cooch.”

“Mother fucker, who even are you? Comin’ round here, bye.” The girl heald her hand up and left the apartment.

John left the room, jaw clenched. He sat back down next to Alex and grabbed the pipe, lighting it and taking a long hit, and then another. He took a third and then grabbed a cold piece of pizza. “Brownsville girls are mean as shit, and I should know this by now.”

“You should, you ain’t ever had luck with Brownsville girls, they all like, hate you,” Laf laughed. “Don’t let em get to you though, because you done slept with every girl in Fort Greene, Crown, Borough, and then Brooklyn Heights. Ain’t no one have luck with Brownsville chicks besides Brownsville men.”

“You forgot I dated a Brownsville girl for like, a year,” John laughed, taking another hit of the pipe.

“She was a bitch,” Laf muttered. “What happened in there?”

“I told her the deal and she called me cockless, which isn’t exactly wrong, but still, like, rude as shit,” John chuckled. “Brownsville girls be fuckin’ bitches, man, fuckin’ terrifying ass motherfuckers.” John shrugged. “It was prolly good we didn’t go no further because she has some scary fake nails.”

Alex snorted, leaning back. “Oh no.”

John grabbed Alex’s hand and showed Laf. “Alex got nails you don’t even feel. He good at fingering. I’m sorry you have a dick, Laf, because you ain’t ever gon’ experience Alex’s hand like I do.”

Alex smiled and let his head fall against John’s shoulder. “You guys are weird.”

Both John and Laf let out a sigh.

“We know,” John assured Alex. “We know hella.”


	15. New York Rules

****John was chilling on Alex’s bed when Alex walked through the door with some groceries. Because Alex had an extra key, and he wanted John to come over more, the key had been given to the older med student. John would now hang out at Alex’s when he needed space from his family. John had work in a few hours, but he was good to just hang out with Alex for now. John liked Alex’s apartment, he felt grown up when he was there. Sometimes John, despite being twenty-five, still felt like a child, living with his family. He much preferred to be out sometimes.

“Whatcha get?” John asked, coming over to the counter to watch as Alex unpacked the food. “Anything good?”

“Well, because you’re hungry all the time, I got you a microwave pizza. Go heat it up in the microwave, eat,” John chuckled, handed John the small box.

John pumped his fist and got a plate, heating up the food and beginning to eat it as Alex continued putting groceries away. “I gots work tonight. I gotta stay an hour later though, just ‘cause we short-staffed, so I’m gon’ be tired as shit, but my boss said he’d give me an advance on my pay, so that’s dope.”

“How late will you be working?” Alex asked.

“‘Til one at least,” John mumbled, his mouth full. “My girl Mars be workin’ later too, though, and so we still gon’ walk to the station together. She one of my coworkers, have you met her?”

Alex shook his head.

“I’ll invite her to a party or somethin’ like that,” John nodded. “When do you even work?”

“Weekends,” Alex answered. “And Mondays and Tuesdays. It’s a good gig. I get discounted food.” Alex pulled out some leftover quinoa and a kombucha and sat down at the table. “Sit down, relax.”

John chuckled and plopped down, continuing his pizza. “Are you eating rat turds?”

“You can’t seriously tell me you don’t know what quinoa is, come on,” Alex huffed, taking another bite.

“Oh, you mean white people oats?” John asked.

Alex almost spat out his quinoa. “What?”

“No, like, white people oats. Like, me and my family, we be eatin’ oatmeal when you be eatin’ rat turds or whatever,” John laughed.

“Alright, well, I’m not white, so jot that real quick,” Alex chuckled.

“You be needin’ to immerse yourself in ya culture, bebe. Being Latino or Latina is the best thing in the world in my opinion.” John clapped his hands. “Embrace your heritage!”

“Of what? A dickless bastard whore’s son immigrant?” Alex laughed.

“Of a Latino man!” John gasped. “I mean, come on, Lex, you gotta know that your culture be important as hell.” John leaned back, finishing off the last bit of his pizza. “Don’t you ever wanna like, know it?”

Alex shrugged. “It just never was important to me, I guess. My momma was too wrapped up in work, my cousin never cared, so I just didn’t care either.”

“I don’t think I could ever not care,” John admitted. “It was always so important to my mom and my grandma, and it’s important to me. I’d celebrate mi papi’s culture too, but I don’t really know him too well, and whenever I been talkin’ to him, the conversation ain’t really gotten there.” John chuckled.

“You ever wish he would step up?” Alex asked.

John shrugged. “I don’t really care at this point. I had a piece of shit dad for the first fourteen years of my life, what difference does the next fourteen years make? Cualquiera que quiera un padre necesita terapia.”

Alex rolled his eyes, smiling, despite not knowing what the hell John just said.

John jumped when his phone buzzed, then pulled it out, smiling. “Sick, I just got paid. Hol’ up while I get some to my momma.”

“Why are you giving it to your mom?” Alex asked.

“Rent,” John stated simply. “And then I gotta get some over to my sister for her subway card, and Jem for a new pair of sneakers.”

“Isn’t that your mom’s job?” Alex asked. “And your sister is an adult, shouldn’t she be buying this stuff?”

John shrugged. “She didn’t make enough money this week. People are more stingy about strip clubs as Christmas comes around, and what’s fifty bucks when it’s transportation for my sister? My family looks out for each other.”

“I’m sorry, I think there’s a difference between looking out for each other and a mother just mooching off of her kids,” Alex pointed out.

John sat back, tilting his head a bit. He didn’t understand that shit at all. He knew his mom didn’t mooch off of him, because it’s not like his mom expected only him to work. His mom worked hard, she saved money, she did try her best, the whole family tried their best. The family had always hustled, New York was expensive, but it was the only place they felt safe. Besides, John would pay rent anywhere else he would live, and he always knew he needed to step up for his siblings. His life maybe wasn’t ideal, but he wasn’t about to let someone accuse his mother of mooching, of being lazy.

“I think I should go,” John mumbled, standing up. “I got work, ‘n’ stuff like that.”

“John, I didn’t mean-”

“No, you did,” John nodded. “If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have said it.”

“John, don’t be like that,” Alex sighed, standing up and following John to the door.

“I do actually have to go to work, you know, so my lazy mom can mooch off of my paycheck,” John smiled sarcastically. “Because, you know, it’s not like she’s worked her ass off every day this week for us.” Before Alex could argue more, John walked out of the apartment, closing the door, walking quickly out of the building. He felt angry about that, he was pissed, frankly. “Dick.”

The train ride to his work was long, and he found himself just steaming. How  _dare_ someone accuse his family, his  _mother_ of being lazy? John knew just how damn hard she worked. John knew she brought home money. She does not scrub rich people’s bathrooms all day for some private school kid to call her lazy.

John got to work in a mood and a half. He changed, then got behind the bar, pouring a drink and huffing.

“Someone looks like they need angry sex,” Nathan commented.

“I’m just pissed at a friend,” John mumbled. “Hey, Mars.”

Maria smiled, coming behind the bar and pouring herself some cranberry juice. “I feel like I’ve had a UTI for like, weeks.”

John paused, then looked up. “You gotta go to a doctor.”

“It’s just because the poles aren’t clean, I’m taking treatment, it’s just coming back,” Maria groaned, drinking some more juice.

“A’ight, we need to talk to the manager about this, because this is bullshit,” John muttered. “But doctors appointment, I’m serious. You could get kidney damage.”

“A’ight, a’ight,” Maria chuckled. “You seem tense.”

“He’s mad at a friend,” Nathan answered.

“I just think when you got money, you oughta take your nose outta other people’s business,” John shrugged. “I mean, like, I’m serious, you ain’t got no right comin’ into my life and criticizing how my family be livin’ when you ain’t even had to work for the shit you have.”

“Ooh, shit, since when do you got friends with big money?” Maria asked.

“Nah, you know that shawty?” John started.

“Ria?” Maria asked.

“Nah, not Ria, she dope and lax as hell, we hangin’ out this Saturday.” John took a second to pour a drink for someone. “This is Alex we talkin’ about.”

“Oh, rich boy?” Nathan laughed.

John nodded. “He’s just a dick sometimes. He was worse, but he still has a fucking superiority complex and he just, he ain’t even had to really hustle. He acts like livin’ like this is a fuckin’ choice or some shit.”

“Maybe you two just don’t mix,” Maria shrugged. “I mean, dudes like him don’t mix with people like us. Private school boys like other private school boys. They’re popsicles.”

“‘Cause they got a stick up their ass,” John laughed. “Nah, he’s like, actually cool, and he’s calming down, but like, he’s just, he was a dick tonight.”

“Maybe you should start charging for head,” Nathan suggested.

Maria snorted. “You should. Never do anything you’re good at for free.”

John rolled his eyes and smiled as the main evening crowd started to pour in. “A’ight, guys, let’s get this bread.”

The work shift went by quickly and soon enough, John and Maria were walking home together. It was a quieter night, so they didn’t have to talk over the buzz of cars or drunk people roaming the street. John always preferred quiet nights, though they were rare in Brooklyn. Sometimes though, Fort Greene could quiet down.

“Do you like Alex?” Maria asked. “You care about him more than you usually care about other people you met barely five months ago.”

John shrugged. “I just, the dude is so obviously alone, and you know, I was like, him at one point. The only difference is that my head wasn’t so far up my own ass that I could see the back of my tongue.”

“Some people just be like that,” Maria shrugged. “Maybe it can’t be helped.”

“Nah, it can, he just, he needs to understand that like, the shit he does isn’t universal to the shit everyone else does. He ain’t got like, the one life that everyone else has.” John shrugged a bit. “I want to be friends with him, he’s cool ‘n’ shit like that, but like, he doesn’t have to be a dick.”

Maria sighed at they walked down into the subway. “You’ll figure it out. You’re smart like that, John.”

John smiled and kissed her cheek as her train pulled into the station. “A’ight, have a good night, Mars, you be safe.”

“I will,” Maria promised.

John finished his trek home and found himself flopping down on the couch for a moment, sighing and unbraiding his hair. He had about five ignored texts from Alex, with the word ‘sorry’ in none of them. John decided to just ignore them and go to bed.

The next morning, he got up a bit late, but was on time, making into class before Washington. He was a bit tired, sipping coffee as he sat down next to Alex, as usual. He pulled out his laptop and began studying up on some flashcards he had made. He could see Alex looking over at him from the corner of his eye, but wasn’t in the mood to acknowledge that.

“John,” Alex sighed.

John hummed.

“Are you seriously mad at me?” Alex asked.

“Yup,” John nodded.

“Come on, you can’t be mad about me making an observation,” Alex groaned.

John slammed his laptop shut, looking at Alex. “An observation? Really? You were making an observation?”

“Hey, guys, maybe we should-”

John cut Peggy off. “No, no, if we be makin’ observations, I wanna get in on this. My observation is that you’re a spoiled rotten brat who ain’t got no idea what other people gotta go through. You wanna accuse my family of being lazy when you barely even work twenty hours a week. My momma works ten-hour shifts, six days a week just so we can eat, just so we can pay rent, and look at you! You be livin’ in a good apartment on the good side of town with your rich cousin paying your rent. You don’t gotta struggle, you don’t gotta work, you don’t gotta worry if you gon’ get evicted.”

“John, that’s not fair-”

“No, Alex, what’s not fair is the fact that you get to look down your nose at everyone around you.” John stood up, shoving his computer back in his bag. “You ain’t better than me! You always be thinkin’ that, but you ain’t, and you know what? You can think whatever the fuck you want about my family, but ain’t none of us would judge people the way you do.”

John threw his bag over his shoulder and walked out, passing Washington as he did and mumbling a quick ‘I’m not gonna be here today.’ John slipped on his headphones and turned on his music, making his way to the campus gym. One thing about John’s fashion sense, he was almost always ready to go to the gym. Today he had on a muscle shirt, some Adidas joggers, and his Jordans, so he threw his bag in a locker, locked it, and worked out a bit.

It wasn’t an intense workout, he just did some lifting, some squats, a few ab workouts; Just to kill time until his next class and maybe work out some of his aggravation. He knew it was almost worth it to just go home and find out if Laf or Herc were free, but he didn’t really have the time, so he settled for a work out before heading to his next class.

The day went by and John focused, taking notes and turning in an essay he finished in a thirty-minute break he had between classes. He was glad when class was over. He was meeting Laf at the Frenchman’s apartment to get some dick. Laf was always good for angry sex, and that’s what John needed at the moment.

“John!” Alex called out.

John held up his middle finger and kept walking.

“John, can you just, can you wait up?” Alex asked, trying to keep up with John.

“I can’t, I’m meeting a friend,” John stated.

“I don’t see why you’re so upset about this,” Alex started.

“Really? You don’t see how I could be upset about you insulting my mother?” John asked. “How fuckin’ dense are you, Alex?”

“John, come on, let’s talk about this,” Alex sighed.

“No! I don’t want to talk to you right now, because you know what? You know I’m hurt, you know you pissed me off, and you haven’t even apologized! Damn, bro, I mean, come on.” John sighed and turned away. “This is bullshit. I’m outta here.”

“John,” Alex sighed.

“Nah, lemme cool down,” John shot back, picking up his pace and walking away. Alex, fortunately, didn’t follow him, so John made his way to the subway and got on, getting home and going straight to Laf’s apartment. The door was open, so John walked inside, dropping his bag and instantly beginning to strip off his clothes, making his way to Laf’s room. Laf was lying on the bed, on his phone, but looked up when John walked in.

“Damn, a’ight,” Laf chuckled as John pushed him onto his back. Since Laf knew John was coming over, there were condoms on the nightstand already, which were quickly put to use. And then put to use again when John wasn’t quite satisfied. The sex was rough, and Lafayette didn’t quite expect John to be so intense, but he wasn’t complaining.

“Wow,” Lafayette mumbled when they were finally done. “That was hot.”

John nodded, closing his eyes a bit. “I really gotta get some homework done but I’m tired as fuck.”

Lafayette chuckled. “We could nap, or we could make some coffee and you can chill here for a bit.”

“Coffee,” John mumbled, sitting up and slipping his joggers back on before walking out to the kitchen. He began boiling some water for the French press, and pulled out a textbook and his laptop, beginning to answer some questions on an online homework.

Lafayette eventually came out, and willing helped John study a bit before jumping in the shower. John was still shirtless, and a few marks on his neck and chest. He had work tonight, so he had to get going in a bit, but he was good on time for now.

Eventually, though, he ran up to his apartment, changed for work, grabbed some dinner, and left. The walk was quick, and while it was chilly, John didn’t mind. He got to the bar and got on his apron before tying his hair up and going to the bar part, greeting Nathan and making a drink for someone.

“Still mad?” Nathan asked.

John nodded. “Yup.”

“You want me to sneak you some liquor?” Nathan asked jokingly.

John smiled and shook his head.

The shift was going okay for the most part. Customers weren’t being rude, John was making small talk with Nathan and he got to watch the dancers from the bar, so he wasn’t complaining. The club was almost vintage, but not in a cool way, more like it just needed to be redecorated, but it was one of the only strip clubs in Fort Greene, so it was packed usually.

John almost dropped the martini he was making when he saw Alex sit down. Instead of letting his emotions get in the way of his work, he just held up a finger to Alex and finished the drink for the dime piece he had been subtly flirting with the whole night. He poured it and mentioned something how pretty her eyes were before walking over to Alex.

“A’ight, what can I get you? Our drink special of the night is a strawberry margarita,” John asked, putting on a fake smile.

“John, can we please talk?” Alex asked.

John let out a shot of breath from his nose. “I’m working. You either gotta order something or leave the bar, dude, you can’t just sit here.”

Alex huffed. “Virgin pina colada.”

“A’ight, I’ll have it right out,” John stated. He made the drink, and then set it down. He could tell Alex was about to say something, but then, at that moment, Maria walked behind the bar, titties out, in nothing but a thong, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“John, I need cranberry juice, and painkillers if you got them,” Martha requested.

“Mars, I bought cranberry concentrate last night for you,” Nathan called out. “John, it’s in the mini-fridge.”

“Thank you, Nat,” Maria laughed as John grabbed the bottle and a cup.

“You want me to water it down?” John asked, handing her a bottle of Aleve.

“Just dump it into a shot glass and keep refilling it,” Maria requested. “I made a doctors appointment.”

“Good girl,” John smiled, chuckling.

Maria paused, then looked over at Alex. “They’re just tits, dude. I’m sure you’ve seen them before, and you’re at a fucking strip club.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m-”

John cut Alex off. “Guys, this is Alex, the guy from school.”

“Oh, the popsicle,” Maria laughed. “What’s he drinking?”

“Virgin pina colada,” John answered, chuckling.

“Damn, he even drink boujee,” Maria laughed before downing her cranberry juice shot. “Hit me again.” John refilled it and she drank another one, making a sour face. “I’m talkin’ to the manager after my shift about cleaning the poles more often.”

“Good,” Nathan commented. “You drink us out of cranberry juice, you and the other girls.” He looked over at Alex. “Popsicle is smaller than I expected. He’s got a nice face though.”

John shrugged and nodded. “It’s why we hook up.”

“Why do they keep calling me popsicle?” Alex asked John.

“‘Cause you got a stick up your ass,” John replied, shrugging. “If you would prefer it, we could call you private school.”

“Nah, I like popsicle, it’s funny,” Maria chuckled, pouring herself a shot of cranberry juice and downing it. “John, be honest, are you and Ria like, gonna fuck wit’ each other heavy?”

John shook his head. “Nah. But bro, bro, hold up, a’ight, so we was hookin’ up a few nights ago, right? I’m at her place, and you know how like, I sucked her toes a while ago, right?”

“Yeah,” Nathan laughed.

“A’ight, and like, we doin’ that again, but hold up, then she wants to do that to me, and I’m like, I ain’t ever done that shit before, but she do and it actually ain’t even bad!” John laughed when Maria gagged at him. “Nah, like, I ain’t really into feet, but I can definitely see how some people are, right?”

Nathan laughed. “Dude, you’re so weird.”

John nodded, pouring himself some cranberry concentrate and sipping it. “This shit good. It tastes like something you buy at a health food store though.”

“It is, I splurged for Mars because I can’t stand seeing her in pain,” Nathan smiled.

Maria rolled her eyes. “A’ight, I gotta go.” She grabbed Nathan’s chin and kissed his cheek. “Thanks, dude. Really.”

“No problem,” Nathan shrugged, trying not to smile as big as he wanted to.

“John, can we talk?” Alex asked.

John looked at the clock. “My breath is in forty-five minutes, you can kill time.”

Alex nodded and pulled out his phone, sipping his drink as he did some flashcards on Quizlet. Watching John bartend was interesting to Alex. John was so smooth with his actions, so easy and quick to flirt, so nonchalant. He was fluid.

Finally, John’s break rolled around and John nodded for Alex to follow him. They walked out of the bar together and down the street, towards the bodega where John always got some more food. They sold good hotdogs and Slurpees, so it was John’s ten o’clock treat.

“John, I’m sorry,” Alex started.

“Why?” John asked simply.

“For insinuating that your family, and your mother, were in any way lazy. I shouldn’t have done that. You’re right, I’ve never really had to struggle like you do.” Alex paused. “But I mean, John, you’re her child, you shouldn’t-”

John laughed, rolling his eyes and looking to Alex. “I may be her child, but I’m ain’t  _a_  child. I live there, I got a job, so I pay rent.” John huffed. “Alex, I always been the other parent in my family. I know it’s fucked up, but it’s true. I’m the closest thing to a father that my siblings got. I helped my mother raise them because she ain’t got no one else. I help my mother with rent and food and my younger siblings because she ain’t got no one else. It’s a shitty situation, but ain’t nothin’ can be done for it right now.” John shook his head a bit. “I got a responsibility to my blood. We help each other out, ‘cause at the end of the day, we only gots each other. I’d have no one without them.”

“John-”

“No one,” John repeated. “My family is the most important thing in my life.”

Alex looked down. “I guess I don’t get that.”

“Son, how could you not-” John stopped, realizing something. Alex didn’t have a family. “Oh.”

Alex rubbed his arm. “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. You’re right, your family is important, and your situation is unique.”

John sighed. “People are different from you, Alex. Judgin’ them ain’t gonna make anyone change.”

“Habit,” Alex shrugged.

“Yeah, well break it.” John sighed and put his arm around Alex. “Come on, I’ll buy you a somethin’ from the bodega down the street. It’s my dinner time anyway.”

Alex smiled. “Thank you, John.”

John just shrugged, smiling a bit. “It’s all cool.” 


	16. Big Poppa

****“Yo,” Peggy started. “Are any of yous do anything tonight?”

The small med group shook their heads as they packed up after class.

“A’ight, then there’s a Christmas break get together goin’ on at my place. Eliza is inviting over a few new people, John, Aaron, Alex, invite whoever, keep it to a minimum of two each though, because we’re not in a very big apartment.”

“I’ll invite Laf and Herc,” John chuckled.

“I’ll see if Theo is up for it,” Aaron smiled. “If not, I might just stay home with her tonight. I already miss her, and I don’t know if I could go extra time without seeing her.”

“Sap,” Alex chuckled. “So, last day of class before Christmas break. What are you guys doing for break?”

“Hanukkah,” John smiled. “All of yous, it’s the twenty-second to the thirtieth and feel free to come over for dinner on any of those days. You don’t gotta bring gifts, invite whoever you want. Aaron, it is a little crazy, so if Theo can’t handle that, it’s chill, but yous is always welcome.”

“Damn, that sounds fuckin’ lit,” Peggy laughed.

“I’m just gonna be at John’s since I don’t have anywhere else I’m obligated to go,” Alex shrugged. “And his family likes me.”

“They do,” John nodded.

“Well, when it’s Hanukkah off-season, you can come hang with me and my sisters,” Peggy offered. “We gon’ be around for break.”

“A’ight, lit,” John smiled. “Let’s watch a Knicks game together.”

Peggy beamed. “Yeah! Dope.”

The group left the class to go to their other classes. John made it through, finally getting the number of a girl in his dermatology class. He had been trying to hit that for a while, and it felt very promising when she said she was free tomorrow and he should come over. She didn’t even blink when he told her the whole deal about him being trans. She just said trans men usually gave better head, which caused John to laugh. It was pretty true though. He had hooked up with a few other trans dudes besides Alex, and all of them gave head like Gods.

“Yo!” John smiled, meeting Peggy outside. “Shawty, whas’ poppin’?”

“It a’ight,” Peggy chuckled. “So, are you and Alex like, a thing? I mean, y’all were fighting that one day, but shit seems normal now.”

John shook his head. “Nah, we ain’t fuckin’ with each other heavy, we just chillin’, ya sabes? I ain’t really feelin’ a love life right now.”

“I feel that,” Peggy laughed.

“Hey,” Aaron smiled. “My wife is gonna meet us here in a few minutes.”

“Lit,” John nodded. “Aye, yo! G Wash! Happy break! Tell ya wifey if you ain’t around, she can always hit me up!”

The professor turned and raised an eyebrow at John. “You couldn’t last a second with her, Fort Greene.”

“I been with Brownsville women,” John boasted.

“You haven’t been with this Brownsville woman,” Washington shot back, laughing a bit.

John chuckled. “A’ight, point made. Have a good break, homie. Happy Hanukkah!”

“Happy Hannukah, John,” Washington shot back.

“What would yo momma say if she saw you askin’ a homie if you can fuck his wife?” Peggy asked, smacking John’s shoulder.

“I dunno, but I certainly hope she ain’t ever do,” John chuckled. “Yo, ya sisters, do they got any…” John pinched together this thumb and forefinger, holding it to his lips. “Any green?”

“We do,” Peggy assured John, smiling.

“Hey! Hey, sorry, my last class is taught by a dick, and guess who got assigned a thirty paged essay due as soon as school gets back in?” Alex groaned, shoving a notebook in his bag. “Are we going now or…?”

“Just gotta wait for Aaron’s wife,” Peggy answered. “And looks like there she is.”

Aaron’s smile increased and he spun around, almost jumping with joy as he saw his wife. Theo was wearing a coat, since it was December in New York, with a hat over her cornrowed hair. Aaron quickly pulled her into his embrace.

Aaron and Theo had been through hell and back together. They met when they were nineteen. Aaron had come down to attend CUNY law school, and Theo was an artist who worked at a coffee shop Aaron always went to. Aaron knew he was in love with her probably the second time he saw her, but an engagement ring had taunted him every time he saw it. It didn’t stop him from coming in every day and flirting, coming so close to just telling her he loved her.

The confession had gotten out one night when she was just hanging out with him at his place. She was still very engaged, but he had to tell her, and he did. She took it much better than he expected and they ended up consummating their confessions that night, Theo calling off her engagement.

Theo and Aaron had eloped about six months after that. They were so in love and way too broke to have a real wedding, seeing as Aaron hadn’t yet gained a large inheritance from his uncle yet. Of course, Aaron promised her a real one, once he started working. They were happy though, living in a small studio together, attending school, being together.

Theo didn’t mean to get pregnant, but neither of them had ever been happier at the news. Aaron was excited and planned out where everything would go in the small studio, started saving money, reading parenting books.

They did everything right.

But that didn’t stop the bad things from happening.

Theo was six months pregnant when she miscarried. She had called Aaron, packing as she sat in a puddle of blood in their bathroom. Paramedics were called and she was rushed off to the hospital. The baby was dead, and it was terrible. It was supposed to be a little girl, they were going to name her Sally.

Something in Theo broke that day. She stopped painting, stopped drawing. She blamed herself so much. But Aaron stayed by her side even at her worst. He was still so in love with her, regardless of the pain, and he made sure she had everything she needed. He then switched his major, decided to be a doctor. The transition was pretty easy, and he knew exactly what he wanted to do. If there was any chance he could stop this from happening to someone else, he would take it.

Talk of children had never come back up, and on the rare occasion where they got a bit hot and heavy, condoms and birth control were very involved. Theo wasn’t ready, and Aaron respected that. He knew she was improving, getting better. She was recovering emotionally, and Aaron knew she was resilient. Things were getting better.

“Alright, I’m ready, I feel like I’ve been trapped in the apartment all day,” Theo chuckled, leaning against Aaron.

“Hell yeah. Les’ go.”

The trip to the Schuyler apartment was quick, and soon enough, they were walking through. It smelled like weed, rap music playing in the background. John recognized it as Tupac. Alex’s hand slipped into John’s back pocket so as not to lose him. Laf and Herc were already there, sitting on the couch smoking weed, talking to two other dudes. The first dude was mixed, obviously, with cornrowed hair and an Oakland hoodie on, while the other dude had messy blonde hair and a grill in, tattoos on his neck.

“Aye! John!” Laf called out. “Yo, we got green over here!”

“A’ight!” John laughed, grabbing Alex’s wrist and pulling him over with them, Peggy following suit.

“Miles, Collin, wassup?” Peggy laughed, bro, hugging both.

“Aye, not much, SUNY girl,” one of the guys shot back. “Who’s ya friends?”

“This is John and Alex, they in my first class,” Peggy explained. “This is Miles-” She pointed to the white guy. “-And this is Collin-” she pointed to the mixed guy. “They moved here from Oakland.”

“Aye, the only difference between Oakland and Brooklyn are the accents.” John chuckled, plopping down next to Collin and pulling Alex to sit between his legs. Alex scoffed at John a bit and turned so he was leaning against the armrest of the couch, still between John’s legs but now able to see everyone in the conversation.

“Yo.” Herc held up two joints; one for Alex, one for John.

“Aye, thanks,” John smiled.

“I’m good,” Alex shrugged.

“I’ll take his,” Peggy laughed, snatching it from Herc’s hands and grabbing a lighter to light it up, before passing the lighter to John.

John glanced around at the apartment. There were a few people he knew, the Schuyler’s mainly, and then other people he didn’t, but he was glad Laf and Herc were there. John didn’t like being in a place when he didn’t know anyone, but he had people with him, so he was okay.

“Alex, check him out,” John mumbled, pointing at a guy by the table.

“Why?” Alex asked, waving his hand in front of his face to push some of the pot smoke away.

“Because he cute and he look like a homie who’d be down for a tight ass like yous,” John observed, shrugging. “And if you keep hooking up with only me, you might catch feelings.”

Alex flipped John off, feeling his heart twang at the way John laughed at that.

“C’mon, he cute. What even is your type?” John asked.

“Not you,” Alex shot back.

John smiled.

Alex wanted to punch him in the mouth.

“Nah, for real, what’s your type?” John asked.

“I like older men, grown,” Alex admitted shamelessly. “Not boys who still wear grills.”

“Aye, ain’t nothin’ wrong with wearing a grill!” Miles gasped, looking over. “You just ain’t got no taste.”

John laughed, taking a long hit from his blunt. “Alex just mad jealous that I got skills.”

“You got skills?” Alex raised his eyebrows, smiling amusedly. “Oh, alright, John.”

“Nah, Miles, see, he know I got skills, he just don’t wanna fathom the idea that some Brooklyn hood kid can give head better than he can.” John jumped. “Oh, Pegs, you know that thick ass Liberian chick in my dermatology class?”

“The one with that booty so nice you gotta smack it twice?” Peggy asked, snorting as she took a hit from her joint.

“That’s the shawty,” John laughed. “I got her number, I’m gon’ hit that tomorrow.”

“Nice!” Peggy laughed, high fiving John.

“Damn, homie, how yo’ short ass pull more hoes that me?” Eliza asked, coming over and sitting down with a bong.

“I ain’t short, I’ve five foot six,” John huffed. “Alex is fuckin’ shorter than me.”

“And he don’t pull no hoes,” Peggy chuckled. “Unless John counts.”

“I ain’t no hoe, I gots male privilege.”

Peggy snorted and Eliza, mid hit on her bong, started coughing and laughing, smoke coming from her nose and mouth.

“Yo, Liz, you gon’ lemme get a hit?” Miles asked.

“Take out that rusty ass grill and yeah, maybe,” Eliza laughed.

Miles took out his grill and offered Eliza a sarcastic smile before moving to the floor to get the bong. He took a hit, coughing a bit, before looking to his friend. “Yo, Collin, you want a hit?”

“Homie, you know I got a drug test in a few days, you lucky I even here,” Collin shot back, laughing a bit.

“Damn, where you workin’?” Laf asked.

“It ain’t for work, I just on probation,” Collin answered.

Laf nodded. “Aye, that shit sucks. I was on probation for a few months when I was twenty-two and shit was awful.”

“A’ight, a’ight, here’s some real shit,” Miles started. “Best rapper from before the twenty-tens.”

“Damn, homie, I dunno, they all fuckin’  _dope_ ,” Herc laughed. “But, real shit? Tupac.”

“See, this where Herc and I always disagree, I like Snoop,” Laf stated.

“Snoop ain’t even a real gangster,” Peggy scoffed.

“Snoop was on trial for murder!” Laf exclaimed. “You just way too young to remember this shit. Miles, Collin, back me up.”

“Snoop was good, but I was an Outkast kid,” Collin shrugged. “This motherfucker liked Eminem.”

Miles laughed. “A’ight, yeah, I did, and I still do.”

“Damn, I’m a Biggie mother fucker,” John nodded.

“Aye!” Peggy laughed. “Liz likes Destiny’s Child.”

“Destiny’s Child is fuckin’ good,” Liz laughed. “A’ight, Lex, let’s hear it. Favorite rapper.”

Alex shrugged a bit, shaking his head. “I don’t really listen to rap that much. I’m just not into it.”

John smiled and shook his head, planting a kiss on Alex’s shoulder. “He the only Latino in Brooklyn like this.”

Alex smiled and rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

The night went on, a few people leaving, a few more people showing up. It was getting later and people were getting higher. Alex actually grew a pair and hooked up with the other guy in the bathroom before smoking way too much weed at once and passing out on the couch, making John laugh and tuck a blanket over him. Eventually, he and Peggy ended up in the room she shared with Eliza, lying on her bed and smoking weed, staring at the ceiling together.

“You ever think we ain’t cut out for med school?” Peggy asked.

“Nah, we the only ones cut out,” John replied. “Come on, ain’t no fancy-schmancy private schooler gon’ be able to focus in chaos like we do. I mean, come on, we can think like nobody's business when we surrounded by shit. That gon’ pay off, ya sabes?”

Peggy nodded. “I dunno, I get nervous, ‘cause I feel like everything be ridin’ off of my success. I mean, if I don’t make it, then what? Everything my sisters did for me, everything I’ve worked for, it’s gon’ be all for nothing.”

“Then you gonna have to make it,” John shrugged, taking a hit from the joint in his hand. “Hey, I’ll be there backin’ you up. You ain’t gotta worry.”

Peggy chuckled. “I wish shit was just as easy as you made it sound.”

“It is when you from Brooklyn, we the kings, Peg.” John passed her the joint. “Yeah, shit hard ‘n’ scary right now, but you know, that’s just ‘cause we ain’t able to really think about what life gon’ be like when it ain’t paycheck to paycheck. We gon’ get there, though.”

Peggy chuckled. “You’re a real good person to have around, you know that?”

John shrugged and smiled, taking the joint back and taking another hit. “Thanks, Pegs.”

There was a long pause, just the two of them lying them, breathing in the smell of weed. John could hear Peggy breathing, feeling the bed move a bit as she shifted. It was comforting, to just be with someone. Peggy made him feel calm, better than most of the people in his class. She was just easy to be around. She wanted nothing more from John than his company, and John appreciated that.

“You ever feel wrong?” John asked quietly.

“Elaborate,” Peggy mumbled, snuffing out the burnt down joint and lighting another.

“Like, because neither of us really feel like, that feelings shit when it comes to romance,” John shrugged. “And like, if you ever do, it takes a really long time to get there.”

Peggy shrugged. “I guess I never noticed it. I’ve never had romantic feelings for someone, or even sexual, for that matter. Have you?”

John nodded. “Sexual? Obviously. Romantic? Yeah, like, once.”

“What was it like?” Peggy asked.

John thought for a moment, remembering small bits of the one relationship where he ever felt truly, romantically involved. “Awful.”

“So I guess I’m not missing out on much, am I?” Peggy laughed.

John shook his head. “I’ve dated people I guess, but I only really liked one of them, and she was… she was definitely somethin’ else.”

“Yeah?”

John chuckled. “This gorgeous Brownsville girl. Skin as dark as the night sky, legs that went on for miles.”

“What happened?” Peggy asked.

John sighed and shrugged as well as he could while lying down. “She cheated. A lot of my friends say it was for the best. It probably was, she was a bitch, to me and to everyone. But I dunno. I really liked her. She was the first person I ever liked like that, and I just…” John trailed off. “I dunno. I prolly sound stupid.”

“Nah, shit like that is hard,” Peggy assured John. “Angie has been through somethin’ like that, it tore her apart.”

John looked over at Peggy. “You the lucky one out of all of us.”

Peggy chuckled.

A pause fell over them before John spoke up. “I would really like to have feelings for Alex. I think it would be nice.”

“Does he got feelings for you?” Peggy asked.

John nodded. “Hella. I kinda figured it out myself though, and then I told him I knew, and then I moved on.”

Peggy snorted. “Mother fucker, why would you  _tell_ him you knew he liked you?”

“I feel like it would make it better because at least he doesn’t have to live with some big ol’ secret or something. Alex and I are friends, friends don’t be keepin’ secrets from each other.” John took a hit from his joint. “I’m sick of livin’ with my momma. I love her, trust, and she my hero, but I’m twenty-five. I wanna move out.”

“That’s how I be feelin’ with my sisters,” Peggy shrugged. “Livin’ with family is hard.”

“Yeah, especially when you pull mad hoes like I do,” John snorted, earning himself a smack on the shoulder.

“I feel like life is standing still right now,” Peggy sighed.

“Me too,” John mumbled, smoke coming out of his mouth. “But, I mean, on the bright side, once it starts moving again, It gon’ hafta move hella fast to catch up.” John looked over at Peggy. “You remind me of my sister Martha.”

“Is that a compliment?” Peggy mused.

“Yeah, she cool as fuck,” John nodded. “I dunno, shit gon’ be hard for now, but like, it ain’t gon last forever. And if you ever get too bored, just hit me up, let’s drive down to Philly for a weekend and get hammered. I’ll call up my friend from high school, Lauren. We can hang with her and her husband Paul.”

“That sounds nice,” Peggy nodded. “Two and a half more years.”

John smiled, nudging Peggy. “Two and a half more years.”


	17. Strong As An Oak

"John Laurens!" Elanor yelled. "If you come into my kitchen one more time, I will make _you_ into soup!"

"Ay yi yi, momma!" John complained. "I'm hungry!"

"You can wait!" Elanor huffed, stirring a pot of matzo ball soup while Martha fried up some latkes.

"That ain't fair, my meds make me hungry!" John whined. "My food digests ten times faster than all of yous!" John leaned against the doorway to the kitchen dramatically, rubbing his stomach. "Momma, how could you do this to your only son?"

"Hey!" Jemmy and Henry yelled at the same time.

"John, c'mere," Martha huffed. She handed him a latke, then gave him a gentle smack to the back of his head. "Now get out of here. If you ain't gon' cook, then shoo."

"I can cook," John mumbled.

"Hello, Laurens family!" Laf shouted as he walked through the door with Herc.

"Aye! Laf, Herc, waddup?" John smiled. "My momma and Marty be almost done with dinner, so come 'n' sit in the living room. Happy Hanukkah."

"Happy Hanukkah, man," Laf chuckled, looking at the menorah quickly before sitting down. The projects apartment had been decked out in blue and white, the flag of Israel hanging up, with ribbons of white and blue hanging across the ceiling, and fairy lights strung up as well. The smell of food wafted through the room, and music played. John was decked out in his 'let's get lit' menorah sweater, which he wore every year.

"Hey, you guys wanna play dreidel?" Henry asked, looking up. "We just finished our round, and we can deal yous in."

"Hell yeah," John nodded, plopping himself on the floor.

"Sounds dope," Herc chuckled, sitting next to John. "Yous gon' hafta tell me what means what, 'cause no matter how many times I play this with you guys, I ain't ever remember."

John nodded as Henry dealt them fifteen pennies.

Any pennies that the family saved usually went into the dreidel bag since they needed something to play with and pennies were easy enough. They probably had about three dollars worth in there, but they had never counted.

"Laf, you playin'?" Henry asked.

Laf shook his head. "I'll watch this round."

"Aw, please baby?" Herc asked, pouting out his bottom lip. "C'mon, it's Hanukkah."

Laf rolled his eyes. "A'ight, only 'cause you cute as fuck."

"Language!" Elanor called out.

"Sorry, Ms. L!" Lafayette chuckled.

John stared down Lafayette for a second, thinking. "So, Laf, you been seein' anyone lately?"

"Oh, yeah, actually," Laf nodded. "Real cute Nigerian dude, kinda a stoner, but a real teddy bear when he wants to be." The Frenchman sighed. "And damn, he don't sing often, but when he do, he got a voice like honey. Gon' kill me dead."

Herc smiled.

John nodded, giving Laf a thumbs up. "Sounds nice."

"He is," Laf chuckled. "Alright, let's do this, who's first?"

"John, 'cause he's the oldest Jew in the circle," Henry answered. "Then you two gentiles and the rest of us."

John grabbed the tip of the dreidel and began spinning it. He waited for a few moments in anticipation before it fell on its side. "Nun! Yeah, muchos gracias, Yaweh." He passed the dreidel to Herc. "Alright, your turn."

The night passed quickly, and soon enough, John was bidding Laf and Herc goodbye, laughing at some joke Laf was making. John didn't miss the way Laf stealthily slipped his hand into Herc's as they walked down the hallway.

The second day of Hanukkah started with John and Mary making his way to a Jewish deli on the lower east side of Manhattan. Both he and his sister had a thing against Manhattan, so, as they rode the train over across the east river into Manhattan, they found themselves almost praying for the Lord to give them strength.

"At least we goin' to the cool part," John chuckled, looking at Mary. "And why you even complaining? You didn't gotta come."

Mary sighed, tilting her head back. "Sometimes I just need to get out of there. It's so freakin' crowded." She looked at John. "I want my own studio one day. All mine. Somewhere in California, somewhere I can breathe."

"How you think I feel? Twenty-five be a lot bigger than thirteen." John smiled. "I ain't gon visit you in Cali. You gon' hafta come up to Brooklyn."

"What you got against Cali?" Mary laughed.

John gagged. "God, Mare, you ever been to California? It's like, they took all the hot parts of New York and made them year-round. Then like, it costs hella cash to live there, and the state is constantly on fire 'n' shit like that. Don't get me started on the fuckin' hipsters. You really wanna live in California?"

Mary looked down, shrugging. "I just wanna have space, you know? I mean, c'mon, even you gotta admit, living with family is tough, especially like this."

John nodded. "Yeah, if I thought I could support youses and myself, I'd move out, but I ain't got the cash for that right now."

Mary paused. "Do you really want to be a doctor? Or do you just want to stop being poor?"

John thought for a moment, swallowing. "I wanna do good. I wanna do good for momma, for my city. Bein' a doctor, I can do all that, and maybe like, I ain't gotta live paycheck to paycheck anymore, you know?"

Mary nodded. "This family would be really fucked up if we were any different."

"Yeah, we would, but Yaweh made us like this 'cause she knew we needed each other more than anything in this world." John smiled, looking at his younger sister. "I feel blessed every day 'cause I gots yous."

"You know, when you say that shit, it makes me feel really bad for wanting to leave," Mary chuckled bitterly.

"Aye, you think I wouldn't jump on the first opportunity to move out?" John shook his head. "You ain't gonna have to take care of momma, I promise. Me and Marty got that covered, you won't be here 'til twenty-five or however long I be here."

"I don't know why you do all this shit for us," Mary admitted.

John smiled, ruffling her pixie cut up a bit. "'Cause I love yous."

Mary rolled her eyes as they got off the train and began walking up to the Manhattan streets. "New York has changed too much."

John nodded. "Yeah. I don't know why anyone would want to live here."

"'Cause they rich," Mary snorted as John narrowly avoided being knocked by some businessman who was yelling into his phone.

"Mars, you ain't even wrong," John laughed. "A'ight, what did mom want us to get?"

"Matzo crackers, matzo balls, latkes, and grape juice," Mary listed. "Why you got like four brain cells and they all be in yo' dick?"

"'Cause I'm a man," John answered, snorting. "So, any gals or guys at school?"

Mary shrugged. "I guess. I dunno, I been focused on other things."

"That cool as fuck, dating be like... shitty." John chuckled. "Trust me."

"I do," Mary laughed. "A'ight, here we are."

There walked into the Second Avenue Deli and waited in line until they got to the front. The deli was loud and filled with a mix of German, Hebrew, and English. Two Rabbis sat in the back, laughing loudly about something. John felt a bit self-conscious, as did Mary. There were so little Latin Jewish people, and so the two Laurens children stuck out like sore thumbs.

"Shalom, happy Hanukkah," John greeted the deli worker as they got to the front. "Can we get uh, two pounds of matzo balls, two boxes of matzo crackers, a pound and a half of latkes, and two bottles of grape juice?"

"So much, big celebration?" The deli worker asked, typing it all into the cash register.

"Always," John smiled. "We got friends all over Brooklyn, man."

"Alright, your total is fifty-four dollars," the deli man said.

John swiped his card and he and Mary waited for a little bit. A brush of cold air came over them when the door opened and Mary pulled her hood down over her head a bit, shivering. John put his arm around her and warmed her up.

"In fuckin' California, it ain't ever this cold," Mary complained.

"A'ight, point made," John laughed. "There's our food."

John grabbed one paper bag and Mary grabbed the other and they began walking back to the subway. It was much warmer in the station, and John quickly hopped the guardrail while Mary slid under it. John had gotten caught doing this a couple of times, but was fast enough to where he never got caught.

They waited for their train, then got on, Mary sitting down and John standing, making small jokes with Mary. The train seemed to be going slower than usual, but they didn't mind. Sometimes it was nice to just be alone. Mary had a very calming presence compared to everyone else in that house.

"Why don't you go back to your country just like that Ilhan bitch?"

John's head whipped over.

Someone was standing in front of a Muslim woman, saying things adjacent to that. The woman was staring down at her magazine, obviously ignoring it. The man looked threatening though, and John didn't trust that at all.

"Hey, Mare, hold this," John mumbled, handing her the bag. John walked over and squeezed himself between the man and the woman, holding onto a pole and staring the man down, but not saying anything.

The man seemed almost shocked.

This wasn't the first time John had to do something like this. Since it was New York, it was rare that anyone would be so open about being such a dick, but it did happen. John remembered walking onto a subway with his mom when he was sixteen, only to see that swastika had been drawn over windows and adds. John remembered the way his mother had clutched her Star Of David and put it under her shirt so no one would see. John also remembered a woman standing up and telling everyone that hand sanitizer got rid of sharpie, and he remembered watching and helping thirty people scrub the car clean of every swastika.

John knew that they were living in dark times, but he'd be damned if he gave up his job of protecting people. He'd one day take an oath to do no harm, and he could practice that now.

John stood between the woman and the man until she got up and got off. John placed his hand on the man's chest, stopping him from following her off. "I don't think this is your stop."

"You don't know that," the man snapped.

The doors closed and John smiled a bit. "I do." John walked back over to his sister Mary and took the bag. "A'ight, my friend Alex is coming over tonight, and then one of Jem's friends, right?"

"I think it's his girlfriend," Mary chuckled. "Are you and Alex dating? Y'all are really fuckin' tender 'n' shit."

John shook his head. "Nah, Alex and I are just friends. He likes me though."

"What about you? Haven't had that emotional connection yet?" Mary teased.

John rolled his eyes. "Yeah yeah."

They got back to the apartment and their mother began cooking with Henry, who very much so wanted to go to culinary school, but couldn't until he graduated high school. He was twenty now but had always struggled with school, and this was the second year he had to repeat. He was set to finally graduate this year though.

"Hey, John, Mary, this is my girlfriend, Alyssa," Jem introduced, standing up and gesturing to a pretty girl. She had short dirty blond hair with beach waves and was dressed in a pair of Adidas joggers and a loose white tank top. She looked cute, with freckles scattered across her nose and cheeks.

John smiled. "Hey, Alyssa, it's nice to meet you, I'm Jem's older brother, John."

"And I'm Mary," John's younger sister smiled.

"'S nice to meet you both," Alyssa chuckled. "Jem always talks about how he has a big family, and he wasn't exaggerating."

"Oh, we ain't even at full capacity at the moment." John kicked off his Jordans and flopped down on the large armchair. "Jem, my buddy Alex is comin' over tonight too."

"He says buddy, he means boyfriend," Jem sniggered.

John grabbed a pillow and threw it at Jem. "Alex is just my friend. What is up with y'all and askin' about my relationship with Alex?"

"'Cause you were all over him at Synagogue," Martha answered, plopping herself down on the couch next to Alyssa.

"Yeah? So?" John asked. "Can't a brother be lovin' on his friends nowadays?"

"Oh yeah, you're certainly lovin' on him," Martha snickered.

John rolled his eyes, then smiled when he heard a timid knock on the door. He got up and scrambled towards the door, quite like an excited puppy. John pulled it open to see Alex standing there with a gift in his hand. John beamed, pulling the younger man in. "Alex! Hey!"

Alex smiled. "Hi, John. Happy Hanukkah."

"Damn, come in, come in, you must be fuckin' cold. I got here a few minutes ago from the deli, and shit, it was cold as balls," John laughed, helping Alex out of his jacket and hanging it up before pulling Alex back into the living room.

"Yeah, it's nothing like Carribean winters," Alex smiled.

"The Carribean gets winter?" John asked.

Alex shook his head. "Nope."

John laughed and sat down in the big armchair, pulling Alex between his legs. Alex laughed, setting the gift down and joining in the conversation.

Some time went by, and finally, they were eating dinner and lighting the menorah. Henry pulled out his guitar and they sang The Hanukkah Song by Adam Sandler, since the whole family agreed it slapped, besides Martha, who said it was annoying.

"Alright, it's present time," Elanor announced, laughing.

"I gotta get my gift to Alex!" John called out, standing up and tripping over his own feet a bit to get to his room. He found the gift under his bed. He had gotten Alex a book called That's My Story And I'm Sticking To It. It was an autobiography about Spike Lee. John hadn't really bought it new since it was his own copy, but it was a good book. John had marked it up a little bit, underlining words, writing things in the margins, but those kinds of books were the best to give, in John's opinion.

John got back out and Alex had the box he brought in with him in his lap. The family had a few presents out. John sat down next to Alex, smiling wide.

"Alright, pass the presents," Elanor said.

Since the family didn't have enough money to get everyone a present every day, it rotated a lot. The only present John got today was from Alex, but yesterday he had received one from Mary and Jem. John was okay with that though. Hanukkah was never really about the presents, anyways. It was more about being with friends and family, and John loved that more than anything.

"Okay, let's see what this is," Alex chuckled, opening up the wrapping paper. He pulled out the book, then looked to John. "That's My Story And I'm Sticking To It."

"'S a dope book," John assured Alex. "It really is just, it sucks you in hella. Spike Lee is like, a hella cool director, and he's been doin' progressive shit since the eighties."

Alex opened it, then smiled. "Is this your copy?"

John looked down a bit, tilting his head. "Yeah, I mean, I really like books that people have already read, and you can see their marks 'n' stuff like that. I dunno."

Alex gently pecked John's cheek. "I love this."

John felt his cheeks heat up. "Good. A'ight, let's see what this is."

"It's stupid," Alex muttered.

"Nah, ain't nothin' from you is stupid," John smiled. He took off the wrapping paper, gasped, and then looked at Alex. "Bro, these are Prisma."

Alex shrugged, looking down, nodding a bit. "I mean, you're a really good artist, and I-"

John cut Alex off by planting a big wet kiss on his forehead. "You're the best, dude."

Alex smiled, wiping his forehead a bit. "Happy Hanukkah, John."

The night went on, all of them eventually getting dessert, John making a drink run with Henry to the corner store and picking up an unholy amount of Arizona Ice Teas, and a Gatorade for Martha. It got later, and people started retiring to bed. Since it was too late for Alyssa to safely walk home, John offered up his bed to her, saying he'd happily crash in the living room with Alex. So, they two college students got some pillows and blankets, and changed into more comfortable clothes. Alex relished in the smell of John's hoodie, which had been loaned to him. Every single one of John's hoodies that Alex had worn was soft and comfortable.

"A'ight," John chuckled, lying down on the floor. "You know, I slept on the floor for about six months one time."

Alex laughed, lying on his side to face John, pulling a blanket over himself. "Why?"

"We ain't had no money for a bigger apartment, and I didn't wanna make any of my siblings or my momma sleep on the floor. My momma got the couch, Mary had a crib still, and then Marty, Henry, and Jem slept sideways on the bed." John chuckled. "I didn't mind the floors, trust, but now my back cannot sleep on soft mattresses."

Alex chuckled. "I like you, John Laurens."

"I know," John smiled.

Alex rolled his eyes and found John's hand, playing with it. "I think you're the best friend I've ever had."

John closed his eyes, letting a small smile show on his lips.

"I mean, I've had friends, but I think you're the first person who makes me feel like I can just relax. You made me feel like I have nothing to prove to anyone." Alex paused, thinking. "Being around you is so intoxicating, John."

John squeezed Alex's hand.

And then he felt it.

The flutter in his chest, the way his heart sped up, the yearning. He wanted to hold Alex, he wanted to kiss Alex. He wanted to wake up to Alex and fall asleep to Alex. Warmth bloomed up John's neck as he felt Alex's breath roll across his skin.

"Ah, shit," John muttered.

"What?" Alex asked.

John wanted to say 'I am ninety percent sure this is the exact moment I caught feelings for you.' What he ended up saying was, "I'm horny as fuck right now."

Alex laughed. "Your family is right in the other room."

John looked at the hallway, then scooted closer to Alex, pushing him on his back and beginning to kiss down his neck. "You gotta be quiet, a'ight?"

Alex nodded, his hand going to John's crotch. "I can do that." 


	18. Boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, drunk: pinkphoenix, how do I write a threeway

****John practically kicked open the door to Laf and Herc’s apartment on a cold January afternoon, hornier than a bitch in heat. His brain had been practically torturing him with tantalizing and sexy thoughts all day and could feel how wet his boxers were.

Every since he had figured out he had feelings for Alex, he had just gotten so awkwardly horny around the man. He, personally, thought it was bullshit that his body chose this moment in time to figure that out because Alex wasn’t free to fuck every day, which lead John to going to his other side fling Ria, but she was busy today too. So, John was playing his cards at Laf and Herc’s, hoping he could at least jerk off in one of their rooms.

“Hey, John!” Herc smiled.

“I’m horny!” John announced.

Laf snorted. “Really? You’re never horny.”

John flipped him off. “I’m really horny, like, ready to take dick right now, so if one of you could give the other your blessing, or you could both just tag team me, or I could use one or your rooms or the couch, that’d be dope.”

Herc paused. “Tag team you?”

“Yeah! Something! Anything!” John groaned, sitting down. “I’m fuckin’ dripping right now.”

Laf stood up. “Herc, I think we gotta have a threeway with our friend John.”

“Agreed,” Herc nodded.

John pumped his fist, pulling off his hoodie and tee shirt as he made his way to Laf’s room. “Fuck yeah!” John slipped off his joggers and boxers, falling onto the bed. “I might come kinda quick, I’ve been wet as fuck all day.”

“I wonder how many times we could make you come,” Herc mumbled.

“Probably a lot,” John replied, pushing a finger inside himself as Laf and Herc got undressed. “Nah, ‘cause I don’t have no stalling period like you guys, so I can just go over and over. Yous got the fuckin’ short stick of evolution.”

Laf pulled John’s fingers out of him, sucking the wetness off before beginning to go down on John. John let out an unexpected moan, throwing his head back into the pillow. He and Laf didn’t hook up until John was eighteen. Since Laf was a senior when John was a Sophomore, Laf didn’t deem it right, but when John turned eighteen, Laf decided that it was okay. Laf had always provided John a good dicking.

Herc lied down next to John and began kissing down the Puerto Rican’s neck, guiding John’s hand to his semi-hard dick. Herc and John had started hooking up with John was nineteen. Herc’s dick was bigger than Laf’s, so they only really fucked when John needed someone to break him. This was one of those times, so John hoped to get on Herc’s dick at least a couple times.

“Fuck!” John yelled when Laf pushed two fingers inside of him. John was definitely getting close, but he knew one orgasm wasn’t going to come  _close_ to satisfying him right now. John had injected himself with his T shot this morning since he forgot to do it yesterday, and that with Alex just existing the way he does? John needed to be fucked.

“Mm, you taste so good, baby,” Laf hummed, thrusting his fingers in and out as he sucked on John’s clit.

“Ah, ah!” John shook, closing his legs around Laf’s head as he came, gasping for air, shaking a bit. “Fuck, shit.”

Herc winced as John’s hand tightened around his dick a bit too much for comfort, but the grip loosened within a few seconds and went back to lazily jerking the Nigerian off.

“Your turn, baby, show ‘im what dat mouth do,” Laf chuckled, sitting up and cracking his back, jerking off his dick a bit.

Herc and Laf switched places and Herc began kissing up John’s thighs, giving John a second to calm down and not be as sensitive to stimulation, which John appreciated. He was a bit out of breath, and the shitty AC in the apartment wasn’t doing much to help the sweat that had broken out over John’s back.

Herc finally got to the goods and John was still a bit sensitive but was very happy to have the feeling of Herc’s tongue against his crotch. John could feel wetness drip down onto sheets. Laf pulled John into a kiss, and John instantly shoved his tongue into Laf’s mouth, jerking Laf off slowly. He could feel Laf moaning into his mouth, he could feel pre-come dripping over his hand. 

John ran his fingers over Herc’s hair. In normal circumstances, Hercules would cut a bitch for touching his hair, but there were two things that made this okay. Firstly, they were hooking up, so it wasn’t like John was just randomly touching his hair, it was normal. Secondly, John had clean hands. Between working in the food industry, being a med student, and the good hygiene John possessed, Herc was well aware that John’s hands were clean, so it didn’t bother him.

“Ah, Herc, fuck,” John gasped.

“Mm, Herc, you look so fuckin’ hot,” Laf mumbled, gently pulling John’s hair out of the braids. “You like goin’ down on someone else while I watch? Papa’s little whore, aren’t you?”

“Damn, you ain’t even talking to me and I, ah, I think that’s hot,” John laughed breathily.

“I bet you enjoy being the whore that Herc and I share,” Laf chided, pushing some hair out of John’s face. “It’s so easy to get you to spread your legs for us. One just ain’t enough for you anymore, is it?”

“Ah, ah!” John felt himself pushed over the edge at the words, thrusting his hips up against Herc’s mouth, gasping and squeezing his eyes closed for a second. Herc slowed down but let John ride out his high, before climbing up to the other side of John, rock hard.

“Hey, are you gonna keep going ‘cause if not Herc and I gon’ fuck,” Laf stated.

“Nah, I need at least one of yous to fuck me, I just gotta catch my breath.” John huffed a sigh, slowing down his breathing a bit and fanning himself. He then sat up, looking at both Laf and Herc. “A’ight, I’m ready to ride someone. Yous work it out amongst yasevles.”

“Laf, you go, I wanna watch,” Herc chuckled.

Laf nodded and rolled over to his nightstand, digging around. “Shit.”

“Motherfucker, what?” John asked.

“We ain’t got no condoms,” Laf replied.

John groaned. “Both you be clean, right?”

They both nodded.

“A’ight, then it’s cool. I got an IUD in, and then that plus the T, I should be fine. Plus, we got a Planned Parenthood a few blocks down.” John straddled Laf’s thighs. “Fetus fuckin’ deletus.”

Herc laughed, Laf didn’t.

“Let’s do this shit,” John mumbled scooching forward and grabbing Laf’s dick, guiding himself onto it. It took a few seconds to sink down entirely, but once John was down, he was glad. Laf’s dick felt good, always. John began bouncing, his hand not yet going to rub his clit since he was still a tad bit too sensitive.

“Shit, yeah, ride that dick, just like that,” Laf coaxed, moving his hips up as John came down. “Fuck, tight bitch.”

John leaned back, tilting his head back as he rode Laf, moaning guttural moans from the back of his throat. Laf’s handheld his hip, steadying him as he bounced up and down. John wouldn’t admit this, but riding someone and facing them was probably one of his least favorite positions. It felt so vulnerable, and he wanted to cover himself. Yeah, his cis friends obviously didn’t treat him differently, but it made John feel awkward sometimes. It made him feel like the odd one out.

John knew he wouldn’t feel this way with Alex. Honestly? John had never felt like that around Alex because he knew Alex got it. He knew Alex knew what it was like to have a mismatched body, scars across your chest, awkward weird body things as a result of T. Alex got that, Herc and Laf didn’t. John wished Alex had been free today.

“Ah, fuck, I’m gonna, I’m gonna, shit!” Lad slammed his hips upwards into John, stalling as he closed his eyes and came. John could feel it, he could feel it drip out of him and onto his thighs. He knew this would make him smell weird for a little bit, but at this point, he didn’t care. He was horny and needed to finish at least one more time before being done.

“A’ight, Herc, I need you to do the work for this one, my thighs hurt,” John mumbled, climbing off of Laf and flopping down on his stomach.

“Pillow prince,” Herc chuckled, rolling on top of John and grinding his dick into John’s ass a bit. Herc kissed across John’s shoulders, before lining his dick up to push in. Luckily, John realized what was about to go wrong and saved the group from a very awkward moment.

“Hol’ up Herc!” John gasped. “Wrong hole!”

John could hear Laf snort.

“My bad, my bad,” Herc apologized, moving his dick. “There?”

John nodded and moaned as he felt Herc push in. John gripped the sheets. Herc was big, and John had been warmed up with Laf, but Herc was still a bit of a stretch for him. John’s shoulder ached. He had a lasting injury from playing basketball when a big guy ran into him and tore his rotator cuff. John had never gotten surgery for it, just built up muscle around it. It was still fucked, and John had to baby it a little bit, but he would get it fixed when he had money.

“Shit, shit, yeah, deeper, fuck,” John groaned, moving his hips up so he could touch himself while Herc fucked him.

“Mm, look at you.” Laf brushed some hair out of John’s face, before tugging it a bit. “So fuckin’ horny for us. You look good when you’re getting fucked by my boyfriend's dick.” Lafayette chuckled, running his thumb across John’s bottom lip. “So fuckin’ hot.”

“Shit, fuck,” John groaned. “Herc, go faster, shit, I’m gonna-”

Herc sped up, knowing he was close to finishing too. It was hot to him, knowing he was fucking someone who was full of his boyfriend’s come.

“Ah, shit, shit!” John shook as he came, tensing and squeezing the sheets. His toes curled and cracked. Herc didn’t relent for a few more seconds until he stalled, coming inside of John. John panted, lying there as Herc pulled out, lying on the other side of John. Everyone was breathing hard, and John felt a bit tired, but at least he wasn’t horny anymore.

“Damn, that was fun,” Laf chuckled.

“I think I have feelings for Alex,” John mumbled.

Lafayette paused, then laughed. “We have to stop telling each other who we like like this.”

“Wait, what?” Herc asked.

“When he told me he liked you, we just got done fucking,” John snorted, closing his eyes. “Anyway, I really like Alex, so I think I should probably make a move.”

“Yeah, prolly,” Laf agreed.

John sighed. “I don’t think he gon’ really wanna be with me though.”

“Why?” Laf asked.

“‘Cause I’m some Brooklyn project’s kid, and I mean, yeah, I’m gon’ do that doctor shit, but that don’t change the fact that I ain’t no fuckin’, fuckin’ mature private school dick. And like, he just, I feel like I ain’t ever gon’ meet his standards, but he cute, so I’mma give it a chance.”

“And hey, you know, you prolly survived worse than whatever Alex gon’ bring you,” Herc chided. “From my experience with him, he ain’t nothin’ like Martha.”

“Fuck Brownsville women,” John mumbled.

“ _Fuck_ Brownsville women!” Laf cheered. “Hol’ up, was the sex freaky though?”

“It was real freaky, God damn,” John chuckled. “Like, nah, you know how me ‘n’ Ria do feet?”

Herc nodded.

“Nah, so Martha, like, she liked gettin’ tied up ‘n’ shit,” John retold. “She was a fuckin’ crazy bitch, but damn, the sex was fuckin’ great. She liked gettin’ her ass eaten.”

“Does Alex like that shit?” Herc asked.

“Nah, Alex is more like, like, he likes me bein’ in charge ‘n’ shit. It’s pretty hot, not gon’ lie, ‘cause he like riding me a lot.” John closed his eyes. “He got a good body, trust, ya sabes? El tiene un culo gordo.”

“He cute, high key,” Laf nodded. “He sucked my dick when we were all chillin’ at my work and you ran off with that baddie, and he like, he got a good mouth.”

“Damn, I know right?” John laughed. “Got a tongue like a snake.”

“Youses gross,” Herc mumbled. “Soyayya tu mutu.”

“I could easily be speakin’ French right now, see how yous like a language barrier,” Laf huffed.

John snorted.

“I gotta go to work soon,” Herc groaned. “Got a gig doin’ some construction. Pays well, but damn, I really don’t wanna go.”

John reached down to his crotch, feeling come leaking out of it. “I’m gon’ shower, try to get some of ya jizz outta me. I got work tonight, so I’ll head out after that.”

“A’ight, John, come over whenever, this was dope,” Laf chuckled, scooting closer to Herc when John got up.

“A’ight,” John chuckled, going into their bathroom. Their jizz was running down his legs as he did, so he quickly turned on the shower, getting in and trying to get as much out as possible. He knew he was gonna smell weird down there for a few days since jizz threw off his pH balance.

John washed off, then got out of the shower, then threw his hair up in a messy bun. He stepped out and dried off, throwing his hair up in a bun and flexing in the mirror. He decided he looked good, so he grabbed his phone and took a mirror selfie, covering his crotch with his hand. He sent it to Alex, saying ‘I miss you’ before coming back out to get his clothes.

“Yo, I’ll see yous soon,” John mumbled, grabbing his back.

“Bye, John!” Laf called out.

John left their apartment and went up to his own, coming in and flipping off his Jordans, and walking in, flopping on the couch next to his sister and grabbing some fries from the untouched White Castle bag that was undoubtedly his.

“Hola, familia,” John smiled.

“Why’s your hair wet?” Elanor asked.

“Took a shower at Lafs,” John answered.

“Our shower works,” Martha pointed out.

“A’ight, but I didn’t wanna walk through the house smellin’ like dope ‘n’ sweat,” John chuckled. “Since when do we care where I shower? It’s just twenty bucks off our water bill.”

Elanor snickered. “Just wonderin’ why you chose to shower there.”

“A’ight, you all wanna know?” John asked.

“Wait wait, hol’ up, not actually-”

John cut his mother off. “I was gettin’ dicked!”

“Gross!” Jem yelled. “I don’t wanna know that!”

“Yous all had it comin’ for ya,” John snorted, taking a slider out. “A’ight, so, who got work tomorrow?”

“I do,” Henry nodded.

“I’m off tomorrow, but I got work tonight,” Martha stated.

“I’ll walk you there, my shift don’t start till seven tonight. It be endin’ at two, but I can deal,” John groaned.

“Make sure you get enough sleep if you get a chance to get off early, take it,” Elanor reminded. “Don’t ya boss know you got school?”

“Yeah, but I took the shift because since we workin’ an hour past closin’ we get paid 2 extra dollars an hour,” John chuckled. He shoved another slider in his mouth, then stood up. “A’ight, I gon’ go get dressed.”

The night shift went by, and John showed up to school the next morning feeling tired, with extra coffee. He had texted Aaron and asked if he could pick up an extra coffee for him, so when John sat down, he was greeted with a sixteen-ounce double shot, just like he asked.

“Thanks, dude,” John mumbled. “Long night. I had to stay hella late at work.”

“Oof,” Peggy mumbled. “How late?”

“Two am,” John muttered, sipping his coffee. “I’m fuckin’ exhausted.”

“You got a lot of nerve,” Alex huffed playfully, walking up to their seats.

“What did I do?” John asked.

“You sent me a picture of your dick in the middle of my study time at my cousin's house and my phone was in the middle of the coffee table and I’m pretty sure he saw,” Alex laughed, sitting down next to John.

“Oh, yeah, I did do that,” John laughed, feeling himself become nervous around Alex. Suddenly, the feeling of Alex’s leg against his was nerve-wracking. This was why John hated catching feelings for people; it always made things awkward. So now, because John was running off of pure anxiety, he spat out the first thing that came to his mind. “When did you lose your virginity?”

Alex snorted. “What?”

Peggy laughed. “John, bro, where did that come from?”

John shrugged.

“I was seventeen, his name was Jasper Harrington, it was nothing special,” Alex answered. “And you?”

“I was thirteen,” John snorted. “Her name was Hayden Stossel and we fucked at her house, then went outside and chain smoked the cigarettes from her parent’s ashtray and she gave me an ounce of weed for free.”

“Was this in South Carolina?” Alex asked.

John nodded. “Yeah. What about youses?”

Peggy held up her hand, which had a black ring on the middle finger. “Ain’t got no story.”

“I was nineteen,” Aaron started. “Theo was twenty. Her fiance was out of the house for the weekend and what was only meant to be a hang out turned into us making love on her and her fiance's bed. I was gonna wait until marriage, but even then I was absolutely positive that she was the girl for me.”

“Ya fuckin’ sap,” John chuckled.

“Alright, class!” Washington announced, walking in. “Let’s get to work.”

John nodded and began to get out his notebook for taking notes. He wanted to not be affected at all by the way Alex’s leg felt against his, but he could already feel himself becoming a horny nervous mess. He now remembered why he tried his best to never catch feelings, as hard as it already was for him. He did not mean for this side project to become something more, and honestly? John was pretty mad at himself for letting it. But, if he didn’t know anything else, he knew what he’d be doing every second he could.

He’d fuck Alexander Hamilton. 


	19. Cuz I Love You

****John was nervous. Of course, he had been nervous before; Finals, every day before he moved to Brooklyn, his senior prom, but this was different. See, John was laid back in almost every situation. He liked to think he had a pretty calm personality, really, but when it came to asking people out? He sucked at it.

He and Alex were at a party. The party wasn’t originally going to happen, but when john meant to ask Alex out on a date, he just asked if he was going to Peggy’s party, which had yet to be in existence. Then, John had practically begged Peggy to throw a small get together. Peggy confirmed it couldn’t be at her place, but her other friend was already throwing a get together, so she’d go to that to cover John’s ass since she had figured on her own that John was attempting to ask Alex out.

Because John was panicking, he asked Laf and Herc to come too. They agreed, but if John didn’t ask Alex out at the party, they were going to sit on John and fart on him. It was a juvenile threat, but John knew it held truth. That was not something he was unfamiliar with when it came to the 

John was nervous. Of course, he had been nervous before; Finals, every day before he moved to Brooklyn, his senior prom, but this was different. See, John was laid back in almost every situation. He liked to think he had a pretty calm personality, really, but when it came to asking people out? He sucked at it.

He and Alex were at a party. The party wasn’t originally going to happen, but when john meant to ask Alex out on a date, he just asked if he was going to Peggy’s party, which had yet to be in existence. Then, John had practically begged Peggy to throw a small get together. Peggy confirmed it couldn’t be at her place, but her other friend was already throwing a get together, so she’d go to that to cover John’s ass since she had figured on her own that John was attempting to ask Alex out.

Because John was panicking, he asked Laf and Herc to come too. They agreed, but if John didn’t ask Alex out at the party, they were going to sit on John and fart on him. It was a juvenile threat, but John knew it held truth. That was not something he was unfamiliar with when it came to them.

They were at the party, and John was sitting next to Alex on the couch, surveying the crowd. John was trying to spit out the words. They were simple, and John could practically see himself saying them. In his head, it would go like this.

Him: Would you like to go on a date with me?

Alex: No, you’re dumb.

Him: Alright.

So that’s where he was at the moment.

John’s anxiety didn’t really come up unless there was a chance of rejection. He didn’t open his SUNY acceptance letter for hours, and instead just agonized and cried and hyperventilated. Eventually, his mom got home and realized John was balls deep in a panic attack, and talked him through it. John’s mom knew it most likely had something to do with the rejection of John from Henry, the abuse John had suffered based on his illegitimacy. It’s why family was so important to John; those were the only people who didn’t reject him.

John looked over at Alex, swallowing hard. He knew Alex probably knew something was up since John was being abnormally quiet. John figured he would have to say something sooner or later, so he might as well pop the question. It was now or never. It’s showtime.

John took a deep breath. “Would you strap a girl on her period?”

Dammit! Wrong words!

Alex looked over, chuckling a bit. “I mean, I wouldn’t strap a girl in the first place if we’re being honest. Would I strap a dude on his period? Sure, as long as the strap had a condom. Would you?”

John nodded. “Yeah. Also, like, I’d go down on her-”

“Ew!” Alex gagged.

“Nah, nah, homie, hol’ up, lemme finish,” John cut it. “I’d go down on her, but like, I’d put some saran wrap down first or something, ya sabes? So like, I’d basically be eatin’ her out, but ain’t no blood would be gettin’ on me.”

“I mean, I guess that makes sense,” Alex nodded. “I don’t get my period anymore though.”

John shook his head. “Yeah, same.” He leaned in and kissed Alex’s cheek. “I’m gon’ get a drink. Be right back.”

“Alright,” Alex smiled.

John got up and made his way into the kitchen, where Laf and Herc were. “Dudes! I asked him if he’d strap a girl on her period!”

Laf snorted his drink, sending him into a coughing fit. “What?”

“I was gonna ask him out, you know, like a gangster, but then I panicked! I dunno how I’m gonna do this. Maybe this was a bad idea,” John groaned and filled up a red Solo cup with vodka and cranberry juice.

Herc snatched the cup out of John’s hands. “Dude, no drinkin’ right now, you gotta do this. C’mon, you think Laf would’ve had the stones to ask me out if he was drunk?”

“No, but Laf ain’t a confident drunk, he just makes dick jokes,” John huffed.

Herc took a sip of John’s drink. “Jesus, dude, this is like, eighty percent vodka.”

“Yeah, lemme have a sip,” John whined.

“A’ight, here’s what you gon’ do,” Laf prepped, giving John a look of determination. “You gon walk right up to that popsicle twink, and you gon’ tell him you wanna Hulu and commit, a’ight?”

“A’ight,” John nodded.

“You ain’t gon’ do no chicken shit freeze up, you know why?” Laf poked John’s chest. “‘Cause you a Brooklyn boy.”

“Fuck yeah,” John nodded.

“You ain’t no chicken shit redneck white bread mother fucker, you a bodequa Brooklyn kid. You fucked a Brownsville woman. You tried crack cocaine on the night of your high school graduation. You be a motherfuckin’ Peurto Rican Brooklyn badass, and you aboutta go ask some private school mother fucker out,” Laf nodded.

“Fuck yeah I am!” John hooted. He grabbed his cup out of Herc’s hand and took a swig. “A’ight, should I just like, be like, you know like, ‘aye yo, shawty, sit on my dick’ or should I find somethin’ better?”

“Just ask him if he wants to go on a date with you,” Herc chuckled, grabbing the drink back. “That’s what Laf did.”

“Worked out, too,” Laf nodded, smacking Herc’s ass.

“A’ight, a’ight, I got this,” John assured himself.

“You do,” Laf agreed.

“Time to go maybe get a date,” John smiled triumphantly, turning around and walking back over to Alex. He didn’t let his anxiety get in the way this time. He was a man, a goddammit, he was gonna ask his friend on a date.

John walked up to Alex confidently, smiling wide. His grill glinted a bit, which caused Alex to playfully roll his eyes. Alex still definitely hated the grill, but he found it almost comforting when he was making out with John, because it was the main thing that reminded Alex that this was John, and Alex didn’t have to be anyone but himself.

“Where’s your drink?” Alex asked amusedly.

John paused. “My drink?”

“You got up to get a drink,” Alex chuckled.

John froze for a second. “Well, funny story, I had a drink, then Herc took it away from me. So like, I did have one at one point.”

“Why’d he take it away?” Alex asked.

“He said I shouldn’t be stupid tonight,” John replied. “You know I’m stupid a lot though, except for when I ain’t.”

“You’re not ever stupid, John Laurens,” Alex smiled sweetly.

“A’ight, don’t bullshit me, because remember that time I forgot the word for kidney and I just said ‘body shrimp’? I mean, c’mon, Lex, we both know I ain’t got no brain cells,” John laughed.

Alex smiled and sighed. “I like you, John Laurens.”

“I like you too,” John replied. He took a deep breath. “Hey, yo, Alex, you know, I was wonderin’ if you, maybe, I dunno, maybe you’d wanna-”

“John?”

John looked up at the woman in front of him and gasped. Long straight black hair, perfect high light, dark dark skin, strong and curved body, acrylic nails most likely capable of killing a man.

“Martha,” John breathed out, standing up. “Martha, Martha, hi, hey, hi.”

Martha smiled at John’s flustered look. “Hey, Laurens. Long-time no see.”

John chuckled a bit, rubbing the back of his neck, totally forgetting Alex. “You’re tellin’ me. How you been? What been goin’ on?”

“I’ve been doing well. I’m working over at that hair salon, Mr. Sylvia’s, you know?” Martha smiled. “It’s been real cool.”

“Man, that’s dope,” John chuckled. “You always been wantin’ to work there. How ya mother doin’ huh?”

“She doin’ a’ight, got a new boyfriend,” Martha nodded.

“Good, that other fool was trippin’ balls man,” John laughed. “Damn, shawty, you be lookin’ fine as fuck, trust.”

“John,” Martha laughed.

“Nah, like, babita, you be all fresh ‘n’ shit.” John chuckled. “Ya shoe game wack though.”

“A’ight, listen, just ‘cause ain’t everyone wear fuckin’ Jordans, don’t mean our shoe game wack, you just fuckin’ narrow-minded,” Martha joked, gently pushing John’s shoulder. “How’s med school goin’? You still doin’ that?”

“Hell fuckin’ yeah, Martha, you know ain’t got time to do nothin’ else.” The topic of med school reminded John of a person who was very much still there. “Oh, oh, Martha, this be my main man, Alex. He be in my first class.”

“Hey, Alex, nice to meet you,” Martha smiled.

“Yeah, you too,” Alex said slowly.

“Yo, John, you think we could talk like, out there?” Martha asked, nodding to the balcony, which was empty.

John nodded quickly. “Yeah, for sure. Alex, I’m gonna-”

“Go,” Alex nodded, offering John a feigned smile.

John smiled and followed Martha out to the balcony. He leaned against it and watched her pull out a cigarette and a lighter, sticking it in her mouth and lighting it up. He always hated that she smoked because he knew just how bad it was for you. Getting her to quit was futile though, so he never pushed it.

“You want one?” Martha asked, holding out the box.

“You know the answer to that one,” John replied.

“I heard, you know, in the news-”

“The news,” John mocked, laughing a bit.

Martha rolled her eyes, pushing John’s shoulder. “I heard that eating a white castle slider was as bad for you as smoking two cigarettes.”

“I heard you got a bad source,” John replied.

Martha rolled her eyes. “How’s your family?”

“Good, good, Marty is in law school now, Henry is workin’ on gettin’ his GED, Jem is gettin’ straight As, and Mary is doin’ good. My momma still at that fuckass job, but once I start workin’ and pullin’ in bank, that all gon’ change for her.” John smiled a bit as he looked over the Brooklyn streets.

Martha cocked her head. “You still got that dream of buyin’ a house for her.”

John nodded.

Martha took a long drag from her cigarette. “When you ever gon’ slow down and give yourself a little love, baby?”

“I got people who do that for me,” John replied, laughing a bit.

“What, that mother fucker Alex? Where’d you pick him up? Berkley Caroll?”

“He’s in the rotation,” John nodded. “And nah, he actually pretty dope.”

“You ‘n’ your rotation, ain’t no mother fucker been able to tie you down yet, eh? Whatever happened to lovesick John?” Martha asked.

John wanted to say ‘you’ but he went with, “I just got bored.”

Martha smiled, taking another hit off of her cigarette. “You know somethin’ John, you look really good.”

“What you talkin’ about? I always been lookin’ good,” John laughed.

Martha stubbed out her cigarette on the handrail. “Nah, John, like, you just…” She stepped closer and gently pushed a bit of his hair out of his face. “You…”

John took a huge chance and set his hand on her waist, pulling her a bit closer. Despite the fact that he was short, she was shorter, so he tilted his head down to meet her eyes. For a moment, they were just quiet. John’s other hand brushed Martha’s hair behind her ear. The night air was filled with car horns and voices from down below. The music playing inside could just be made out through the glass door.

“Man, I really wanna kiss you, but I don’t wanna take it there,” John mumbled.

“Maybe I want you to take it there,” Martha replied, moving closer so their bodies were pressed together.

John loved the feeling of her tits against his chest. He had always loved her boobs. “You mean that?”

“I do,” Martha nodded.

John didn’t waste a second, turning them so she was leaning against the railing instead of him, hand slipping hand to her hip, lips pressing against hers. They were soft, tasting of vanilla from her lip gloss, and then cigarettes. John didn’t care. The taste was familiar, the feeling was familiar. John smiled against her lips, one his hands grabbing her breast and the other squeezing her ass.

“Shit,” John mumbled when they pulled away.

Martha let out a breathy laugh. “You wanna get out of here?”

“I do.”

When John had left Alex to go talk to Martha, Alex had spent a little bit of time on his phone, feeling quite awkward and disappointed. Alex had honestly thought John was about to ask him out, but obviously, he was wrong.

Alex got up eventually to go talk to Laf and Herc, who were in the kitchen, laughing over some joke. Alex got some water and leaned against the counter near them, sipping the drink. “Hey.”

“Hey, dude, where’s John?” Herc asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Alex shrugged. “I dunno. Talking to some girl.”

“Which girl?” Laf asked.

“Some girl named Martha,” Alex replied.

Laf stopped. “Wait, hol’ up. Black girl, straight hair, acrylics that could probably kill someone? Lotta high light?”

Alex nodded slowly. “Do we know her?”

“Son of a…” Herc trailed off. “Where are they?”

“Balcony,” Alex replied.

Both Laf and Herc stuck their heads out of the kitchen to get a view of the balcony, where John and Martha were talking. Martha was smoking, John was laughing about something. Laf cursed, Herc muttered ‘coward’ under his breath.

“What? Who is she?” Alex asked.

“You know that Brownsville chick John has talked about? The one he used to date?” Laf asked, looking back to Alex.

Alex nodded.

“That’s her.” Herc pointed at the girl. “Nah, see, Lex, we don’t usually care who John dates, ‘cause like, it’s whatever, but this bitch is fuckin’ bad news. She always starts off nice, she do, but she’s just, she fuckin’ uses John.”

“Maybe they just talkin’ though,” Laf muttered. “They look pretty casual.”

“Wait, wait, she’s moving.” Herc gripped Alex’s arm, watching her step closer to John. “Shit, shit, no. Come on, John, be smart.”

Laf groaned as he watched John place a hand on her waist. “Fuck, fuck, dammit. DOn’t be an idiot John, don’t do this. She’s bad, you know she’s bad.”

The three of them watched John pin her against a railing and kiss her.

“Dammit!” Laf yelled, throwing his arms up. “Fucking Hell, John.”

“He’s comin’ inside with her,” Herc announced. “Alex, you gotta look as hot as possible.”

“This is like, maximum capacity for me,” Alex stated. “I mean, I’m pretty much as hot as I can get right now.”

“He’s comin’ over, shut up,” Laf mumbled.

“Hey, guys, I’m gon’ head out,” John stated, coming over.

Laf gave him a dead look.

“Don’t, I don’t wanna hear it,” John huffed.

Alex looked up, remembering where his and John’s conversation dropped off when Martha showed up. “Oh, John, what was that thing you were gonna ask me?”

“Uh…” John trailed off, remembering exactly what he was going to ask Alex. “Do we got homework this weekend?”

“Yeah, we gotta read pages thirty through-” Alex cut himself off. “I’ll text it to you.”

“A’ight, thanks, man,” John nodded.

“You wanna be a little smarter right now, John?” Herc asked.

John flipped Herc off, walking away. “Whatever.”

Herc ran his tongue over his teeth. “Man, if I knew I couldn’t just snap him like a twig, I’d fuck his shit up.”

Laf groaned. “Maybe it’ll lead to nothing, maybe John’s just drunk.”

“Is this chick really that bad?” Alex asked.

Lafayette nodded, sighing. “She’s worse than you know.”  


	20. Insane In The Brain

John: You wanna get coffee at three? Little Owl, on fifth

Alex cocked his head at his phone. John hadn’t really texted him since the party on Friday. It was Sunday, currently, and usually on a slow weekend, John would’ve been over at least twice, and they would’ve been texting pretty steadily, but it had been radio silence since the party.

The Carribean had left that party feeling disappointed, to say the least. But, he went home and did a bit of homework, watched some Netflix, ate some carbs and passed out. It was now noon on Sunday, and Alex was in the middle of some studying. Coffee did sound good though, so Alex texted John back an affirmative and began to get ready.

Alex despised John for his clear skin. He occasionally broke out, but that side effect of T seemed to have missed him. Alex felt like the acne on his cheek would never leave. He was almost considering growing out his hair again. He had it long for a while when college started, but cut it off after that. He had cut it off for no reason in particular, but it was gone now.

He put a little shaving cream on his cheeks and grabbed his razor, shaving off stubble around his goatee. It didn’t take very long for T to give him facial hair. He liked it, really. He thought it was fun. John didn’t have a very large amount of it, but it was cute to Alex. Just a bit on his chin and upper lip. John shaved maybe, what, once a week? Alex was usually once every other day.

Alex finished shaving and went to the kitchen, grabbing the bottle of T and a needle, sighing as he sat down. He didn’t like needles, he really didn’t, but he sucked it up for this. Alex stabbed the needle into his thigh and took deep breaths as he pushed the medicine in. He pulled it out when it was done and put everything away before trying to figure out what he was going to wear. He had some time, he knew that, but he still wanted to look good. He always wanted to look good for John.

Alex worried over the fact that maybe that girl John took home on Friday was his new girlfriend, but that wouldn’t happen. Sure, they had dated before, but John hadn’t seen her in what, a year? John didn’t just jump into stuff, and Alex knew that.

Some time passed and soon enough Alex was getting dressed, just a Hawian tourist shirt tucked into some blue jeans, and leaving his apartment. He hopped on the subway, nodding his head along to some music as he rode along. Alex liked calm music. New York was already crazy enough, he didn’t need to listen to intense music on top of that.

Alex got to the coffee shop and ordered a black coffee, then looked around to see if he could spot John. He didn’t see him but jumped when someone tapped on his shoulder. He turned around expecting to see those freckles and that  _stupid fucking grill_ , but instead, he saw a woman. She must’ve been a little older than him, short hair, bright red lips, a curvy thick body with a bit of her stomach hanging over her skin tight jeans. It was obvious she wasn’t wearing a bra, and Alex respected that more than he had ever respected anything in his entire life. He knew first hand that bras  _sucked_.

“You’re Alex,” the girl smiled.

Alex nodded slowly. “And you are?”

“Sorry, sorry, I’m Ria, John’s friend,” she smiled. “You come here often?”

Alex shook his head. “No, John invited me.”

Ria cocked her head. “Weird, me too. Let’s just sit down together, I assume that’s what he was going for. Maybe we’re gonna have a three-way.” Ria wiggled her eyebrows, laughing as she pulled Alex to a table. “I’m kidding, but knowing John, it probably shouldn’t be something we dismiss.”

Alex smiled. “That does sound like something John would do.”

“So did he ask you out yet?” Ria questioned, sipping her drink.

Alex’s brows shot up. “Uh, what?”

“And I oop!” Ria giggled. “Forget I said anything. So, you met him in med school?”

Alex nodded. “We kinda knew each other before, but we didn’t really like each other that much. How’d you meet him?”

“Oh, it was last summer, I was at a party and John took a titty shot off me-”

“What’s that?” Alex laughed.

“Okay, well, I’m sure you’re gonna get a different answer from different people, but it’s where I push my boobs together, and then they dumb vodka down the middle, you know-” Ria pointed to the space between her boobs. “-And it drips down to my stomach, and then John was there to catch it. It was weird, but we were all really wasted so it didn’t seem to matter to us. Anyway, John and I ended up hooking up, and then the next morning we smoked weed together ‘n’ talked about shit, so we stayed in touch. We still fuck, but he’s also just like, cool to hang out with, you know? Got a nice family.”

“He does,” Alex agreed, smiling. “I went over for Hannukah a few days.”

“Oh, me too. I went on like, the sixth day,” Ria smiled. “John’s like like, really dope. Don’t find a lot of Brooklyn men like that who aren’t total pigs.”

Alex nodded. “Ain’t that the truth.”

“Alex, Ria.”

Alex turned and jumped. It was the girl, Martha, from the party. She looked almost unamused, and John was nowhere in sight. Suddenly, Alex was very uncomfortable, and from the looks of it, so was Ria.

“Uh, hi?” Alex mumbled.

Martha sat down. “I’m sure you two know why I called you here.”

Ria laughed uncomfortably. “The fuck? This is weird, who even are you?”

“I’m Martha, John’s girlfriend.”

Ouch! Alex felt himself shrink down at that, staring at the coffee he didn’t even want anymore. He had no idea what he was doing there, but he knew that he’d rather not be where he was. He did not want to be sitting anywhere near this woman.

“Hol’ up, nah, where’s John?” Ria asked.

“John doesn’t exactly know this is going on, but regardless, I wanted to talk to you two about a few things,” Martha smiled.

Alex shared an uncomfortable look with Ria.

“I want both of you to back off,” Martha stated. “I know who you are, I know what you and John do together, and now that I’m his girlfriend, he won’t be needing either of you, so back off.”

“Whoa, hold up,” Ria started. “John is my friend, and he’s Alex’s friend too. We ain’t just gon’ back off and stop talkin’ to him. Just because you’re dating him don’t mean he’s not allowed to talk to his friends. I mean, him and Alex are literally in med school together. You really think they gon’ bone when talkin’ about… Alex, what yous learning in that class?”

“Uh, right now we’re working on gross anatomy, but we’ve been really focused on nerves and bones in the hand right now. There are actually more bones than nerves in the human hand.” Alex realized he had said much more than he needed to say and looked down again.

“See?” Ria pointed. “I mean, respect that you’re dating him, but I’m not gonna stop talking to him.”

“Look, Ria, you really think John would’ve kept hanging out with you if you stopped giving him what he wanted?” Martha spat. “Come on, he’s a man, you know what he wants, and now he’s getting it, much better than you can provide, obviously.”

Ria’s eyebrows shot up.

Martha looked to Alex. “And you, you stay away from  _my_ boyfriend. I know about your silly schoolboy crush, and I suggest you lose it. There’s a reason John is my boyfriend and not yours. Take a hint.”

Alex pressed his lips together, nodding.

“Jesus, you really are a crazy bitch,” Ria commented.

“At least I’m not some freak with a foot fetish,” Martha shot back quickly.

Ria hardened a bit and swallowed.

“At least she didn’t forever ruin Brownsville women for John,” Alex put out. If Ria was gonna have his back, he was gonna have hers.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Martha laughed. “You’re just a little boy.”

“I’m a year younger than John,” Alex muttered.

“Yeah, and you know what? We don’t fucking need this. John’s not the only fuck buddy we have, nor the only friend, so go on, make him your bitch, see how much we care.” Ria stood up, obviously pissed. “Come on, Alex, we’re gonna smoke weed together because unlike this fuckin’ bitch here, we know how to chill the fuck out.”

Alex nodded, standing up and following Ria out of the coffee shop.

“That fucking  _bitch_ ,” Ria ranted, taking Alex’s hand and pulling him through the New York streets. “Brownsville women are fucking  _crazy_ , Alex, don’t ever date them. I mean, she took John’s phone,  _pretended to be him_ , and then called us over just to what, tell us to stop talking to him? Where the fuck does she get off?”

Alex shrugged, still feeling kinda bad about the shit she said.

Ria sighed and pulled Alex closer when she noticed that. “If it makes you feel better, John does, or did, have feelings for you.”

“How do you know that?” Alex asked.

Ria shrugged. “Pillow talk. John’s never a bitch about it when he’s got feelings for someone. He tries to fess up pretty quick. Nah, he told me, when he first realized he caught feelings for you, it was like, Hanukkah or something, and yous were crashing on the floor, and he pussied out and instead of telling you, he gave you head.”

Alex chuckled at that memory. “I remember that night.”

Ria sighed. “You know, I met him like, a few months after his breakup with the bitch he is once again dating. He was still a fuckin’ mess. That girl is poison.”

“I’ve heard that,” Alex nodded. “Where are we going?”

“My place, to smoke weed, and maybe fuck if you’re down.” Ria laughed. “Even if not, we could make it  _look_ like that ‘n’ I could post it on Snap just to show John that we don’t need his scrawny ass.”

“I like his scrawny ass,” Alex shrugged.

“Yeah, me too, but he can be a real dickish,” Ria shrugged. “I guess we all can.”

Alex nodded. “I know I can.”

Ria snorted. “Yeah, I’ve heard a few things.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “In my defense-”

“Nah, baby boy, you don’t need to come to your defense, John did that just fine. He likes you, you know. He wouldn’t put up with you if he didn’t.” Ria chuckled. “Likes to call you his popsicle.”

“Because I have a stick up my ass,” Alex chuckled.

“And ‘cause he wants to lick you until you drip down his chin,” Ria quoted. “He’s crude.”

“One time, he sent me like, a picture of him like, totally nude, just cupping his dick, and I was at my cousin’s house, and I’m like, pretty sure my cousin thinks we’re hooking up now,” Alex laughed.

“Well you are,” Ria nodded, pulling Alex into an apartment building.

“Were,” Alex corrected. “He had a girlfriend now.”

“Ugh, more like a crazy bitch owner,” Ria mumbled. “I mean, who pulls the kind of shit she does? That’s not fuckin’ healthy.”

“John’s friends said she was pretty… sketchy,” Alex mumbled in agreement.”

Ria sighed, walking up the steps with Alex. “Brownsville women are their own breed. Brownsville men got a dick that could snap you in half and then some.” Ria chuckled. “I once fucked this dude, he wasn’t a Brownsville guy, he was, oh, it was near Brownsville.” Ria paused. “It was Crown Heights! Anyway, he had a dick that was… Oh man, it had to have been at least nine inches, a very long nine inches. Anyway, a brother goes in, right? Like, we buck naked, and he begins pushing in. The thing is though, I can take like, eight inches maximum. How much can you take?”

Alex shrugged. “Seven inches but that’s like, not even comfortable.”

Ria shook her head. “It’s really not. Five inches is like, good, you know? Like people fuckin’ rave about big dick like it’s the best thing ever, but the best sex I’ve ever had was with five inches.”

“Yeah, the strap John uses for me is like, five and a half maybe? And honestly? It’s good sex. Like, it hits the right places.” Alex almost blushed, realizing what he was talking about.

Ria nodded as she unlocked her apartment and stepped inside. “I mean, like, it’s just, it doesn’t hurt as much. Anyway, I was fuckin’ a nine incher, and he like, hits my cervix, but he don’t understand that like, he can’t just keep pushin’? I’m like, hol’ up dude, that’s the end of the track-”

Alex snorted as he plopped down on her couch.

Ria sat down next to him. “Seriously, cis dudes  _don’t_ understand how the fuck a cooch works. It’s why I started hookin’ up with John. Trans men do the best sex.”

“We do?” Alex laughed.

Ria nodded. “Yeah, ‘cause sometimes I need like, masculine energy, but I still want to finish.”

Alex tilted his head back, laughing out loud. “Damn, I can’t believe you just killed all the cis men.”

Ria smiled and pulled out a tin box. “So like, spill the beans on liking John. Personally, I didn’t think anyone could like John romantically because he’s just… All that.” Ria handed a joint to Alex before taking one for herself. “But I mean, now I’m like, sitting down with the one bitch that made John tender, and I wanna know what you did because Brooklyn men are hard to crack.”

Alex nodded in agreement, letting her light the joint for him. “Uh, I don’t really know what I did. I just was friends with him. We hung out a lot though because we’d study, and then we’d take a break to give each other head, and then we’d study again.”

“I’m just wondering because I want to plan my night a bit. Are we gonna hook up or just make John  _think_ we hooked up?” Ria asked.

Alex shrugged. “I don’t really hook up with women.”

Ria nodded, taking a hit off of her joint. “Me neither, but how about you make John jealous, and I help, yeah?”

Alex nodded. “I can do that.”

-

Alex showed up to class on Monday with three hickeys and some lipstick on his jaw. Ria had given Alex the hickeys, just to really sell it, and then a smudge of lipstick? He was good. He had spent the night since they had both gotten a bit too high. They had successfully made it look like they hooked up though. Ria had blown up her Snap of pictures of her and Alex in bed together. They both had the blankets pulled up to their chests, to make it look like they were naked underneath. Between doing that, they watched Devil Wears Prada on repeat and picked out flaws in the characters. Alex quite enjoyed Ria’s company. She was fun.

“Damn, Lex, you hang with John this weekend?” Peggy asked.

“Nope,” Alex replied, pulling out his notebook. “Cute chick named Ria, actually.”

Burr raised his brows. “I thought you and John were-”

“We’re not,” Alex replied quickly.

Suddenly, the door opened, and in walked John, with none other than the devil incarnate on his arm, laughing at something he was saying. She made brief eye contact with Alex before pulling John into a kiss. Luckily, John was facing away from Alex, so he didn’t see Alex hold up his middle finger at Martha.

“Damn, who’s that?” Peggy mumbled.

“Bad news,” Alex responded, looking down to his paper as John walked up there.

“Hey guys,” John smiled, sitting down.

Alex nodded a bit, acknowledging John’s presence. “Hey.”

“You good?” John asked.

Alex smiled sarcastically up at him. “Peachy, John.”

John paused, then nodded, sitting down. “So, you hooked up with Ria? I thought you weren’t into girls.”

“I thought you weren’t into Brownsville women,” Alex shot back without missing a beat. “Hey, did can you tell your girlfriend I said thank you for getting me out of the house?”

John paused. “What?”

“Oh, you didn’t know? She texted me and Ria, pretending to be you, invited us to coffee, and then told us to stop talking to you because you were now dating her,” Alex shot out.

“Whoa, that’s creepy shit,” Peggy commented.

Aaron nodded in agreement. “Yeah, that’s not cool.”

“Guys, whatever, she’s just like, she just gets jealous easily, ya sabes?” John scoffed, shaking his head.

“Nah, there’s a difference between being jealous and doing what she did,” Peggy stated. “I mean, like, Aaron, if Theo ever pulled that shit with you, would that be okay?”

Aaron shook his head. “No. I mean, one of the reasons we do love each other so much is because we trust each other not to cheat.”

“A’ight, well, me ‘n’ this chick only been datin’ for a few days, so we still settling,” John huffed.

“Does she do this every time you two date?” Alex asked.

Aaron coughed. “How many times have you dated?”

“Three or four or five times,” John mumbled. “Why is my dating life so important? Damn, back off.”

“Because we your friends ‘n’ we care about you,” Peggy shot back. “Come on, this chick, is she really all that?”

“Pegs, she really is, trust,” John nodded. “Nah, I think I fucked all weekend, for real. I didn’t get  _any_ homework done.”

“Oh, well, that’s smart,” Alex nodded. “Remember how Washington doesn’t take late work? Remember your streak of turning everything in? Remember the paper that is due today?”

John pressed his lips together. “I gotta-”

“Alright, class! Please come turn in your papers!” Washington announced, coming inside.

Alex stood up and looked at John. “I think you should listen to Lafayette. I think you should be smarter about this John. You’re practically a genius, so stop being so stupid.” 

 


	21. No Sleep Till Brooklyn

****John rolled off of his girlfriend, panting heavily. Sweat ran down his chest and face. He shivered, pushing some hair out of his face. He almost wanted to just cut it all off, but he liked his hair. He thought it was soft and fun, and he liked the way people pulled on it. He liked it long, it felt like a connection to Puerto Rico.

“You hungry?” John asked Martha.

Martha shook her head, rolling onto her stomach. “I’m gonna sleep.”

“Oh, a’ight,” John nodded. He forgot, she didn’t really talk or anything after sex. Usually, with everyone else, he’d get at least a few minutes of pillow talk before one or the other passed out. Pillow talk with Alex was always nice because usually both of them were pretty hungry by the end of those activities.

“Food’s in the kitchen though,” Martha replied. “I know you get hungry after this shit.”

John smiled, sitting up and kissing her forehead. “A’ight, babe. Sleep well.”

Martha offered a sleepy smile before pulling the blankets over her a bit more. John stood up and grabbed his boxers, slipping them on before grabbing his phone and walking into Martha’s kitchen. Her roommate was out of the house, so it was just him. He pulled his laptop out of his bag and began working on the paper Washington had enough mercy to give him an extension on, with the loss of five points. If John wanted to maintain his grade in that glass, which was currently one oh three, he was gonna have to make this paper practically flawless.

He popped some aspirin about halfway through finishing it, then ran it through Grammarly, had his text to speech part on his laptop read it out loud to him, and then finally sent it to Washington. John found some food and munched on it while scrolling through Tumblr.

The quiet of the room began to get to him. He always got lonely if there was no pillow talk involved. He felt bad like he was just used. He didn’t like the feeling. It made his chest tighten, it made him feel like he couldn’t breathe. He didn’t like being used or rejected. He wasn’t gonna go shoot up a school if he was rejected, he wasn’t a white boy, but rejection just triggered some sadness in him. He was scared of it. He hated it. It’s one of the reasons he couldn’t ask Alex out, one of the reasons he didn’t. He hated feeling like that, so it was better for him to go with the safer option.

Now though, John was feeling quite glum. He didn’t want to be alone right now. He wanted someone to talk to him at least. He picked up his phone and called the person Martha had made clear she didn’t want him talking to. But John didn’t have to listen to  _everything_ she said. Besides, she wouldn’t have to know.

“John?” Alex mumbled groggily.

“Oh shit, sorry, did I wake you?” John laughed, standing up and walking over to the couch with his laptop and a bowl of cereal with no milk.

“No, you didn’t, I was just kinda drifting off,” Alex replied. “What do you need?”

“Nothin’,” John chuckled. “Just wanna hear ya voice.”

A laugh like music escaped Alex’s mouth. “Is that so, John Laurens?”

“I like it when you say my full name,” John admitted. “It sounds so good comin’ from ya mouth. Like a song.”

“It’s good I’m not actually singing because I am atrocious,” Alex replied, laughing a bit. “I tried to join the choir, and the teacher wouldn’t even let me in the choir with all the bad kids. I had to do art instead.”

“How’d you do in art?” John asked.

“Awful, I’m just not an arts person.” Alex sounded like he was smiling. “I kicked ass in English, though.”

“Real shit?”

“Real shit,” Alex mocked. “English and math were my strong points. You?”

“Science ‘n’ art.” John ate a handful of the dry cereal, chewing obnoxiously loud for a second before swallowing. “Why pediatrics?”

“I like kids,” Alex admitted. “When I lived in Nevis I would watch over all the kids while their parents were still at work since I was one of the oldest on my block. I dunno, I like kids, and I like medicine.”

“ER pediatrician or appointment?” John asked, playing with a loose string on his boxers.

“Still trying to figure that out,” Alex admitted. “What about you? Why ER?”

“Man, ‘cause that shit ain’t ever slow. I wanna live a life where I be savin’ lives ‘n’ doin’ shit all night. Besides, once you worked ER night shift in Brooklyn, you seen everything.” John chuckled. “I shadowed a doctor last year for a week in some program, ‘n’ we were doin’ night shift in Kingsbrook Jewish medical center, the one over by Brownsville, and shiiiit, I saw some crazy shit. Like, nah, some homie came in sayin’ that he like, he was cookin’ chicken naked ‘n’ he dropped the raw chicken on his dick ‘n’ now it was red.”

“Oh no, did he-”

“He fucked the chicken!” John laughed, leaning back. “Nah, ‘n’ that doctor totally used me to get out of gross shit. Don’t trip, he was dope as fuck, we smoked down once my shadow was over, but one time, this homeless dude came in right?”

“Yeah,” Alex nodded.

“And like, he had pube lice, so it was at this moment that the doctor clapped me on the shoulder ‘n’ told me I had my first patient.” John shuddered. “I never thought I’d shave pubes for my first case in ER, but you know what? At least I did it.”

“Yeah, that’s why I didn’t want to be an ER doc,” Alex laughed. “Some of that shit is just gross.”

“I’m pretty used to that shit. I once had to stitch myself up, which was…” John gagged. “It was really gross to me at the time. Pretty badass now that I look back on it though.”

“Wait, where?” Alex asked.

“You ever seen that scar on my thigh?” John laughed. “Beer bottle, I was thirteen.”

“Jesus, John, you didn’t deserve that,” Alex muttered.

“Yeah, it be like that sometimes though,” John shrugged. “Whatcha gon’ do?”

Alex paused, then sighed. “You still with her?”

“Yeah, it only been five days,” John laughed. “You think we gon’ break up after five days? I mean, usually, my relationships last a bit longer than that.”

“Just wondering,” Alex mumbled.

“Oh yeah? Why?” John teased.

“‘Cause I’d really like you to be able to get the balls to ask me out,” Alex replied.

John paused, definitely not expecting that to be Alex’s answer. “What?”

“I think you heard me,” Alex laughed. “I hope Martha is giving you whatever you thought I couldn’t, but I wouldn’t have called Ria a freak in public if I was your boyfriend. I’m not a bitch.”

“Wait, hol’ up, Martha’s not a bitch, she just-”

Alex cut John off. “No, she is. She’s mean, you deserve better.”

“She’s not mean,” John huffed.

“‘Brownsville women are fucking mean, I should know this by now.’ You said that John,” Alex reminded, sighing a bit. “I just don’t get you. What makes that girl so special?”

John took a deep breath, thinking. He didn’t actually know. Maybe it was because he knew she would always be there. “I dunno, Alex.”

“Whatever John,” Alex muttered. “You’re pissing a lot of people off by being with her though, for good reasons too.” Alex laughed bitterly. “It’s funny that for once, you’re the one who needs to open your eyes.”

“You don’t get it,” John defended.

“No, I don’t,” Alex agreed. “Look I have to go. I have some stuff I need to get done. It was nice talking to you John, but I really think you need to just, I think you need to use your head a bit more right now.”

“I thought friends were supposed to support each other no matter what, huh?” John snapped.

“No, John, friends are supposed, to be honest with each other, and I’m being honest with you,” Alex replied.

“A’ight, well just because I ain’t chose you don’t mean you allowed to be a dick,” John scoffed.

“Wow, you are so blind to the people around you sometimes, John,” Alex laughed. “You know what? Go ahead, date her. I really don’t care. You wouldn’t be the first guy I’ve gotten over, and I’m sure you won’t be the last, but maybe it’s time you start recognizing a pattern with this girl because from what I’ve heard, there’s a pretty set one that plays out every time you get together.”

Nothing but the dial tone was heard after than.

John groaned and stood up, dropping his phone on the couch and going back to Martha’s room. He slid into bed with her and pulled her close to his body, closing his eyes. He felt like he could sleep better knowing that he had turned in that paper. He had a bit of homework that wasn’t due for another two days, so he could finish it up tonight, tomorrow if needed.

John, once it got closer to his family’s dinner time, got up and got dressed, gathering his things. He chugged some water before going back into Martha’s room to say goodbye.

“Hey, princess, I gotta go,” John whispered softly.

“Awh,” Martha mumbled tiredly, looking up at John through sleepy eyes. “‘M gon’ miss you, Johnny.”

John chuckled and leaned down, pecking her lips. “I’ll see you soon. I’ll text you.” John pushed a few strands of hair from her face. “Pretty.”

“You too,” Martha smiled, running her hand down John’s chest. “Mm, my boy.”

“Dear girl, I do gotta go,” John chuckled. “I wanna get dinner in before I hit my shift.”

Martha nodded, pushing herself up to pull John into a kiss. “You could spend the night at my place after your shift.”

“I’m gon’ be too tired to do anything,” John chuckled.

“We don’t need to fuck to be together,” Martha replied, running her pointer finger along his cheek, tracing a trail of freckles. “Maybe I just wanna be with you, my boy.”

John smiled, pulling her into a kiss. “I’ll try, dear girl. I’ll text you if I can.” John kissed her forehead. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Stay safe, my boy,” Martha called out as John stood up.

“No promises,” John shot back, laughing as he walked out of the apartment. The train ride from Brownsville was a bit longer, maybe ten minutes? But John didn’t mind. He was too high off of everything. Alex was nice to have feelings for, but he and Martha? They had a thing, they had a history together. John knew almost everything about Martha, and maybe she had vices, but so did he. It would be ridiculous to expect to find someone who was  _perfect_.

John got him and was a bit surprised to see his mom waiting for him inside, still in her work uniform. John smiled regardless, hugging her and kissing her cheek.

“Hola, momma, que pasa?” John smiled sweetly.

Elanor shook her head, licking her thumb and wiping a bit of lipstick off of John’s cheek. “Are you really back with her?”

“Momma,” John groaned. “Does it matter?”

“It do,” Elanor nodded. “Let’s go sit down, mijo.” Elanor lead John to the steps and sat down with him, sighing. “John, I know you like her, I know you really like it.”

“I do, momma,” John nodded.

“But I want you to remember the last time this happened, mijo,” Elanor sighed. “She cheated on you with someone you considered your friend. You were so sad for weeks. She does this to you every time. She hurts you, and it hurts me. Eres mi hijo y te amo, but you need to really think about this. You need to know that this is going to hurt you. There is no doubt in my mind that this will end badly, and I will be there for you John, but there is only so long Zeus will take pity on Icarus for flying too close to the sun.” Elanor rubbed John’s chin gently, sighing. “You are my Icarus, mijo, but we cannot keep rebuilding your wings.”

“Momma, things are different this time,” John promised.

“Things are always different, always,” Elanor huffed. “When will you learn that the only thing that’s different is the date? That girl does not care about you, I promise.”

“She does,” John convinced.

“You are so smart John, do not let sex cloud your judgment,” Elanor sighed. “I cannot convince you to be smart about this, I know I can’t, but I hope you finally learn from this. I hope you realize people are over this.”

“Momma-”

“Come on,” Elanor started, standing up. “I’m sure dinner is already here. Do you work tonight?”

“I do,” John nodded.

“Come home after, a’ight? Just so I know you’re safe,” Elanor requested.

“Alright, momma,” John nodded.

“How are your grades?” Elanor asked as they climbed the steps together.

“Straight A’s, you know me,” John smiled.

Elanor smiled. “I’m very proud of you, John. What about that boy, Alex? How is he doing?”

“He’s doing good too, you know he’s hella smart. He gots that good edumacation. Nah, he’s good.” John looked down. “Yeah, he’s good.”

“He is good,” Elanor agreed as they entered the apartment. “Remember that.”

John nodded and plopped down on the floor next to Mary, grabbing a slice of pizza. If his family had more money, they may cook more often, but it was cheaper to just eat out in New York. Easier too.

Dinner was done and John went and got dressed for his shift, frowning a bit at his hips. Sometimes, just sometimes though, he really wished he could just give himself surgery and make his hips skinnier. He was part black, part Peurto Rican, so he didn’t exactly lack in curves. His tits, when he had them, were actually quite nice. Before he went on T, it was hard to wear shirts that weren’t two sizes too big for him, since he had a very feminine looking body. T changed that though, moved his fat into his shoulders, made it easier to gain muscle, so his hips and ass seemed to blend more into his body, which he liked.

John finished getting dressed and kissed his mother goodbye before heading to work. He got there, smiling at Nathan as he put on his apron and began filling up a drink for someone, a Jack on the rocks.

“Mars is pissed at you,” Nathan called out.

“The hell did I do to her?” John asked.

“I dunno, she kinda came in mad, talkin’ about you fuckin’ with some girl again, talking about how she wanted to whoop your ass for being, as she put it, a stupid son of a bitch.” Nathan chuckled. “Who’s the girl? Is the pussy worth the wrath of Maria?”

“Damn, Nat, so fuckin’ worth it,” John laughed. “She got an ass like a lollipop.”

“Booty so nice you slap it twice,” Nathan joked. “Mars prolly gon’ dig into you though. Be ready for that shit, John. She wasn’t happy.”

“Damn, I just got a girlfriend,” John laughed.

“I would like to have a girlfriend, but unfortunately, I’m not that attractive,” Nathan laughed.

“Mars seems kinda into you, though,” John pointed out.

“That’d be nice. She real sweet,” Nathan nodded.

John laughed and took someone’s order, whipping up a daiquiri. He knew people were mad about this, but they’d calm down, once they saw that Martha had really changed. It was gonna be okay, and John knew that.

Or he hoped he knew. 


	22. The Sweetest Thing

****Alex walked through Laf’s apartment door holding a six-pack, a small baggie of weed in his back pocket. He laughed, hugging Laf and then going to hug Herc. Music was playing, and people were hanging out. It was the last day of spring break, so Laf and Herc were throwing a party. Spring break didn’t really affect them, but they had friends in college so they knew when it was and wasn’t. Alex had been one of the first people they texted, and Alex had invited Peggy and Aaron, as well as anyone they wanted to bring. Ria was invited, as well as Maria and Nathan, and a few other people. John had been texted, but texted back a maybe, which meant no, just like he responded to every other text that involved plans with people.

John and Martha had been dating for about a month and it was crazy to see how different he had become. He grades had slipped a bit and were now sprinkled with a few Bs, bringing down his total GPA. He had withdrawn himself from everything, really. He stopped hanging out with Laf and Herc. Dinner with his family became rare. He had become almost obsessive over this girl. He and Alex had pretty much all together stopped talking. John felt bad, no doubt, but he brushed it off as just the way you acted at the beginning of a relationship.

Alex, despite dealing with a bit of a heartbreak, still took to thriving. He had started hooking up with a guy he met through Herc since he was horny and needed  _someone_ to fuck in his free time. He had also been hanging out with Ria, since she was good company, and would let him vent when he got fed up with John, which was common.

“Hey, where’s ya mans?” Herc asked.

“I shot him a text, he was down in Philly though for the weekend with his girlfriend,” Alex responded. “Is John coming?”

“I dunno, he prolly too busy eatin’ fake ass weave lookin’ pussy,” Peggy snorted, taking the six-pack from Alex and setting it on the table. “How you doin’ man?”

“I’m good, Pegs,” Alex smiled.

“Okay, a’ight, Alex, I know you don’t dig chicks, but what if they ain’t a chick but ain’t quite a dude, right?” Laf started, putting his arm around Alex. “‘Cause see them? They single, ready to be dicked, and I know you got a strap or something.”

“They’re cute,” Alex nodded, looking at the skinny blonde. “Not my type, but cute.”

“I fucked them once, shit they were good,” Herc chuckled.

“Alex!” Ria smiled, coming in and hugging Alex, kissing his cheek. “There you are. I was wondering when you were gonna get here.”

“Sorry, you know New York traffic,” Alex smiled. “I almost got hit by a car twice on my bike.”

“‘S what you get for biking in New York,” Peggy jived.

“Fuckin’ hipster,” Laf chuckled.

“Stop being mean to my son,” Ria huffed, hugging Alex closer to her. “I think he looked beautiful. I like that he’s started wearing ugly dad button-ups. They suit him. He’s gonna make a great embarrassing father.”

“I’ll teach my kids manly shit like cooking and how to get blood out of clothes and Ria can teach them all that womanly crap like overthrowing governments and witchcraft.” Alex laughed a bit.

Ria nodded. “Yes, Alex and I decided I’m the godmother to his children.”

Laf snorted.

“Aye yo! Aaron!” Peggy called out as Aaron and Theo walked in. “Damn, Theo, baby girl, look at dem legs!”

Theo, who was wearing red short shorts, smiled and struck a pose. “Hello, everyone.”

“Oh, shit!” Herc laughed. “Fugees is one! Nah, you know, as New Yorkers, we gotta dance to this shit.”

The group moved to the living room and began to feel the music. Alex danced with Ria, laughing as she moved her hips in a circular motion against him. Alex saw someone with papers sitting at the coffee table, so he borrowed one and rolled up a joint for himself. He had started smoking a bit more weed, but it didn’t affect him in any bad ways, and he really liked being able to relax on a Saturday while his fuck buddy gave him head.

Alex smoked and danced, laughing with his friends. He had never had a group of friends like this, but he was happy he did now. It was comfortable to be with these people. He wasn’t scared. He was so comfortable with them, that he had painted the trans flag on his back pocket. He was happy to be with these people.

“Oh, I need some water,” Peggy laughed.

“I’ll come,” Alex smiled, walking with Peggy to the kitchen. “I’m thirsty as hell. I love pot but it makes my throat hurt.”

“You get used to that,” Peggy shrugged, filling up two red Solo cups and handing one to Alex. “I kinda miss John.”

“Oh?” Alex mumbled.

“He reminds me of my brother.” Peggy took a sip of her water, looking at the floor. “I dunno, it was nice to have a brother again.”

Alex shrugged and looked down. “I miss him too. It’s weird, he’s just being weird. He feels not even himself anymore. Also, he was good at giving head.”

“Gross!” Peggy snorted, pushing Alex’s shoulder.

“It’s true!” Alex shot back, laughing.

“I like The Fugees.” Peggy took another sip of her water. “They say some real shit. On their Score album, they did a whole monologue ‘n’ they said a bunch of shit about black on black violence, and they were talkin’ bout how we gotta stand up to the people who actually oppress us ‘n’ shit, and they said ‘it’s easy for cats to kill cats, it’s just the dogs they got trouble with’ or something like that. It was real good, stuck with me, you know?”

“Yeah.” Alex took another hit off his blunt.

“My daddy was involved with gang shit, my momma was a tweaker. My sister, Angie, she got into that shit too for a while. We all had the same daddy, but he had hella different wifeys. S’ why ain’t none of us really look the same. When Angie was eighteen, she packed us all up and moved us away. She won custody over us. We had to move around a bit, but we settled in Brooklyn eventually.” Peggy sipped her water. “Shit’s fuckin’ crazy.”

“Honestly,” Alex snorted. “Having parents is overrated.”

Peggy snorted into her water. “You fuckin’ crazy, Alexander Hamilton.”

“I mean, come on, maybe we are in desperate need of therapy and we have some authority issues, but like, we grew up buck wild. We’re crazy,” Alex smiled.

“Hell fuckin’ yeah, I’m crazy as shit,” Peggy laughed. “I was a fuckin’ wild kid.”

Alex sighed. “I miss being a kid. I think I would’ve done a lot of things different.”

“Like what?” Peggy asked.

“Probably would’ve tried to make more friends,” Alex snorted. “I would’ve stopped pretending to be something I’m not. Private school was hell.”

“My heart goes out to you,” Peggy commented sarcastically. “Nah, nah, see, you went to private school, so you never experienced the hell that was a public school. I once watched some kid literally throw another kid off the fuckin’ stairwell, ‘n’ then I saw some girl rip another girl’s braids out. You could find weed easier than you could find a pencil, ‘n’ some kid got stabbed once in the thigh with a protractor. We ain’t none of us have phones because it was the two thousands ‘n’ we were all broke, so shit was spread purely through MySpace. It was wildin’ back then, fuckin’ crazy. You private schoolers ain’t know that.”

“We did have a lot of cocaine and Adderall, you gotta give us that,” Alex chuckled. “Nah, there was no like, fights really, but people got fucking mean. I knew a lot of kids who killed themselves. We did once have a kid try to shoot up the place.”

“Shit, so yous were just like, fuckin’ ready to snap,” Peggy laughed.

Alex nodded. “Pretty much.”

“Speak of the motherfuckin’ devil,” Peggy muttered.

“What…” Alex trailed off when he turned around and saw John. He hadn’t seen him outside of classes in almost two weeks, but there he was, smiling with a bottle of strawberry vodka in his hands. On his arm was Martha, dressed in an outfit that definitely said she was getting dicked later.

“Oh, God, he’s coming over,” Alex groaned, looking at Peggy. “I don’t wanna talk to him, he’s gonna be all weird.”

“Just smile and nod,” Peggy snickered as John approached them.

“Hey, guys!” John smiled.

“Wow, look at you!” Alex greeted, matching enthusiasm. “You’re out of the house!”

John’s eyes widened and he held up his middle finger to Alex. “A’ight, never fuckin’ mind then.”

“Hi, Martha,” Alex smiled sarcastically.

“Alex, that wasn’t smiling and nodding,” Peggy choked out as John and Martha walked away. “Where did you get that shit?”

“Ever since John pulled that fuckass move, I’ve decided I don’t give a fuck what people think of me, so I’m just saying whatever comes to mind whenever I want to,” Alex shrugged. “I’m sick of being passive.”

“Yo, popsicle!” Maria started, coming over to Alex. “Please don’t tell me that’s Martha Manning.”

“Oh, it is,” Alex nodded.

“What the fuckin’ fuck ass mother fucker?” Maria spat. “Fuckin’ bitch ass what the fuck is she doin’ here? What the fuck?”

“I dunno, Mars, I heard she crazy though,” Peggy muttered.

“She’s more than fuckin’ crazy, she’s a bitch ass mother fuckin’ crazy-ass bitch,” Maria muttered, taking out her hoop earrings. “I’m boutta go rip out her fake ass weave, she better watch herself I ain’t scared of no Brownsville bitches. Fuckin’ showin’ her face around here. I’m a fuckin’ stripper, I’ll kick her ass into next week.”

“Oh, shit, there’s gonna be a fight,” Peggy smiled, setting her cup down. “I got your back, Mars. Let’s fuckin’ go.”

Maria stormed into the living room. “Aye yo, Manning!”

People quieted down, looking over at Maria. Someone turned down the music and a path was cleared to Martha Manning.

“You got a lot o’ fuckin’ nerve showing your fake ass bleached ass face ‘round here!” Maria yelled, roughly shoving Martha back.

“Bitch ass mother fucker, who the fuck do you think you are pushin’ me?” Martha shot back instantly. “I ain’t fuckin’ afraid of you, I’ll give you a Brownsville beatdown.”

“Fuckin’ try you bitch,” Maria scoffed.

“Hey, whoa, Maria,” John cut in.

“Oh, can it, bitch boy.” Maria tied her hair back, watching Martha. “I ain’t fuckin’ afraid of you. You know you ain’t got no right comin’ ‘round to Fort Greene, you know that? I don’t care that you got John eatin’ your cooch again, you ain’t been allowed to come ‘round here.”

“A’ight, at least I ain’t rubbin’ up on no fuckin’ greasy ass poles for cash,” Martha shot back, stepping closer to Martha.

“At least I be makin’ cash,” Maria shot back. “You think you can just fuckin’ push around everyone but I ain’t fuckin’ afraid of you, you ain’t got no dirt on me.”

“Don’t come at me with your fake ass tough girl kinda thing, we all know you been had no real fuckin’ courage you just fuckin’ talk. You ain’t gon’ post up real shit,” Martha taunted.

“A’ight bitch, let’s see how that fuckin’ works out for you,” Maria snapped, lunging towards Martha. The fight almost happened, it really did. Luckily, Laf, not wanting to clean up after a fight with two Brooklyn girls, which could get messy, grabbed Maria by the waist and pulled her back. John also grabbed Martha and tugged her away from the fight too. His eyes were wide, he seemed to be withdrawing almost. There was a blank look starting to form behind his eyes that said something was wrong.

Alex watched the shaking of John’s hands, the way his chest started to rise and fall as yelling filled the room. Voices were overlapping, Herc was holding Martha back now. John seemed to be rocking himself almost. He was definitely shaking.

Alex looked around, found the bathroom, then carefully went over to John, grabbing his hand and pulling him through the people to the bathroom, locking the door.

“Alex, Alex, I can’t, I can’t breathe,” John choked out, sitting on the edge of the tub. “I can’t, my chest, it hurts, Alex, oh God, shit, shit, Alex.”

“Hey, hey, John, hey,” Alex whispered softly. “Hey, listen to my voice. I’m right here. I’m right here. Hey, okay, there we go. Hey, it’s just me, it’s just me.”

“Alex please, you can’t, you can’t leave me, please,” John choked out.

“I’m not, I’m right here,” Alex promised.

“No, Alex, please don’t hate me, please, I just, I can’t lose you, please, you’re my best friend, please,” John choked out, shaking.

“John, hey, hey,” Alex mumbled quietly, sitting next to John and hugging him to his body. “I’m right here. I mean that. I’m right here.”

John leaned into Alex, his breathing ragged. Alex pulled John’s hair out of the ponytail and gently ran his fingers through the curls, humming a tune. John’s arms were lazily draped around Alex’s waist as he tried to calm down. It took a few minutes, but John did, finally sitting up and wiping his cheeks. Alex said nothing about the wet spot on his shirt as John tied his hair back up. 

John shook his head. “I don’t, I don’t like violence.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry,” John mumbled.

“It’s okay,” Alex replied.

“No, I’m sorry for bein’ such a dick lately, you have a right to be mad at me, I’ve been a shit friend, to everyone.” John tucked an escaped curl behind his ear.

“We shouldn’t have to miss someone who sits right next to us.” Alex gently took John’s hand. “Apologies don’t mean much if you don’t follow through. Are you gonna stop being such an ass?”

“Yeah, I am,” John nodded. “And I’m gon’ hang with you guys more. My grades be slippin’, so we should for real get some study time in.”

“Oh, John…” Alex brought John’s hand up to his lips, kissing it softly. “I can’t make you open your eyes, but I sure hope you do soon.”

John nodded, leaning against Alex. “Yeah, I hope I do too.”

“You wanna go back out?” Alex asked.

John slid back into the tub, pulling two joints from his jacket pocket and a lighter. “Not at all.”

Alex slid back next to him, smiling a bit. “You’re stupid.”

“Stupid for you,” John agreed, handing Alex a joint.

Alex leaned his head against John’s shoulder. “I know, John Laurens.”

-

Classes started back up and John held true to his promise. He and Alex spent at least half an hour during lunch studying together, and he did get his grades up a bit more. John was still dating Martha, still being stupid sometimes, but Alex wasn’t afraid to tell him when he was being a bad friend.

“I wish I could pee standing up,” John stated as he sat on the toilet in the men's room, listening to Alex wash his hands.

“Get a dick,” Alex suggested.

“I ain’t trust doctors with my nuts,” John mumbled, finishing up and wiping. “Shit ain’t advanced enough yet, and I still wanna be able to come.”

Alex snorted, sitting up on the bathroom counter as John washed his hands. “You’re right. Also, getting a dick is fucking expensive.”

“Motherfucker, since when do you gots to worry about cash?” John asked.

“My cousin is slowly cutting me off, and I gotta start paying some rent,” Alex snorted. “So I’ve been a little tight on cash.”

“Oh no, now you must face the awful reality of being a broke motherfucker in Brooklyn,” John mumbled sarcastically. “Will you live?”

“I don’t know how I’ll bear it,” Alex gasped, placing his hand to his chest.

John pouted his lip out, standing in front of Alex. “Is there anything that will save you?”

“A kiss from the most handsome prince in all the land,” Alex sighed, chuckling.

John smiled, shaking his head a bit, his hands going to the rips in Alex’s jeans. There was a real quiet moment, where they just kinda smiled, listening to the quiet dripping from one of the bathroom faucets.

Alex gasped when his lips met John’s, but he didn’t protest. He grabbed John’s face, pulling him closer, kissing him desperately. John pulled Alex off the counter, carrying him into one of the big stalls and closing it, quickly locking it before pressing Alex to the bathroom wall. Alex whined as John began nipping down his neck, probably leaving small marks. Alex pushed his leg up between John so John could have something to grind against as they made out. It was hot and heavy, spit coating each other lips, tongues moving sloppily around. The kiss was so very messy, not even close to being movie ready. It didn’t seem to matter to either of them though.

After a few minutes, Alex began struggling with the drawstring on John’s joggers, trying to figure out a way to untie them while John unbuttoned Alex’s jeans. Pants were pulled down to mid-thigh and suddenly the two men were fingering each other.

John was panting against Alex, grinding his hips on Alex’s hand. He wasn’t thinking about Martha, he wasn’t thinking about anything. Just the way Alex’s lips felt against his, the way Alex’s hand felt against the most sensitive parts of him. Alex was moaning into John’s mouth, trying to stay quiet, though it was hard, and everything echoed in the bathroom. He felt sweat dripping down his back, he felt Alex’s tongue against his, spit dripping down his chin lightly. He had never done anything like this in a bathroom, not a public one at least.

“Alex, yeah, fuck, please,” John groaned lightly.

Alex’s fingers began to move faster. “Shit, shit, John, I’m gonna, I’m gonna-” Alex gasped. “Ah!”

“Please, don’t stop, don’t stop,” John begged, feeling Alex slow down. “I’m almost there, I’m almost there, I’m, I’m, fuck!” John’s legs almost buckled in on themselves. He gripped Alex’s shoulder with one hand, gasping as he came. His knees were shaking, his breath coming out in small gasps.

“Ah, fuck, that feels better,” John mumbled softly.

Alex chuckled. “Good.”

John sighed, pulling Alex back into a kiss. Their pants were still down, but neither of them seemed to care as they made out. The kiss was more soft, gentle and tender. John pushed a few strands of hair out of Alex’s face, Alex gently caressed John’s face.

When John finally pulled away, he pressed his forehead to Alex’s, taking a deep breath. “I like you, Alexander Hamilton. I like you a lot.”

Alex smiled, gently running his thumb over John’s cheek. “Well then, John Laurens.” Alex leaned in and pecked John’s lips once more. “You should know, that you have a shit way of showing that.”

John stepped back, not at all expecting that. Alex just smiled, pulling up his jeans, licking his fingers, and walking out of the bathroom, leaving John to let his words sink in.

John shook his head. “What the fuck.”


	23. Girls Like U

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No fathers, just male celebrities in their 30s who you desperately want to play catch with in the back yard.

John got home from school and sat down on the stoop next to Pappo. Since the weather was warmer, he was back. He usually spent the winters in the YMCA with the money he saved during the summer. It was always nice to have him back though. Pappo smiled at John, turning down his radio.

“Hola, John,” Pappo smiled. “How are you?”

“I cheated on my girlfriend,” John groaned.

Pappo nodded slowly. “You should probably break up with her. Cheating is a sign that you do not like them as much as you thought you did. Was it a party?”

“Nah, nah, it was with one of my best friends,” John admitted. “I dunno, the girlfriend I got now, she ain’t… ain’t no one I chill with like her. I been dated her before.”

“Hol’ up, don’t tell me it’s that chick that ya mother hates.” Pappo rolled his head back. “Man, you know you ain’t ever allowed to date girls yo’ momma don’t like!” Pappo laughed, taking a sip of the water bottle in his hand. “That’s like, first rule of love life.”

“I’m twenty-five, my momma ain’t allowed to say who I date,” John huffed, smiling a bit.

“Nah, baby, that shit never ends. It don’t matter how old you are, how much money you got, where you been working, you still your momma’s son. Your daddy? He ain’t ever matter when it comes to that shit. But yo momma? She knows what’s best.” Pappo smiled at John, tapping his nose.

“Yeah, you prolly right,” John nodded.

“I mean, how much does this girl really mean to you?” Pappo asked. “I mean, John, you gotta look into yourself, you gotta look into your heart, you gotta ask yourself who you wanna surround yourself with. Do you feel good around this girl?”

John shrugged. “I dunno.”

“Do you feel, do you feel happy? Do you feel like you gon’ be able to come home to this girl and, and tell her you love her? Do you feel like you can see yourself with her?” Pappo asked.

John shook his head. “No.”

“Then you gots ya answer,” Pappo nodded. “That girl just ain’t for you.”

“No, she ain’t,” John agreed.

“You gotta be able to understand when shit just ain’t right, ‘cause somethin’ always tells you. You know the Lord, he gives us signs, he don’t do shit for us, but he gives us signs, sends us people, sends up messages. The Lord can’t make you open ya ears though, you gotta do that.” Pappo nudged John. “You a real smart kid, you know that?”

“I do,” John nodded.

“Now it’s time to make the right choice,” Pappo encouraged. “You got a family who always gon’ be there, they ain’t ever gon’ leave you, John. They ain’t ever gon’ ask you to be anyone but yaself.”

John nodded. “You’re a good man, Pappo.”

“Well, you know, I’m gettin’ back on my feet, a’ight?” Pappo nodded. “I been, I been interviewin’ for jobs. They got a whole program set up for veterans like myself. I’m gon’ get myself my own Fort Greene project’s apartment.”

John clapped Pappo on the shoulder. “That’s really great, man. Mad respect for a brother.”

Pappo smiled, then looked towards the walkway to the stoop. “Well, if it isn’t the most beautiful girl in the place.”

John looked up and smiled at his mother.

“You’ve got some schmutz on your face,” Elanor mumbled, licking her thumb and wiping a smudge of dirt from Pappo’s cheek. “It’s nice to see you home after school, John.”

John stood up and hugged his mom. “It’s nice to be home.”

Pappo smiled. “I got a job interview to go to. Elanor, you gots my love.”

“You got mine, Pappo,” Elanor smiled back, walking inside with John. “Was your girl not free tonight or something?”

“Actually, I’m breaking up with her, tonight, really, I just needed to talk to Pappo for a bit,” John replied.

“Oh, why so?” Elanor asked.

“I cheated on her,” John admitted.

“Johnathan Elanor Laurens!” Elanor slapped the backside of John’s head, not rough, just enough to get the message through. “Eres un hombre cerdo! ¿Cómo te atreves a tratar mal a una mujer? ¡Debería golpearte mucho más fuerte por algo así!”

“Aye yi yi, momma,” John mumbled, rubbing the back of his head. “I didn’t mean to.”

“You what then? You tripped and fell between some girl’s legs? You know how I feel about Martha Manning, but I did not raise my son to be such a scoundrel!” Elanor ranted.

“You didn’t raise me to be a son either so I think I deserve some slack,” John snickered, this time, one hundred percent expecting the slap on the back of his head.

“You know exactly how I feel about cheating, and no son of mine will do that,” Elanor huffed. “I mean, honestly, John, you know exactly how that affects you, first hand!”

“Hey, she’s cheated on me hella! I’m allowed to get a final lick in,” John defended. “Besides, it wasn’t exactly with someone you hate, so…”

“A’ight, now I wanna know, who you been likin’ more than ya girl?” Elanor asked.

“Alex,” John shrugged as they stepped into the apartment.

“Ooh, I like Alex, he’s fun,” Elanor smiled. “I like how happy he makes you. Do you gots work tonight?”

“Nah.”

“A’ight, then after dinner, you gon’ go break it off with ya girl, and go man up, tell Alex you like him. Deja de actuar como un nino.” Elanor set down her purse on the kitchen counter. “Aye! What are we having for dinner?”

“Henry sick, so he currently chillin in the tub,” Mary mentioned, coming into the kitchen.

“I got ‘im,” John mumbled, walking through the house to the bathroom. He opened the door to see Henry, sitting in the tub. Usually, when someone was sick, they were confined to the bathroom for most the night, usually laying in the tub wrapped in blankets. No one in the house could afford to get sick.

“Hey, John,” Henry croaked out.

“Shit, dude, you sound like crap,” John muttered, pulling the cold flu box from under the sink. “Have you taken meds?”

Henry shook his head tiredly, leaning against a pillow. “No.”

John got out a thermometer and pressed the button. “Say ah.” Henry opened his mouth and John stuck the thermometer in it, pulling out some cough drops, Aleve, and some Nyquil. The thermometer beeped and John pulled it out, looking at it. “Alright, you got a fever of one hundred and one, which is a significant fever. How do you feel?”

“Cold, achey, really sweaty,” Henry groaned.

“Nauseous? Have you had diarrhea? Have you thrown up?” John pulled out some Aleve and filled up some water.

“Gross, no,” Henry muttered.

“Okay, then you don’t have the flu. Have you been drinking liquids?” John continued.

Henry shook his head.

John stood up and poked his head out the door. “Aye, yo, can someone get me a big water bottle with water?”

“I got it!” Jem yelled.

John sat back down on the toilet, handing Henry two Aleve and two Nyquil. “Take these.” John turned to get the water bottle Jem had provided. “Alright, I want you to drink as much of this as you can. Don’t like, chug it though, just try to get through it before you pass out, you need to stay hydrated. If your fever is the same or higher tomorrow morning, you need to get some cold compresses or, even better, do a cold bath. It’ll suck but I promise it’ll be worth it. Are you hungry?”

Henry shook his head.

“Alright.” John clapped Henry’s shoulder and stood up. “Just holler if you need something, alright?”

Henry nodded, taking the meds and sipping the water bottle. John gently shut the door and went back out to the living room, dropping his bag and plopping down on the couch. He could hear Martha, cooking in the kitchen, so he got right back up to go bug her to see what she was making.

“Momma!” Martha yelled the moment John got near the kitchen. “John’s being annoying!”

“I’m not even in the kitchen!” John gasped.

“Nah, you got that look, stay away from me and the stir fry,” Martha huffed, pointing her spoon at John.

“C’mon, Marty, I’m hungry!” John complained.

“It’shad raw meat in it, you dumb shit!” Martha exclaimed. “No, you get out of my kitchen, or I will put  _you_ in the pan!”

“Mom!” John yelled.

“John, Martha! I am currently preoccupied!” Elanor yelled back.

John groaned and grabbed some cold White Castle sliders from the fridge. He took a bite and made his way into the living room, sitting down next to Jemmy and sighing as he whipped out a book and a notebook to begin an assignment for his dermatology class. Jem looked balls deep in some Chemistry thing, so John didn’t say anything to disturb that kind of focus.

Elanor came out to help finish up a stir fry, and the other big of Thai they had ordered came around the same time, so everyone, except Henry, of course, sat down around the living room. John got himself a big scoop of the stir fry Martha made, and then some of the Pad Thai and a few spring rolls as well.

“Where does it all go?” Mary asked.

“My meat,” John replied, snickering.

“Aye!” Elanor gasped, smacking John’s shoulder.

John snorted and took a bite of his food, ignoring the text tone from his phone, which was undoubtedly his girlfriend. He hadn’t exactly told her he was going to be with his family tonight, so he knew he was probably in for it, but he was gonna break up with her anyway.

“John, silence your phone,” Mary requested. “Who is it?”

“Girlfriend,” John answered, pulling out his phone and silencing it. “She’s pissed.”

“She not know you with ya family tonight?” Martha mused, raising an eyebrow.

“Maybe not,” John shot back. “I’m gon’ break up with her tonight anyway, so does anyone know how to break up wit’ someone?”

“Damn, you really haven’t ever broken up with someone?” Jem laughed. “I’ve broken up with people, John.”

“Nah, I really ain’t,” John chuckled, laughing.

“Uh, I dunno, just tell her it ain’t workin’ ‘n’ you wanna see other people. Why you leavin’ her?” Martha asked.

“I cheated on her,” John admitted shamelessly. “So I obviously don’t like her that much.”

“Damn, you cheated on ya very own kryptonite?” Mary laughed. “I mean, she crazy as fuck though, I woulda cheated on her too.”

“I feel that, Mare,” Martha snorted.

“Aye! Why all my kid's cheatin’? We don’t tolerate that!” Elanor huffed. “Nah, John can confirm I ain’t lettin’ him off the hook for this. He gon’ break up with that girl tonight, and if he don’t I’m gon’ do it for him. Ain’t no Brooklyn man want people knowin’ they momma be doin’ shit like this for them still.”

“Real shit,” John muttered. “Don’t worry though, momma. I gotchu, I’m gon’ do it. Besides, I gots my eye on someone else.”

“Oh, Alex?” Martha asked.

John rolled his eyes. “Yuh, Alex. There, yous all win, I like Alex.”

“I think Alex is fun,” Martha nodded. “He’s got a good vibe to him.” Martha took a bite of her food. “Shit, I’m a good cook.”

“Hella,” John agreed.

“Speaking of cooks, I should go check on Henry,” Elanor smiled, standing up. “I’ll be right back, just wanna make sure he’s doin’ okay.”

“Check his temp,” John suggested. “It was one oh one last time I checked it, but I gave him some Aleve, so it should be goin’ down.”

“A’ight,” Elanor called out as she walked down the hall.

“Okay, dude, I gotta ask,” Martha started. “Why’d you get back with her? I mean, hasn’t she proved like, four times, that she’s horrible and she is a serial cheater?”

“Because I’m stupid!” John exclaimed. “Every time I jizz, I lose more brain cells, ‘n’ I hadn’t had a dry spell in a very long time.”

Jem snorted. “That’s not how that works.”

“Yes, it is,” John countered. “I have been a doctor student for five years, I know all the bones. If you jizz, you lose brain cells.” John took another bite of his food. “It’s why all of the smart people were fuckin’ virgins man.”

“Didn’t Benjamin Franklin like, invent electricity? But he was like, in four sex cults and fucked a bunch of older woman,” Mary pointed out. “He was a MILF chaser.”

“Benny Franklin better stay away from my momma,” John muttered.

Jem looked up. “Let’s start a Change.org petition to keep Benjamin Franklin away from our mom.”

“Why are we keeping Benjamin Franklin away from me?” Elanor asked.

“‘Cause he was a MILF chaser and we don’t want him chasin’ you,” Mary answered.

Elanor groaned, sitting down. “I don’t know what possessed me to have so many of you.”

“Benjamin Franklin.”

-

Dinner passed, and John was now on his way to Brownsville, getting Martha’s apartment key off of his lanyard. He still had Alex’s apartment key on the lanyard, so he figured he’d head over to Alex’s after this. When John got to her apartment building, he felt nervous but knew he had to do it. He wasn’t gonna stay with her if he didn’t like her as much as he liked someone else.

John jogged up the steps, the food still sitting heavily in his stomach. He knew he’d be hungry in about four hours, though. He didn’t know if he’d ever be not as hungry but didn’t mind it. He exercised enough so really, he looked fine.

John got to Martha’s apartment and was about to open it when he heard something. He pressed his ear a little closer to the door, then chuckled bitterly, shaking his head. Of course, of  _course,_ she was fucking someone else. John didn’t know what he should’ve expected. It was bound to happen.

John unlocked the door and walked in, where she was, naked as the day she was born, bent over the kitchen counter with some dude pounding into her like his life depended on it. She jumped and screamed when she saw John, grabbing the nearest bit of clothing she could find to cover herself.

“Hi, Martha,” John chuckled, setting her key down on the kitchen table. “Just thought I should give this back to you since we ain’t datin’ anymore.”

“John, wait, wait,” Martha started, grabbing her robe and throwing it on as she followed John out of the apartment. “John, you didn’t tell me where you were! What was I supposed to do?”

John gave her an incredulously look. “Uh, I dunno. You did the exact thing I expected you to do. It doesn’t hurt as much though, because I actually cheated on you, like, yesterday.”

Martha’s eyes went wide. “You cheated on me?”

John nodded, smiling. “Yup. With Alex. We gave each other hand jobs in the bathroom.”

“How could you cheat on me? What the fuck, John?” Martha yelled.

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me? You were just ridin’ some fuckin’ dudes dick! You done cheated on me like a thousand times!” John threw his arms up. “You a fuckin’ baddie, Martha, trust, but you crazy as shit.”

“The fuck did you just call me?” Martha yelled.

“Jesus, nah, Martha, I’m done, this is done. I don’t want you comin’ back, I’m sick of this, I’m sick of you.” John laughed, running his hand over his head. “I don’t even like you! I’m just so used to you bein’ my fuckin’ rebound for life, but you know somethin’? I shoulda listened to my momma, my friends, everyone but you. I don’t even, fuck, Martha, it really fucks me up that you were the first chick I ever really liked and you didn’t even fuckin’ care. You never cared about me!”

“‘Cause you were just a fuckin’ sad pity party when I did!” Martha laughed. “All you did was cry about your fuckin’ dad and how you didn’t want to be him. It was fuckin’ annoying!”

“Damn, well fuck you then,” John huffed. “I don’t, fuck, fuck you, Martha. Nah, you are a crazy bitch, fuck this shit. Fuck you. I’m done.”

“You gon’ come back, John, you always do,” Martha called out.

“Yeah, pretty fuckin’ stupid of me, ain’t it?” John laughed, holding up his middle finger as he opened the door to the stairwell and left. He was still laughing to himself almost as he got on the subway headed for Alex’s apartment. The station was a block away from where Alex was, so John had to walk a bit, but he didn’t mind.

He got to Alex’s apartment and found it unlocked, so he just walked in. “Aye, yo, Alex!”

“John?” Alex called out.

“Yo, you takin’ a shit?” John asked, kicking off his Jordans.

“I”m just in the bath,” Alex replied.

John cracked open the bathroom door and almost smiled. Candles were on the sink and toilet lid, and Alex sat, leaning back, listening to what was obviously Hozier and smoking pot. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Alex smiled, looking over at John.

“Can I join you?” John asked.

“How would your girlfriend feel about you sitting in a bathtub, naked, with your ex fuckbuddy?” Alex mused, watching John peel off his shirt.

“I don’t got a girlfriend, Alex.”

The air was quiet for a moment, then Alex chuckled. “Oh? Why’s that?”

“Didn’t like her as much as I thought,” John admitted, slipping off his jeans and boxers.

“Then why’d you date her?” Alex asked.

“I was jus’ tryna push down feelings I had for someone else,” John admitted, stepping into the tub and sitting in front of Alex, facing him, knees to his chest.

Alex took off John’s baseball cap, throwing it in the pile of John’s clothes. “That’s pretty stupid, eh?”

John nodded. “We done know I’m good at bein’ dumb.”

Alex chuckled, rolling his eyes a bit as he took a hit off his joint. “So whatcha doin’ here?”

“I missed you.” John snatched the burning joint from Alex’s hand and took a hit. “Never took you as someone who smoked weed alone.”

“Eh, I don’t, but needed it tonight.”

John cocked an eyebrow. “Why so?”

Alex leaned back, laughing as he did so. “I dunno, John Laurens.”

They sat in silence for a while, passing the joint back and forth until it burnt out. Alex had more but didn’t light them up, just leaned his head against the tile of his bathroom wall, staring at John through hooded lids. John rested his chin on his knees and closed his eyes, feeling the water slowly go cold. Neither of them seemed to care though. New York could get so hot, being cold was often a blessing.

“It’s hard for me to like people,” John started softly. “I ain’t, I ain’t mean for it, but I just, I dunno, it takes me a while. I like to really know that person, you know? It just kinda happens, when it do. I mean, I know Peggy hella, but I ain’t wantin’ to get wit’ her, you know?”

Alex nodded.

“That’s why I didn’t… I mean, I wanted to catch feelings for you, I did, but I know what likin’ someone feels like, and I know what it doesn’t, and I didn’t want to get wit’ you until I felt that. It didn’t seem fair.” John rolled his head back. “Then Martha came back ‘round, ‘n’ I just, I dunno. She was the first person I ever really liked, which sucked because she didn’t give half a rat’s dick about me.”

Alex snorted at that.

John smiled. “I dunno, it just took me a while to like you. ‘N’ if you don’t like me no more, I get that, I just, I had to tell me.”

Alex paused. “I ain’t no rebound, right?”

“Nah, I actually started likin’ you ‘round Hanukkah.” John smiled. “I meant to tell you hella sooner, but I was fuckin’ scared ‘n’ shit. You know? I don’t, I dunno. Dating be fuckin’ difficult for me. I just, it’s hard for me to get started.”

“Yeah, and you cheat a lot,” Alex pointed out.

“Aye, I ain’t ever cheated on people I like,” John huffed. “Nah, you were the only person I cheated on Martha with, real shit.”

Alex reached forward, placing a hand on John’s cheek. “I really like you, John Laurens.”

“I really like you too,” John replied slowly, letting out a deep breath and leaning into Alex’s hand. “More than just friends.”

Alex grabbed John’s calves and pulled the older man closer. John laughed, feeling water splosh around them as he wrapped his legs around Alex’s waist a bit, sitting between the young man’s legs. Alex dipped his hand in the water and pushed a few flyaways in John’s braids down. John’s hands went under the water to Alex’s thighs, holding them gently.

“Mm, you are something special, John Laurens.”

John smiled, pressing his forehead to Alex’s. “You a baddie, Alexander Hamilton, trust.”

“But I’d be a lot cuter if I got that stick out of my ass,” Alex snorted.

John let out a laugh. “Yeah, prolly.”

Alex rolled his eyes and sighed, finding John’s hands under the water. It was just a blip in time. Life went on in the Brooklyn streets below them, but they were there, sitting in a tub of lukewarm water, just cherishing in the feeling of each other, because in that moment? It’s all that they needed.


	24. Dissolve

****John and Alex had a date. A real date. Not a party, not a quick coffee before class, not a distracted study session, a date. John had, instead of putting his tips into savings, used the last couple of nights to save up for a date. He knew he probably wouldn’t have to pay for the entirety of the date, but he wanted to seem gentlemanly.

John didn’t think he had been on a real date in, oh, years probably. He had gone out with people, but never with someone like this. Never with someone he knew he really liked, and who really liked him. It was a bit nerve-wracking, especially since he was picking Alex up from his cousin’s house, which was just a nerve-wracking home in the first place.

John had sharply dressed himself in a pair of black joggers, a dark grey lock sleeve shirt, and a light blue denim jacket with an Andy Warhol patch sewn onto the back of it. His hair was braided, his curls fluffed up in the back. He still had his grill in, and he wore his Jordans, but if Alex liked him, he could deal with those parts.

John leaned against the stoop of Alex’s cousin’s house, texting Alex to let him know he was there. He waited for a few seconds, then heard the door open. He turned to see Alex, and hand to God almost passed out. Alex had on a colorful sweater, some cuffed jeans, and then John’s kryptonite. A pair of vintage red and white Jordans.

“Oh, Lord!” John exclaimed. “Oh man! Damn, you ain’t even a baddie! You a, a baddie squared! Hot damn!”

“John,” Alex snorted.

John took it so far as to fall back on the steps. “Oh, Lord! Take me now! Take! Me! Now!”

“Get up you freak,” Alex laughed. “Come on, my cousin is looking.

“Damn right about bein’ a freak, freaky deeky, deeky freaky.” John got up and placed his arm around Alex’s waist. “Nah, baby boy, you look fine as fuck right now, trust. I mean, damn.”

Alex looked down, pushing his hair back a bit. “You look really nice too. So, where are we going?”

“Well, ‘cause I like you, I’m gon’ splurge for you,” John smiled. “I been savin’ up tips.”

“I’m gonna help pay for dinner, John,” Alex chuckled. “Where are we going?”

“I was thinkin’ China Town in Manhattan, eh?” John suggested. “We could find a good sushi place or ramen.”

“Sushi sounds good,” Alex put out.

John smiled. “A’ight, so how ‘bout we look around ‘n’ find a good sushi place together. Whatever is fine for me.”

Alex chuckled and leaned against John. “You know, I definitely thought we’d never go on an actual date.”

“I did too, but only ‘cause I was too pussy to say somethin’ for a minute,” John laughed. “Nah, I’m glad we doin’ this though. You fine as fuck, Alex.”

Alex smiled, letting his hand slip into John’s back pocket. They walked to the train and got on. Since it was a train to Manhattan on a Friday night, it was packed, but Alex wrapped his arms around John’s waist, and John held onto the pole as the train crossed over into Manhattan. Alex didn’t want to be weird, but he couldn’t get enough of John’s cologne. John knew Alex was definitely smelling him and didn’t want to tell him the sent was called Broke and it was from the corner store a block from his house.

They got to China Town and began to wander around, looking for a place to eat. Their search for food was quickly cut off when Alex found a cute little shop he very desperately wanted to go into. John couldn’t say no to that face, and let Alex pull him in the little store, which smelled strongly of jasmine incense and black tea. Alex ran his hands along a beaded purse, fingers interlaced with John’s.

“I went to China with my high school religion class,” Alex recalled.

“Dude, for real?”

Alex nodded, picking up an elephant incense holder. “It was fun. I stood in Tiananmen Square, where the guy stood in front of the tanks, and then, then I got to stand in the China sea, and I got lost at one point, but I ended up hanging out with these French tourists, and they were in another tour group, and they helped me find my way back to my hotel, which was awesome.” Alex. “I stayed at this one hotel, and it was on a corner, and I had a corner room, so I had two windows, and out of either window, I could see a different sex shop.”

“You fuckin’ with me,” John laughed.

“I’m not! I remember it very clearly. They had words in English, so I guess they had English speaking customers.” Alex held up a package of incense, sniffing it a bit. “Smell this.”

John leaned down to smell it, then shook his head. “I’m gonna be honest here with you, Alex, I can’t smell shit right now.”

“Oh, shit, is it too strong in here?” Alex asked, placing his hand on John’s arms.

John nodded. “Yes, but I’m okay.”

“Don’t worry, I’m gonna buy this, and then we can go,” Alex laughed. “You can wait outside if you want.”

“Nah, I’m okay,” John assured Alex.

Alex walked to the counter, placing the incense down and paying. He accepted a small bag and the two of them began walking down the street again, pointing out lanterns and other cute decorations.

“I loved China,” Alex admitted. “I would always go back. We should go together, you need to go somewhere besides Brooklyn.”

“What? I been plenty other places besides Brooklyn.” John thought for a second. “I been goin’ to uh, uh, Philly, ‘n’ Jersey, ‘n’ Boston. Then, I been to North Carolina, and Georgia.”

“That’s not real traveling, you need to head out of the country. Do you have a passport?” Alex asked.

“Nope.”

“A driver’s license?”

“Nope.”

Alex was in awe. “How don’t you have a driver’s license?”

“You ever needed to drive in Brooklyn?” John laughed. “Come on, I don’t own a car, we gots the best public transportation in America, ‘n’ I ain’t ever goin’ anywhere, so why’d I’d ever need to learn how to drive?”

“Do you know?”

John shrugged. “I mean, sort of? A’ight, so back down south, we had a thing that we used to do, ‘n’ all the kids who liked to get fucked up, we’d all go down to this dirt pit, right? ‘N’ some of the older dudes, the ones who knew how to fix trucks, they’d fix up these old junkyard trucks, right? ‘N’ everyone would get really drunk or high or whatever, ‘cause we were fuckin’ board, ‘n’ then, then we’d get in the trucks, that were like, barely fuckin’ workin’ but, but like, we’d drive them ‘round in the fuckin’ mud pit and crash them into each other.” John laughed. “It was fuckin’ wild. So I know how to do that shit.”

“That’s gonna get you killed,” Alex pointed out.

John bumped Alex. “It was a good excuse for all the other bruises.”

Alex paused, knowing exactly what John was talking about.

“Shit, I like, shit, that was kinda dark, sorry.” John laughed nervously, rubbing his arm. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to like-”

“It’s okay,” Alex assured John. “Relax, we all accidentally talk about our childhood traumas on dates.”

“Oh, then it be your turn,” John stated. “You gotta accidentally tell me something.”

“Shit, all my childhood memories disappeared just now, a lot like my dad,” Alex snorted, laughing.

John didn’t mean to laugh as hard as he did, but both he and Alex ended up moving to the side of the street to have a chuckle fest. Alex leaned into John, trying to stop laughing at his joke about a childhood trauma that had haunted him well into adulthood. He was a millennial though, and joke about his mental illness he would.

“That was not as funny as it should’ve been,” Alex admitted.

“Nah, that was funny as shit. ‘N’ hey, if we ain’t able to joke about the shit that haunts us daily, what we doin’ in life, huh?” John took Alex’s hand as they continued walking. “Oh, that place looks dope. Like, Ashimi or somthin’?”

“Yeah, I’ll do that,” Alex smiled.

“Dope.” John quickly pulled Alex across the street, narrowly avoiding getting hit by a taxicab. Since both John and Alex had lived in New York for a while though, they were unphased, throwing a few curse words at the cab driver, who threw a few back. They stepped in the sushi place, letting a waiter take them to a table near the window.

Alex sat down at the seat facing the door, absentmindedly, so he didn’t expect John to stop and stare for a second. “What?”

“This is gonna be weird, I know,” John started off. “But can I sit there? I like to face the door.”

Alex laughed and got up, sitting in the other seat. “Yeah, sure. Why? If I can ask.”

John shrugged, sitting down. “I dunno. I was fifteen when I first moved here, ‘n’ Laf was my only friend, ‘n’ one day, we was out gettin’ coffee or whatever after school, ‘cause there was a minute where Laf ‘n’ I went to the same high school, this was when he was just livin’ in foster care. Anyway, he made me sit next to him, facin’ the door, ‘n’ he told me that I needed to always sit facin’ the door, in case some mother fucker came in, ready to jump me, I’d see ‘im, ‘n’ I could get up ‘n’ be ready.”

“That’s…” Alex thought for a moment. “That’s a valid point, actually. I’m not really scared of people jumping me though.”

“A’ight, I’m gon be scared enough for the both of us, ‘n’ if they look like they comin’ for you, not me, I gots ya back. I’ll make sure they don’t lay a finger on yous.” John punched the air a bit. “Learned from my gym teach, left jab, left jab, right punch. Taught me that when I first moved, ‘cause I was soft, from the south, but livin’ in Brownville.”

“A’ight, so how long exactly did you live in Brownsville?” Alex asked.

“Well, ‘cause of the high crime rates ‘n’ shit there, it’s got  _hella_ cheap livin’, you know? Like, I can fall asleep to gunshots, ‘cause it be like that. So nah, we lived there ‘til I was about eighteen, ‘n’ then I was working hella, ‘n’ so was Marty, ‘n’ we was able to move out of Brownsville into Fort Greene. Nah, Brownsville was crazy, low key. I got slashed comin’ outta school one day.” John pulled up his sleeve a bit to show the three-inch scar. “It ain’t too bad, Henry got worse.”

“Jesus, I’ve never really lived in a dangerous part of Brooklyn,” Alex shrugged. “My cousin lived around the Waterfront area the whole time, and I was in a private school, so we didn’t really get any dangerous stuff.”

“You know, my friend in high school, he used to sell Adderall to private school kids,” John chuckled.

“Oh, yeah, there was a lot of that. It’s why my insurance doesn’t cover my Adderall.”

“Wait, do you-”

“Hi, I’ll be your server tonight, can I take your drinks?” A waiter asked, coming over and smiling.

“Hot tea, please,” Alex requested.

“Thai iced tea,” John smiled.

“And are you ready to order?” The waiter asked.

“Oh, crap, no, we aren’t, sorry,” John chuckled. “Few more minutes.”

“No problem.” The waiter smiled at the two of them before leaving.

John opened up his menu, looking through the options. “Do you had ADHD?”

Alex nodded. “Yeah, it’s why I struggled through middle and high school. I was diagnosed until I was nineteen. I barely had the grades to get into SUNY, but after I started meds, I got better, and my premed got easier for me, so I could be accepted into the med school. I know meds probably don’t do that for everyone, but they worked for me.”

“I wouldn’t have even guessed that,” John admitted, eyeing the dragon roll on the menu.

“What? ‘Cause I don’t go ‘squirrel’ every five minutes?” Alex joked. “If I went off my meds you could tell. I don’t go like, crazy, I just, I dissociate a lot, my mind goes to other places. I can’t stay focused on one thing. Trying to drive without the radio, even when I’m on medication, is hell.”

“I’m gonna get the dragon roll,” John decided, closing his menu.

“Asparagus roll for me,” Alex stated.

The waiter came back with the drinks, setting down a teapot and a small mug for Alex, and then the Thai iced tea for John. “Are you ready to order?”

“Yes.” John placed his menu in the middle. “I would like a dragon roll, and my date would like an asparagus roll, with an appetizer of edamame.”

“Ooh, I love that,” Alex smiled, handing the waiter his menu. “Thank you.”

“We’ll have that right out,” the waiter promised.

“Okay, so, real shit, this is the question that could make or break up.” John took a sip of his tea. “What sauce do you like on your chicken tenders?”

“Still a vegetarian,” Alex chuckled. “But there’s this brand that makes really good vegan chicken tenders, and I usually have ranch with those.”

“Yes!” John cheered. “Ranch is the only good thing that belongs on fried chicken. If it ain’t fried though, you know I be slathering that shit in barbecue sauce, you know? Ya sabes?”

“Talk Spanish to me,” Alex teased in a sing-song voice.

“Quiero que te sientas en mi polla y rebota hasta que creama,” John said in a low voice, biting his lip to punctuate the sentence.

“What did you say?” Alex asked.

“Just made some plans for this evening.” John smiled as the edamame was set down. “A’ight. Honestly? Japanese food is my favorite. Say what you will about New York, but it be the only place you can get accurate Asian food. California gots that good Mexican food, though.”

“They do,” Alex agreed. “I went to California and the only thing I ate was burritos.”

“Damn, you just been everywhere,” John chuckled, picking up an edamame and popping it in his mouth, pulling out the shell a few seconds later.

Alex shrugged. “I do want to travel more. I’ve always wanted to go to Vietnam. Oh, and Thailand? They have this thing you can do, where you can sit in the mud bath with elephants, and bathe them, and it looks so fun. Elephants are my favorite animal.”

“Really?”

Alex nodded. “They’re just big puppies. I would also really want to go to New Zealand, they have so much stuff to do there. Oh, I don’t know where you can do this, but I would like to swim with sharks.”

“Galapagos.” John took a sip of his tea. “You can swim with sharks there. I’m sure there are other places, but I had a friend who went there for their graduation, and they got to swim with a shark.”

“Ugh, I would love to do that.” Alex ate a piece of edamame. “The shell is kinda hairy, it reminds me of my ex-boyfriends back.”

“Oh, gross,” John laughed.

“Where do you wanna go?”

“Puerto Rico.”

Alex paused. “That’s it?”

John shrugged. “Maybe Italy, I dunno. I’d like to make it to Africa. I got some Africa heritage, so it would be nice to see where I got half myself from. My daddy was light skinneded, but he was black, my momma made sure I knew that since she don’t want me to ever ignore my culture. ‘N’ yeah, bein’ black don’t equal bein’ African, but c’mon, life started on Africa, it’d be dope to see it anyway. But nah, I gots more family in Puerto Rico.”

“Like who?” Alex asked.

“My abuela, all my cousins, some aunties ‘n’ uncles ‘n’ shit like that. If I go back, you should come with. I really think you’d like it down there. It’s hot, but so, like… the air down there just gots a different energy, ya sabes?” John smiled as their sushi was set down, thanking the waiter. “Yeah, you’d like it.”

Dinner went by, and soon enough they were making their way back to Alex’s apartment, stuffed to the brim and ready to lie down. Any physical activities they had maybe planned went out the door. They honestly, honestly, didn’t mean to eat sushi, then the ice cream and sesame balls, but they did.

When they got back to Alex’s apartment, they plopped down on his bed, groaning a bit. John kicked off his shoes, rolling onto his stomach and smiling over at Alex, who was on his back, rubbing his stomach a bit.

“I’m gon’ be for real with you here,” John started. “I was gon’ strap you when we got back to your place, but, I don’t think I can get up right now.”

“It’s okay, I think I might burst if I get one more thing inside of me,” Alex admitted.

John snorted.

“Can I ask you something? Kinda personal?”

John nodded. “You already know my biggest fear is Kernal Sanders, why not?”

Alex paused, thinking for a moment. “Do you ever talk to your real dad?”

“Well…” John thought for a second. “We talked a little bit, a couple months ago, we just texted. We don’t really, I dunno.”

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s okay.” John struggled to find the words. “It’s just weird. I mean, I feel weird talkin’ to him, ‘cause he caused a lot of shit, ‘n’ you know, like, that man s’posed to be my daddy, but he ain’t even, I mean, he ain’t ever showed up for anything. Sometimes a check just ain’t enough.”

“I get that,” Alex nodded. “My mom’s family did the same thing. I’ve never really known them, but I know they send a check once a month. Or, they sent one. Stopped sending it after I turned eighteen.”

“Yeah, my daddy a piece of shit, but ain’t doin’ that. Nah, a lot of the time, his money is the only thing keepin’ us from bein’ in the streets.” John chuckled a bit, then looked at Alex. “I hate sayin’ this, but I always kinda wish he did stick around. I wish he was livin’ with us, bein’ our family ‘n’ shit, ya feel?”

“Does he know you’re transitioned and shit?” Alex mumbled.

“He oughta, he paid for half my top surgery,” John chuckled. “I dunno, I dunno how he feels about it, but he prolly just feels bad ‘cause he knows he’s part of the reason my mom’s husband beat the shit out of her.”

“Does your mom's ex-husband know about you?” Alex asked.

John shook his head. “Didn’t come out till after we left. I would’ve if shit was different, I been knowin’ I was a dude since I was nine.” John laughed. “So you know how I got fuckin’ at thirteen right?”

“That’s really young, you know that?” Alex mumbled.

“Yeah, but anyway, mom’s ex was pissed when he caught me dry humpin’ a girl, went fuckin’ crazy, held a gun to my head ‘n’ shit like that. That’s when my momma called up my daddy ‘n’ told him the shit that was goin’ on. He was a shit father, but we got the fuck out ‘n’ shit thanks to him.”

“Why was your life so crazy before Brooklyn?”

John laughed, sitting up and pulling off his denim jacket, letting it fall somewhere on the floor. “‘Cause I was a Jewish Hispanic trans man living in the bible belt with an abusive parental figure and a lot of unpacked daddy issues.”

Alex snorted, tilting his head back into the bed. “You wanna watch some Netflix?”

“Sure. I’m gon’ take off my pants ‘n’ shirt though, chill in my boxers, there’s only so long I can stay in fuckin’, fuckin’ New York clothes. They gots a smell, you know? You know?”

“That’s cool. If you want a pair of sweats, you can borrow mine.” Alex stood up, stretching a bit. “I’m gonna change into something.”

“You know, I used to work at Victoria’s Secret.” John chuckled as he slipped off his pants. “It was the craziest job I had, but like, I had a pretty good idea of what Babita's needed for dem titties, so I like, I was pretty good at it.” John threw off his shirt, sitting back and scratching his crotch a bit. “What about you? Craziest job?”

“Uh, I interned for this publishing company, and the boss was… the boss was insane.” Alex chuckled, slipping on some sweatpants and sitting down next to John. “He wouldn’t tell anyone what their schedule was, he hit on the female employees a lot, but that’s not even the weirdest part. He had this assistant, which had no reason to need, and she spoke, like, only in rhyme.”

“You’re fuckin’ with me,” John laughed, watching Alex open his laptop.

“No, I’m being serious, like, everything she said was in a riddle. It was a weird experience but it paid pretty okay.” Alex began scrolling through Netflix. “Unpaid internships are hell.”

“Damn! I ain’t ever gon pull that shit. Unpaid my ass motherfucker, you either pay me, or I ain’t doin’ shit for no company. I once got a job and I walked in on the first-day ‘n’ the boss told me the internship was actually unpaid ‘n’ I walked right the fuck out. Experience don’t pay the bills, motherfucker. Experience can’t be served up on the dinner table.” John cuddled up a bit to Alex. “One day, we gon’ be workin’ real good jobs.”

“Yeah, we really are, aren’t we?” Alex smiled.

John stretched a bit. “How about Devil’s Candy?”

“It looks very caucasian,” Alex mumbled, reading the description.

John laughed, kissing Alex’s neck. “It do, but it’s a cool movie.”

“Mm, you know something?” Alex started, pressing play on the movie and scooting the laptop back. “We haven’t kissed this whole date.”

“You right, we ain’t.” John turned himself on his side. “How ‘bout I change that, eh?”

“Alright, Casanova, why don’t you?”

John gently ran his fingers against Alex’s cheek. “I will.”

Alex leaned up and met John’s lips, gently kissing him. It was short and sweet, but something to end off the night with. John pulled away, lying back down and resting his hand on Alex’s thigh as the movie played.

“I had a nice time tonight,” John admitted. “I’d like to do it again.”

Alex nodded, his eyes half-closed. “Me too. We should.”

John chuckled, pressing his lips to Alex’s temple for a second. “We will.”


	25. King For A Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ship wars are dumb lol

“John, John!” Alex laughed and tried to pull away a bit from the tight hold John had on him and the kisses John had been pressing to Alex’s face for the last minute. It was half-hearted though, with no real threat.

“Mm, niño bonito,” John mumbled between the kisses. “Tan bonita, como un lindo gatito.”

“John, I gotta go to work.” Alex wrapped his arms around John’s neck, pulling him into a real kiss. “What has gotten into you? Hm?”

“Just happy,” John mumbled. “I ain’t used to relationships makin’ me this happy. I’m kinda baskin’ in it, right now.”

“Usually relationships are supposed to make you happy.”

“Mm, well, this one does, bebe, so s’all bueno.” John kissed Alex again. “My boy. Mi hijo, mi amor, mi vida.” John pecked Alex’s lips. “Tan perfecto.”

“You’re gonna miss your train, silly,” Alex chuckled.

“¿Para ti? Vale la pena,” John chuckled.

“One day, I’m gonna learn Spanish, so you won’t be able to just say shit without me knowing.” Alex pecked John’s lips. “I can do that too, you know?”

“Oh? Can you?”

“Mon joli garçon espagnol, avec ton visage parfait et tes jolis yeux,” Alex mumbled, running his fingers along John’s cheek. “Charmant.”

“Mm, you gots a nice voice, bebe, I could listen to it all night, you know? Ya sabes? Like you.” John leaned in and kissed Alex’s neck, leaning against him a bit. “Really like you.”

“I like you too,” Alex smiled. “But I gotta go to work, mon chéri. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” Alex pecked John’s lips. “Stay safe.”

“Make me,” John snarked, backing up. “Adios, mi amor.”

“Au revior, mon chéri,” Alex replied.

John smiled and turned, heading to the subway station. He had missed his first train, so he had to hang around for twenty minutes for the train he needed to show up again. He smiled to himself, slipping on his headphones and closing his eyes. Dissolve by Absofacto played and all he could think about was Alex. He really liked Alex. It’s kinda how he was. When John caught feelings, he caught real feelings. It’s why he got back with Martha five times.

John’s train came and he got on. He knew they were probably gonna be passing the stop where his mom got on but didn’t count on them getting the same car. They passed her stop and there was no sign of her in the car, but he knew he’d probably meet here outside when they got home.

“Aye, yo! Mami!” John called out, seeing her purple cardigan over her teal maid uniform.

Elanor stopped and turned around. “Hola, mijo.” She held up a bottle of Sunny, a juice from South America. “Found it in a store. I got some for all of us. You want yours now?”

“Hell yeah.” John smiled and accepted the mango Sunny from his mom. Sunny was a drink they always had when they were in Puerto Rico, but it was impossible to get a hold of in America, except for when their bodega would every now and then get a shipment in. It was a treat they all indulged in.

“You seem happy, mijo,” Elanor commented casually as John cracked open his Sunny drink and took a sip.

“I am, momma,” John replied, smiling. “I dunno, shit just been goin’ well recently. I mean, we all in good health, I be in a pretty dope relationship, all my friends be chill, shit’s just good.”

“It is,” Elanor agreed. “I’m glad you and Alex found each other, you two seem to have a lot of chemistry, and you look very happy to be with him.”

“Did I tell yous how our date went?”

Elanor shook her head.

“Nah, it was, it was dope. We wandered around China Town, we got sushi, then we got back to his place and-”

“Alright, as your mother, I feel like I should stop you right there,” Elanor chuckled.

“Nah, we ate way too much for that, but we talked for like, hours, ‘n’ we watched horror movies and then we ended up falling asleep while watching South Park.”

“I hate that show, es tonto,” Elanor scoffed. “You college boys have no taste. Nada.”

“Aye, Mami, we just bein’ estúpidos niños.” John laughed as they got to the apartment building. “How was work?”

“Eh, it was scrubbin’ toilets.” Elanor sighed. “I’m up for a promotion, so that’s pretty good. I feel like if I get any higher in this company after the promotion, it’ll become a career, and then I might have to care about it.”

“Nah, this ain’t ever gon’ be permanent for you. You know that momma,” John assured her as they walked inside.

“Hol’ up, I gotta go to the mailroom, it’s Tuesday, bill day.”

John groaned. “No! Why? I hate Tuesdays.”

“Me too.” Elanor got to the mailroom and pulled the envelopes out of the little box. “We got a package, which means one of us is gonna hafta go pick it up tomorrow. It’s from abuela.”

“I gots it,” John offered. “Just down the street, right?”

“Yeah, but it’s always a hella long line, ‘n’ don’t you got studying?” Elanor and John began walking up the steps.

“I mean, sort of? I dunno, classes almost be out, so it’s just finals ‘n’ shit, studying for finals, practicing for finals. Jesus, can’t believe the year’s almost out.” John stopped with his mom for a second so she could catch her breath on the steps. It wasn’t that she was out of shape, but he knew she probably hadn’t had enough to eat that day, so he didn’t push her. “‘S almost summer.”

“Can’t wait to be scrubbing sand out of bathtubs,” Elanor joked.

“Few more years, momma, I promise, then you ain’t gotta worry about anything.”

Elanor smiled softly. “You’ve already done enough for me by being my son, John.” She batted the lid of his baseball cap down over his face. “You don’t gotta do nothin’ more.”

“Yeah, well I’m gonna,” John promised as they walked into the apartment. “Hola, familia.”

“Hola, John,” Mary called out.

“Ah, there are my lovely children,” Elanor chuckled, coming in. “It’s bill day!”

“Hate Tuesday,” Martha muttered.

“Don’t we all?” Henry mused. “You’re home late, John.”

“Missed my train.” John dropped his bag and flopped over his siblings on the couch, stretching out over Martha and Henry’s laps. “Ah, that feels better.”

“Momma!” Henry yelled. “John is being a dick!”

“I’m tired!” John defended. “Doctor school is tiring!”

“Language, Henry! John, off the couch!” Elanor called out, pulling out some take out to eat. “You kids give me grey hairs.”

John hit the floor with a thud. “Ow.”

“You deserved it,” Martha muttered.

John stayed on the floor, closing his eyes. “‘M tired.”

“Ain’t we all?” Jem bookmarked the book he was reading and laid back over the armrest of the easy chair. “Why are white people just, like that?”

“‘Cause they stupid,” John answered. “Like what?”

“Like, you say shit about how racism is bad and how it’s everywhere and how it affects you and then they go all ‘wow I’m a terrible person I should just die’ and then when you give them sources to get educated, they don’t even try. They just wanna make it about themselves and then do nothing to change that.” Jem groaned. “I mean, my girl, she don’t act like that. She actually speaks out a lot about stuff like this, but just, some other people are…” Jem gestured vaguely.

“Some people are just stupid,” Martha mumbled. “It’s nice to live in New York, ‘cause ya know, blue state and all, but that don’t mean we gon’ come across people who will let themselves be educated every day.” Martha looked up. “I dunno, sometimes you just gotta roll your eyes and ignore them.”

“But, but that’s not fair!” Jem complained.

“Welcome to America, Jem.” John tilted his head to see his brother. “I dunno, I think the only white people who be good are the ones who accept that they’re all inherently racist and work to like, change that shit, you know? It’s hard not to be racist in America, ‘cause it’s taught from fuckin’ birth, man. Just gotta find the folk who give a damn.”

“He right,” Martha confirmed.

John pushed himself up on his elbows, then stood up. “Momma, what’s for dinner?”

“John,” Elanor said in a low shaky voice. “I need you to call the police.”

The house went silent for a second. They  _never_ called the cops, not willingly at least. Elanor Laurens made it no secret to her children that cops wouldn’t always help, she knew this first hand, and she’d rather have a cautious kid than a dead one. Plus, if her kids were ever going to get up to anything illegal, she wanted them to know just how careful they needed to be.

“Momma, is everything okay?” John asked slowly.

“John, call the police,” Elanor commanded.

John walked into the kitchen. “Momma, what’s goin’ on?”

Elanor’s hands began shaking, and John was quick to help her out of the chair and into Martha’s arms. John looked at the letter that Elanor had read and then jumped, picking up the other bills and covering it quickly.

“Henry, take Jem and Mary into one of youses room,” John said quickly in a low tone.

“John, what’s going on?” Mary asked.

“Don’t ask questions, just go.”

“Guys, come on, right now,” Henry muttered.

He knew the drill. This happened a lot when their dad would get violent. They had to go in the other room, no questions asked. Mary didn’t remember, Jem barely remembered, but Henry had been just old enough. John never left, though. That was his job. He knew how much his mom hated that he stayed, but nothing could get him to leave her side through that. He was terrified the whole time, but it was his job to stay, he did that.

John lifted the envelopes ago to look at the letter and the photographs. Unknown pictures taken of the family, eating on the stoop, walking out in the morning. It was creepy, but it didn’t strike fear through John’s heart the way that the letter did.

‘Hello, Elanor. -HB’

John wanted to tear it up and let the garbage disposal have it.

Henry Basset was his mom’s husband. They were all Basset’s at one point, but John’s dad had helped them go back to Elanor’s maiden name, Laurens.

“Martha, you and mom go sit in the living room, I’m going to call the police,” John said in a low voice.

Martha nodded and took their mother to the living room while John pulled out his phone. He had a few texts from Alex but ignored them and called the cops. It took a few minutes to get through to an operator, but he did.

“Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?” A female voice asked.

“Hello, yes, my name is John Laurens, I live in apartment three B in New York City Housing Authority’s Walt Whitman, we just got a letter from Henry Basset, a man we have a restraining order on, as well as pictures of us that we had no knowledge he was taking,” John explained.

“Alright, we’re gonna send over a car to take your report, we’ll be there in ten minutes. Do you need to stay on the line?”

John shook his head. “No, no, I’m okay.”

“Okay, take deep breaths, Mister Laurens, a squad car will arrive quickly.”

They hung up and John went to sit on the couch with his mother, taking deep breaths. He could feel a panic attack edging on but he tried to breathe through it. He needed to stay strong for his mom.

“Hey, momma, it’s okay, I’m right here, it’s okay,” John mumbled, hugging his mother to his chest. “Ain’t nothin’ gon’ happen, I promise.”

“Holy shit, holy shit, no, we, we moved, we, we changed our last name, I, I got a new number, a new everything, he can’t have, how would he-”

“It’s okay, momma,” John whispered softly. He wanted to throw up, but he knew he just needed to hold out until tonight.

The cops knocked on the door eventually, and John almost, out of reflex, didn’t let them in, but then remembered why they were there, and stepped aside. He felt better than one was black. A subtle nod from that cop allowed him to take a deep breath or a sort of a deep breath.

“Ma’am, just tell us what’s going on,” the cop said in a soft voice.

John sat next to his mom, listening to her explain what was going on, what happened. John tried to tune a lot of the backstory out. He tried to calm his anxiety-filled stomach, but it wasn’t working. He could feel his phone buzzing but ignored it.

The group jumped when someone knocked on the door. John got up and checked through the peephole before letting Lafayette in. Lafayette looked worried, eyeing the police in the living room before pulling John into the kitchen.

“Dude, why you got cops in your place? What did you do?” He asked quietly.

“Nothing, Laf, it’s fine, we called them,” John mumbled.

Laf did a double-take on that. “Bruh, why you be callin’ cops?”

John shifted on his feet uncomfortably. “Dude, it’s kinda personal. Look, I’ll talk to you about it later, just, it’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“Yo, just text me if shit goes south, I gotchu,” Laf promised.

“A’ight, thanks, man.” John bro-hugged him, then saw him out before sitting down again with his mom. The cops took his statement, and then the letters and the photos for evidence. They promised they’d send over a car to watch the front of the building, just to watch for suspicious activity for a bit.

“Ma’am, I would suggest buying a gun,” one of the officers, officer Daniels, said in a sympathetic voice.

“I don’t, I’ve never, I can’t shoot a gun,” Elanor admitted.

“I would suggest going to the Metropolitan Rod and Gun club, they can give you a quick lesson, teach you the basics.” The officer sighed. “I don’t like to suggest guns as a go-to, but I think it may be what’s safest for your situation.”

Elanor nodded and the cops left.

John was still sketched out though.

Mary, Jem, and Henry had questions, but John told them he’d answer them later. John’s mom went to take a bath, so John ordered some food and went through the bills himself, writing a few checks and stacking them so they could just be mailed tomorrow.

John and Elanor picked at their food. John still felt nauseous, he felt scared. He had never felt scared like this in Brooklyn. It was a feeling that came up often though when it came to his mom’s husband.

The night was oddly quiet, but none of the family really knew what to say. Most of them ended up retiring early, but John and his mom stayed up on the couch. They didn’t realize how late it was until Elanor let out a long yawn.

“Momma, you should go to bed,” John mumbled softly. “Just, I’ll watch the door.”

“No, John, you should sleep,” Elanor tried to convince. “You, you have school tomorrow.”

“I’ll be okay, I’m not even that tired,” John promised. “It wouldn’t be the first all-nighter I’ve pulled, and it won’t be the last. I can go one day without sleep. Just, just go to sleep. I’ll be here.”

“Please, if you need to sleep, just go to bed.” Elanor stood up and gently touched John’s cheek. “Promise?”

“Lo prometo, momma.” John was already feeling tired, but after his mom shut the door to her room, John got up and made a cup of coffee. He pulled out his phone and saw about five texts from Alex.

Alex: Work is fucking slow

Alex: Just had a lady ask me about vegan tofu

Alex: I’m home, do you wanna come over or you spending time with your family tonight?

Alex: I just made a playlist with only Kendrick Lamar and Hozier because I feel like it’s our personalities just blended together.

Alex: Are you okay, John?

John sighed, running his hand through his hair. Alex was probably asleep at this point since it was late. John texted him regardless though, not wanting Alex to worry in the morning.

John: Hey, something happened. I’m sorry I didn’t reply. I’ll tell you in the morning.

John sighed, watching the coffee drip into the pot. It took a few seconds for it to be done, but he poured himself a mug and sat down, wrapping himself in a blanket and trying to do some homework. Studying at this time of night was hopeless, but homework could be done. He just needed to answer some questions, but he got through it.

John kept drinking coffee after coffee. It kept him up, but he was definitely drowsy by the time he heard his mom’s alarm go off. He stood up and stretched, trying to make it look like he was less tired than he was.

“Oh, Johnny, did you not sleep at all?” Elanor asked, coming into the living room.

“I did,” John lied.

Elanor shook his head. “Don’t lie to your mother. “Go shower and splash some cold water on your face. I’ll make more coffee.”

“Thank you, momma.”

John walked into the bathroom and got into the shower, turning it on cold. He hated the cold water, but it woke him up more. He got dressed, just a pair of basketball shorts and a hoodie. He ate breakfast, which was just the leftover food he didn’t eat last night, then waved to his family before leaving the house. He saw a black unmarked car across the street and figured it was probably the police sent to watch the door. John sighed and walked to the subway station, feeling exhausted.

He got to his first class and plopped down, instantly putting his head down on his desk to try and sleep for a few seconds.

“I’m gonna order you some coffee,” Aaron mumbled.

“Gracias.” It was muffled by John’s hoodie sleeve, but Aaron caught it.

“Jesus, John, are you okay?” Alex asked, coming in the classroom and up to the seats. “You scared the shit out of me, are you good?”

John nodded. “Just tired.”

“Did something happen?” Peggy asked.

“Mm, just, just…” John trailed off and closed his eyes.

“John?” Alex softly poked John’s arm. “He’s dead asleep.”

“Should we wake him up?” Peggy leaned over a bit to see if John was even stirring.

Alex shrugged. “I don’t know, honestly.” Alex gently rubbed his boyfriend’s back. “John, c’mon baby, just gotta make it through classes.”

“Mm, five more minutes, mami,” John muttered.

“John, it’s Alex.”

John opened his eyes, then squinted from the lights. “Huh? What?”

“You should go home,” Peggy suggested.

John shook his head and then sat up. “No, no, I’m good. I just gotta, I gotta…” John trailed off, thinking about what happened last night. “I gotta keep my momma safe.”

“John, your mom’s not here, you should go home,” Alex said softly.

“No, I’m fine, I promise.” John waved his hand and pushed some hair out of his face. “I just gotta, I just gotta get through the day.”

Alex sighed, gently leaning over and kissing John’s shoulder. “Do you work tonight?”

“No, but I work tomorrow.”

“Sleep tonight, you promise?” Alex gently took John’s hand. “I’ll come over there and hold you down if I need to.”

John smiled, looking at his boyfriend. “I will, bebe. I will.”


	26. High Hopes

“Alright, okay, there we go, oop, watch your, oop!” Alex cringed when John hit the doorway to the project’s apartment. “Okay, here we go, okay, to the couch.” Alex tried his best to lead a deliriously tired John through the apartment without hitting anything. “Come on, there we go, alright.” Alex helped John flop down on the couch. “Okay, are you, John?”

“He’s dead asleep,” Mary commented.

Alex paused and looked at her. “Where are your siblings?”

“Work or school,” Mary shrugged.

“Where’s your mother?”

“Work.”

Alex sighed, then looked at John, then back to Mary. “So you’re just here, all alone?”

Mary nodded, sketching something.

Alex sighed, looking around a bit. He then looked back to Mary, and then John, and then Mary, and then around. “Alright, I’ll get dinner for you guys. It’s what, almost five? Alright, what does your family like?”

“The fridge had lists of all of our orders from our favorite restaurants,” Mary stated. “Sometimes we don’t come home for a while so we just gotta, like, know what the other wants.”

Alex nodded, going into the kitchen. “John’s been upset for a few days doesn’t look like he’s been sleeping. Do you know what’s going on?”

“We think dad’s back,” Mary answered simply.

Alex paused. “John’s dad, or…”

“My dad,” Mary clarified. “We’ve had cops outside on and off, just watching the area.” Mary looked at Alex. “I don’t really remember my dad, and no one really told me what was so bad about him.”

Alex swallowed hard. “Probably something if John is this worried. Would it be rude of me to do the dishes?”

Mary shook her head.

Alex pulled off his hoodie and dropped his bag, putting in a quick UberEats order on his phone before beginning to scrub some plates. There wasn’t a lot, but Alex knew the family ate take out most nights. Takeout was cheaper than actually buying food in New York though unless you wanted to take the forty-minute PATH train ride to Jersey.

“Do you like Brooklyn, Mary?” Alex asked.

Mary shook her head, coming into the kitchen and sitting on the counter. “I wanna live in California.”

Alex chuckled. “They have lower taxes than New York. Not the lowest by any means, but lower.”

“Also, it’s warmer, and there are not as many people in one place, and the food is better,” Mary listed. “Oh, they have almost affordable colleges, unlike New York, which only has completely unaffordable colleges-”

“SUNY and CUNY are affordable,” Alex reminded, scrubbing a plate and rinsing it off before putting it in the drying rack.

“Yeah, but they’re city colleges, I want to go to like, one that has dorms,” Mary huffed. “Also, I hate the winters here. It’s fuckin’ cold, it’s wet, it’s uncomfortable and grey, and then when we get snowstorms, I have to walk all the way to school in the cold.”

“Yeah, and the public transportation in Cali isn’t that bad,” Alex commented, working to get spaghetti sauce or something out of a plate. “I mean, it’s not perfect and everywhere, but Oakland and San Fran has a really cool subway system. Just like New York’s, but the stops are less frequent, and the turnstiles are harder to hop.”

“You’ve been?” Mary asked with wide eyes.

Alex nodded. “It was nice, really. It’s different from New York, but still got that big city vibe, you feel?” Alex chuckled. “I went when I was fifteen. My cousin, he uh, I dunno, it was a work thing, so I was pretty much on my own, and one day I just, I bought a train ticket to LA and spent the entire night there, just walking around the city. It was definitely not something a fifteen-year-old should’ve been doing alone, especially in the late two-thousands, but it was cool.”

Mary leaned back. “Sometimes I feel like I’m never gon’ be able to live anywhere but shitty project’s apartments ‘cause of gentrification.”

“That’s not true, as long as you get a good job, you’ll be okay,” Alex assured her.

Mary shrugged a bit, looking back at John. “He hasn’t slept at all, I don’t think. He’s like, I dunno. He gets anxious sometimes. Mom tried to smoke him down, but he didn’t want to, which is weird for him.”

“John doesn’t seem like a very anxious person,” Alex commented, leaning against the counter a bit and looking at his boyfriend.

“Not anymore, but most of us attribute that to his meds.” Mary messed with a dishtowel. “Used to have big freakouts. Sometimes he couldn’t go to school, sometimes he wouldn’t eat. He’s shaved his head a couple of times, but that only seems to happen when he has big mental snaps. He’s been better in recent years, but he used to be fuckin’...” Mary shook her head. “I dunno, he just wasn’t too good. I don’t remember it that well, I was younger, but still.”

Alex sighed, crossing his eyes. “Your brother is a real good man, you know that?”

“I do, he coulda been a total dick, been like his dad and just up and left, but he’s not.” Mary chuckled a bit. “He’s stupid over you.”

Alex felt his cheeks heat up. “Well, I’m stupid over him.”

Martha walked through the door and John shot up. “I’m awake, momma!”

“Oh, Lord,” Alex muttered under his breath. “It’s just your sister, Johnny, you can go back to sleep.”

John rubbed his head. “What time is it?”

“Five,” Martha answered. “What should I order?”

“Don’t worry, I got it covered,” Alex assured her, going to John, who was now sitting up. “Come on, baby, go back to sleep.”

“I’m fine,” John muttered, his eyes drooping.

Alex kneeled down in front of John. “Come on, you’re so tired, John Laurens.” Alex pushed some hair out of John’s face. “Do you have work tonight?”

“What day is it? Thursday?” John mumbled.

“Yeah,” Alex nodded.

“Then no, but I do tomorrow, and then I gots a double shift on Saturday, so I-” John cut himself off with a yawn. “-I won’t be free past noon.”

“Why you workin’ double shifts?” Martha asked.

John didn’t want to tell her it was because they were doing pay cuts at his mom’s work. “I just, I wanna pick up some extra cash.” John groaned a bit. “I gotta, I have to do some homework. Really, Lex, I promise, I’m fine.”

“You’re not, but I’m gonna make you sleep tonight.”

John played a cocky smile. “How you gonna do that, baby?”

“By sitting on you and farting until you pass out.”

John snorted and stood up, stretching. “Fuck. Alright, dinner, dinner, who’s here?”

“Marth and Mary,” Alex answered.

John looked to his sisters, who were chatting in the kitchen. “What should we get for dinner?”

“Alex got it,” Mary replied.

John looked at his boyfriend. “Did he?”

“Yeah, it was for uh, I got Mexican food, and you all have your orders on the fridge, so, like, it worked out I guess.” Alex sighed. “You need a shower.”

John laughed. “Do I? Huh?” He lifted his arm and sniffed. “Oh, shit, yeah, I fuckin’ do.”

“Can I use your shower when you’re done?” Alex asked.

“Oh, you spending the night?” John mused. “On a school night?”

“To make sure you sleep? Yup.”

John laughed a bit. “You can’t use it after me, but you can join me. We just gotta conserve water, you know? You know?”

“Oh, yeah,” Alex nodded. “Sure.”

“We do!” John defended. “Come on, no funny business Alex, I promise.”

Alex rolled his eyes, smiling. “You’re intolerable.”

John winked, then looked to his sisters. “Aye, yo, I’m gon’ run down to the laundry room after this, a’ight? Get some dirty clothes together.”

“A’ight,” Martha nodded. “You want us to get youses too?”

“Nah, I got the boys room. We smell way worse than y’all, so I ain’t wanna subject yous to that shit.” John chuckled. “Does dinner need to be paid for, Lex?”

“No, I paid for it when I placed the order,” Alex answered.

“A’ight, we gon’ be out in ten minutes, get ya laundry together, if dinner comes, make sure it gets inside.” John took Alex’s hand and led him to the bathroom. “You really don’t gotta spend the night, babe. I know you prolly gon’ want clean clothes or some shit like that.”

“You can just give me one of your hoodies.”

John paused in the middle of taking off his shirt. “Motherfucka, did you plan this just to be able to steal one of my sweaters?”

“Did I force you to not sleep for three days? No, but I saw my opening, and I took it.” Alex smiled cheekily, stepping out of his pants and boxers. “You couldn’t be mad at me, could you, Papi?”

John smacked Alex’s ass, before turning to turn the water on. “You a freak, trust.”

Alex grabbed John’s hips and pulled him back a bit, gently kissing John’s neck. “Am I?”

“This shower gon’ be way more than ten minutes if you keep talking how you do.”

Alex chuckled, his hand going to the hair around John’s crotch, running his fingers through it before giving it a gentle tug. “Whatcha gonna do about it?”

John watched Alex pull the shower curtain back and step in, then shook his head, stepping in as well. “You real lucky my sister’s here, ‘cause if not-”

“What? Your tired ass couldn’t take control if you tried.” Alex found some Head And Shoulders and squirted some into his hand.

John huffed, pulling his hair out from the braids as he stood under the water. “You think my hair looks better with braids or just tied back?”

“I like it when it’s braided, but just where it touches your head, and then it’s all fluffy and curly in the back, you know?” Alex scrubbed his head a bit, watching John take out his braids. “I like the curls.”

“What if I straightened my hair?” John snorted.

“Please don’t.”

John paused. “Can I pee?”

Alex burst out laughing. “Fucking  _what_?”

“I pee in the shower!” John defended. “Look, if not, a’ight, but if we gon’ be dating, we gotta be gross around each other at one point, ‘n’, you know, like, why hold out now? I mean, when we was just fuckin’-” John grabbed some shampoo and began to scrub his hair clean as Alex rinsed. “I was holdin’ in farts ‘n’ shit, but now that we dating, like, I’m gonna fart around you. It just gon’ happen.”

Alex laughed. “I mean, yeah, you make a good point. I don’t care if you pee, but wait until I finish getting the soap out of my hair.”

“Would you ever piss on me during sex?”

Alex paused. “Are you into that?”

John shrugged. “I dunno, I’ve never tried it. I mean, it don’t seem like, like somethin’ that very sexy or shit, but I’d try it, you know?”

“Yeah, I’d try it,” Alex shrugged. “But for the record, if we do that, we’re not doing it on a bed, we can fuck in my bathtub.”

John snorted as they switched places, washing the soap out of his hair. “Okay, I’m gonna pee.”

“Be my guest,” Alex chuckled.

John paused, then let go, sighing a bit as he watched Alex wash himself.

Alex looked back over at John. “Stop looking at me while you piss!”

“I don’t know where else to look!” John gasped.

“I dunno, literally anywhere but me?” Alex was laughing so hard he could barely breathe and ended up breathing in some water and coughing. “Oh, fuck.”

“I would help you but I’m still pissing.” John paused. “Okay, I’m done. Are you okay?”

Alex was still laughing and choking. “I fucking hate you.”

John smiled and pulled Alex into his arms. “You fuckin’ cute, you know that?”

Alex rolled his eyes and pecked John’s lips. “I think you’re stupid.”

“Stupid thick.”

Martha pounded on the door. “You all better hurry it up! Dinner is here and mom’s gon get home any second.”

“A’ight!” John grabbed a washcloth and put some soap on it. “You first, you less gross than me.”

“I grow more hair than you,” Alex pointed out.

“Yeah, but you prettier, so you go first.”

Alex rolled his eyes and washed himself, then handed the washcloth to John, who washed himself and rinsed, then turned off the shower. They both got out and toweled off. John tied his hair back and Alex just rubbed his with the towel. One thing about short hair was that it dried much faster.

“C’mon I’m gon get you some pajamas,” John mumbled as they walked across the hallway to John’s room. Henry was napping, so John carelessly changed into a pair of basketball shorts and a tee-shirt. He handed Alx some sweats and a hoodie, and then gathered the basket of dirty clothes from the boy's room, bringing it into the living room.

“Hola, John, hola, Alex,” Elanor smiled. “Laundry day?”

“I already got ours in the laundry bag,” Martha called out. “Alex got dinner.”

“Oh, gracias a Dios, thank you, Alex.” Elanor embraced Alex, kissing his cheek. “You are an angel.”

Alex was a bit taken aback, but just the fact that a mother was hugging him made him tear up. He hadn’t gotten a hug from someone who was a mother in a long long time. It was so casual, just a small embrace and a thank you, but it made Alex want to cry.

“Aye yi yi, Alex, are you alright?” Elanor asked.

Alex cleared his throat and then swallowed. “Yeah, yeah, sorry, just, haven’t had a mom hug in a while.”

“Oh, dios Mios.” Elanor pulled Alex right back into a hug, much tighter this time. “You can always hug me, Alex. Just because I am-” Elanor chuckled a bit, holding Alex by his shoulders and looking at him. “-Just because I am your boyfriend’s mother, does not mean you aren’t allowed to come and hug me or talk to me or have dinner with us. You are always welcomed over, remember that.” She gently tapped his nose. “Are you spending the night?”

Alex nodded, smiling.

“Will you be okay with John in his bed? Or should I make up the couch?”

“Momma,” John chuckled. “He’ll be fine with me.”

“I wasn’t asking you, mijo.” Elanor looked at Alex.

Alex chuckled, embarrassed. “I’ll be fine with John, even though he does hog the covers.”

“I do not!”

“You do,” Martha groaned. “And you talk.”

“He does!” Alex laughed. “I wish I knew Spanish so I could understand him. I’m gonna have to download Duolingo or something.”

“Español o desaparecer,” John whispered.

“Alright, you boys go put the laundry in, we’ll set up dinner. “John, make sure you remember to time it this time, so we can go down when it’s done, and John, go get the laundry detergent. You cannot forget it.”

“Si, momma!” John sighed, handing the bag to Alex and running into the bathroom to get it. He also grabbed his and Alex’s clothes to wash as well. “Alex, I’m just gon’ throw your shit in with ours, too.”

“Alright.” Alex held open the laundry bag and John put the clothes in, then they made their way out of the apartment to the laundry room in the basement.

“Gimme that.” John took the laundry bag back and slung it over his shoulder. “Gimme that too.” John grabbed Alex’s hand, holding it. “There we go.”

Alex laughed, leaning against John a bit as they walked. “You all do laundry together?”

“We gotta, saves laundry detergent,” John shrugged. “If you got like, secret lingerie or somethin’, you gotta hand wash it.”

“Isn’t your sister a stripper?”

John nodded. “Yeah, but we know what her stripper lingerie is, and what her non-stripper lingerie is.”

Alex paused. “I mean this in the nicest way, but isn’t weird to know your sister strips? Like, doesn’t it make your family uncomfortable?”

“Nah.” John thought for a second. “I mean, I dunno. We all gotta do things to keep each other above water. Me, Martha, ‘n’ Henry? We kinda do shitty jobs so our little siblings won’t have to. Marry ain’t ever gon’ strip, Henry ain't ever gon’ hafta work at shitty places way too late, ‘n’ that’s why I work at a shitty bar until midnight, that’s why Marty strips, that’s Henry works fast food, ‘cause we all just want our siblings to be a’ight, you know?”

“You guys are such a loving family, I wish I had a family like you,” Alex admitted as they walked into the laundry room.

“Well, ain’t you our family?” John asked. “I mean, we together, ain’t we a family now?”

“Wha… what do you mean?”

“Ain’t nothin’ ever dictates what family really is, Alex. Family could be you ‘n’ me and a cat, family could be anything. As long as people love each other, it’s family.”

Alex’s face softened as he watched John pour the clothes into the washer. “Do you…”

“Love you?” John smiled a bit. “Yeah, of course, I do, Alex. I meant it when I said you were my best friend, and I mean it now. I love you, Alex.”

Alex smiled, then leaned against John. “I love you too.”

John leaned against the washer and closed his eyes, holding Alex's hand. "'M fuckin' tired, man."

"Why haven't you been sleeping?"

John’s smile faltered for a second, thinking. “I know I’ve been off recently.”

“You have,” Alex agreed.

“We just think my mom’s ex-husband been comin’ around.” John closed the washer and set a timer on his phone. “It’s been freakin’ me out, I ain’t been sleeping.”

“Did you tell the police?” Alex asked.

John nodded. “Yeah, yeah, we just, I dunno. Mary and Jem, they don’t really remember it, we never really told them what went on, but Marty, Henry, me, my Momma, we all been kinda sketched out.” John looked at Alex. “Just, you should know, just so you know I’m not about to like, kill myself or something.”

Alex kissed John’s shoulder. “Are you sure it’s him?”

John nodded.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay.” Alex gripped John’s hand. “You’re gonna get some sleep tonight, and then tomorrow, when you’re not as tired, we can talk about it more, okay? I can come over again.”

“I got work tomorrow,” John shrugged. “But maybe we can get coffee before classes?”

“Sounds good.”

John leaned in and gently kissed Alex. “I wish I wasn’t so tired right now.”

“Mm, I know, but you can sleep well tonight. And I promise I’m gonna be right there to hold you and make sure you are safe.” Alex pecked John’s lips again. “Come on, let’s go get dinner.”

John smiled as Alex pulled him back up. “You a stunner, Alexander.”


	27. Daddy Lessons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eh

****“Hey.”

John looked over at Alex, drowsy, but happy as they packed up at the end of class. “Yeah, gorgeous?”

“I love you.” Alex leaned in and kissed John’s temple.

“Love you too, ma.” John stood up, stretching, before taking a sip of his coffee. “A’ight, so like, you workin’ tonight? We could, like, you know, romp around a bit, aye?”

Alex rolled his eyes, smiling. “Yeah, I am, late too.”

“Why do you have to get more shifts?” John complained. “I missed it when you barely worked at all.”

“Well, firstly, you called me a spoiled brat-”

“Justified,” John pointed out.

Alex heaved a sigh. “Look, you know my cousin is slowly cutting me off. I gotta pay rent now too. But hey, you know something?”

“Hm?”

“I had take out,  _two_ nights in a row.”

“Ayo!” John laughed, looking at Peggy. “Mister vegan health jizz be over here eating take out, not one, nah, nah,  _two_ nights in a row. He turnin’ into me.”

Peggy snorted. “Yeah, you’re rubbing off on him. Maybe Alex is gonna start rooting for the Knicks, wearin’ ripped up jeans ‘n’ talkin’ hood.”

“Nah, his boxers too far up his ass for that.”

“I thought the bullying would end when we started dating!” Alex complained. “I’m not that much of a tight ass anymore. Come on, I’m openly dating you.”

“Yeah, you right.” John smacked Alex’s ass before beginning to walk out of the classroom. “Yo, A-A-Ron.”

Aaron looked up from the book he was trying to shove in his bag as he caught up with them. “Yeah?”

“How’s ya lady? Ain’t seen ‘er in a while, ya sabes?” John slipped his hand in Alex’s back pocket as they walked, then switched to the other when he felt Alex’s wallet in the first one.

“She’s doing good.” Aaron thought for a moment. “Applying for a job at a used bookstore in downtown. Bluestockings, you ever heard of it?”

“Oh, I used to by political books there, for this class I was taking in pre-med.” Alex pulled out a very used looking book from his bag. “It showed me a personal favorite, too, Chasing A Ghost. A gay love story written by a trans guy.”

“Yo, maybe I’m gon’ borrow that shit,” John chuckled.

“It’s good.” Alex suddenly gasped. “Oh! Speaking of books, John! You know that book you got me for Christmas?”

John shook his head.

Alex chuckled, almost nervously. “Excuse me, Hanukkah?”

John’s brows shot up and he nodded. “Oh, yeah, that Spike Lee book, I know what you talkin’ ‘bout.”

“Well, I finished it last night, and it was  _so good_.” Alex jumped. “Oh, shit, this is my class. I’ll text you.” Alex waved, planting a quick kiss on John’s cheek, before walking into his class.

“He’ll text you,” Peggy repeated, bumping John. “You and Private School seem to be doin’ a’ight, you know that?”

John nodded and smiled. “Yeah. Anyway, Aaron, Bluestockings? That’d be dope if she got the gig. Where she workin’ now?”

“She kinda took a break from work for a bit. Thanks to an inheritance, we had the money. She just…” Aaron paused, swallowing hard. “She needed some time off.”

“I feel that. My sister, Marty, she had to take a few months off from workin’ after the place she worked at last. Boss was a dick.” John shook his head. “Aye, yo, this be my class, but like, if yous wanna chill any time, any of you, just hit me up, Alex don’t mind.”

“I’m sure he don’t,” Peggy mused. “Have a good class.”

“You too, sis.”

Classes for John went by, exhausting as always. John was worn out, but he had found time to grab another coffee, so he had a little bit of a buzz going, but was still ready to sleep tonight. The cops hadn’t seen or heard from Henry, and neither had anyone else, so things were calming down. It had been two weeks since the arrival of the letter, and John was having less and less trouble sleeping.

“Baby, you wanna walk me home or do you ain’t got the time?” John asked.

“It’s on my way, but I’m gonna have to ditch you on Fulton. You know I’d go all the way home with you if I could.” Alex gripped John’s hand as they began walking to the subway station.

“My momma gon’ be makin’ bean tamales tonight too,” John chuckled.

“No!” Alex gasped. “Ugh, I’m gonna cry.”

“Oh, hey, Henry is gonna get his GED!” John announced. “Yeah, he’s, he’s gon’ graduate this year, ‘n’ he’s got a scholarship to culinary school. Just you wait, soon he gon’ be the best chef in New York City, ya hear? My little brother gon’ paint the city red.”

“That’s awesome, John.” Alex tripped a bit as they began walking down the stairs to the subway, but quickly caught himself. “God. It’s getting hotter.”

“Well, it’s almost summertime, baby.” John hopped over the turnstile and waited for Alex to swipe his card and step through. “You know, someday, we gon’ live in a pretty Brownstone in the New Fort Greene area, cuddled up on the couch, watchin’ movies, talkin’ bout our work together.” John leaned forward and kissed Alex’s lips. “Like, like a Brooklyn love story.”

“You’re a dork,” Alex chuckled.

John took Alex’s hands, smiling and beginning to sing. “Boy on a train I know you're just a stranger. What is your name, where are you going? Boy on a train I don't know where I'll find you. Still on my mind when I got home, now I'm all alone.”

“John,” Alex chuckled, leaning into his boyfriend as they sat down on the bench, waiting for a train. John leaned back, watching Alex as he pulled out a thing of sticky notes and began writing his grocery list. John just smiled at that, placing his hand on Alex’s thigh and closing his eyes.

The train pulled in and both of them got on. John let Alex take the only open seat, but was surprised when Alex pushed John down into the seat, grabbing the pole and smiling.

“Babe, if you want the seat-”

Alex cut John off. “You’re tired, and I’ve been sitting all day. I’m fine.”

John grabbed Alex’s hand and pressed his knuckles to his lips. “Sometimes you make it incredibly hard to not just scoop you up and kiss you until we can’t kiss anymore.”

“You’re too sweet.”

The train ride went by, Alex and John parting so Alex could work. John was tired but happy to get home. Henry was cooking already, while Mary and Jem did their homework. Martha didn’t seem to be home yet, so John did a quick parole, making sure everyone was looking healthy and happy, before going to take a quick shower.

When John got out, his mother and Martha had arrived home. His mother was sitting on the armchair, feet up, eyes closed, while Martha and Henry cooked. John came over and sat on the floor in front of her, leaning his head against her knees. She placed one hand in John’s hair, sighing.

“Mijo, we must sleep tonight.”

John chuckled. “Aye, momma.”

Elanor peeked her eyes open to see her son. “Do you work tonight?”

“Shift don’t start till seven. Alex gon’ be workin’ late hella though, so I might catch a train back to his place.” John smiled. “Y’know, get some cuddlin’ in.”

“Alex has turned you soft,” Elanor commented, beginning to braid her son’s hair. “But I do not think that is bad. You seem much happier.”

John smiled, then jumped when there was a knock on the door. The house went a bit quiet. If this was a friend, they would’ve called something out, if it was Alex, he would’ve walked right in. John got up, holding out his hand to Martha to signal for her to stay in the kitchen. His mom was up, behind John as he slowly walked to the door. The knock came again and John jumped. He got to the door, then looked out the peephole to see who it was.

“Who is it?” Elanor asked softly.

John slowly did the deadbolt, flinching when it clicked, and then the slide lock. “Martha, I need you to listen to me.”

“I’m listening,” Martha replied.

“There’s a fire escape outside the boy's room, you need to take Jem, Henry, and Mary, and you need to leave through that, right now.” John’s hands were shaking. “Momma, you go too.”

“John, who’s out there?” Elanor asked softly.

“Martha, go.”

“Henry, Jem, Mary, come on, right now, get your shoes, quickly.” Martha turned off the burners and grabbed a pair of flip flops for herself. Henry followed instructions without question, getting Mary and Hem some shoes too.

“John, what are you doing? If he’s out there, we all need to go,” Elanor stated.

“No, if he gets in here and realizes we’re all gone, he can easily cut us off out there, someone needs to hold him off,” John mumbled. “Momma, go.”

“No. John, it’s always been you and me against him and that’s not changing now.” Elanor grabbed John’s arms. “I’m here.”

The knock came again, louder.

“Martha, make sure to call the police,” John commanded.

“We will, be safe.”

John quickly tied up his hair, fists clenched as the pounding got louder. John’s mother pulled him back a bit, back into the living room. The pounding got so loud, and then the door crashed in, wood splintered, and a man stepped into the threshold. John jumped a bit, remembering his gym teacher, the one who taught him how to fight. This wasn’t a Brownsville beatdown though. They fought differently in the south. It was the quick cut of a Brooklyn punch, it was mean, it was rough, blunt. It was the difference between being cut with a razor and a butterknife. The razor was quicker, and the pain didn’t last as long.

“Elanor,” the man greeted.

“You go, Henry, you get out of here right now.” Elanor’s voice was shaky.

“Get out,” John commanded, his voice low.

“Who the fuck are you?” Henry asked, fists clenched. He hadn’t changed much, still had a bit of a gun, but obviously was strong.

“Doesn’t matter,” John spat out quickly.

“The way you stand, I would think you were…” Henry almost smiled. “Still making your kid fight for you, huh, Elanor? Still, the reason she gets hurt?” Henry let out a mocking laugh.

“What are you doing here?” Elanor asked, gripping John’s arm.

“You think I’m over what you did to me? My reputation was ruined after you left me. I lost my job, I got a stain on my record.” Henry stepped closer. “And now look at you, raising your bastard daughter to be some, some dyke bitch.”

John’s lips curled at that statement. “You deserved everything you got.” He stepped forward. “You tortured us! You raped her! You ruined our lives!”

“Watch your mouth!” Henry yelled back. “I wasn’t afraid of hitting you as a child and I’m not afraid to do it now.”

“I’m still not afraid of you,” John spat out. “I’m not afraid of you.”

Henry paused, then a wicked smile overtook his face. “Will you still defend her until you can’t walk? Will you still take the beating she deserves?”

“She doesn’t deserve to be hurt!” John yelled.

“John,” Elanor whispered softly.

“You follow her blindly, you’re ignorant to her. You don’t even see the wrong she’s done. She lacks loyalty, she watched you get beat and never left me. You still will defend her after she did that to you? After all she’s put you through?”

John was quiet, filled with nothing but rage.

“Move.”

John stood still.

“Move or it’ll just make things worse.”

John stood there shaking, knees almost giving out on him from fear. “Then let it.”

Henry shook his head, and it was such a calm moment, John didn’t expect the fist that came at him. John ducked it though, holding his fists in front of him. Henry swung again and this time it got John right in the side of the head. John stumbled but stayed up.

“Just go down, kid, I have no beef with you,” Henry stated.

“Like hell,” John growled, jabbing at Henry, but not being close enough to make contact.

Henry hit John on the side of the head again, and John stumbled a bit, knocking the coffee table. Elanor screamed, tried to move forward, but was quickly pushed back by John. John’s ears were ringing, but he decided to just go all out. They couldn’t do this chicken shit dance all night.

John charged Henry, getting him in the waist and knocking him down. John was on top of him, about to throw a punch, when Henry grabbed John’s fist, pushing his arm back a bit too far for comfort. It was the arm that John had fucked up during basketball, which threw him off.

Henry flipped them and his John twice in the face. Blood was running down John’s nose as he watched Henry get off of him and turn to Elanor. John groaned as he pushed himself off. His shoulder hurt like nobody’s business, but he didn’t let that stop him.

John threw a punch at Henry’s arm.

“Give it up!” Henry yelled, grabbing John by the throat and throwing him to the coffee table. It broke under the force, and John felt the wind leave his lungs. He couldn’t breathe for a second, but the moment he caught it, he was up.

“I’m not letting you hurt her.” John wiped his nose, putting up his fists.

“You’re going to fail like every other time,” Henry laughed. “We’ve done this before, you know the ending.”

“Fuck you.”

Henry swung and hit John.

John stayed up, his head pounding.

“Give it up, you know she deserves it. She’s the whore who slipped and fell on your daddy’s dick. Don’t you hate her for it? You’re the evidence that I could use, you’re the reason, don’t you hate her for letting you live?”

John could’ve killed Henry. “No, I don’t. Get the fuck out of here.”

Henry hit John in the nose again and John stumbled back. His nose was definitely broken. It hurt like a bitch.

“John, please, you can stop, it’s okay,” Elanor mumbled, grabbing her son’s arm.

“No.” John pushed her behind him again. “I’m not, I’ll fight you until I can’t, and you know that. I’m not a fucking kid anymore.”

“You could be,” Henry laughed.

John picked up a piece of the broken coffee table and threw it at Henry. In the split second where Henry flinched, John hit him in the stomach, hard. Now that pissed him off.

Henry grabbed John by the hair and threw him to the floor. Instead of going to Elanor, Henry stalked towards John, before delivering a swift kick in the stomach. John coughed, then began to push himself up.

“Stay down,” Henry commanded, kicking John again.

John once again began to push himself up.

Henry kicked John hard, in the chest. “Stay down or I’ll kill you.”

John coughed. His heart ached, he could feel a bruise forming. He wondered where the damn cops were. He pushed himself onto his hands and knees, then slowly stood. He could see his mom in the kitchen and knew exactly what she was getting. “I’m not fucking afraid of you.”

Henry hit John hard, then grabbed him by the throat, pushing him against the wall. John gasped, trying to reach forward to scratch at Henry’s face or throat or something, but he was just out of reach.

“Let him go!” Elanor yelled.

Henry looked over to see her standing shakily with a gun in her hand. “You don’t know how to use that.”

“Henry, let him go, or I’ll shoot you,” Elanor gasped.

“No, you-”

A gunshot went off. It missed Henry, but grazed John’s arm, causing him to choke out a cry. Elanor gasped. That had definitely not been her intention. Henry laughed though, grabbing John’s shot arm, which happened to be the arm with the hurt shoulder and dragged John to Elanor. John was yelling. He could feel muscles tears and tendons straining. Henry’s thumb dug into where the bullet grazed him. John was trying to pull his arm out of Henry’s grip, but it wasn’t working too well.

“See, Elanor? All you do is hurt him,” Henry sighed. “When will you learn? The only reason he gets hurt is because of you. Every scar and bruise, it’s your fault. You shoulda done the right thing and put him out of his misery before-”

Three gunshots went off, and this time, Elanor didn’t miss.

Henry stopped, gasping, and then dropped, letting go of John, who quickly pulled his arm to his chest, crying. Blood still flowed from his nose as he pushed himself away from the body, against the walls.

“Shit, he’s gonna, he’s gonna…” John went to Henry, pushing him on his back. He applied pressure best he could to the bullet wounds.

“NYPD! Hands up!”

Elanor dropped her gun and put her hands up. John did the same, not worrying too much if Henry died. John’s vision began to go white as cops came in, his lips felt cold, his head span. He looked at his mom and then fell flat on his back. 


	28. Blood In The Water

John’s chest still hurt when he walked into class the next morning. It was darkly ironic to him that he, a med student, was directly ignoring doctor’s orders. He didn’t quite care though. He didn’t want to be home. He didn’t want to sit on the couch and stare at the bloodstained carpet. He didn’t want to replay the flashing red and blue as he was treated in the back of an ambulance. He didn’t want to be home just so Herc and Laf could sit with him and worry. He didn’t want to be there.

John had been up all night. Henry Bassett had been pronounced dead at seven-fourteen. John had received two broken ribs, as well as four bruised ones, a broken nose, and two dislocated fingers, which had to be taped up, and a complete rotator cuff tear. His shoulder ached something bad. He and his mother were taken to the ER. Elanor was mostly in shock, but John had gotten an MRI scan, as well as a bottle of painkillers to go home with. They aligned his nose again, put his fingers back into place, and wrapped up his abdomen. This took hours, of course, seeing as it was the medical system in America. They were finally finished at three am, but neither of them got any sleep after that, thanks to cops needing a report.

John had struggled to retell what had happened. Doctors said he was lucky he didn’t get a concussion, but John felt like he did. He told the cops everything he could remember. Told them what about the abuse Henry subjected them to in his childhood, and then what happened in the apartment. He knew there’d be court sessions, but he prayed this was passed off as self-defense. 

John’s sweater sleeve brushed uncomfortably over the gunshot wound as he sat down. Elanor apologized all night for accidentally shooting her son. John lied to her and told her it didn’t hurt very much. The doctor told him he’d probably have nerve damage in the area for a very long time. John was glad his mother was out of the room for that.

“Yo, dude, what happened to your hand?” Peggy asked.

“Long night,” John answered.

Alex walked into the classroom, then jumped when he saw John. “Jesus Christ, John, are you okay? I get a call from Lafayette that the cops were at your apartment and then, then you were at the ER? He said you didn’t get home until five or six am?” Alex sat down next to John. “What happened?”

John shook his head, then nodded to Washington. “We can talk about it later.”

“John, crap, what happened to your-”

John flinched back, putting his hand in front of his face.

Alex put his hand down slowly, creasing his brows. “John, are you okay?”

John nodded, swallowing hard, then adjusted his hood a bit as Washington began teaching. John kept his head down the whole class, but the growing pain in his chest wasn’t easy to ignore. He knew he was supposed to lie down, he knew he wasn’t even supposed to be at school, but he couldn’t stay home. His mom called into work, but he knew she was over at her friend’s house for the day.

The class got out and Alex gently held John’s hand, pulling him into a private one stall bathroom and locking it. Before anything, Alex pulled down John’s hood and began to examine his face. John had a split lip, a bloody bruise that stretched across the bridge of his nose and onto his cheeks, a bruise on his temple.

“Jesus, John, what happened?” Alex asked softly.

John opened his mouth, then closed it, shaking his head. “I don’t, I can’t, God, fuck, do you have painkillers, Alex?”

“What’s wrong, what hurts?” Alex asked. “Okay, what hurts?”

“My chest, my ribs.” John flinched. “Fuck. I have pain meds in my bag, hold on.” John pulled out the prescription Oxycontin he had picked up this morning. He took one out and downed it. “Fuck, I’m gonna be out of it.”

“John, you need to tell me what happened,” Alex started slowly. “You look like you got hit by a train.”

“I just, I don’t know what happened.” John leaned back against the bathroom wall. “One moment it was fine and we were fine and then he was pounding on the door and I told my siblings to leave through the fire escape, but I stayed so he wouldn’t go down and cut them off, and my momma stayed too and I don’t know why, she shouldn’t have, and then, and then, he just, I had to protect Alex.” John looked up at his boyfriend. “You don’t get it, I had to, I had to make sure he didn’t hurt her. I had to protect her. That’s what I do. I protect her. I protect her. I make sure she doesn’t get hurt.”

“John, who did you have to protect her from?”

“My, her, her…” John felt almost crazy. His breathing was getting shallow, he felt a panic attack brewing, and the fast-acting opioid wasn’t helping. “Her ex-husband, he came, he, it was-”

“Oh, okay, okay, John, can you breath?” Alex asked.

John began sliding down the wall, shaking his head. “Alex, I can’t, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe. Oh, God, I can’t, I need, fuck-” John was beginning to hyperventilate. “He called me a girl and he tried to, he tried to kill me!” John was shaking almost as he hit the floor. “He was choking me, he was choking me. My mom, she had to, she had to shoot him. He, she, she killed him!”

“Holy shit, John,” Alex started slowly. “Okay, I need you to take deep breaths.”

“Alex I can’t go home. I can’t, the carpet, it has, he, oh, God, I-” John closed his eyes, tugging on his hair a bit. “I can’t, Alex, help, please.”

Alex scooted to sit next to his boyfriend. “Okay, okay, hey, focus on my voice. Focus on my voice.” Alex gently took John’s hand. “Un deux trois quatre cinq six sept huit neuf dix.” Alex took a deep breath. “Dix neuf huit sept six cinq quatre trois deux un.”

“Please, keep talking.”

“Malgré les brumes et les gelées glaciales, il pousse ses poings contre les poteaux et insiste toujours pour qu'il voie le fantôme.” Alex repeated the theatre rhyme effortlessly. “Malgré les brumes et les gelées glaciales, il pousse ses poings contre les poteaux et insiste toujours pour qu'il voie le fantôme.”

John took a slow deep breath. “Okay, I’m ready. I can go to class.”

“Yeah, sure, and H. P. Lovecraft embraced immigrants and black people with open arms,” Alex scoffed.

John snorted.

“We’re gonna go back to my place, and you’re gonna lie down for a bit.” Alex pushed himself up and held out his hand to John. John didn’t take it, just pushed himself up with his uninjured arm. “I’m ready to sleep.”

“Alright, let’s go.” Alex took his hand and the two of them began the trek back to Alex’s apartment. John was a bit out of it as they walked there since the opioid was beginning to set in more. Weed didn’t have such a loopy effect on John, but opiates? They spaced him out. When he was taking them after his top surgery, it was like his brain was stuck on the loading page.

“Baby,” John laughed as they entered Alex’s apartment. “Baby baby.”

“Mm-hm,” Alex nodded. “Come on, shoes off.”

“Nuh-uh, MJ don’t like that,” John huffed.

“Please, Johnny, for me?”

John smiled, wagging his finger at Alex. “You are a sneaky sneak, you know that?” John kicked off his shoes, sighing. “My body hurts. Hurts hurts hurts.”

“Let’s go lie down then,” Alex nodded. “We can watch whatever you want.”

“Alex, bro, do you, do you remember taking opioids after ya top surgery?” John asked.

“I didn’t take opioids after my top surgery,” Alex informed John.

“Bruh, how? I’d’ve like, fuckin’ died or some shit, you feel? You feel?” John laughed, stumbling onto the bed. “My stomach hurts.”

“Have you eaten in the past twenty-four hours?” Alex, helping John out of his jacket.

“Nuh.” John struggled to kick off his pants but flinched from the pain in his ribs. “Alex, baby, baby, I need your help, get em, get em off.”

“Alright, I’m here.” Alex grabbed the waist of John’s khaki joggers and helped tug them off. “Jesus, you got a huge bruise on your thigh.”

“It’s from when I got thrown into the coffee table.” John curled up on his side. “I feel sick.”

“Okay, baby, I’m gonna get you a bag, and then I’m gonna order something. What do you wanna eat?” Alex asked.

“Dat ass,” John laughed, reaching out for Alex. He flinched, bringing his arm to his chest.

“Is your arm okay?” Alex asked, trying to find a pair of sweatpants for John or the pair of basketball shorts John left at Alex’s place for impromptu sleepovers.

“Torn muscle.”

Alex found the basketball shorts and helped John into them. John sat up and pulled off his hoodie and tee-shirt, throwing it to the floor.

“Too hot,” John muttered.

Alex was about to order some food, but then he saw the bruises on John’s arms, the bandaged wrapped tightly around his arm, the brace for his ribs, the large purple bruise that stretched across his chest. “John, Jesus, doesn’t that hurt?”

“Just hurts,” John mumbled, rubbing the bandage on his arm. “My mom shot me.”

Alex whipped his head over. “She what?”

“S’was ‘n’ accident.” John rolled onto his stomach and pulled a pillow over his head. “Owch, owch, too much everything.”

“Too bright?” Alex asked.

John groaned and nodded.

“Okay, I’m gonna turn on my Christmas lights.” Alex went over and plugged in the Christmas lights, which were hung all across his room. Alex turned out the main light, and John was able to take the pillow off of his head.

“Alex, I wanna, I wanna fuck you,” John called out. “Come sit on my face.”

“Pretty sure I’d break your nose… again.” Alex opened up UberEats. “What do you want?”

“You wouldn’t break my nose, you’re not that thick.” John smiled. “Woo Wee! Alex, you got the finest ass in Brooklyn. It’s like, nah, nah, it’s round ‘n’ shit, ‘n’ you got that cellulite, ‘n’ dem stretch marks, aye yi yi! You gon’ kill a bodequa!” John thrust up his hips. “I like the way you look when you bouncin’ on the strap, ‘n’ you get all jiggly ‘n’ shit, ‘n’ your nose turns red.” John groaned. “You make me so horny for you.”

“Soup, does soup sound nice?” Alex thought for a second. “Maybe pizza.”

“I wanna eat your ass, baby c’mere.” John reached out for Alex.

“Pizza, I’m gonna order a cheese pizza.”

“No, no dairy. I’m gon’ throw up.” John almost threw up in his mouth thinking about creamy cheese. “Oh, God, no.”

“Pho?”

John nodded. “Yes, now sit on my face.”

“No, for three reasons.” Alex began to put the UberEats order on his phone. “Firstly, your nose is probably not healed at all, and I don’t want to hurt you. Secondly, you’re high off your ass, and I don’t do that. Finally, I’ve gained like, ten pounds recently, just ‘cause I haven’t had time to work out, and I don’t feel confident enough to sit on your face right now.”

“No, no, that’s the best though. I wanna fuckin’... I wanna suffocate under your thighs.” John groaned. “Alex, I just wanna, I want you to fucking… God, I want you to make me pass out.”

“Jesus, John, do you have a chubby kink?” Alex laughed, looking up.

“Okay, no!” John started. “I have a kink for whoever I’m dating, and you know something? You got a little junk in your trunk, and  _fuck_ , it’s so hot. I like the way the back of your thighs look, the way your ass just squishes.” John groaned. “I’m horny, where’s your vibrator?”

“Under my bed,” Alex commented sarcastically as he began doing his dishes. Alex jumped when a few seconds later, he heard the buzzing. “John!”

John groaned, throwing his head back into the pillow. “Fuck, baby.”

“You are nasty,” Alex muttered. “Do not make pills a habit, because I can’t handle this every night.”

“Talk me through this, baby, please,” John whined.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Talk to me, come here, please?” John gave Alex a sultry puppy dog eye look.

Alex sighed, walking over and lying down next to John on his side so he could see John’s face. “What are you thinking about?”

“You,” John groaned. “The way your ass looks, the way you look when, when you’re about to finish, fuck.”

Alex gently pushed a curl behind John’s ear. “Maybe I wanna fuck you. I wanna see what you look like, bouncing up and down on the strap, moaning. I want to see you whine and squirm. I wanna watch you fuck yourself on the strap to tears. I wanna see you-”

“Fuck!” John gasped, not quite meaning to cut Alex off.

“I wanna fuck your mouth, I wanna make your throat hurt.” Alex smiled softly, watching John’s eyes fall closed and his mouth fall open. Alex let his hand fall to John’s jaw, gently running his fingers along it. “You’re so beautiful when you look like this. My boy.” Alex pressed a small kiss to John’s temple. “You make it hard not to touch you sometimes.”

John let out a small cry, turning slightly so his face was buried in the crook of Alex’s neck. Alex ran his fingers through John’s hair as he felt the older man finish, quivering as he did so. The vibrator got turned off and John rolled on his side so he was facing Alex, and wrapped his arms around the younger man, sighing deeply. Alex adjusted himself a bit but stayed where he was, hugging John.

“I love you,” John mumbled. “Do you love me?”

“Of course I do,” Alex mumbled softly.

“Even when I’m stupid?”

Alex let out a small chuckle. “Even when you’re stupid.”

A mischievous smile spread over John’s face. “You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“You sure you sure?”

Alex sighed. “Yes.”

“¿Estás seguro? ¿Estás seguro?”

Alex groaned. “Si!”

“Bueno, porque te amo mucho.” John’s hands found Alex’s hips. “Mi niño bonito.”

“Pretty boy,” Alex said softly. “You called me a pretty boy.”

“Prettiest fuckin’ boy I’ve ever seen.” John planted a small kiss on Alex’s neck. “I think I’m gonna take a nap. Stay.”

“John, I got chores.” Alex scooted back so he could take John’s face in his hands. He ran his thumb over the split in John’s lip before giving him a small kiss. “You can sleep though. I’ll be quiet.”

“But then I won’t be able to smell you,” John whined.

“Here.” Alex sat up, pulling off his hoodie and putting it over one of the five pillows he managed to fit on his full bed. He handed it to John. “There we go, now you have something to cuddle with, and it smells like me.”

“I like the way you smell,” John mumbled, grabbing the pillow and hugging it closely. “I love you.”

Alex smiled softly and kissed the side of John’s head. “I love you too. You sleep, okay? I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“¿Promesa?”

“Promise.” Alex sighed and gently brushed some hair out of John’s face, then gently kissed the bridge of John’s nose. “It’s gonna be okay, baby. We’ll figure this out. Promesa.”


	29. Dear Diary

Martha was a little surprised to see her brother sitting on the bathroom floor at midnight on a Tuesday. The hair in the sink rid her of her questioning a bit. She sighed, sitting down next to John and taking the scissors out of John’s hand.

“It was bound to happen, I suppose,” she started, looking at John. “You still can’t cut hair for shit.”

“Every time, every time something happens, I cut it all off, and every time, I miss it, like, four seconds later.” John looked over at his sister, laughing bitterly. “When will I learn?”

“I think you just need therapy,” Martha suggested, turning the dull scissors over in her hand. “Damn, these dull as shit. How’d you even get ya hair off?”

“Determination.”

Martha sighed a bit. “Mom hasn’t been sleeping.”

“I hear her get up.” John looked at Martha. “She ain’t… shit, she can’t stay here. She needs to get out of here.”

“What do you mean?” Martha asked.

John took a deep breath. “I’m gonna take her home for a bit. Down to the big PR. She needs to get away from here.”

“Do we got that money?” Martha asked.

“Yeah, I do. It was goin’ towards other things, but this is more important.” John shook his head, a few bits of hair falling to his shoulders. “Fuck.”

“John, you ain’t gotta do this.” Martha placed her hand on her brother’s shoulder. “You really don’t. Mom, she’ll, she’ll be okay. We just gotta be a family.”

John shook his head. “She needs her momma. You know that. We all know that.” John chuckled. “Court dates in a few days. Finals are comin’ up, and then it’s summer. I’m gon’ leave yous with whatever money I don’t spend on the tickets.”

“You can’t stay here either, can you?”

John paused, then nodded. “Every time I walk in here, all I see is his body on the floor. Oh my God, Martha, I can’t-” John cut himself off with a small sob. “I can’t do this.”

Martha hushed him. “Estará bien, hermano. Estoy aquí. No tengas miedo. Estoy aquí.”

“You gotta, you gotta look after everyone while we’re gone, alright? It won’t be more than a week. But make sure Marty is goin’ to her teachings, her Bat Mitzvah be comin’ up. If you need money or food, you know Laf will help out.”

“John, maybe you should see someone,” Martha suggested.

“Nah, I’ll see someone when I’m makin’ money.” John ran his hand over his head, feeling the now short and choppy curls. They weren’t even by any means. “I’m gon’ look like a monkey.”

Martha snorted. “Maybe, but it’ll grow back.” She brushed some hair off of John’s shoulder. “You think Alex will still find you dashing?”

“Nah, but that’s okay, ‘cause he loves me.” John tilted his head back. “God, Marty, shit’s fucked.”

“We’re gonna win the case, it’s obvious it was self-defense, and you can confirm that you mom said she would shoot dad before she did, so-”

“Why do you call him dad?” John asked.

“Same reason you call your father dad.” Martha looked over at John. “I know you like to be the father figure as well as a brother, but I’m too old for you to be pullin’ that shit with me.” Martha shook her head. “I dunno, he was my dad. He was nicer to me than he was to you, it’s different for both of us.”

“So you takin’ his side?” John asked incredulously. “Marty, I gots a torn shoulder, momma is losin’ sleep, and-”

“I’m not taking his side!” Martha snapped, looking over at John. “It’s just hard for me because he  _was_ my dad, but he was terrible, and it’s difficult for me to manage that.” Martha shook her head. “He wasn’t mean to me like he was to you. He was my dad, and it’s just, it’s confusing, and it hurts, and I hate that he hurt you because that meant he lied every time he was nice to me.”

John paused, sighing. “You’re right, I didn’t think about what it’s like for you.”

“You shouldn’t have to, he showed his true nature with you ‘n’ mom.” Martha looked over, eyeing John’s hair. “Alright, I need to fix this, and then we’re gonna do some ticket shopping and text abuela.” Martha sighed, standing up and grabbing the shave buzzer. “Come on, stand up, lean over the sink, I’m gonna fix this.”

“Maybe I should learn to cut my hair,” John joked.

“Awh, but then we wouldn’t have fun brother-sister bonding while I fix your hair after your mental snaps.” Martha laughed a bit. “ _Maybe_ you should find a coping mechanism that doesn’t fill you with regret five minutes later.”

“Shut your hell mouth,” John gasped.

Martha shaved around the sides, adding a small design in the back before taking the scissors. “God, John, you left me nothing to work with. Your hair gon’ be short.” Martha tried to even it up and blend it a bit. “Rice water helps hair growth.”

“So does not bein’ a little bitch,” John snorted.

Martha rolled her eyes. “You’re intolerable.”

“What are you two doing?” Jem asked, walking into the bathroom.

“Isn’t it your bedtime?” Martha joked, working on John’s hair.

“Isn’t it time for you to die?” Jem shot back, making John snort and Martha snip a bit too close to the scalp, ruining the almost even landscape.

“Dammit, John. Your hair just gon’ be a little lumpy, alright?” Martha continued working it, before looking over at Jem, who was peeing. “Dude, you wanna give us some warning?”

“I’m peeing,” Jem deadpanned.

“Congrats, dude,” John laughed.

“Only in this family would this happen,” Martha huffed. “Okay, John, look in the mirror.”

John tilted his head up, jumped a bit, then looked closer. The hair was short and thick on the top, shaved on the sides, not bad overall, but John still missed his long hair. “Well, Marty, I like it. How long did it take to grow out last time?”

“I dunno, ten months? Your hair grows pretty fast, but it’s gonna take a while to really be long again.” Martha brushed some hair off of John’s neck and sighed a bit. “I like you better with long hair.”

“I like me better with long hair too,” John admitted.

“You look like a dweeb without it,” Jem commented.

“Damn, you ain't even peein’ no more. Get yo ass to bed.” John waved him off. When Jem left the bathroom, he looked back to his sister. “Marty, you wanna help me look at tickets?”

Martha nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.”

The two of them left the bathroom and went into the living room, Martha grabbing her laptop from the counter. They both sat down at the table, sighing softly as Martha opened up her laptop and they began typing in flights and dates to Google flights.

“It’s summer, so flights are gonna be a bit expensive,” Martha pointed out.

“I gots about seven years of tips saved up, so I think we gon’ be a’ight.”

Martha looked at John. “What exactly were you saving this money for?”

“Told you, I’m gon’ buy momma a house. Ain’t no time be too soon to start saving, you know? You know?” John chuckled a bit. “Just doin’ my part.”

“You think you’d let me help out on the down payment? Come on, I’ll be makin’ big bucks too.” Martha laughed a bit, then judged John. “Hey, there we go.”

“A’ight, if me ‘n’ momma fly into San Juan, abuela can come to pick us up from the airport, ‘n’ it won't be too long of a flight, aye?”

Martha nodded. “Not too expensive too. And you’re saving money by staying with abuela. You know she gon’ be tugging on every bit of you to make sure it’s still attached though. You already cut off one part of ya body, she prolly gon’ wanna know if you cut off more.”

John laughed. “Yeah, prolly.”

“Aye yi yi, do my children just not sleep?” Elanor asked. “Vete a dormir, los dos.” She peeked over the computer screen her children were huddled around. “¿Que es esto?” She jumped. “Lord! John, your hair! It’s so short!”

“Thank Martha for fixin’ it, it was lookin’ pretty rough a few minutes ago.” John ran his hand over the short curls. “I miss it already.”

“Someday, you’ll see a therapist who will show you that you do not have to cut your hair every time something bad happens.” Elanor gently cupped John’s cheek for a second. “Now, tell me, what are my two children doing up at such hours? Don’t you know you have school tomorrow?”

“Momma, I think you and I should go back home,” John said in a soft voice.

“No seas loco, we are home, John.” Elanor batted his head softly.

“No, momma, I mean home home.”

Elanor stared down at John for a second, then looked closer to the computer screen, finally seeing what was on it. “No, we have, we have too much to do here.”

“Momma, you have plenty of days saved up, and we could buy the tickets now, you could have plenty of time in advance to take off from work. You haven’t taken a vacation since you started working there, barely even a sick day.” Martha sighed softly, reaching for her mother’s hand. “I think it’s what you and John need. Look at you both, you’re tired, you don’t sleep. John gets up and paces, you do the same. You both aren’t eating enough, aren’t sleeping enough.” Martha shook her head. “You need to go home, you need to see abuela.”

Elanor sat down softly next to John, chewing on her lip. “How would we pay for this?”

“I have money,” John told her.

“Mijo, I don’t want you to spend money like this,” Elanor sighed.

“No, no, momma, it’s okay. I promise.” John gently touched her arm. “I need to go, you do too.”

Elanor sighed. “Not two weeks, we should leave on Wednesday of the next week, not Monday of the week after, I can’t take that long off work, and neither can you.”

“I dunno, I be swimmin’ in hours,” John chuckled.

Elanor gently kissed John’s temple. “Bueno mijo.” She looked up. “Martha, go to sleep. You need it.”

“Will you two be okay?” Martha chuckled.

“We don’t sleep anyway.” John scooted over to where Martha was sitting so Elanor could sit closer to the laptop. “Buenos noches, hermana.”

“Buenos noches. Te amo.” Martha waved a bit before walking down the hall.

Elanor gently rested her head on John’s shoulder. “You are the best oldest son I could ask for, you know that?”

“Am I the favorite?” John chimed.

“Aye, you know I love all my children equally.” Elanor chuckled. “These look like the cheapest tickets. Do these dates look good?”

John nodded, taking the computer and beginning to type in his banking information to buy the tickets. “I have money in savings, been saving for a couple of years now. Nine hundred bucks isn’t all of it.”

“And what do you plan on doing with these savings, hm mijo?” Elanor teased.

“I told you, I’mma buy you a house.”

Elanor paused. “John, I know you talk a lot about that, but really, honey, you don’t have to. I’m fine living here.”

“Yeah, well maybe I’m not. Maybe I don’t wanna see you livin’ in a Brooklyn apartment for the rest of your life. You deserve better.” John looked over at his mom.

Elanor softened, gently patting John’s shoulder. “I already have the best I could get with a son like you.”

John chuckled and made the final purchase, then sat back, sighing. It wasn’t all his money, no, not even close, but still, he had never spent that much money all at once, and the feeling was a bit new for him.

“You should invite Alex.”

John’s brows creased. “Momma, no, it’s fine. I mean, I don’t wanna-”

“If you  _don’t_ want him to come, then that’s fine, but if you do, I would like you to. Alex is family, and he deserves to know where his roots are.” Elanor patted John’s leg. “You see him tomorrow and ask him if you want. Come to bed now.”

“I got, I got one more thing to do,” John shrugged. “I promise, momma, I’ll go to sleep.”

Elanor sighed, standing up. “My children will be the death of me.”

John chuckled, grabbing his phone and keys and walking out of the apartment. He wasn’t going anywhere, just needed to have a bit of privacy. The only place you could get that in an apartment with five other people was the hallway, so John sat down against the wall, scrolling through his contacts until he found the one he was looking for. He pressed call, sighing a bit.

“Hello, this is Richard, I can’t make it to the phone right now, so please leave a message.”

The dial tone beeped and John began talking. “Hey, I wish I knew how you been. I really haven’t heard from you for a couple of months. I’m not gonna lie, you kinda fucked me up from that last text, but you know momma, she always shows me how to forgive.” John paused, thinking about the awkward message his father had sent, asking John to not talk to him as much. “Look, I know you don’t really…” John shook his head. “Something bad happened, real bad. Me ‘n’ momma, we gon’ be headed back to Puerto Rico for a minute, at the beginning of June. We leave June first, we gon’ get back June tenth. And I know, I know you ‘n’ I don’t really talk, but you always, you always make momma happy when you call her, and if you wanna come to meet us in Puerto Rico, you know, you could, if you wanted to.” John paused. “Look, I ain’t askin’ for me, just so you know. Don’t worry, it ain’t gon’ be like you fillin’ a fatherly duty or somethin’, this just be for my momma.” John sighed. “Yeah, anyway, that’s it. June first to the tenth, you remember where my Abuela’s house is. Yeah, bye.”

John hung up the phone and sighed, leaning his head back. He didn’t know why he even bothered with the man. It wasn’t worth it. It had never been. John knew the only reason he ever did anything to help out was for his Mom.

Elanor Laurens had quite an effect on people. When they weren’t blind with rage and abusive tendencies, Elanor was nothing but an angel. It seemed that every man she met would fall in love with her. She wasn’t particularly gorgeous by most standards. Grey-brown hair, brown skin adorning some smile lines. But she was intoxicating. She had a smile like no other and a personality that could hypnotize.

John got up, sighing and walking back inside. He got to his room and curled up on his bed, closing his eyes for the first time in far too long and falling asleep.

-

“Do you wanna go to Puerto Rico with me?”

Alex’s head whipped up. “I’m sorry?”

“Apology accepted.” John smiled smugly.

“Wait, hold on, back up, did you just ask me to go to Puerto Rico with you?” Alex leaned forward over the library table the two of them were doing homework together.

“I did,” John nodded. “June first to the tenth. I already got the tickets bought. You should come.”

“John, if this is a family thing, I don’t want to intrude. I know where dating, but I also know how important family is to you, and-”

“It’s just me and my mom, and she thinks you should come, and I do too. If you can’t, that’s okay ‘n’ all. You know, I don’t wanna make you go, but I think you should, and I would like you to.” John looked down at his homework for a second. “I just, I would really like you to come.”

Alex paused, then pulled out his laptop. “Do you remember which flight you were on?”

John nodded.

“I’ll try to get the same one.” Alex typed in the dates and location to Google flights. “Was it American? This one? At three?”

John nodded.

“Maybe we’ll get seats together. You did get economy, right?” Alex was entering his information.

“Yeah, I did.”

Alex pulled out his wallet. “This is complete impulse, but I’m doing it because I am completely and utterly in love with you.”

John laughed, leaning back in his chair. “I love you too, shawty.”

Alex sighed and pressed a button. “Okay, I bought a ticket. Same flight. Maybe we’ll get a seat together, or nearby, but if not, it’ll be okay.” Alex leaned back. “You are a bad influence, you know that?”

John tilted his head back, chuckling. “Maybe so.”

Alex paused. “How’s lawyers?”

John shrugged. “One of my sister’s profs bein’ a real OG, helpin’ us out for cheap cheap cheap.” John looked at Alex. “It’s stressful. You don’t just walk away after killin’ a man, but you know, shit’s like, it’s obvious it was a last resort. I dunno, it’ll be okay.”

“It will,” Alex nodded. “When’s the court date?”

“This Friday. I’m finna show up late ‘cause I gots finals, but it’ll be a’ight.”

“Jesus, I couldn’t imagine taking finals with something like this hanging over my head.”

John laughed. “AIn’t the first time I gotta.”

Alex reached forward and took John’s hand. “Well, it’ll be okay, no matter what.”

John smiled softly. “Yeah, gorgeous, I know.”


	30. Puerto Rico

****“Aye, John, stop tapping, you’re making me nervous,” Elanor huffed.

“Goin’ anywhere fun?” Asked the cab driver.

“Home. Well, not home, but home,” John answered, continuing to tap his heel on the felt floor of the car.

Elanor reached over and placed her hand on John’s knee. “You need to take a deep breath.”

“I’m just nervous, momma. I mean, what if, what if, what if something happens, and the plane crashes, and we all die fiery deaths?” John asked, tapping his other foot.

“Then I will not have to scrub toilets in upper Manhattan anymore,” Elanor joked. She shook her head when she saw the look of awe on John’s face. “Aye yi yi, mijo, do not take things so seriously.”

“How could I not? We’re about to get into a tin can that’s being slingshotted from one end of the country to the other.” John began fiddling with the hem of his jacket. “I’m nervous!”

“Here you are, folks, JFK.” The cabbie pulled to a stop in front of the airport.

“Thank you,” John nodded, handing the cabbie some cash. It wasn’t too much since it was just from the station a couple of blocks away, but neither of them wanted to walk. They hadn’t gotten much sleep last night, and John had to run out to the only available corner store at three am to get pads for an emergency at home. Poor Martha.

“Where are we meeting Alex?” Elanor asked.

“He said he’d meet us right by where you print out the tickets near where you check baggage for Delta,” John answered.

“Is he checking baggage?” Elanor asked.

“No, I asked him ahead of time, he just is meeting us there.” John cracked his back, sighing. “Fuck, I’m hungry.”

“¡Idioma!” Elanor gasped.

“¡Inglés!” John shot back in a whiny tone.

Elanor rolled her eyes, then smiled, sticking her hand up. “Hola! Alex!”

Alex, from where he was standing, turned and waved to them, smiling brightly. He looked like he was used to traveling, and he knew what he was doing. Red basketball shorts, ill-fitting and worn leather jacket that he had pushed up to his elbows, over a white shirt. Leather bag slung over his back, and a small suitcase behind him. He looked casual and gorgeous.

“My love, my life,” John sighed, pulling Alex into his arms and pressing a small kiss to the younger man’s temple. “Te amo.”

“I love you too, John,” Alex chuckled.

“Alex, thank you for coming.” Elanor pulled him into a hug, kissing his cheek. “I’m so glad you could make it.”

“Well, who better to go to Puerto Rico with than my boyfriend and his mom?” Alex chided.

Elanor chuckled. “Do not worry, I will give you boys plenty of alone time. I will want to spend time with my mother.”

John chuckled as he typed in their names for the tickets. “Oh, Abuela, she gon’ tug on me like she did last time?”

“She just may, John. You’re the only one of her grandchildren who had cut off a part of their body, she will want to make sure nothing else has been altered without her knowledge.” Elanor smiled lightly, taking the ticket from John.

“With all due respect, why does she need to know what John does with himself?” Alex piped up.

“Aye, she’s a crazy old Jewish woman, she likes to know if we are undergoing any surgery or anything so she can pray for us.” Elanor chuckled. “When John started his T, she would call him every Saturday on the dot, just to pray that he transitions safely. It was very sweet. Us Jewish people, we do not pray unless we are worried, and I could tell she was worried for John, just because she wanted him to become everything he wanted and no less.”

“That’s… sweet.” Alex smiled. “I don’t think I’ve had anyone pray for me.”

“That gon’ change. She gon’ take one look at your scrawny ass ‘n’ be like ‘Lord! Help me save his soul!’” John threw his hands up, using his old lady voice.

“Johnathan Elanor Laurens, you hush up,” Elanor chuckled. “Can’t believe the son I’ve raised sometimes.”

“Me neither,” Alex laughed.

“You both hella mean to me,” John grumbled as they got in line. “Wow, TSA be just as bad at noon on a Monday.”

“Ugh, I hate flying out of JFK because of all of this, this and LAX are the worst airports. Thought, Newark sucks as well, and anything in Alabama.” Alex leaned against John lightly. “I’m really looking forward to this trip. I haven’t been back to that area in… well, it’s been a really long time. Over a decade.”

Elanor patted Alex’s shoulder. “Well, you’re going to love my mother’s town. It is beautiful, especially now.”

The TSA line went by slowly, as it did in JFK, and soon enough, they were traveling to their gate. John was about to pull a snack out, but Alex suggested against it since the pigeons in the airport had gotten all too good at swooping down and taking some for their own. The found their gate though, and this time, no fear, John took out a snack, just some chips, and began munching on them.

“You nervous?” Alex asked.

“Don’t get him started,” Elanor muttered.

John whined. “Why you guys so mean to me?” He ate another chip, then jumped a bit. “Oh! Alex, what seats you got?”

“I got the aisle seat in row twenty-eight,” Alex mumbled, looking down at his ticket. “You?”

“Me ‘n’ my momma in… row twenty-five, damn.” John was a little nervous, just because he hated airplanes, and he would’ve liked to sit near his boyfriend. “Maybe a row will open up?”

“Always a possibility.” Alex chuckled. “One time, I was flying alone, back from Cali, and the row right across from me had no one in it, so I moved to that row, stretched out, and slept the whole fight.” Alex gently took John’s hand. “I love you.”

John smiled. “I love you too.”

Alex leaned in, gently kissing John, which was quickly cut off when John gasped as he heard his chip bag being crumpled for a second. Alex pulled away, giggling as he shoved a Dorito into his mouth.

“Bastard, using my own weakness against me,” John scoffed.

Alex, paused, chewing on his chip. “What’s the grossest food you can stomach? Like, what do you love, but anyone else would think is disgusting?”

“John likes raw oysters,” Elanor ratted.

Alex’s face scrunched up. “ _What_?”

John laughed. “They’re good!”

“Gross!” Alex laughed.

“My momma likes sardines,” John pointed out.

“Wow, you two are too much.” Alex chuckled. “I like raw tomatoes.”

“Nasty.” John shook his head. “You know, the only way tomatoes s’posed to be, it’s cooked ‘n’ in a nice big ‘ol bowl of rice ‘n’ beans!” John tilted his head back, smiling. “I cannot  _wait_ for Abuela’s cookin’! Oh, Lex, you gon’ love it. It’s so good. She be the best cook in the world. Mm, momma, I can’t wait for the rice pudding, the leche frita, mm.” John rubbed his stomach. “Oh, ‘n’ she makes the  _best_ empanadas, plantains, oh! And the pasteles, mofongo.” John was practically salivating.

“John loves his Abuela’s cooking more than he loves his Abuela.” Elanor chuckled a bit. “She always feeds him well though. I swear you will never see John eat more than he does at his Abuela’s. My momma is a good cook though. I swear, I always gain weight on those trips.”

Alex patted his stomach. “What’s a few more pounds?”

“More to love,” John replied, leaning over and kissing his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Mi bebé tiene un culo gordo.”

Elanor gasped, smacking John on the back of the head. “¡Asqueroso! ¡Yo soy tú madre!”

“Wait, what did he say?” Alex asked.

“Nothing worth repeating.” Elanor crossed her arms. “You boys are intolerable. A daughter wouldn’t be this gross, no chance.”

John laughed, tilting his head back. “I guess that’s how I knew.”

About half an hour went by, and soon enough, they were lining up to get on the plane. John was almost shaking, his palms sweating, his knees shaking a bit. He felt sick. He was very nervous, but Alex took his hand and kissing his shoulder, making him feel a bit better.

“Deep breaths,” Alex told John, handing the lady his ticket.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” John shot back quickly.

Alex gave him a look.

“First off, my bad.” John handed the lady his ticket, then they both waited for John’s mom and began walking down to the place. John was definitely nervous. Adrenaline was pumping through his body. He was gripping Alex’s hand tightly, feeling quite nervous. Alex looked relaxed, as did Elanor. John was the only one who didn’t really have much experience with planes.

They got on the plane, and John was physically shaking. Elanor could tell and gently reached up, placing her hand on John’s upper back, rubbing it. John and Alex kissed goodbye when they got to John and his mom’s row.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay. We had a higher chance of dying on the way here.” Alex rubbed John’s arm. “I’ll be right here. Nothing is gonna happen.”

John groaned. “I know, I just, I’m nervous, hella.” John pecked Alex’s lips. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Alex responded.

John sat down in his aisle seat, shoving his backpack under the seat in front of him and leaning back, nervously tapping his fingers on the armrest.

“Mijo put on your headphones and lean back. This will be a long plane ride, and it will just be longer if you do not rest.” Elanor touched her son’s hand. “Things will be fine.”

“I’m still nervous,” John mumbled.

“What about?” Elanor asked.

“Everything.” John closed his eyes. “What if Abuela doesn’t like Alex?”

“Well, no matter how little she likes him, she’ll like him more than your old girl,” Elanor chuckled.

John rolled his eyes, smiling. “Don’t I know it.”

John didn’t often believe in miracles, but when the doors closed and the window seat in their row was still open, he knew some greater power had heard him. Elanor smiled at John, and without thinking, scooted over into the window seat. John moved his bag to the middle chair and then turned around, finding Alex.

“Yo, ma!” John whisper yelled. He didn’t get Alex’s attention the first time, so he sighed, turned out of his seat a bit more, looked around, and then said, “John Laurens is only a New York six!”

Alex whipped his head up. “He’s at least an eight!”

John laughed, finally getting Alex’s attention. “Ma, we got a seat open. C’mere.”

Alex’s brows shot up. “Really?”

“Yeah, shawty, get ya fine ass over here.” John jumped when he caught the glare from a mother and a giggling toddler. “My bad, my bad.”

Alex grabbed his bag and got up, quickly walking down the aisle to John’s row. He was about to sit down, but stopped and smiled. John and his mom were looking at him, smiling, and Alex couldn’t believe how happily his heart swelled. They were his, dare he say, family.

“Guys, before I sit down, can I take a picture of you two?” Alex asked.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” John nodded.

Elanor leaned forward a bit so John wasn’t blocking her, and offered a big smile.

Alex pulled out his phone and quickly snapped a few photos before sitting down, shoving his bag in front of them. “You two are adorable.”

“Aye,” Elanor chuckled, waving her hand dismissively. “Alexander, my mother is very very Jewish, and she will most likely take us to synagogue, so I just would like to warn you.”

“I’m happy to go,” Alex chuckled.

The flight attendants began to talk about safety procedures and Alex pulled out his headphones, sighing a bit.

“Ain’t you gon’ listen?” John asked Alex.

Alex shook his head. “I’ve heard it a million times.”

“But…” John shook his head, pulling out the safety pamphlet and following along with the presentation.

Alex snuck a picture of that before leaning in and kissing John’s cheek.

It was a ten-hour flight, and each person had their own thing to do. Elanor read her book, one of the few she brought. She knew she was going to get plenty of reading done on this trip, as she usually did. John drew in his old sketchbook, mainly Alex, but also had a quick sketch of a flight attendant.

It was ten at night when the group arrived in Puerto Rico. Luckily, New York and Puerto Rico were in the same time zone, so no adjustment was needed. They got off the plane and into the air-conditioned airport. Elanor was obviously tired but pulled out her phone.

“Is Abuela here?” John asked.

“I’m calling her, mijo,” Elanor shushed. She waited a few seconds, then smiled. “Hola, momma.” Elanor paused. “Sí, acabamos de bajar del avión. ¿Dónde estás?” Another pause. “Está bien, estaremos allí. Te amo, nos vemos pronto. Adiós.” Elanor hung up and looked up. “She’s in the luggage area. She has a sign and everything. Let’s go.”

“I’m a little nervous to meet her,” Alex admitted. “I want her to like me.”

“She’s just like my mom but much more Jewish. So, I guess, the only difference is she’s louder? Sometimes she speaks Hebrew.” John chuckled. “She’s gonna feed you ‘til you pop.”

“Just what I need,” Alex joked.

“Aye, nothin’ wrong with a little junk in ya trunk, baby.” John grabbed a handful of Alex’s ass, smiling a bit. “Es sexy.”

“John,” Alex scoffed, shaking his head.

“You boys behave. I do not want my mother getting a heart attack. You talk louder than you think, John Laurens.” Elanor rolled her eyes. “I trust you, Alex, more than I trust John.”

John gave her an offended look as they went down the escalator to the luggage area. “Momma, you know I’m an angel.”

Elanor nodded sarcastically. “Totally.”

The group walked into the luggage area. Elanor glanced around the crowd and then smiled. It was always easy to spot her mother. The colorful sheitel, the bright colorful clothing. Elanor remembered wearing a sheitel when she was married, but she took it off once she split from Henry.

“Momma!” Elanor called out, smiling and quickly walking over to her mom.

“¡Mi hija!” Elanor's mom smiled, running over and hugging Elanor. It was a sweet reunion, neither of them having seen the other in just shy of six years, so they were very happy to see each other. Elanor's mother, Mary, let go of her daughter and looked to John. “Mi nieto. ¡Usted es tan guapo! ¡Mirate!” She held John at arm's length. “So big and strong, like an ox!”

“I missed you, abuela,” John smiled, pulling her into a hug.

“Your hair! It’s all gone!” Mary ran her fingers over John’s hair. “I miss it.”

John smiled. “I do too.”

Mary pulled John into a big hug. “Te amo, te amo. Te amo con todo mi corazón.”

“Yo también te quiero,” John replied.

When Mary pulled away, she had tears in her eyes. “Now, won’t you tell me who this beautiful boy standing behind you is?”

“Mi novio, Alexander Hamilton,” John introduced.

“Aye, look at him!” Mary held him at arm's length, then embraced him. “Needs more meat. So do you, all of you, in fact. I send my family to America expecting them to become fat and healthy, but they come back like twigs! Aye yi yi, no, this will not do. I have food at home, let us go.” Mary shook her head, leading them all out. “All of you look starved! Why do none of my children eat? The Lord was telling me you were not in good health, and now I see it.”

“Aye, momma, we just move a lot,” Elanor chuckled.

“Too much,” Mary huffed. “My power just came back on, from Maria. We are blessed every day for that.”

They got outside and John let out a long breath. “I am home, baby.”

It was a ninety-minute drive from one side of the island to another, but soon enough, the streets got more familiar, the graffiti more recognizable. It was obvious this small barrio town of Emajagua had been hit with Maria, and they were still recovering. Half the street lights weren’t even on. But it was still beautiful.

John rolled down his window and breathed in the air. “You smell that, Alex?”

“Did you fart?” Alex asked.

John snorted. “Nah, baby, you smell the fresh air comin’ in?”

Alex nodded, staring at John with loving eyes in the dark car.

“That’s the smell of your home, my home.” John laughed lightly, finding Alex’s hand with his own. “Ain’t nowhere in the world as beautiful as Puerto Rico. Not Brooklyn, not South Carolina, nowhere. Ain’t nothin’ gon’ come even close to this place.”

Alex smiled softly, pulling John’s hand up to his lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too, gorgeous,” John smiled.

“Alexander, tell me about yourself. How did you meet my grandson?” Mary asked, looking in the rearview mirror.

“Oh, we go to school together, and we started hanging out this year, and we kinda just started like, dating.” Alex shrugged. “I dunno, he was really sweet, but for the record, I liked him way before he liked me.”

“Legit,” John snorted.

“And Alex, tell me about yourself,” Mary requested.

“Uh, I actually grew up about two islands over, on Nevis. I moved up to Brooklyn when I was eleven, almost twelve, after my mother died, to go live with my cousin, and I guess I’ve been there ever since.” Alex shrugged. “I haven’t been back here since I moved, I’m going to be honest with you.”

Mary shook her head. “It’s good you are back. Never forget your roots. We are almost home, and Elanor, there is a surprise for you.”

“Aye, momma, I do not need a dog. You cannot just use me as an excuse to get a dog,” Elanor laughed.

“Oh, yeah, my Abuela has an unreasonable amount of dogs.” John laughed. “She sent us a picture of her and all her dogs sitting in her sister’s bathtub during Maria, and here, hold on, I think I have it.” John pulled out his phone and found the photo album with all his Puerto Rico esque photos. He pulled up the one of his Abuela and her four dogs, sitting in the bath. “See.”

“Oh my God, I love that,” Alex laughed. “Those are the cutest dogs ever.”

“They’re ugly,” Elanor corrected.

“Aye! Not my babies!” Mary gasped.

“Ugly, stink dogs,” John agreed.

“No!” Alex gasped. “Babies!”

“Stinky babies,” Elanor huffed.

“I invite you into my home and you insult my dogs, monos.” Mary smiled as she pulled into the driveway. “Este bien, everyone out, get your luggage. I made up two guest rooms, so John, you and Elanor can share, and Alex can have his own room.”

The car was quiet for a second.

“Momma, John is an adult, and so is his boyfriend, they’re allowed to-”

“¡Estoy bromenando!” Mary laughed.

John and Elanor laughed, Alex was still confused. “What did she say?”

“She’s kidding,” John translated.

“Ah, okay, because like, I would definitely miss you.” Alex laughed a bit, getting out of the car. “It is like, the perfect temperature.”

“Wait, Alex, listen, do you hear that?” John asked, opening the trunk to get his luggage.

“Hear what?” Alex asked. “I don’t hear anything.”

John let out a happy sigh. “Exactly.” He grabbed his bag, but momentarily forgot which one of his shoulders worked, and instantly dropped it on the driveway, holding his arm. “¡Mierda! ¡Hijo de puta!”

“Johnathan Elanor Laurens!” Mary gasped.

“Mijo, what happened?” Elanor asked, coming back around the car.

“Fuck, just, my arm.” John picked up the bag with his other arm. “Hurts.”

“Why does your arm hurt, nieto?” Mary asked.

“Tore my rotator cuff all the way, and it was already kinda messed up before that,” John answered, moving his shoulder a bit as he grabbed his other bag. “Just tender.”

“Come, let us go inside, I will put ice on it, and get you some food. It probably hurts because you don’t have enough meat on your bones,” Mary huffed, grabbing Eleanor's bag.

“Momma, you don’t have to…” Elanor watched as her sixty-year-old mother swung the bag over her shoulder effortlessly. “Okay.”

“The women here are…” John smiled, remembering being here as a horny seventeen-year-old. “Wild.”

“We’re still dating,” Alex reminded as they walked up to the front of the house.

“Lo sé, lo sé,” John chuckled.

They all walked inside, laughing a bit. John almost ran straight into his mother when she stopped. John looked up to see what she was staring at, then looked right back down, chewing on his bottom lip.

“Richard,” Elanor breathed out.

Richard smiled, tilting his head. “Hey, Ellie.”

Elanor was quick to jump into his arms. He was about a head taller than her, so her toes barely graced the ground as they embraced. Mary, knowing John’s awkward relationship with Richard, pulled him into the kitchen, along with Alex.

“You boys must be very hungry. I will cook you something.” Mary pulled an ice pack out of the fridge and handed it to John.

“Abuela, it’s late, you don’t have to,” John assured her, though the stomach grumble than came right after directly contradicted him.

“Do not think that just because I am an old lady, that I must sleep early. As you get older, you sleep less, and I am happy to be here.” Mary pulled food out of the fridge. “I was very surprised to hear that you invited Richard, John Laurens. I know he is not your favorite.”

“He makes my momma happy,” John replied simply.

“I’m sorry, this is bad timing, but who is Richard?” Alex asked.

“Uh, he’s my daddy,” John shrugged, pressing the ice pack to his shoulder. “You know.”

Alex paused, then nodded. “Ah, okay.”

“So, Alexander, how is John treating you? He is a joder chico sometimes,” Mary chided.

John scoffed, laughing.

“He’s being nothing but an angel,” Alex laughed. “No, uh, he’s been really great. It’s really nice to like, I dunno, be apart of a family again, I guess.”

“Oh, I thought John said boyfriend, I didn’t know he popped the question,” Mary chuckled. “Where’s the ring? Did you take it off for the plane? I do that too.”

“Oh! Oh, no, no, John hasn’t, he didn’t, we’re not, uh…”

“Ain’t got a ring yet,” John chuckled. “Ain’t asked yet either.”

“Do you plan to?” Alex asked slowly.

John thought, then nodded. “I do like you, hella. So yeah, if shit keeps goin’ smooth, then I prolly will.”

“You two do seem very good together,” Mary chuckled, pulling out a big bowl and putting probably the largest serving of rice and beans that Alex had ever seen into it. She set it down with a fork in front of John and John instantly dug in. She made a much more human-sized serving for Alex, then put some sprinkle cheese on the table. John, while still eating, put the cheese on his food, mixing it in. Alex had to watch John eat for a second. He was surprised at how quickly someone could put away food like that.

“Aye, John, don’t choke,” Elanor commented, coming into the kitchen with Richard. “We just got home, we do not want to be going to the hospital.”

“The hospital is barely functioning,” Mary commented. “But hopefully, we get a new, better Governor. Hopefully, Wanda will help us repair our cities.” Mary shook her head. “I hope Ricardo falls into the ocean and does not get out.”

“Momma!” Elanor gasped.

“Nah, Abuela’s right, he was on some K2 or some shit,” John pointed out.

“Hey, John,” Richard greeted.

John offered a nod, then went back to eating.

John’s boyfriend looked up at the man, smiling a bit. “I’m Alex, I’m John’s boyfriend.”

Richard shook Alex’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Alex replied.

Eventually, everyone got finished eating, and they were all taken to their rooms. Richard was going to sleep on the couch, but Elanor quickly invited him to stay with her. John and Alex got to their room and unpacked a little bit. John opened the window and made sure the screen was tightly in place before beginning to strip down to nothing.

“John!” Alex laughed. “What are you doing?”

“I can’t sleep with clothes on here,” John chuckled, taking off his boxers and shorts, leaving him in nothing. “It’s too hot.”

“It’s hot in New York but you still wear clothes when you sleep,” Alex pointed out.

“I don’t leave the window open in New York,” John shot back.

Alex was about to say something, but the door opened and in walked John’s Abuela, without even knocking. Alex didn’t mind, he was lying on the bed in a pair of shorts, but John was absolutely buck ass naked. He quickly bent over and grabbed his tee-shirt, using it to cover his crotch.

“Abuela!” John shouted.

“Why are you wearing no clothes? You have not wed this boy! Why aren’t you wearing pants? John Laurens!” Mary shouted back.

“Momma!”

“Elanor!”

“What on earth is going-” Elanor jumped, walking into the room. “John! Why are you naked?”

“Because I was finna go to sleep but Abuela walked in without knocking!” John replied.

“Elanor, tell your son he is not allowed to fornicate before marriage! It is something that is meant for two married people! I do not care how pleasant Alex it, John is still a man of the lord,” Mary huffed.

“Momma, John’s an adult, and he can do whatever he wants,” Elanor sighed. “You forget your own child is an adulterer.”

“I’m proof of that, Abuela!” John gasped.

Alex was laughing a little bit at the situation. Three generations of Laurens’, one of them naked, all standing and arguing. Alex couldn’t help but pull out his phone and snap a picture. John’s cute little butt was in it, so Alex made it his screensaver, just because.

“Momma, John never wears clothes when he sleeps here anyway. The walls are very thin, so if John is going to do anything with his boyfriend, he will have to know that his mother is hearing the whole thing.” Elanor turned to her son. “Would you like me to listen to you having sex with your boyfriend?”

John shook his head. “No, no, don’t even wanna think about it. Gross, gross, gross, ew.”

“It’ll be fine, momma. John is responsible, do not worry. I do not think he would do anything under your roof.” Elanor patted John’s shoulder.

“Yah, that’s too weird,” John shuddered.

“Alright see? Nothing to worry about, momma.” Elanor grabbed her mother’s arm. “Goodnight, John. Goodnight, Alex.”

John closed the door and then locked it. “My family be fuckin’ crazy.”

“That was cute,” Alex chuckled. “You got a cute butt, John.”

John turned out the light and found his way to the bed, lying down and cuddling next to Alex. “Just for the record, I totally didn’t mean what I said. I’m more than willing to fuck under this roof. You brought the strap on, right?”

“Of course I did,” Alex nodded.

“They’ll be gone tomorrow morning, they always go out for walks, so let’s sneak in a quickie in the morning, a’ight?”

Alex laughed, finding John’s face and kissing it. “I love you.”


	31. Bodak Yellow

“Ah, ah, ah!”

Alex slapped John’s thigh gently. “There go, baby, yeah, yeah, just like that, there we go.”

John bounced on the strap on, gasping for air. Every time Alex’s hips were brought up to meet his, it was like the air had been knocked out of his lungs. Alex was ruthless, and God, it was better than Laf, it was better than Herc, it was better than anyone.

John mom had come into their room about seven in the morning, telling them that she and her mother and Richard were going to go eat breakfast with some old friends, asking them if they wanted to come. John had replied with a drowsy no thanks, and Alex was still asleep. They two of them woke up for real about half an hour later, and decided to take advantage of the empty house, and maybe try something new.

So, here they were, Alex on his back, one hand gripping the headrest behind him, the other on John’s hip. John was on his knees, bouncing on the strap like his life depended on it. It was hot, neither of them could lie. They had never switched positions like this, but they both were enjoying it. Alex remembered Laf telling him how hot it was to have John ride you, and oh Man, Laf was right.

“Mm, my beautiful boy, there we go, fuck,” Alex grunted, feeling the vibrations from the strap on in just the right places for him. “Fuck!”

“Ah, Ah, Lex, I’m gonna, I’m gonna, oh fuck!” John curled over, burying his face in the crook of Alex’s neck, continuing to grind his hips against the strap on. A sob escaped his chest as he came, twitching and shaking. He felt like he was going to pass out. “Fuck.”

“Baby, are you alright?” Alex asked softly.

John reached back, turning off the vibrating part of the strap on so he could stop twitching so much. “Fuck, yeah, I am, I just… I need a second.”

Alex gently rubbed John’s back, smiling softly to himself. He did that. He got John to come  _so hard_ that he couldn’t function for a second. That was something to be proud of.

John sat up, wiping his cheeks and taking a deep breath. “Shit, fuck. That was good.” John got off the strap on and helped Alex take it off, before placing himself between Alex’s head, kissing the younger man’s thighs. “We gotta do that more often, hella.”

Alex nodded, sighing as he ran his fingers through John’s hair. “God, I love you.”

John smiled at Alex. “I love you too, Ma.” John planted a kiss, right above Alex’s clit. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, Imma boutta be eatin’ the finest breakfast in Puerto Rico, ‘n’ I can’t have ya lovey-dovey in my head while I got down on it.”

Alex laughed, tilting his head back into the pillow. “You’re so stupid, John Laurens.”

“Stupid for you, Hamilton.”

-

When Elanor, Mary, and Richard got back, John and Alex were in the kitchen. John was heating up some food while Alex sat and watched John subtly dance to the music on the radio. Mary was quick to push John aside, insisting he wouldn’t do it right. John Laurens, sitting down. His short sleeve button up was undone, showing off his tan chest and surgery scars. Alex wasn’t that bold, so he just had on a tee shirt and some shorts on.

“How did you boys sleep?” Elanor asked, pulling out a pitcher of sweet tea and pouring some for herself.

“Like rocks,” John answered. “God, I forgot how nice it is to fall asleep to the ocean. Gorgeous.”

Alex chuckled. “It reminded me of growing up, living on Nevis.”

“My island boy,” John smiled, nudging Alex.

“So, what’s the schedule today, Mrs. L?” Richard asked, leaning against the counter.

John almost despised how similar they looked. Richard was mixed, so you could see the freckles on his face that almost mirrored the freckles John had. The face shape, high and obvious cheekbones, hazel eyes, full pink-brown lips. Even their ears. Both had ears that stuck out just a bit too much.

Alex noticed this too but didn’t say anything. He knew how John felt about Richard, and knew it was best to leave it be.

“Well, John, you remember Iesha? And he daughter Sophia?” Mary asked.

“Hell yeah I remember Sophia, finest chick on the Puerto Rican island,” John laughed. “Got a face that’d make Atheena jealous and a body that’d follow suit.”

“No filter, this boy has, I swear,” Elanor huffed.

“Well, we’re going over to their place for lunch, and I don’t wanna hear about you humping no girl on this trip, you got yourself a man,” Mary insisted, putting plantains and more rice and beans in a pot for John, and then some in a bowl for Alex. John was quick to begin eating, relishing in the taste of the food.

“Gracias, Abuela,” John nodded.

“Thank you, Mary,” Alex chuckled.

“Aye, you are family, Alexander. I’m Abuela to you as well.” Mary patted Alex’s head. “And you are much nicer than that other girl.”

“Abuela! I’m tryna have a nice meal,” John huffed. “We gotta bring up my exes every time we eat?”

“Meanest girl I had ever met! I saw the devil in her eyes, I swear,” Mary huffed, putting on some coffee. “This is why I tell my John, if a girl that dark has hair that straight, she ain’t no good, mmmm. Playin’ a white man’s game.”

“Abuela, some girls in America do it so they can work, it’s not like here,” Elanor reminded.

“Bah, you are all cowards up there! If I ever find out Martha or Mary start straightening their hair, I’ll fly to Brooklyn and snip it all off!” Mary threw up her hands. “I’d rather have a bald child than a child who rejects their beautiful Puerto Rican hair.” Mary shook her head. “All these girls, straightening their hair, for what? For  _what_? To win at a white man’s game? You Americans, you do not take action in what is needed. You say to yourselves, you go, ‘they will change, they will care about us.’ No, they will not. Freedom was never given willingly, it was taken by force. You think us Puerto Rican’s expected Ricardo to just leave? No! We go out, we protest! We fight! You Americans, so weak.”

“We once straightened John’s hair as a joke,” Elanor pointed out, changing the subject so Mary doesn’t get on too much of a tangent.

Alex turned to her. “I will pay you physical money to see pictures.”

Elanor pulled out her phone. “You don’t need to pay me, it’s my job to embarrass my son, and I wouldn’t be doing a very good job if I required something in return.”

“Momma!” John gasped. “Don’t show him that!”

Before John could block his view, Alex stood up and leaned over Elanor’s shoulder to see the photo. Alex saw it and instantly burst out laughing. “Send that to me! Please!”

“Wait, does my momma have your number?” John asked.

“Of course I do, mijo. Alex and I discuss recipes and send each other photos of dogs we see throughout the day,” Elanor laughed.

“Hey, speakin’ of dogs, where yours been, Abuela?” John asked.

“Oh, they’re in the backyard, but I’ll go let them in,” Mary smiled, going to the back of her house.

“Prepare for the tidal wave,” John commented, smiling as Alex sat back down. A few seconds later, about five dogs ran in the kitchen, barking, and yipping. They were all the ugliest dogs anyone had ever seen. Some were missing chunks of hair, others were fat, some had underbites, some were missing the majority of their teeth altogether. John’s favorite, a three-legged deaf mutt, jumped straight up into his lap, licking his face and barking. John laughed, petting the coarse fur. It was an ugly dog, bug-eyed, rough fur, patches of bare skin from being in fights before Mary adopted him, but John loved it.

“I’m in heaven,” Alex decided, petting whatever dog would come to him.

“It seems every time I come here, there are more dogs,” Richard commented.

“Oh, you know my mother. If it’s ugly, she loves it,” Elanor chided, leaning against the man a bit.

“Must be why she loves me,” John smiled proudly, trying to ignore how sick the closeness between his mother and Richard made him feel.

“Aye, John, if you were ugly, you wouldn’t have been able to land Alexander,” Mary chuckled lightly.

“He probably could have,” Alex admitted.

“Yeah, Alex thinks Benedict Cumberbatch is hot, that show he gon’ always think my ass is hot,” John laughed, earning a smack upside the head.

Elanor rolled her eyes. “Boys.”

-

John didn’t know how it happened, but on their way back Iesha’s house, they all stopped at the store. They insisted that John could stay in the car, but brought Alex, which meant it was just John and Richard, sitting there in awkward silence. They both knew Elanor and Mary had planned this, just to maybe try and get John and Richard to clear some awkward air, but it wasn’t working. John had instantly pulled out his phone, trying to focus on anything besides the obvious, but it was blatantly there.

“You know, John, you’re allowed to talk to me,” Richard started.

“Am I?” John looked up from the backseat, making eye contact with him through the rearview mirror, where he sat in the front. “Thought I was doin’ that too much, since, you know, you ain’t actually my dad, in your words.”

Richard sighed. “Are you gonna hold onto that?”

“Yeah,” John nodded.

“John, you can’t just ignore me the whole trip, we’re staying in the same house. I know I haven’t been the best dad, but-”

“No, you don’t get this, you haven’t been a dad, period.” John laughed and shook his head. “I don’t, I don’t care. It ain’t your thing, whatever. I ain’t gon’ ask you to just lie to me and say you’ve given half a shit about me at all.”

“John, that’s not true,” Richard huffed.

“You ain’t given me a fuck of a reason to believe otherwise.”

“What about all the money I’ve sent you, your family?” Richard asked.

“What about all the money you haven’t sent just ‘cause we ain’t ever asked for child support, huh?” John shook his head. “You don’t get it, you don’t. I know you don’t, ‘cause you grew up with a Poppa and a Momma, you ain’t ever had to fight for that shit.”

“We can’t just be at each other’s throats,” Richard pointed out.

“Then how about you just leave me the fuck alone?” John suggested. “You was doin’ a great job of it before.”

Richard was about to say something else, but the trio that went into the store came out. It was obvious they were stocking up on food since John was around. They put stuff in the back and then got in. Alex could tell John was off, so he gently grabbed his hand, leaning his head against John’s shoulder.

John smiled, closing his eyes. He rolled down the window and let his arm hang out, feeling the warm air against it. There was still the awkward air in his chest, but he tried to ignore it. Tried to let it go.

When they got back to the house, John was quick to convince Alex to slip on some swim trunks and head to the beach with him. They quickly applied sunscreen, grabbed a bag with food and towels, and then walked through John’s Abuela’s backyard to get to the beach. It was hot out, but not too hot. John found himself kicking off os flip flops and running right into the ocean, swimming out a bit before riding the waves back into shore, dripping wet. Alex had laid out a towel and was lying back on his elbows, watching John. John came back onshore, lying right down in the sand next to Alex, not caring if his back was coated in the rough substance.

“Baby, when we rich doctors, let’s you ‘n’ me buy a vacation home here, ‘n’ one a year, we take a month off and just come here, and relax.” John closed his eyes. “I love it here.”

“Why don’t you want to live here?” Alex asked.

John paused, thinking as he put on his sunglasses. “It’s like, if the sky was constantly in the mode of a sunset, constantly that beautiful, it would be harder to appreciate. If I was always here, I don’t think I’d love it as much.”

Alex nodded, lying back. “You seemed off in the car after we got back.”

“Yeah, I was.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

John shook his head. “Not really. Kinda just wanna lie on the beach with you in Puerto Rico.” John found Alex’s hand with his own. “Maybe get a little tan.”

Alex smiled, squeezing John’s hand and lying back.

The two stayed out there much longer than they intended to, but it was easy to fall asleep. The sun and the sand were just warm enough, the waves were perfect, there weren’t too many people. John woke up to the smell of his skin cooking. Not literally, but he could tell he was about to start burning, and Alex’s stomach was already a little pink, so the two of them got up and jumped in the ocean.

The two were about waist deep, waves coming in around them. John was hugging Alex closer to him, smiling. Alex pulled John into a kiss, both of them tasting the salty water on each other’s lips. It was getting close to sunset, and the sky was starting to change colors. The two boys found themselves sitting down on the sand, laughing a bit as they watched it go down.

“All the stars in the universe can be seen from a Puerto Rican beach,” John commented quietly as they stared up at the sky.

Alex smiled softly. “Still not as pretty as you.”

John laughed. “Not even close to you.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Boys! Dinner!” Elanor's voice rang through the beach. It was faint, but enough to make them stand up, gather their things and walk back. Elanor was smiling at them, leaning against the door. “You boys are covered in sand.”

“We been went in the ocean, ‘n’ then we went to the sand, so yah,” John chuckled.

Elanor held up the hose. “Arms up, kiddos.” She took the bag from Alex’s hand and sprayed them down, then handed them a towel. John was quick to pull down his swim trunks and then wrapped the towel around his waist. Alex followed suit, and both of them hung up their suits on the back yard gate before walking inside.

“You boys look pink!” Mary exclaimed, coming over to them. “Both of you, go upstairs, I will get you some aloe, and then you can spread it on your shoulders and wherever else it hurts.”

“Thank you, Abuela,” John smiled, pulling Alex upstairs. “Mi Abuela, she has an aloe plant in the backyard, and it’s huge. One leaf is about as thick as my arm.”

Alex laughed, shaking his head. “It used to piss me off so much that you would talk in Spanish sometimes, but now I just, I adore it.”

John laughed, drying himself off and finding a pair of basketball shorts to put on. He threw on an open Hawaiian shirt and then waited for Alex, who threw on a tee shirt and pair of clean shorts. The two of them went downstairs and sat down in front of the huge aloe vera leaf, sliced in half.

“You boys, don’t use it sparingly, I have plenty more, and not much can be done with the leaf once it’s sliced in half,” Mary informed them. “Also, use it on your chests, it has lots of vitamin e, to help with scars.”

“Gracias, Abuela,” John nodded, just using his hand to scoop some of the pulp and juice. He slipped off his shirt and got to work rubbing down his arms and chest. Alex took off his shirt and did the same.

“You see, John? Alex is the only person out of you four that looks healthy,” Mary huffed. “A skinny healthy, but healthy nonetheless. Look at you!” Mary came over and poked John’s collar bones, as well as the place where his sternum was. “I see too much bone on you, too much muscle. You need body fat. More of it. Your tummy does not even really fold when you sit, it’s just the skin.” Mary looked up. “Elanor, feed your child.”

“Honestly momma, he eats every day, lots of it too. We all just move a lot because of work and transportation.”

“I can vouch for them, New York is a place where you’re on your feet a lot,” Richard chuckled, coming into the room with his hair wet and a towel around his neck. “Not a lot of breaks.”

“Aye, why you live in New York is beyond me. Too much money, too many people. You know what happens when you get blackout? People die. People on trains give birth.” Mary began setting down mass amounts of food on the table. “Now, you boys, it has been much too long since you have eaten. You are all burnt and starved.”

“Gracias, Abuela, muy gracias. Esto se ve muy bien.” John smiled, putting a tamale on his plate.

“Por supuesto, nieto. Te comes, lo necesitas,” Mary chuckled, rubbing John’s head.

John took a big bite of his tamale as he served himself up. “Alex, I know you're a vegetarian, but I really think you gotta make an exception. Mi Abuela makes the best of everything.”

“You’re sweet, but I’m gonna have to stay strict to my diet,” Alex laughed, grabbing a spoonful of rice and beans, as well as a bean enchilada. Alex poured himself a glass of coconut water. “Mary, I really love the food you make. I feel like… I feel like I’m back at my momma’s house. She would always make food like this when she wasn’t working.”

“What did she work as?” Mary asked.

“Hotel maid,” Alex answered. “She was a hard worker, worked herself into the grave, actually. She was a good mom. Always tried to make it to things, and would make up for it if she couldn’t.”

“What happened?” Elanor asked softly.

“We didn’t have very good medical service on the island at the time. Maybe if changed now, I don’t really keep up with it, but uh, both her and I got the same flu and it was, it was bad.” Alex shook his head, feeling grateful when John’s hand took his own. “I made it, but she just, didn’t.”

“I’m so sorry, Alexander,” Mary offered.

“It’s okay.” Alex looked up, offering a smile. “I know she’s been with me since then. She sends me good things in my life.” Alex looked at John for a second. “And without her, I wouldn’t be here.”

“Well, we’re glad you are here,” Elanor nodded, reaching over and patting Alex’s thigh. “Now, eat up. You’re the only one of us who Mary doesn’t pester to gain weight.”

Alex smiled. “I will.”

Dinner went by, and soon enough, they were all sitting on the back porch, throwing a ball and letting the dogs chase after it. John had a beer in his hand, smiling as he and Alex sat on the edge of the deck, kicking up a little bit of sand. John finished off his beer and sighed. “I’m gonna get another. I’ll be right back.”

“Can you get me one?” Richard asked.

“No,” John replied, walking into the kitchen. He got himself a beer, and then a Sunny drink for Alex. It was  _not_ that disgusting brand of Sunny D, no, this was Sunny, a brand only down here, which made the best juice in the world. John would be having one, but he needed to maintain a steady buzz to be around Richard.

John was about to walk out, but Richard walked in, sighing and running his hand over his short hair. It was just a bit curlier than John’s.

“John, can we go for a walk? Talk maybe?” Richard asked softly.

“Nope,” John chuckled.

“John-”

“It ain’t my job to spare you from the consequences of ya own actions.” John shrugged.

“Doesn’t it mean anything to you that I’m trying now?” Richard asked.

“It would if it was five years ago, but I’ve given up on you, I’ve given up on this. I don’t care anymore.” John let out a bitter chuckle. “You was doin’ a good job at bein’ a dick. What changed?” John brushed passed him and back outside.

Elanor gave him a look. “You doin’ anything tonight?”

John paused, staring at her, then laughed. “Wow, c’mon, Mom, you supposed to be on my side. You can stop sending him after me.”

Elanor sighed. “John.”

“Nah, les’ drop it, a’ight?” John sat down, handing the drink to Alex. “I’m havin’ a good night.” John sat down next to Alex. “Are you having a good time?”

“I am,” Alex chuckled.

John leaned in and kissed Alex’s cheek. “Good.”


	32. Back In The Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back In The Day by Erykah Badu is probably the best song you will ever hear

“Alex, hun, you mind if I steal my John for a second?” Elanor asked, leaning against the doorway to the living room where the two boys sat, playing an intense round of Uno.

“Yeah, of course, he’s kicking my butt at Uno anyways, so I might need a second to just, you know, accept the loss that’s coming towards me,” Alex chuckled.

John leaned forward and pecked Alex’s lips, then stood up, stretching. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” Alex leaned back on the couch, sighing.

John walked out of the living room, following his Mom onto the front porch. She sat down and then patted the seat next to her. John sat down, leaning back and looking over the setting sun. “Whas’ up?”

“I wanna talk to you about Richard.”

John shifted uncomfortably. “Why?”

Elanor thought for a moment. “It’s not hard to see that you have been very angry with him throughout this trip, John Laurens.”

“I ain’t been angry,” John put out. “I just, he pissed me off you know, and I’m a’ight with just avoiding each other for the rest of the time. I invited him, Momma! I knew what I was signin’ myself up for!”

“By inviting him, you signed yourself up to be civil, which you haven’t been.”

“Oh, so I gotta be civil to him? What happened to him tellin’ me to fuck off over in February, huh? What happened to him leavin’ you? What happened to the past twenty-four years? Why do I owe him my respect?”

“John, you don’t know the whole story,” Elanor sighed.

“What? He got you knocked up, left you, and jacked off while you raised not only me but all my siblings too?” John scoffed.

“John, enough. I am your mother, you need to filter some of the things you are saying right now.” Elanor gave him a stern look. “You don’t know the full story.”

“Then what is it?” John asked. “I’m twenty-five, I feel like I should know more ‘bout my life than I do.”

Elanor took John’s hand. “John, Richard and I, it’s always been complicated. When I found out I was pregnant with you, I knew it was his. Henry and I, he hadn’t… I just knew. He told me, flat out, he told me he would drop everything, he told me he’d help me divorce Henry, buy a house for the two of us, settle down, stop traveling. He told me he’d be with me, and only me. And I told him no.”

John whipped his head over. “Why?”

“Because I thought things with your father would work, I thought he wouldn’t notice, I thought-”

John accidentally cut her off, laughing. “You had a kid with a black guy, ‘n’ you thought your white husband wouldn’t notice?”

Elanor smacked John’s arm. “Aye, I was barely twenty. You cannot blame me.”

John shook his head. “So you just, you said no?”

“I did,” Elanor nodded. “Richard was not the one to seal my fate, I was. John, I know you think he left you, I know you think he did not care, but he did.” Elanor swallowed hard. “I hurt him very much the day I told him I didn’t want him to be apart of your life.”

John stared at his lap. “So this all, all of this, all of…” John shook his head. “What the fuck.”

“John, I know you might be mad,” Elanor started. “But you have to understand that it was a different situation. Things were different.”

“Okay so, so, so I spent the first fourteen years of my life being  _tortured_ by your ex-husband because I wasn’t his, and you didn’t tell me who my real dad was until you basically had no choice to, and then,  _then_ you let me believe that he didn’t care about me?” John stood up. “What kind of… why would you do that?”

“John, it was complicated,” Elanor defended, gripping the chair tightly.

John let out a long, slow breath. “That’s bull, ‘n’ you know it.” John shook his head. “Nah, nah, I ain’t, I don’t wanna…” John closed his eyes, feeling them burn. “That ain’t fair.”

“John-”

“Nah, lemme, lemme cool off.” John nodded to her a bit, then walked inside. Mary and Richard were at the table, talking quietly. Richard looked up at John, obviously noticing how tense he was. John ran his hand over his hair, letting out a loud breath.

“Are you okay?” Richard asked.

“You wanted to talk to me? Let’s talk.” John went to the living room. “Lex, I’m goin’ on a walk. I’m gon’ be back in a few, a’ight?”

Alex looked up. “Are you alright, babe?”

“Not at all, but I’ll tell you ‘bout it later,” John said.

Alex nodded slowly. “Alright.”

John got on a baseball cap and waved at Richard to follow him out the back door. Richard and John walked through the backyard and to the beach. John was practically shaking. He felt like his whole life got turned upside down. He believed that Richard didn’t give a crap about him from the moment he was born for  _so long_ , and now, now he was realizing that it was his mom who told Richard to stay away.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” John asked in a low tone, staring at the sand as he walked.

“Tell you what?”

“Oh, I dunno, maybe that my mom had been lying to me my whole life! That you would’ve been there if she let you?” John threw his arms up. “Literally any part of that!”

“John, it wasn’t my place to tell you,” Richard sighed.

“That’s bull! You’re my father!” John turned to him, stopping the walk. “But I don’t know why I even care! Did she make you tell me to back off too? Huh? Did she make you ignore me for months on end, finally texting back with some sorry excuse that you were busy?”

“John, maybe talking to you hurt me!” Richard exclaimed. “Did you ever think about that? You’re not the only one this situation brought anguish to! Do you think I liked knowing I had a  _child_ who was calling someone else dad? No!”

“Ten years ago! That ended ten years ago!” John laughed sarcastically. “You’ve had ten years to come to me, to say you want to be in my life! Ten fuckin’ years!” John ran his hand through his short hair. “Ten years I hoped ‘n’ prayed that you would step up!”

“Step up? What about the thousands upon thousands of dollars I’ve given to you, to your mother, your family! I’ve paid for kids that aren’t even mine!”

“Money ain’t shit! Money ain’t shit! You ain’t  _ever_ been there for me! You ain’t ever been a dad for me!”

Richard threw his arms up. “It was hard when your mother was pushing me out of the picture! I had to  _beg_ to be able to text you.”

“You begged, ‘n’ then what? You just fuckin’, you never reply! You tell me I text you too much, I text you once,  _maybe_ , every three weeks! Besides, you a grown-ass man!  _I’m_ a grown-ass man! I been grown for over six years now, ‘n’ my momma’s opinion of what I do with myself don’t matter  _nearly_ as much as it did! You think I wouldn’t have loved to see you, to get to know you? Hell, to even get a fuckin’ birthday card every once and a while?”

“John, it hurt me too-”

“Well, it didn’t have to!”

“You’re only thinking of yourself in this situation, there were other things at play! Things I couldn’t control, things your mother couldn’t control!” Richard let out an angry sigh. “John, not everything was as easy as you make it out to be.”

“What’s not easy? What’s not easy? Hoppin’ on a plane and spendin’ a few days in Brooklyn every now and then? Textin’ back? Maybe trying to show me that you’ve cared at all? I mean, fuck! What did I do that was so wrong, huh? Are you embarrassed to have some illegitimate tranny dyke of a son? Huh? Is that it?”

Richard held up his hands. “John, you know that’s not true, don’t come at me saying I’ve been anything but supportive when it comes to this. I was happy when I found out I had a daughter, and still just as happy when I found out he was my son. I have never been ashamed of you.”

“Then why the fuck didn’t you ever talk to me?” John yelled. He was mad, he was unreasonably mad. He couldn’t quite pinpoint why, but at least he was able to argue about it instead of walking on eggshells so his mother wouldn’t have a panic attack.

“Because you have this idea of what I’m supposed to be! The kind of father I should be, and I’m not that! I’ve never been that! You romanticize things, John!” Richard explained.

“Oh, fuck, sorry, I forgot that I wasn’t allowed to hope that maybe my father would one day step up and we could be an almost family,” John laughed. “Since when is me wantin’ a father such a romanticization, huh? Since when is me wanting something in my life to not be so fucked up, just a fantasy? I’ve lived with the consequences to everyone’s actions for so long! Yours! My mothers! Her ex-husbands! I’ve lived with the constant fear that I’m gonna be just like him, or just like you! I don’t know which is worse! At least he cared enough to beat me!”

“John-”

“No! You get to spend your whole life, not worrying, not stressin’ about money, and meanwhile, I’m givin’ away any savings I have just so we can make rent! You pity us, but you don’t do shit! You don’t do fuckin’ shit!”

“I’m the only reason you’ve made rent sometimes,” Richard pointed out.

“Yeah, well fuck you for just not bein’ there!” John snapped.

“John, that’s not fair!”

“You wanna talk about what’s not fair? You wanna talk about what’s not fair? It ain’t fair that I had to protect my mom from her husband when I was six! It ain’t fair that I’ve been more of a parent to my siblings than a brother! It ain’t fair that I’m getting a major in something I only like just so I can get my family out of the hell hole we’re in now! It ain’t fair that I got lied to, basically my whole life. One lie after another and no one cared to ever fuckin’ tell me anything! It ain’t fair that I’ve had two fathers and not one dad! It ain’t fair that-”

“John-”

“No! You don’t get to talk! It’s my turn! It ain’t fair that, that-” John kicked the sand. “Fuck! I don’t know where I’m going with this!” He kicked the sand again. “Dammit!” In his anger, John sat himself on the sand, facing the ocean. “You don’t, you don’t get to talk about what ain’t fair.”

Richard sat down next to John. “I know.”

John hiccuped, feeling tears slide down his cheeks. “Nothing is ever fuckin’ normal.”

Richard nodded silently.

“I just…” John shook his head. “Why do I gotta fix this? Why do I gotta be the one that picks up the pieces of my family? That protects my siblings? That helps my mother? It’s not my job! I’m a fuckin’, I’m a fuckin’ college kid, I should be livin’ it up. Instead, I work six-hour shifts, five days a week, and I’m studying in a subject I wouldn’t have chosen in the first place.”

Richard looked over. “You don’t like med school?”

John shook his head. “I do, I do. It’s interesting, trust, and out of all the other careers that woulda made me money, this was first choice, but…” John laughed, his voice cracking. “I always wanted to be an artist.”

Richard nodded slowly. “I’m sorry things haven’t worked out.”

John shrugged. His shoulders began shaking, tears began rolling down his face again. A sob escaped his chest and hunched over, letting himself cry. Richard scooted closer, placing his arm around John’s shoulders to offer a bit of comfort, and then he let his son cry.

John didn’t quite know why he was crying. Sure, there were a million reasons, but he couldn’t pinpoint it on one. He didn’t stress himself, trying to figure it out. He leaned against Richard, shaking as he cried. His toes curled in the warm sand. It was ugly crying, for sure, but it helped.

“God, fuck,” John mumbled, wiping his cheeks. “So sick of feelin’ like shit about all of this.”

“Me too,” Richard admitted.

John looked up at him a bit. “We ain’t ever gon’ be able to make up everything we ain’t done. Ain’t no catch in the backyard gon’ fix this, trust.”

“I know.” Richard squeezed John’s shoulder. “I haven’t been the dad you deserved.”

“Nah, you ain’t.”

“Is it too late to try?” Richard asked.

John paused, thinking. He watched the waves, sighing heavily. “Nah, it ain’t.” John let out a breath. “But it can’t just be this time, I ain’t gon’ beg you to be my dad. I ain’t askin’ for the world, but maybe you come ‘n’ visit every now ‘n’ then, keep in touch. Step up.”

“I will,” Richard nodded.

John sighed, rubbing his face. “I don’t wanna go back in yet. I’m still hella pissed at my momma.”

“She didn’t… you know she was just doing what she thought was best, what wouldn’t hurt you,” Richard defended lightly.

“That worked out good,” John snorted.

“John, parents are, they aren’t always perfect, you know that. Your mom isn’t perfect, she was young. Things were difficult.” Richard squeezed John’s shoulder. “She didn’t know what to do. We can’t blame her.”

“I just don’t get it.” John shook his head. “We coulda had it all, coulda never fuckin’ went through all that shit. I coulda had a fuckin’ normal childhood, coulda lived a goddamn life.”

“You would’ve stayed in South Carolina, you would’ve had maybe,  _maybe_ , one sibling, would’ve never lived in Brooklyn, would’ve never met the friends you have, would’ve never met Alex.” Richard shook his head. “Does the bad really outnumber the good that much?”

John paused, then smiled, shaking his head. “Yeah, you right.”

“At least I can give you some advice,” Richard joked.

John sighed. “Havin’ a family is hard.”

Richard nodded. “It is, John.”

Meanwhile, back inside, Alex watched telenovelas with Elanor and Mary. He didn’t know what was going on but tried to laugh or gasp whenever Elanor and Mary would laugh or gasp. He was in the midst of setting up his Duolingo account when John and Richard came back in. John gently kissed his mother on the cheek before sitting down next to Alex on the couch, placing his chin on the younger man’s shoulder.

“You good?” Alex asked.

“I am now,” John assured him.

The night went on a little longer, until John pulled Alex outside, snickering to himself. Alex was awfully confused until John pulled out a baggie with some joints in it. Alex gasped, smacking John’s arm as John pulled two out.

“Where did you get that?” Alex asked.

“A’ight, so, you remember when we was over at Iesha and Sophia’s house, ‘n’ me ‘n’ Sophia snuck off for a second?” John asked.

“And I had to kiss you to see if there was pussy on your breath,” Alex deadpanned.

John laughed, leaning back as he stuck a joint in his mouth. “Yah, well, don’t trip, we didn’t do anything-”

“Mm-hm.”

“Baby! You know I ain’t boutta do ya dirty like that!” John nudged Alex. “You real shit for me. Shawty was just a fling.”

Alex rolled his eyes, smiling. “I know.”

“Well, anyway, baby girl knew I been wantin’ green, ‘cause I texted her last night, askin’ her if she could get some green ‘n’ we could meet up. Anyway, ‘cause her mans grows pot ‘n’ sends it over to his buddies in the US of A, she had it hella quick, ‘n’ just was givin’ it to me, yah?” John lit up his joint. “She was a real baddie though, trust.”

“Oh yeah?” Alex laughed.

“Yah, ain’t got no meat though. No thighs, nothin’ on either half. She too skinny for me.”

“I’m seriously wondering if you have a chubby kink,” Alex laughed.

“I got a type!” John defended. “Look, you laugh, but lemme tell you somethin’, Lex. There ain’t nothin’ hotter than the way love handles look when ya jeans too tight. The way ya thighs bulge around the top of them thigh high socks you got. The way ya belly folds over ya jeans just a bit, ‘n’ went you stretch…” John tilted his head back. “Fuck, baby. I just love the way you look.”

“I used to have a boyfriend who would do nothing but hassle me about my weight, so I gotta say, this is a bit of a nice change,” Alex laughed.

“If anyone ever bothers my baby ‘bout his weight, I’m gon’ fuckin’ fight them.” John let the joint hang in his mouth. “You watch me, gorgeous, I’m gon’ just-” John punched the air. “Show em who the king of Brooklyn really is.”

Alex tilted his back, laughing. “You’re so fuckin’ stupid.”

“Yah, stupid for you,” John replied.

“Johnathan Elanor Laurens!”

“Oh shit.”

Mary came out onto the backyard, yielding a wooden spoon. “Are you smokin’ pot under my roof?”

“Abuela, it ain’t technically  _under_ ya roof, ‘cause we outside, see?” John reasoned.

“¡No necesitarás que Dios elija cuando te vayas, porque yo elijo, y elegí ahora mismo!” Mary came out, wooden spoon above her head.

John screamed and jumped up, narrowly dodging the spoon. “Momma! Help!”

“Oh good Lord, what is going-” Elanor cut herself off when she saw John being chased around the backyard by the dogs and Mary. “Oh, Christ, Momma! Momma! Don’t you hit my son!”

“He brings drugs into my home, I hit him!” Mary yelled back.

“God, those are really the people we love, aren’t they?” Richard sighed quietly, coming out onto the deck.

“They are,” Alex nodded, laughing and lighting up his joint.

“I’d be careful with that,” Richard chuckled. “You think she won’t come after you because you’re not blood, but one time I was visiting because I was down in Puerto Rico for work, and I pulled out a cigarette.” Richard shook his head. “I meant death that day, and it was in the shape of John’s Abuela.”

Alex subtly put out the joint, chuckling as he watched John get knocked over by a dog. “Should we help them?”

Richard watched Elanor pull the wooden spoon from Mary’s hand before she could get a hit in. “Nah, the Laurens’ have always been able to handle themselves. Elanor’s saved my ass from Mary a few times, she knows what she’s doing.”

Alex paused, watching John hold up a dog for protection. “God, he’s such an idiot. My idiot.”

Richard chuckled. “Probably got that from me.”

“Yeah, probably.” Alex stared out at John, smiling a bit. “You know, I don’t know much about what goes on with you and John, but I just… you’ve really missed out. John’s a really cool person.”

Richard nodded, sighing lightly. “You’re right Alex. He is.”


	33. Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rosh HaShanah is in 22 days and I am PUMPED
> 
> Also, second to last chapter

****It was the last day in Puerto Rico. Alex and John were walking down the street, sipping rum out of concealed cups and munching on empanadas to wash back the taste. Alex, since he didn’t drink much, was quite giggly, while John held himself, walking through the streets with Alex, just looking around. It was hot out, and John felt like his flip flops were going to melt to the street. It was ridiculous.

“Aye, yo! Is that my man, John Laurens?”

John looked up. “Aye!”

“Aye!”

“Aye!”

A guy got off his deck and bro hugged John, laughing. “ _Man_ dude, it’s been a motherfuckin’ minute, huh?”

“It has, man, shit. You lookin’ fuckin’ bomb as shit! You still livin’ ‘round here, huh?”

The guy nodded. “Aye yo, you know it, baby. My lady is in the house, you come in, let’s fix you up somethin’ to eat, huh?” The guy put his arm around John, leading him inside, Alex in tail. “Who’s ya friend?”

“This my mans, Alex. He a baddie, trust. He got a whole ass under them shorts.” John laughed when Alex smacked his arm. “Nah, we met up in New York. He came down to meet Abuela.” John looked to Alex. “Lex, this is mi primo, Jaun White. He’s related to me through…” John thought for a moment. “Juan, how are we related?”

“A good fuck sesh between my Papi ‘n’ ya auntie,” Juan answered, pulling John and Alex into the colorful but small house. “Aye yo! Mami! You never gon’ guess who I found crawling the streets!”

“Was it one of our children?” An African accent called back.

“Nah, Mami, it was John! ‘N’ he got a mans now too!” Juan called back, laughing.

A woman walked into the living room area, totally topless, with a two-year-old on her hip, breastfeeding. She was very tall in comparison to Alex and John, with large thighs, stomach coated in stretch marks, and a round face, hair shaved close to the scalp. She smiled brightly when she saw John, coming closer and kissing his cheek.

“Sannu!” She hugged Alex as well, kissing his cheek. “My name is Tauraruwa, but you call me Ruwa since that’s much easier.” She stuck her head back into the kitchen. “Yara! Ku zo ku sadu da Yahaya!”

“What’s she speaking?” Alex asked.

“Hausu,” Juan answered. “My wife is from Nigeria, and she knows the beautiful language Hausu.” Juan physically swooned. “Aye, Mami, gimme a kiss, please baby, please baby.”

“Uncle Yahaya!”

A storm of children came running in and jumping on John. John laughed, holding them up by his arms, swinging them around, letting them climb on him. Alex had to pull out his phone and snap a picture of John trying not to spill his drink and drop his empanada, hugging the kids and laughing as they climbed all over him.

“You cut your hair, uncle Yahaya!” One complained.

“Oh, did I?” John laughed. “It’ll grow back, little Fure.” John held up a boy, one of the four kids surrounding him. The two-year-old was still breastfeeding. “Jarumi! You have grown so much! Look at you!” John looked over at Juan. “Buddy, I heard you had another baby? My momma showed me pictures! I wanna see!”

“Aye, Mami, where is Kane?” Juan asked. “Kane, that’s my boy's name. It means the youngest brother.”

“Momma, I’m hungry,” Fure complained.

Ruwa picked her up and put her on her other hip, letting her breastfeed as well. “Kane yana cikin dakin kwanciya.”

“Na gode,” Jaun chuckled. “Uno momento, John.”

“Si, si,” John laughed. He turned to Alex. “They have six kids.”

“Wow.” Alex nodded, looking at the kids. “This is crazy.”

“I would have six kids. I would have seven kids. I would have ten,” John admitted, laughing. “I want a big family. I want kids for  _days_.”

Alex smiled, imagining John as a father. “I could do that.”

“Uncle Yahaya! Who is this?” Fure asked.

“This is my boyfriend, Alex,” John introduced. “Alex, this is Fure, Jarumi, Mala’ika, and then the two with my girl, Ruwa, are Kyakkyawa, and Hankali.”

“And this is our baby, Kane. Means the youngest brother,” Jaun introduced, coming out with a small baby.

“Aye, lemme hold my nephew,” John laughed, reaching out. “Hola, bebe. Oh, muy hermoso, si si.” John moved closer to Alex, making sure not to step on any of the kids. “Look, baby, it’s our nephew.

Alex smiled softly. “He’s so cute.”

“Yo, John, why ain’t you ever get yo’self no African baby, huh? You always-” Jaun coughed, covering up a curse word he was gonna say. “You always date Americans, what’s that about?”

“Well, firstly, I live in America, ‘n’ secondly, Alex ain’t even American. He be comin’ from Nevis. He ain’t know no Spanish though, but he got a mouthful of French.” John grabbed Alex’s hand. “Baby, speak French to me, come on baby, speak French to me.”

Alex smiled sarcastically. “Tu es un chien et je ne sais pas pourquoi je sors avec toi.”

Ruwa’s booming laughter filled the air.

“Wait, what’d he say? What’d he say?” John asked.

Ruwa came into the living room, still chuckling, holding the two children on her hip as they fed from her. “I like you, Alesander. You seem like the man who will put John in his place.”

Alex smiled. “I try my best.”

“Papi, come in here, try my dinner, tell me what it needs,” Ruwa commanded.

“Uncle Yahaya, can you tell us a story of Burtaniya?” Jarumi requested.

John chuckled. “What do you wanna hear?”

“Wanna hear the one with Abuela and the taxi cab!” Fur requested.

Juan came out, Kane still in his arms. “Aye yo, babies, Mami finished cooking. Come get y’all’s juice.”

“Dinner!” Mala’ika screamed, running into the kitchen.

“John, Alex, you come serve ya’selves up, Mami made somethin’ that ya put in a bowl, ‘n’ it tastes good. Spicy as hell, but hella good. You gotta get ya sinuses cleared out ‘n’ shit.” Juan led them in the kitchen. “Smell that? That’s what happens when ya Nigerian wife mixes her culture with ya own. That’s… That’s fuckin’ good.”

“Papi said a bad word!” Fur yelled out.

“Papi can pay for that tonight when Mami doesn’t want to get out of bed to change Kane’s diaper,” Ruwa chuckled, scooping food into a bowl and handing it to Alex, with a spoon. She served up John, then pulled beer our for her husband, John, and Alex. John thanked her and they all walked outside to the table on the back porch.

“Thank you, Mami,” Juan smiled, sitting down.

“You’re welcome, Papi,” Ruwa replied. “So, Sander, you tell me how you and my cousin met, hmm?”

“Oh, we go to med school together,” Alex answered, a bit more comfortable since Ruwa had put on a bra now that she wasn’t breastfeeding. “He was in my introduction to healthcare class.”

Ruwa paused, taking a bite of her food. “When I heard Yahaya had gotten into med school, I no believe my husband. He tell me Yahaya got in, and I tell him to stop lying.”

“Hey!” John laughed, mocking offense. “Wa’s that for?”

“You are ridiculous John, you go around, you kiss girls you barely know, you party too much, I do not know how you do not catch anything. You are lucky you have no bumps.” Ruwa smiled, taking another bite of her food. “Alex looks like clean boy, you do not deserve him.”

“You hear that? You shouldn’t be texting me that freaky shit when you  _know_ I’m at my cousin’s house,” Alex chuckled.

“Still a playa!” Juan laughed, fist-bumping John. “You know, we gon’ have family circulating, baby. The cousins gon’ be comin’ over.”

“Aye, yo, which ones?” John asked.

“Sophia, Claudia, Gemma, Abuela Josephine, Ricky, and Casa,” Jaun listed, sipping his beer.

“Wow, lotta family,” Alex laughed.

“Baby, the Laria family is huge. You could meet half the people on this island and still have a cousin we left out,” Juan laughed.

“S’why Jaun went outta the country to find himself a girl,” John laughed. “Nah, nah, findin’ someone to hook up with was hella hard. I mean like, my family is pretty big ‘cause we all got that infidelity and shit sex education, so we just stretch across the island. Sometimes ya gotta be careful. She maybe ain’t look like a cousin, but you gotta trace it back to at least ya Abuela’s for a minute.”

“We’re not related,” Alex assured John. “My grandma was from Jamaica and my grandpa was from France.”

“A’ight, dope, ‘cause I didn’t wanna drop ya ass, shawty,” John laughed.

“Hola!”

“Claudia! You come get yaself some food! We are sitting in the back!” Juan yelled out, smiling.

“Momma, I want milk,” Jarumi complained, coming up to her.

“Did you finish your dinner, jariri?” Ruwa asked.

Jarumi nodded, smiling proudly.

“Okay, then yes.” Ruwa pulled her breast out of her sports bra as another woman walked out back. She was short, with thick thick thighs and long beautiful black hair. She was covered head to toe in freckles, much like John, and she had these perfect plump lips.

“Hola, familia!” Claudia smiled. “Hola, John, welcome home.”

John stood up and hugged Claudia, smiling as he kissed her cheek. “Claudia, I missed you. How are you? You look gorgeous.”

“Your New York accent is clunky, baby. You need to come home, spend some time here. Embrace your Puerto Rican heritage,” Claudia huffed, rubbing John’s chin. “Silly boy, you are no more city than I am Texas.”

John laughed. “You always tryna get me to come home. I’m happy where I am.” John stepped back a bit and put his arm on Alex’s shoulder. “This is mi novio, Alexander.”

“It’s good to meet you, Alexander,” Claudia chuckled, shaking Alex’s hand before sitting down. “God, it was too hot today.”

John sat down as well, laughing. “You live in Puerto Rico, what do you expect?”

“You and your novio are buzzed, and I can smell it. You sweat rum,” Claudia shot out.

John tilted his head back, laughing. “Maybe we are.”

Alex tapped John’s shoulder. “How old is Jarumi?”

“He’s about… he’s seven, yah,” John nodded.

“Why does Ruwa still breastfeed him?”

John shrugged. “Aye yo, Ruwa, why you still breastfeedin’ Jarumi?”

“You Americans are ridiculous,” Ruwa huffed, petting her son's curly hair. “In my country, we breastfeed sometimes until they are ten. You are all so weak. My body provides nutrients for my children, and I will allow my children to use those nutrients.”

“Won’t you run out?” Alex asked softly.

“Bah!” Ruwa wiped her son’s mouth and then covered herself again. “Where is your education? You say you are a doctor, and yet you do not know the first thing about my body. My milk is made as quickly as it is consumed. You American’s are ridiculous.”

“My wife has been breastfeeding since Jarumi was born, and will not stop until Kane is at least seven,” Juan chuckled. “I do not mind. It means she walks around the house topless.”

“Aye, such words while you hold our son. You give him here, he looks fussy.” Ruwa took the child and began bouncing him a bit, letting him suck on her finger. “Babies are much easier if you are not in a country where everything is bad. I know you all think Africa is poverty filled place, with the country after country ridden with war, but we are not. We are beautiful. We have rivers and oceans and forests and good food and art and music. Nigeria is just as pretty as New York.”

“S’where life started, Ruwa. You know we ain’t ever gon’ dig on our mother continent.” John smiled at her, reaching over and gently touching her hand for a moment.

“You are good American, John.” Ruwa smiled. “Sander, tell me something about yourself please.”

“Uh, there’s really not much to know,” Alex shrugged. “I grew up on Nevis, a little island south of Puerto Rico, and then when my mom died, I moved to Brooklyn with my cousin, and now I’m there.”

“You grew up near here? How was that?” Juan asked.

Alex shrugged. “It was nice, sort of. Me and my mom were living in poverty though. She was a hotel maid so we didn’t really live a good life. My father took off when I was just a kid, so me and my mom were just kinda, working on living alone. It was weird. My father, he was from Scotland, my mom was born and raised on the island. So he just kinda, went back. I dunno, it was a weird situation.”

“John, you picked right.” Juan laughed loudly, tilting his head back. “Alex, I am afraid you went through that because you were destined to end up with my cousin. No one in the family grew up normally. No one had the, what is it called, the…” Juan thought for a moment. “Yes, the white picket fence family.”

Alex chuckled. “Mm, well I’m happy to be with you guys.”

John leaned over and kissed Alex’s cheek. “We happy to be with you, shawty.”

Claudia leaned back, sighing. “Tell me, John, do you ever think you are going to move back here?”

“I don’t think so. I think once me ‘n’ Alex start workin’ and pullin’ in bank, we gon buy a little summer home here, but I couldn’t live here year-round. Not enough stimulation.” John laughed, sipping his beer. “Besides, I like Brooklyn too much. I got my own familia up there. Laf, Peggy, Herc, we got a whole group of people we vibin’ with, huh, shawty?”

Alex nodded. “We do, baby.”

The night went on, and Alex met more of John’s family. Alex was surprised by how hot all of them were. He found himself getting nervous, especially when John’s unreasonably hot cousin Ricky, smiled at him and complimented his eyes. Alex didn’t quite know how to handle this. John’s entire family was just… Gorgeous. It wasn’t hard to see where John got it from. All of them had beautiful eyes that ranged from a shade above black to gold. They were all very touchy and physical, and Alex realized that this was just how life was. He thought John was just a little weird because he was always giving hugs and kisses and was just a physical person, but then Alex realized that that was just what everyone in his family was like.

Eventually, it got too late, and people were falling asleep. Both Alex and John were a little buzzed, so they stumbled over themselves as they walked home. John had Alex hugged tightly to his side, and would occasionally sneak in a small kiss to his neck.

“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,” John chuckled. “You are my best friend, Alexander. You are my best friend.”

“John, you’re being silly,” Alex replied, laughing.

“Mm, I wanna marry you.”

Alex stopped. “What?”

“I wanna marry you,” John repeated.

“John, you can’t just say things like that,” Alex pointed out.

“Why not?” John asked. “Last time I checked, I’m an American, and I can say whatever the fuck I want.” John kissed Alex’s cheek. “I’m gonna marry you, Alexander Hamilton. Ain’t nothin’ you can do about it.”

“Oh?” Alex mused. “Nothing?”

John shook his head. “Nah. Look, you know, when I like someone, I really like them, and you know, you  _know_ I really like you. So, I hate to say this, Hamilton, but I’m gonna hafta marry you. We gon’ be walkin’ into the Riverfront Cafe, both done with a big day of doctorin’, and we gon eat an unreasonably small portion, because that’s how rich people eat, ‘n’ then we gon’ uh, like, I dunno, what do rich people do at those places?”

“Gossip,” Alex replied.

“We gon’ talk shit then,” John laughed.

Alex snorted and hugged John closer to him. “Sometimes, I wonder what I did to deserve someone as stupid as you.”

“Mm, you were a tight ass,” John stated. “If you ain’t ever met me, you’d still be way too tense to function like a person.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “You may be right.”

John leaned in closer and kissed Alex’s neck. “Now, we gotta be quiet. I don’t wanna wake my momma up. We gotta be up in eight hours so we can catch our flight. Come on, let’s be quiet.” John got to the front door of his Abuela’s house and quietly opened the door, then stepped in. “A’ight, we gots to be hella quiet.”

“Okay,” Alex whispered.

They were walking down the hall when suddenly, the door to the living room opened up and there stood Elanor. “You boys are home late.”

“We was at Jaun and Ruwa’s,” John whispered.

“Well, me ‘n’ your Abuela, and Richard are up, so come say goodnight.” Elanor dragged the two boys into the living room. “I found them. They were at Jaun’s.”

“That’s why they stink of cheap beer,” Mary laughed. “Come here, boys. Say goodnight.”

John hugged and kissed Mary’s cheek. “Goodnight, Abuela.”

“Goodnight, John,” Mary replied.

Alex leaned down a bit and hugged her as well. “Goodnight, Abuela.”

“Goodnight, Alex,” Mary smiled, patting Alex’s cheek.

Elanor hugged Alex next. “Goodnight, mijo. I’m glad you came with us.” She let go and huffed a bit. “You boys, you make sure you’re packed for tomorrow, alright?”

John nodded. “Alright, momma. I love you.”

“I love you too, go to sleep, get packed, we’ll see you both in the morning, alright?”

“We will!” John called out. He pulled Alex up to the room and sighed, flopping down. “Do you think you could be quiet enough if I strapped you right now?”

Alex shook his head, beginning to pack up the last of his things and stripping down so he could pack his clothes. “Come on, Johnny, we gotta packed up.”

John sighed. “You know, lotta my family been wantin’ me to move down here.”

Alex nodded. “I got that from eighty times you got asked to move down here. Why don’t you? You love it here, obviously. I mean, you call it home.”

“I got too much goin’ on up in Brooklyn.” John sighed. “I love it here, I do, but like, I love Brooklyn. Brooklyn is also my home. I got family and friends up in Brooklyn, I got school up in Brooklyn, and you know? I love bein’ there too. It’s where I became who I am. Maybe I’d move to Queens, like, because, but I’d never leave New York.”

Alex looked over at John and smiled. “You’re sweet, you know that?”

John smiled, shoving off his shorts and shirt, laying on the bed naked. “Yeah, I know. Baby boy, come here, come sit on Papi’s face.”

“John, oh my god,” Alex chuckled, zipping up his suitcase.

“No, baby, come here, come here. I want you to sit on my face. Please baby, please baby, please baby,  _please_.” John thrust his hips up a bit. “Come on, baby.”

“Did you have perky titties?” Alex asked.

John chuckled. “Yah, but they were low key kinda big. I had a D cup, but they were perky. I had porn titties. Laf would fuck them a lot before I got surgery. What about you?”

“I had ugly boobs,” Alex snorted, coming over and straddling John’s thigh, grinding down on it a little bit. “They were uneven, covered in stretch marks, the nipples pointed in opposite directions. They were weird.”

“Yah, but I till woulda motorboated them during sex,” John laughed. “Do you trim your pubes? They like, short.”

“Yeah, I don’t like them getting too long. It bugs me.” Alex reached forward a bit, curling John’s pubes in his fingers. “You don’t trim at all.”

“Nah, baby, all-natural, you know me.” John let out a grunt when Alex tugged on them a bit. “Hey panini, don’t you be a meanie.”

Alex threw his head back, laughing. “Did you just reference Lil Nas X?”

“Baby, you know I did. I love him. Kevin Hart bein’ a dick to him, for real, for real. It’s like a robber helpin’ you look for the thing they stole from you, dead ass.”

Alex nodded. “Can I sit on your face?”

John smiled. “Baby, baby, you don’t have to ask. Come here, fuck, baby.”

“Wait, which way should I sit?” Alex asked. “Like, should I turn around or…?”

“Yah, turn around.” John watched Alex turn around, then smacked his ass a bit. “Should I eat your ass?”

“No, that’s weird,” Alex huffed. “I don’t like it when people put their mouths on my ass. It feels weird.”

“A’ight, a’ight, back up baby, I’ll guide you, there we go.” John smiled and sighed. “Mm, just like that.”

Alex laughed, feeling John guide his ass a bit. “You’re so stupid.”

“Stupid for you.”

-

The ride to the airport was long. Mary was driving, Alex was upfront, while Richard, Elanor, and John were in the back. Richard was leaving today too, so the car was packed. John was lucky enough to get a window seat, so the slight hangover he was nursing could not be worsened by the stuffy middle where his Mom was currently sitting. John felt a little nauseous, but mostly tired, since he and Alex had stayed up far too late doing things that his Abuela would beat him for.

Mary pulled up to the airport and helped everyone get out. John knew he was about the cry, and his mother looked the same. It was always hard to leave his Abuela. He loved her so much, and he hated saying goodbye.

“Okay, you four, you travel safe. Do not get hurt. Drink plenty of water, and…” Mary huffed softly, obviously trying not to cry. “And you call, all of you.”

“We will, momma,” Elanor nodded. “You stay safe too. Don’t get hurt or nothing, alright?”

“Bah, I never get hurt,” Mary laughed. She then hugged Richard. “You keep in touch, not just with me, with John too.”

“I will,” Richard nodded.

“And you.” Mary held Alex by his shoulders. “You treat my grandson well, alright? He has a lot of family who aren’t afraid to fight for one another.”

“I will,” Alex nodded.

“You’re a good boy, Alex. I’m glad you and John found each other.” Mary kissed Alex’s cheek. “You make sure my daughter and grandson eat. You are the only one of them who looks healthy. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Alex nodded.

Mary came to John. “You stay safe. Stop being so reckless all the time. You have to keep yourself safe, baby, alright?” Mary brushed some curls out of John’s face. “Grow your hair out again. I miss it.” She hugged John. “Hold onto that Alex boy. He’s a good one.”

“I will,” John nodded. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Mary replied. “Okay, you four. You are always welcomed. Please come by any time. I will always have the space.”

“We love you!” Elanor called out as Mary walked back to her car.

“Los amo a todos!” Mary yelled back before getting into her car and driving away. John sighed, feeling tears well in his eyes. He knew his mother was right there with him, so he gently pulled her into his arms, feeling her shake a bit with a sob. John shook right there with her, crying. He was crying because he was leaving because his family was back on the other side of the island, because he missed them already.

Elanor, after about a minute, pulled away from the hug and wiped her cheeks. “Okay, we gotta, let’s go.”

John sighed and took Alex’s hand, walking into the airport. They got through security relatively quick and soon enough were slipping their shoes back on, sighing. Richard was flying back to New York with them but had a flight to catch over to Paris for work after that, so he wasn’t staying.

“Where  _do_ you live?” John asked. “I feel like you just constantly travel.”

“I have an apartment in Florida,” Richard laughed. “I don’t really go there very often though, because of work and whatever.”

“Gross,” Elanor muttered. “Florida is gross.”

“It is. I once came home to cockroaches everywhere. It was… Nasty.” Richard shook his head. “Florida is awful.”

John sighed. “I’m hella ready to be home. I miss the old apartment. The way we can hear the upstairs neighbor takin’ a shit, the way the water pipes creak like they finna explode, how sometimes the water smells like sulfur so we gotta get water from Laf’s place. Oh, don’t forget that one stain on the ceiling that keeps growin’ or somethin’.” John leaned back. “Gon’ be nice to be home.”

“Complain complain,” Elanor joked. “I miss my children.”

“Martha said they was doin’ alright,” John assured Elanor.

“Alright, well, still, I just want to hug my babies. You have no kids, John, you don’t know what it’s like to miss them so much.” Elanor sighed. “Next trip down, they need to come too. I missed them too much.”

John chuckled, bouncing his leg. “They do.”

They all boarded the plane, and it was surprisingly pretty empty. Alex and John ended up sitting together on an empty row, watching a movie Alex pirated onto his laptop. John was nervous, but at least he had Alex, stroking his hand as they watched It together. John sighed, playing with Alex’s fingers a bit.

“Hey, shawty,” John spoke.

Alex looked over. “Yeah?”

“I meant what I said last night.”

Alex snickered. “When you said you hoped that your cause of death would be suffocation from my thighs?”

“Well, yeah, but that wasn’t the thing I was referring to.”

“What were you referring to then, John Laurens?” Alex wiggled his eyebrows a bit.

John leaned in and kissed him. “I’m gonna marry you, Alexander Hamilton.”

Alex smiled softly, rubbing the bit of hair on John’s chin. “You promise?”

John sighed, trying to ignore the jolting of the train. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

“You’re so stupid, John Laurens,” Alex mumbled, pecking John’s lips.

John nodded in agreement. “Stupid for you, mi amor, stupid for you.”


	34. Hey Look Ma, I Made It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, last chapter
> 
> I'm gonna do another Lams (I shouldn't be, because of school, but I'm gonna), and it might be a little darker. No death though. I'm better than the Russo brothers. Anyway, enjoy. I'm really tired and hungry, but I was putting off eating until I finished this chapter and now it's 7 pm and I haven't eaten anything all day. I'm gonna get a burger. תהנה!

“We promised we wouldn’t do this anymore,” Alex mumbled quietly in the elevator next to John. “Just because we date and work together, it doesn’t mean we’re allowed to be unprofessional.”

“We don’t technically work together, Lex. You be in the main hospital part, the clinic part. I’m in the ER. We ain’t havin’ to sign no paper sayin’ we together because we technically ain't workin’ together.” John side-eyed Alex. “Besides, it’s not that bad. We can’t be the only doctors who sneak off to do this.”

“Still, John, it’s unprofessional, and frankly, we could get reprimanded for it,” Alex huffed, straightening his jacket as they walked out of the elevator and down the hall.

“Okay, well, if you wanna stop, you can, but I’m allowed to treat myself,” John smiled.

Alex rolled his eyes.

The two of them walked through the door, and then stopped, leaning against the railing and peering into the window. In front of them, rows upon rows of newborn babies. John sighed, watching the little babies squirm around, batting their little hands at the air, or sleeping soundly. John sighed, leaning his head against the window a bit. His hand found Alex’s as they watched the babies together. Maybe it wasn’t totally allowed, but God, it was nice.

John and Alex had been working at the Brooklyn Hospital Center for about three years. Their residency, which was spent at different hospitals, was over. Most people joked that they applied for the same hospital, but truthfully, they didn’t mean to end up working in relatively the same area. They both got interviewed from the hospital, and they both got the job. It was quite a scene, both of them realizing they were going to work in the same hospital, but they were happy to. Their schedules were crazy since the hospital was a twenty-four-hour hospital.

Alex worked in the pediatric section, and it wasn’t rare when Alex would cry into John’s shoulder on the subway ride home. He loved all of his patients, but a lot of them were kids with a terminal illness, and it hurt him to lose a patient. It hurt him more to tell a patient and their family that they weren’t going to make it. Alex couldn’t cry in front of patients, it wasn’t professional, but some cases would get to him so much that he’d end up curled up in the breakroom for a few minutes, crying.

His job was good too. He loved parts of it. He loved telling kids they were cancer-free. He loved telling them they could leave. He loved interacting with them. He was incredibly shocked at how funny kids could be in a hospital. It was ridiculous. Sometimes they would say something and he’d have to leave the room for a moment to laugh. It was unprofessional to laugh, but even more unprofessional to cry. During his twenty-four-hour shifts, Alex found himself going through a whirlwind of emotions.

John, on the other hand, felt like he never had a moment’s rest, except for food. He was on his feet for the whole twelve hours of his night shift. He wasn’t head ER chief, but he had aspirations for that job. For now, he was a regular ER doc, and it was wild. Working ER in Brooklyn was wild. People would come in bloodied, with broken bones John didn’t even think were possible to break. People would come in with their ears ripped off, with eyes popping out, with weird objects shoved up their ass. John’s favorite part of his job was passing off the homeless people with pube lice to the interns and residents. They would complain, and he’d quickly remind them that he went through the same thing four years before they did.

His least favorite part was when patients would come in, and they didn’t even have a chance. It hurt every doctor to hear the dull tone of a flatline. John hated losing patients, but he knew he wasn’t alone in that. Sometimes, on their dull train rides home in the early morning, when Alex and John would work on the same day, John would bury his face in Alex’s shoulder and cry with him. They loved what they did, but it hurt sometimes.

Their schedules didn’t always line up, but it was nice when they did. John only worked the nightshift, so around seven at night, a coffee would be brought for Alex, who was always dragging by then. Usually, around three, both of them could get twenty minutes to eat and, if they had time, wander into the nursery section to watch the babies, which is where they found themselves now, stomach full of hospital food, minds filled with CCs and streptococcus, and other things like that.

“I want a baby,” John sighed.

“Mm, what color?” Alex mumbled.

John looked over at Alex, brows creased. “Brown?”

“Great, they have them at Walmart in some of the shopping carts. How fast can you run?” Alex snickered.

John knocked Alex’s shoulder. “Shawty, don’t be a dick.”

“Don’t curse in front of the babies, John, they’re impressionable beings.”

John rolled his eyes.

Alex looked over at the man. “Do you really want a baby?”

John nodded. “Damn, baby boy, you been knew I been wantin’ a hella huge family. We could have like, I dunno, seven, eight kids.”

“Eight? Jesus Christ, John,” Alex laughed. “Maybe we should start off with one.”

John whined. “Baby, c’mon, I’m the only person in my family who been married for this long and hasn’t popped out a few hell raisers. By this age, my momma had had three kids, ‘n’ we ain’t even got one. I wanna baby.”

Alex chuckled. “Okay, then let’s have a baby.” Alex looked into the window. “How about that one? Ooh, it’s on sale.”

“I can’t tell if you be takin’ me seriously or not. You been always knowin’ I want kids Alex, ‘n’ if you put me off long enough, I’m just gon’ get one. You ain’t even gon see it comin’, ‘n’ then bam, I’m comin’ home with a kid.”

“I’m taking you seriously, I just want to remind you that we live in a small apartment and we haven’t taken any major steps towards adoption, and I know neither of us would get pregnant, or can, at this point. When was the last time you got your period?” Alex looked over at John.

“I was like, sixteen,” John laughed. “I been spent half my life without it.”

Alex nodded. “I dunno, we could figure something out.”

John paused for a second. “Alex, I need to fart.”

Alex burst out laughing. “ _What_?”

John shifted a bit. “I been holdin’ it since like… midnight. There someone comin’?”

Alex peered down the hallway. “No, you’re good.”

John sat in silence for a moment, then let out the loudest, longest fart Alex had ever heard. John had always been capable of being gross, and he was a kid at heart, so sometimes Alex would have to suffer through a dutch oven or a weekend of video games, but man, John’s extremes still baffled him after over six years of living together.

Alex’s head fell forward as he laughed. “John, are you okay?”

“I am now,” John nodded, chuckling still.

Alex shook his head. “God, you are so stupid, John.”

John nodded in agreement. “Stupid for you, shawty.” John jumped when his pager went off. “Fuck, I’m gettin’ buzzed. Gimme a kiss.”

Alex pecked John’s lips. “Have fun.”

“I always do!” John called out, jogging down the hall.

Alex sighed, leaning against the railing. “Dammit, I really did marry him, didn’t I?”

Alex and John had gotten married around the time they turned thirty. John had just gotten off his residency, while Alex had been working as a pediatrician for a year. It happened in Puerto Rico, in John’s Abuela’s backyard. The wedding was small, not too expensive, with good food and lots of families. Alex didn’t invite his side of the family but never had a chance to feel alone. Because he was becoming family, that’s how he was treated, like family. Some of John’s cousins had taken him out drinking one night and they ended up passing out on the front porch of John’s Abuela's house. The wedding was beautiful though. John was so eager to kiss Alex that the Rabbi didn’t even have time to pronounce them husband and husband, John just leaned in and kissed Alex.

The honeymoon was… Intense. They rented a little vacation home in Nevis for two weeks and spent most of the time in the bed, or the shower, or the kitchen, occasionally on the floor, and sometimes in the car they rented. John had never dreamed of a vacation where they didn’t constantly worry about money, but Alex’s paycheck covered it easily. Doctor’s made bank in New York.

The four hours in the rest of both their shifts went by, and soon enough, they were meeting in the hospital cafeteria, getting some food since both of them were ravenous. John got one of the burgers since they weren’t actually that bad, and Alex got a salad. The joke around the hospital was that John and Alex were like black and white. John was the reckless crazy ER doc who maybe wasn’t always the healthiest, and Alex was the quiet pediatrician who didn’t eat anything that wasn’t green or whole grain. Everyone knew how in love they were though.

“How was the rest of your shift?” John asked, taking a bite of his food. “Any crazy patients?”

“We’re not supposed to call them crazy,” Alex reminded.

“Yeah, we’re also not supposed to go stare at the babies,” John snorted.

Alex rolled his eyes. “She wasn’t my patient. She was an older lady, she ran into my section, and threw a clipboard at my face.”

John reached forward and brushed his thumb over a red mark on Alex’s cheek. “That what that’s from?”

Alex nodded. “I iced it. It’s fine. How about you?”

“How do I pick?” John thought for a moment. “Had a patient try to bite me. Oh, oh, that’s not the best part. Had this crazy patient, crazy neo-nazi type, prolly on acid. Got called a dirty jew and a heeb, and then when I was treating another patient, he was wheeled by, he started yelling about how I was a dirty Jew and couldn’t practice medicine.” John took another bite of his burger. “Fuck, this is a good burger. Anyway, he was fuckin’ crazy. We had to restrain him.”

“Jesus Christ, John, are you okay?”

John nodded. “Oh, yeah, nah, this ain’t the first time shit like this has happened. Usually, I just got crazier patients than the ones that hurl slurs at me.”

“I’ll kick their ass,” Alex huffed.

“Do no harm,” John reminded.

“Do no harm my ass,” Alex muttered.

John chuckled. “A’ight, baby, whatchu gon’ do? Headbutt their nipples?”

Alex kicked John’s shin under the table. “Hey, dick face, who pays rent so you can pay for your mother’s house, huh?”

John smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Alex mumbled begrudgingly. “Hey, do we got dinner with her tonight?”

“Breakfast, you mean,” John corrected. “We do. We really should prolly get home, try ‘n’ get sleep for the next couple of hours. When should we wake up?”

“Noon, we gotta sleep well tonight, because both of us have the next four days off, and we should be waking up during the day time. We could go see a show, a movie. Maybe we could make plans with Peggy or Maria.”

John stood up, popping the last bite of his burger in his mouth. “Maybe. Or we could just…” John thrust his hips a bit.

“We can’t just do that,” Alex laughed, grabbing John’s hand as they walked out of the hospital, disposing of their food containers. “Come on, there’s a new musical on Broadway and I wanna see it.”

“What’s it called?” John asked.

“In The Heights, it’s by some new guy, but he’s been in some stuff I think.” Alex shrugged. “Looks good. You might like it.”

“I don’t like musicals, too much singing. Not my thing,” John scoffed.

Alex rolled his eyes. “You just don’t like Manhattan.”

“That too,” John nodded.

John and Alex found the train station and began their trek back to their Fort Greene apartment. John had moved out of the project's apartment when he got his residency because he would still have enough money to pay rent in two different places. Alex covered most the rent for his apartment, and John helped with the one in Fort Greene, but it wasn’t too much longer until that apartment was no longer in the works.

John bought his mother a single-family house in South East Brooklyn. It wasn’t perfect, and John knew that, but it was the only house that wasn’t a million dollars or falling apart entirely. John knew that when he showed his mother the house for the first time, and he was so nervous. He remembered the day so clearly. He remembered how quiet his mother was when he told her that the house was hers. He remembered how quiet she was when he brought her inside, showing her away.

“It has three bedrooms, momma,” John had said. “So, when me and all the siblings visit, you’ll have places to put us if we spend the night.” John had pulled her over to the kitchen. “Tested it myself, the faucet doesn’t leak, and the stove works really well. All four burners.” John had lead her to the living room. “It’s big, and I know there’s no furniture, but I have a couch on the way for you, and we can move some of the furniture we have right now here. Not all of it though. Maybe, nah, actually none of it. It’s all rough.”

Elanor had still been quiet.

John was nervous by then, shuffling a bit. “I know it ain’t perfect. It ain’t no Fort Greene brownstone. I looked for one, I did, but I dunno, I couldn’t afford another three thousand dollars a month. But, I think you’ll like this one. Me ‘n’ my baby can come help you paint it on our off days, and I promise, we can paint the outside of the house, I know it’s looking a bit rough, but we can fix it.” John looked down. “I know it’s not great, but-”

Elanor finally spoke up, cutting her son off. “It’s perfect.”

John had looked back up, hope filling his chest. “It is?”

Elanor covered her mouth, nodding as tears came to her eyes. “Mijo, es perfecto.”

John had pulled his mother into a hug, both of them crying together in the living room of her new house.

Since then, Elanor had really made the place her own. She had been living in project’s housing for over twenty years, so the moment she had the chance to actually decorate a place, she did. She had a garden out back, flower boxes everywhere, plants hanging from the ceiling inside. She had painted the walls bright colors, hung up John’s art, family photos, all of her children’s diplomas. It was reminiscent of the homes in Puerto Rico, with a New York twist. She stopped working as a maid and became a Spanish teacher, just like she always wanted to be. She had never been happier, and it made John happy too.

Martha had stuck with law, even though John offered to help out and let her switch to hairdressing. She found out that she really liked it, once she was actually fighting for people. Henry had made it through culinary school as was working as a head chef in a Puerto Rican restaurant in Queens. He lived there too, with a few roommates. Jem was in Philadelphia, working as a chemistry professor in a collage. He had a girlfriend, and they lived together. She was nice, but Jem had confided in John, telling him that he didn’t really see the relationship going anywhere. Mary had just moved out, over to California. She was at Chico State, trying to figure out what she wanted. She had time though.

Richard was living with Elanor, they were together. John, at first, didn’t quite know how he felt about that. Sure, Richard had stepped up, but it was still weird. His mom had always been just that, his mom. There was never any real father, no boyfriends, nothing, and now she was with John’s dad. It was weird to John at first, but he got used to it eventually.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Alex asked softly as they stood on the train.

“Hmm? Oh, nothin’, just thinkin’ bout my momma, hopin’ she’s doin’ alright.”

“You worry so much about your family. John, they're fine. You can focus on yourself every now and then, you know that?” Alex teased, nudging John.

“Well if we had kids…”

“You’re not gonna drop it until we have a baby in our arms, are you?” Alex laughed.

John shook his head. “Baby, I want a baby. I want a little baby. I want to buy them little socks ‘n’ little hats and I wanna get a papoose. I don’t care what the gender is, you know I don’t, I just want a baby.”

“Okay! I think we should buy a house first, though. I don’t think we can have a kid in our apartment, and with any adoption agency, a good home is gonna be important,” Alex mumbled, grabbing onto John’s jacket as the train jolted a bit.

“Okay, then let’s buy a house. We been savin’ up, ‘n’ you know I’m finna get a raise soon. Come on, shawty, let’s just buy a house.” John pulled Alex closer. “Please, Mami, please Mami, please, please, please.”

“Okay! Okay!” Alex laughed. “Christ, you are insatiable.”

“Yah, but you love me,” John teased.

The two of them got home and found themselves stripping in the living room and walking straight into the bathroom to the shower. One thing about being a doctor was that there was nothing you craved more after a shift than a shower. John didn’t know how people could not go home and instantly shower. People were gross, and God, you needed to get that off of you.

The shower was purely for cleaning reasons. At this point, Alex and John seeing each other naked was only sexy if they wanted it to be sexy. They had grown casual and comfortable with each other, so seeing John laying spread eagle on their bed with just a pair of socks on didn’t even phase him.

“I’m fuckin’ tired,” Alex muttered.

John nodded, drying off. “Me too. I didn’t get back to sleep after you left, so I’m pretty out of it right now.”

Alex pouted. “Baby, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Mm, I know. I was okay. I napped a bit, ‘n’ then I had hella coffee, so it worked out.” John and Alex walked out of the bathroom and to their bedroom, finding some pajamas for sleep. It was December, so it was too cold to sleep naked, but comfy hoodies and baggy sweatpants were always nice.

Alex slipped on a tee shirt. “Let’s go house shopping when we wake up.”

John collapsed on the bed in boxers and a tee-shirt. “Mm, and baby shopping.”

“Alright, babe.” Alex laid down next to John. “I love you, you know that?”

“I do,” John nodded. “I love you too, baby.”

Alex sighed, staring at the dark ceiling. “You know, if I had never had shitty friends, we wouldn’t be married right now.”

“Glad your trauma got me some pussy,” John snorted.

Alex smacked John’s arm. “Shut up.”

John rolled on top of Alex, kissing his neck. “Mm, baby, please, gimme some of that traumatized ass. Fuck, lemme fuck ya insecurities out of you.”

“John!” Alex laughed.

“You know, I read somewhere that people with daddy issues have better sex,” John mumbled, kissing up to Alex’s jaw.

“Wow, we are just kickin’ ass then, aren’t we?” Alex snorted.

“Yah, bet, we be havin’ the best fuckin’ sessions. They could be better if we-”

“I’m not doing anal!” Alex laughed. “I think it’s pointless, for both of us.”

“Oh, come on baby, please, please baby, I wanna see how you look when I’m fuckin’ that tight ass of yours. Mm, wanna see you gape, wanna see your ass, drippin’ with lube. Wanna see the way it looks. Wanna taste.”

“Gross, John,” Alex snorted. “I shit out that thing.”

“Yeah, ‘n’ I piss out my cooch but that didn’t stop you from goin’ down on me hella last night,” John pointed out, curling a bit of Alex’s hair in his finger.

“God, I don’t know why I put up with you,” Alex scoffed. “Scott from HR has a thing for me, and I’m sure he’s not some nasty freak with a foot fetish.”

“I don’t have a foot fetish,” John laughed, creasing his eyebrows. “I’m just saying, maybe we’re missing out.”

“You’re so weird!” Alex laughed, hugging John. “God, you always been into that freaky shit. Since college.”

“Come on, shawty, you say you ain’t a freak, but be for real with me, you know you like it. You know you into that freaky shit too, you just like to say you doin’ it for me.”

“Maybe so, but I  _don’t_ like watching porn with you. It’s weird, I don’t want to see other people fuck, I’d rather watch you,” Alex clarified. “You put on way more of a show.”

“Yah, but then my knees get all bruised up from the floor,” John muttered.

Alex’s brows creased. “Well, you don’t have to be on the floor.”

“But if I’m on the bed, the dildo fuckin’ falls, ‘n’ I have to hold it there or somethin’,” John chuckled. “That shit be weird sometimes. I’ll bruise my knees for you though, Papi.”

“God, you’re so stupid,” Alex chuckled.

John sighed and nodded, staring down at his husband with loving eyes. “You know it, baby. Stupid for you, estúpido por mi amor.”


End file.
